Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  Rysden came back a few minutes later and hooked his arms under mine. “Up you go.” He steadied me as I stood with Amihanna in my arms then escorted us back to the ship.

  “My father?”

  “We’ll deal with him. He’s under our guard now. Rest now, Your Majesty.”

  I knew my father was capable of some bad things, but allowing SpaceTech onto our home world? Allowing them to attack our own people? I wasn’t sure how I could save him from a traitor’s death.

  “Thank you, Rysden.”

  The flight back was thankfully uneventful. No one said anything to me, and I didn’t say anything to anyone. All I did was watch Amihanna sleep in my lap and wait for my heart to stop racing.

  There were guards waiting for us when we landed, along with Gitano and a few others. But I didn’t want to answer any questions. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’d deal with them later, too.

  My skin was strobing and I knew I had barely enough to get us to the pod. Maybe I should’ve accepted help, but I couldn’t. I was exhausted from turning the ships to bits. From chasing after her. From beating her would-be kidnappers. From the sheer terror of almost losing her again. And I needed to feel her breathing. I needed to know that she was here and alive and with me.

  I headed straight to Mae’ani. She was ready and waiting for us.

  I placed Amihanna in the pod, and then got in after her. “Leave it open, please,” I said as I tucked Amihanna tight against me.

  “What’s happened to your skin?” She reached out a finger to touch me, and I pulled my arm out of reach.

  I looked down at the round burns with blackened edges. “It’s some kind of lucole poison. Similar to the one used on Audrey. Do you still have the—”

  Mae’ani nodded. “I have treatment for that. I’m prepared. I’ll fix up both of you. You’ll wake up feeling ready to fly an expedition to the far reaches, as will Amihanna.”

  “Thank you.” The last of my strength was draining from me, and I knew I was going to pass out in a second. “Remember to leave it open. I know with the burns it’ll be harder, but if she wakes before me, I don’t—”

  Mae’ani placed her hand on my shoulder, pressing me down into the pod’s mattress. “Breathe, Your Majesty. Close your eyes. Everything will be all right when you wake.”

  “Thank you.”

  I held Amihanna tight. The pod hummed as Mae’ani started running her scans, and I relaxed. Everything was going to be okay. We were safe, and I was thankful that we’d survived the morning.

  Amihanna’s breath brushed against my skin. I gripped her wrist, searching for her pulse and felt it strong and steady. I let the thump-thump, thump-thump of her heart lull me and my eyelids grew heavy.

  I closed my eyes and hoped the Goddess sent me my favorite dream.

  The one of beaches and sandcastles and ice cream.

  Because the memory that got Amihanna through Abaddon was the same memory that got me through thirteen years without her.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  AMIHANNA

  I woke up warm and hungry, yet very comfortable.

  A hand ran down my back.

  “That better be you, Lorne.”

  He shook under me, and then his lips brushed against my forehead. “No, it’s your other shalshasa, Enrol.”

  “What?” I rose up enough to look at Lorne.

  “Enrol. Lorne spelled backwards.” His cheeks pinked.

  I poked my finger in his side. “That was massively silly.” I rested down on him again.

  “I’m feeling a little silly. Or maybe just happy that we’re here and you’re okay.”

  I took a breath and then I took another. “You smell like burnt stuff.”

  “So do you, but we’re fine.” His hand ran up my back again and slowly down.

  “Oh. Well, I guess that’s okay then.” I rubbed my cheek against his chest, and settled in to go back to sleep.

  “Wait.” He patted my back. “Don’t fall asleep again. I want to get out of the pod.”

  Pod? I sat up so quickly that Lorne had to catch me before I tumbled out.

  He pulled me against him, tightening his grip. “Careful.”

  “How did we get here?”

  “After you fell off the ship?”

  Right. It was coming back now. I’d exploded the ships and then fell, but the rest… “Yeah. After that.”

  “Well, we had a little run-in with SpaceTech.”

  I tilted my head to look at his arms, but his skin didn’t have a hint of a glow. Which meant it couldn’t have been that bad. “What happened?”

  And then Lorne explained everything from the second I fell off the ship.

  By the time he was done, I was gripping his shirt in my hand. “Oh my god. How could I sleep through all that?”

  “Because you weren’t sleeping. You were unconscious after spending every last bit of energy you had. Again.”

  “Are you okay?” I tugged the bottom of his shirt up, but I didn’t see anything but smooth skin. “The burns—”

  “Gone. I’m fine. And so are you.” He pulled me back down for a kiss.

  “Thank you for coming after me.” I swallowed. “And I’m sorry about your father.”

  “Me, too. I don’t know how deep the betrayal goes, but your father is working on finding out.”

  I looked at him—really looked—and he didn’t seem upset or scared or anything other than content. “Why are you so okay with this?”

  “I’m not, but you’re here. And I was awake for a while before you, so I’ve had a little more time to think about it. The truth is that I knew my father would be a problem. I’ve known that for a while. I didn’t expect him to act out against his own people, but I’m not surprised.”

  Some knocking came from the door, and I looked around the room.

  Mae’ani stood from her chair. “You’ve got visitors.”

  “Who?” God. I hope he didn’t mean reporters because I definitely wasn’t up for giving any interviews. Not today.

  “Most likely Declan, Ahiga, and Roan,” Lorne said. “Your parents have been by a few times, too.”

  I swung my legs over the edge of the pod—ignoring Lorne’s grunt from me using his body as leverage—and dropped to the floor. “Okay. Let ’em in.”

  Roan walked through the door with his arms spread wide. “Who’s a frosty badass? My best friend!”

  “I don’t know about that.” I gave him a quick hug. “How’d you get back?”

  “Shit went crazy after you left. It was too much chaos.” Roan waved his hands through the air as he talked. “Eshrin brought me back here, and left Captain ni Eneko and his men to sort out the concert hall. Everyone got back about an hour ago. They’ve been waiting for you to wake up so that they can report.”

  Declan stepped farther into the room and looked at Lorne. “We’re going to head out. I’m taking one of your ships to the usual rendezvous point and trading for an Earther one. We’ll swing by and pick up Amihanna’s friends before heading to Earth. I’ll update you when I can.”

  “Seriously?” I couldn’t believe him. “After everything that happened the last two days? You’re just splitting?”

  “With everything that’s happened the last two days, I know I have to leave. Immediately. Once I heard Jason was involved…I need to get back to Earth. I’ve got connections. I can find out what they’re planning. I’ll pass along anything I can get as soon as I get it. But I can’t do any good if I’m stuck here.” He glanced at me for a second longer before turning to Lorne.

  “I thought I could help her, but it looks like she’s yours again. Take care of each other. I’ll be in touch.”

  He turned and left without another word. Ahiga started to talk, but I shook my head. “Wait here.”

  I ran out into the hallway. Eshrin and a few other guards were in the hall, but I ran to Declan.

  “Hey!”

  He froze without turning around. He stood there with his back to me for a l
ong moment, before slowly turning to face me. He didn’t look like the SpaceTech officer that I’d met in my Albuquerque apartment anymore. He’d been happy then. Proud. And now his clear blue eyes held nothing but defeat.

  “Don’t go. Not like this.”

  “I can’t stay. I shouldn’t have been training you. I thought…” He let out a pained sigh, and I knew he was hurting, but I didn’t know how to fix it. “I grew up knowing that you were Lorne’s shalshasa, but I never knew what that really meant. I was always somewhere else when the two of you were doing your special training, and I know why now. I saw the two of you on top of that ship, and now I understand that you two were always meant to work together.”

  He stepped toward me and started to reach out for a second, but then his hand dropped away. “I thought we could fight SpaceTech together. I wanted more than that too, but…my first thought was always how you could help me. That always came first. I knew that if anyone else hated my family as much as me, it’d be you. And you’d survived so long on Earth, I knew you could sneak in and out of SpaceTech and take it down with me. But I was wrong. And I’m sorry for a lot of things, but mostly for everything that you’ve gone through since we met in Albuquerque. I hope one day you can forgive me, and maybe we can be friends.”

  He looked behind me and I knew that Lorne was there. I didn’t need to turn to see him. I could feel him.

  “Because you’re more than what I thought. You’re so much more.” He shrugged. “Jesmesha said it’d take all three of us to win this, and I think she meant for me to do my part alone. My father and Jason are moving quickly, and if we have any chance of winning, then I have to go back. My mission is different than your destiny.”

  “You can’t go up against your family alone.” He wouldn’t survive. I hadn’t realized how much Jason had outmaneuvered me until it was all over, and I wasn’t sure Declan would do any better against his brother. He’d find Declan, and when he did, Jason would kill him.

  “I won’t be alone. I’ll have Ahiga. I’ll have your Crew. And I have a lot of men undercover. Together, we can help you get what you need to win. I just can’t do that from here. I was hoping you’d choose to come with me, to help me, but…”

  He closed the distance between us and brushed a kiss on my cheek.

  “Stay safe,” he said.

  “Always.” I squeezed him tight. “Thank you for finding me.”

  “I’m sorry for everything I did wrong,” he whispered in my ear.

  I tightened my arms around him. “No apology needed. I’m okay. I’m happy where I am, and everything that happened—if we’d changed one thing, who knows what would’ve happened.” For the first time, I actually believed that.

  I pulled away from him. “You’re a good person, Declan. I hope you find some peace, but if you don’t, then come back. Come home. Okay?”

  He nodded. “Okay.” He glanced behind me, at Lorne. He pressed his fist to his chest and said something quickly in Aunare, and Lorne said something back.

  I wanted to ask what they said, but it had obviously been private.

  I watched Declan until he disappeared around the corner, and then Lorne’s arms came around me. I relaxed against him, but there was something in the way he walked away that fear coiled its way through my gut. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

  “He’s been moving in and out of his father’s company—on Earth and the colonies—for as long as I’ve known him. He’ll be okay.”

  Would he? Because as I watched him go, it was almost like he was a ghost already. And I had a feeling the next time I saw him, he’d be dead.

  Ahiga came to stand in front of me. “I’ll take care of him.”

  I broke free from Lorne and I couldn’t help but cry. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  His large hand palmed my head, holding me against his chest. He was too large for my arms to wrap around, and I was going to miss my big safety blanket.

  “I wish I could stay. But my mission is with Declan. SpaceTech killed my family. My daughter would’ve been about your age now, and I like to think she’d have turned out as tough as you.”

  I stiffened, but he rubbed a hand down my hair.

  “I promised myself that I’d get back at SpaceTech for it. I joined up. I met Declan. I’m not stopping until they go down.” He pulled me away from him. “I might not be Aunare, but I’m damned hard to kill. All right? Dec is, too. We’ve got each other’s backs.”

  “You need me, I’ll come. You had my back out there. I’ve got yours.”

  “I know it. Stay safe.” Ahiga walked down the hall after Declan, and it felt like a piece of myself was leaving, too.

  “I’ve got news that’ll cheer you up,” Lorne said from behind me.

  I spun, and gripped Lorne’s shirt. “Please. Anything. I feel like we’ve got bad news all around and I have the worst feeling about them leaving. Lorne…” A tear rolled down my cheek and I could feel my destiny chasing me down and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough for it.

  Lorne wiped away the tear. “Audrey and Tyler are on their way back.”

  Hope sprung free and happy from my chest. “Really?” I didn’t realize how much I wanted them back here until he said their names. “Don’t mess with me right now.”

  “Tyler said to tell you something about SpaceTech and monkey butts that I didn’t really follow.”

  I laughed. “Sounds like Tyler.”

  “I honestly don’t understand him at all.”

  I wiped away the second tear that was sliding down my cheek and laughed. “He’s the best. Did they say they had fun?”

  “They didn’t say, but I’m sure you can ask all the questions you want when they get here tomorrow.” He put an arm around my shoulder. “Audrey’s worried about you. She’s been watching the news, but they’d gone to one of the far-reaching planets. I’m sure she’s going to do a full physical as soon as she gets here.”

  “And I probably won’t even complain.”

  He gripped my hair and tugged it lightly. “We have to work on the lying.”

  “I wasn’t lying.”

  “You honestly don’t think you’ll complain? And if you say you’re fine one more time, I might murder you.”

  I stared up at him and couldn’t help but feel happy. Even considering everything that we had going against us, I couldn’t deny that he made me feel really, truly happy.

  “Come with me,” Lorne said.

  “Where are we going?”

  “We’re going to steal a quiet moment. Rysden is coming for us, and in a few minutes, we’ll be swarmed with questions and plots and plans. So, let’s catch our breath. One minute for us before it starts.”

  My hand shook as I reached for his. “Are we really doing this?”

  “We’ve already started, my love.” He squeezed my hand and then dropped it to pull a small tablet out of his pocket. “Rysden brought this to me while you were still passed out. It has news updates.”

  I pressed play and let him lead me through the hallways as I watched.

  News footage scenes from the concert hall. From when Lorne and I were on top of the ship. Then the attempted kidnapping at the park. The last one made me stop. I kept looking up at Lorne and back at the screen.

  The vid ended with my father shooting the man holding me, and Lorne catching me. “Holy shit. They almost had me again.” My skin started to glow as I realized that I’d almost been taken. Jason almost had me. I wasn’t sure I could live through that again. I’d rather die than be taken by him.

  “No.” Lorne’s voice was beyond certain. “I wasn’t about to let them take you, and neither was your father. Keep watching.”

  And I did. And the more I did, the more I didn’t believe it. There were interviews after interviews, and they all talked about how I was a strong Aunare. Good for the people. Good for the impending war. They talked about how Lorne and I worked together in the concert hall and on the ship. How we seemed to care for each other, but also cared about t
he city and the people in it.

  I paused the vid. “I don’t understand.”

  “They want you to rule. I told you. Once they saw you for who you are and what you can do, they wouldn’t fight against it. And now they’ve seen you. They want you as queen. I hope that eases some of your fears.”

  Did it ease my fears? I wasn’t sure. Ruling was still a huge responsibility. Especially when facing war.

  But hearing their words and seeing them saying how they felt about me? That helped.

  Taking on a war for people that hated me? That was a hard pass.

  But if they wanted my help…

  Their words made me think that maybe Lorne had been right. Maybe not everyone hated me as much as every reporter said. If I believed these people’s words, then maybe becoming queen wouldn’t be as bad as I’d thought.

  As we walked through the hallways, passing maids and security staff and countless other people. Each paused to bow to Lorne, but I wondered now if they weren’t bowing to me, too.

  Did I want that? Not really. I didn’t have a need for power or control over anything other than my own life. But I also couldn’t live with myself if I could help others and I didn’t try.

  We walked until we were outside and then he took me toward the gardens.

  I knew where we were going. We’d been here before.

  He sat on one of benches in front of the fountain. I moved to stand in front of it, taking in the statue of me. She held two faksano batons in her hands. The water moved and swirled, and now, today, finally I could make out what was going on. The water was forming people. It was a fight, like I’d thought. The people would form for a split second and then fountain out in a shower of droplets. Before I’d thought the water forms couldn’t hold their shape. That’s why they exploded in a shower of droplets. But I’d been wrong.

  The statue was a version of me blowing up her attackers. She was using her talent.

  “When I moved in with your father, I used to sit here and watch this fountain for hours.”

  I turned to look at Lorne. He was watching me with calm, cool patience.

  He patted the bench beside him. “I would imagine you on Earth, destroying everyone that crossed your path.”