The Sex Surrogate

by Gadziala, Jessica

  I opened my bedroom door, turning back. “Yes.”

  “Don't be,” he said, shrugging. “He seems capable.”

  “Capable of what?”

  “Anything you need,” he said in an odd tone, but turned away from me before I could ask what he meant.

  Okay.

  I set the bag on my desk, stripping out of my clothes, getting into pajamas, and going to bed way too early. Because if I didn't, I was going to stress about the next night until I made myself positively sick.

  And then my subconscious took over.

  And I dreamed of him instead.

  Second Session

  I came home to find Jake lounging casually, watching TV, barely inclining his head toward me as a greeting. So much for the sweet guy I had seen the night before. Oh, well. I couldn't expect miracles. He was still Jake after all, even if he had decided to start treating me better.

  After being scolded by Chase, I reminded myself.

  A swift wave of nausea came over me suddenly. I had been good about not thinking about him. Well, okay, not good. But okay. Alright, fine. I had done a shit job of it. But I had tried.

  I opened my door, closing it, before looking up.

  And there was my bed. Splayed with a selection of clothes for the night, my bag of lingerie, and another unknown bag. I walked over, taking in the simple black long sleeved t-shirt dress that would be snug, but not body hugging. Effortless really. Simple. It wouldn't look slutty. It would show off my pretty sheer black stockings. It was a good choice. One that I never would have made myself.

  I reached for the bag I didn't recognize, reaching inside and pulling out a pretty glass bottle of perfume.

  “It's the same scent as that shit lotion you wear,” Jake said from behind me, making me swing around to find him standing in my doorway.

  I looked down at the bottle, taking in the label. “Jake, this is too much,” I objected, knowing the general price range.

  “It's no big deal,” he brushed it off. I knew he made good money, way more than me by leaps and bounds, but still. It was an expensive gift. And we didn't do that kind of thing.

  “Jake...”

  “Just say thank you and move on,” he said, shaking his head. “Christ. It's harder to give you a gift than it is to give you a compliment. Go shower and get yourself ready.”

  Then he was gone, and I did just that.

  I felt naked underneath my dress. Which was stupid. I mean the stockings were pretty close to the leggings I usually wore under skirts. Except they weren't. Because as soon as I walked outside (after Jake insisted I show him the clasp of the garter to prove I was, in fact, wearing it) and the cold air flew up my skirt, feeling intimate and odd against my bare upper thighs.

  But I kept going. Because there was no going back.

  I walked up to his door a while later, taking a deep, unsteady breath. This was it. I sighed, opening the door.

  “Ava,” Chase said, looking up from some paperwork he was holding, leaning against the desk in another black suit, this time with a gray shirt, two buttons opened. “Can you lock the door behind you please?” he asked, putting the paperwork back into a manila envelope and sealing it.

  I locked the door, thankful for an opportunity, no matter how brief, to look away from him.

  When I turned back, though, he was right by me. How he moved so quietly was completely beyond me. “You look beautiful,” he said easily and I felt my breath catch. At my silence, he smiled slightly. “Come on,” he said, arm to lower back as per usual, “let's go get you a drink, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He led me through his office into his, well, I didn't even know what to call the other room. He pointed me to the stereo as he moved to make drinks. Feeling like it was somehow a test, I flipped through the play lists, skipping over coffeehouse music, and deciding on something called “soft blues”. As soon as it clicked on, I could see Chase nodding. And it felt like approval. And damn if it didn't give me the warm and tinglies.

  He turned to me a moment later, holding out a martini to me. “I figured you might want something with a little more kick than red wine,” he said, a smirk playing at his lips.

  “Good guess,” I said, taking it and having a large sip, a little too pleased that he had observed by drink of choice at the bar.

  “One to ten?” he asked.

  “Holding steady at a five for now,” I admitted.

  He nodded, taking his drink in one sip and putting the glass down. Which I took to mean: Alright. Shit was about to go down.

  So I gulped the rest of my drink and put my glass down too.

  “Come on,” he said, reaching down and taking my hand in his. I followed behind him, staring at our interlocking hands with a weird sense of wonder. It was so tame, but at the same time, it was so sweet a gesture. “Why don't you kick out of those shoes?” he suggested, dropping my hand and turning to mess with the fire and lights.

  I sat down on the sectional, unstrapping my heels, then putting them at the far end of the couch, lined up.

  Chase sat down a moment later, his entire body touching mine from shoulder to knee. Then he reached out, one arm going around my back, the other slipping under my knees and pulling until my legs went across his lap, his hand settling on my hip.

  “Hi,” he said, tilting his head, watching me.

  I forced a wobbly little smile. “Hi.”

  “I like these,” he said, running his hand down my hip, over my thigh, my calf, the sensation on the stockings so smooth and sensual, my body happily made the small leap into arousal. “Did you wear them for me?”

  Hell yeah I did.

  “Yes,” I admitted, watching his hand continue its lazy exploration.

  “You're so sweet,” he said, his head leaning in, then starting to plant small kisses across my jawline. I closed my eyes, exhaling on an unexpected sigh, because the nerves were settling and all that was left underneath was the desire. There. Foreign, but familiar at the same time. “Ava,” he said, softly, his kisses stopping and leaving me unreasonably disappointed.

  “Yeah?” I asked, eyes still closed.

  “Kiss me.”

  My eyes opened, finding his. Close. So close. I looked down at his lips for a second, my own opening in anticipation, then back up to his eyes. And I knew with blinding clarity that he wasn't going to let me get away with not doing it. If I didn't kiss him first, there would be no kissing. And, damn, I just... needed to taste him one more time. Just to see if it was as earth-shaking as it had seemed the last two times.

  So I leaned in. My arm moved from where it was in a fist on my thigh and reached up toward his neck, the fingers dancing across the skin at the side for a second before settling at the back of his neck. His eyes closed for a second as he took a deep breath, then opened his gorgeous blue eyes to watch me. I tilted my head up toward his, slowly closing the space between us, my lips on his softly, my eyes falling closed. Because it was barely a touch and I felt like I was freaking drowning in it.

  His hand around my back dug slightly into my shoulder, but he stayed pliant under me, waiting for me to deepen the kiss, letting me have control. So I did. I pressed my lips harder into his, taking his lower lip between mine and nipping slightly.

  Then he was moving, his arms grabbing my back and hips, pulling me until I moved to straddle him, lips never losing each other. Both of my hands went up, cradling the rough stubble at his jaw as I slipped my tongue between his open lips. His hands were at my hips and the second my tongue found his, his fingers dug in hard to my skin. Emboldened, I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, deepening the kiss. Trying to get completely consumed in it.

  It seemed to last forever.

  And I wished it would.

  I would happily kiss him until the end of friggen time.

  But then his hands went to the sides of my face, pulling gently until our lips no longer touched. “Open your eyes baby,” he said, h
is voice sounding husky.

  I opened them slowly, the lids suddenly feeling incredibly heavy, and I watched him from underneath them.

  “Jesus Christ, you're beautiful,” he said softly, his thumb stroking over my cheekbone. “I want to see more of you,” he told me, the idea barely breaking through the happy little fog in my head. “Take off your dress, sweetheart.”

  Those words broke through.

  I felt myself straighten, my eyes opening wide.

  “Don't freak out,” he said, his hands sliding back down to my hips, grabbing the material of my dress and scrunching it up in his hands. “I want to take this off you so badly,” he said, looking down at his hands, “but you need to be the one to do it.” His eyes drifted back up to mine. “Please take it off for me.”

  Holy crap.

  Okay.

  Could I really refuse?

  With him looking at me like that?

  I took a slow, steadying breath, letting my hands reach down and land on top of his, squeezing until he let go, moving down to rest on the outsides of my knees instead. I could do it. That was why I was there. To test my limits. To push past them. To stop living in my comfort zone. Besides, I had spent hundreds on the pretty lingerie. It would be a complete waste if he didn't see it all.

  I exhaled slowly, my eyes watching his face as I grabbed the material and quickly pulled it up over my head and threw it to the side. There. Done. I did it.

  Chase's breath hissed out of his mouth. “Fuck me,” he growled, shaking his head. His eyes raked over my body. And, normally, I would want to squirm, to cover, to fucking run away. But all I felt was a slow, growing heat, covering my body, settling in my core. Because his eyes looked full of wonder, they looked like they were trying to memorize every inch of me.

  His eyes slowly made their way up to mine. “Was this for me too?” he asked. I nodded, attempting a smile. “Baby, stand up,” he told me, his hands pushing slightly against my knees until I slid off of him, suddenly self conscious. His hands settled at the tops of the thigh-highs.

  Feeling tense, I swallowed. The silence was becoming uncomfortable. “I... ah... wanted to say thank you,” I mumbled.

  His eyes shot back up to mine. “Babe, what do you have to thank me for?”

  “Because,” I said, feeling like whatever words I would come out with would be wrong. “Because... you're helping me so much.”

  “Oh, baby,” he said, smiling a little. Then he leaned forward, shockingly, resting his forehead against my belly. “You're so perfect,” he said and the words sent a shock through my system.

  His praise did something to me.

  Normally I fought compliments. I denied them. I certainly never believed them.

  But I believed Chase. His words settled into my chest and belly, filling places I hadn't realized were empty. And amazing, flawless Chase Hudson thought I was perfect.

  Feeling clumsy, my hand reached down, settling into the hair at the crown of his head. His face tilted slightly, planting a kiss right below my navel, before twisting his face up to look at me. He looked like he was struggling for something to say. Amazing, eloquent, confident Dr. Chase Hudson at a loss for words.

  “Well, you're welcome,” he said, smiling up at me.

  I was so surprised I laughed. No. Not laughed. Giggled. Like a freaking school girl. Which only made him smile wider, the ends of his eyes crinkling up slightly with the motion. Then his hands moved to my hips, pushing me backward so he could slowly stand. With barely a breath of space between us, he reached up and removed his jacket, sliding it off his shoulders and arms then throwing it to the floor on top of my dress. Then, watching me, he started to unbutton his shirt.

  Oh, my god.

  Okay. He was getting naked.

  Like... right in front of me.

  And I wasn't absolutely terrified.

  Stressed, sure. But more than that, I was actually... curious. I wanted to know what he looked like underneath all the clothes.

  His shirt went the way of his jacket, but my eyes stayed on his. To... I don't know... protect his privacy? Which was ridiculous. “Ava, look,” he said, watching me. “I want you to look.”

  I felt my sex tighten at that. Tighten. Hard. Like there was a coil pulled too tight for a moment, almost painful, before it released.

  My eyes drifted slowly down, looking at the wide line of his shoulders. Strong. The kind of shoulders you knew you could always lean on. Then down to his strong chest. Lower. The lines of his abdominal muscles, strong, deep. Not the puny kind you can barely make out underneath the skin, these were etched. Lines I could sink my fingers into. His hands were at his belt, paused, until my eyes landed on them and they started working, pulling out of his belt loops and then throwing it to join the pile of discarded items on the floor. His hands went automatically to the button of his slacks, pushing it out, then sliding the zipper down. The backs of his hands pushed against my belly as he did so and I took a step back so he had room to take off his pants. They went down quickly and he stepped out of the legs, somehow pushing his shoes and socks at the same time. My eyes drifted, just a little, pausing right at his adonis belt, that deep, deep V that led into his black boxer briefs.

  But I couldn't let my eyes go below the waistband, so I let my eyes drift back upward until I found his face again. He gave me a small smile. “What do you want to do?” he asked, surprising me.

  What did I want to do?

  Honestly, I had no freaking idea.

  But what I wanted, what I needed, was a little comfort. A little reassurance.

  Without thinking about it. Truly, without even knowing my real intention, I walked into him, wrapping my arms around his back and settling my face underneath his chin. There wasn't even the slightest hesitation before his arms went around me, pulling me close. And it didn't even matter that his arms were on top of mine, trapping them under his strength. For the first time in my life, I was being legitimately trapped, and I wasn't freaking out.

  Underneath my ear, Chase's heart was beating, faster than it would normally be. His skin felt warm and cozy. And it absolutely did not escape my notice that his hard cock was pressed into my belly. But it didn't matter. I trusted him to stay true to his word. There would be no sexual contact.

  I just... trusted him.

  And it was the first time I had ever fully trusted anyone.

  His hands went to my arms, rubbing up and down. “I'd like to stay like this all night too, baby,” he said, his voice low, “but it's time.”

  “It's time for what?” I asked against him, almost sleepy. I tilted my head and planted a kiss on his chest.

  “It's time to take the rest of our clothes off.”

  Oh.

  Shit.

  Yeah. I forgot about that.

  “Don't stiffen up,” he urged, hands stroking as he pulled me away from him. “It's okay. You can take as much time as you need, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want me to finish first?”

  Did I want to see his cock before I showed him my boobs and... other stuff? Um. Yeah, no. That wasn't going to work. No way would I be able to take my clothes off after seeing... that. Nope.

  “Ava?”

  I swallowed hard, licking my lips nervously. “Me,” I whispered.

  He nodded, moving away from me and did the absolute worst thing he could do. He sat down on the couch, staring up at me expectantly. Holy hell. I wasn't going to get any kind of privacy. I just had to get bare assed right there while he watched like I was some kind of stripper. Great. That was just great.

  “Ava,” his voice said, firm, a warning. Because he knew my mind was swirling. “Why don't you start with the stockings, okay?” he suggested.

  Alright. I could do that. That wasn't that bad. I leaned forward, grabbing the clasp at the tiny slip of material holding my stockings to my garter belt. Then I slid the silken material down my legs. I paused as I stepped out of th
e second leg. But there was no going back. I had to do it. I had to. No matter how much I felt like I was going to vomit. Thank god I had the foresight to not eat anything all day. My hands went shakily toward my garter belt, sliding it off.

  Just bra and panties left. I shook my hair so it fell forward, offering me a small amount of privacy as I bent slightly forward, half blocking myself from view as I reached behind my back for my clasp and my bra fell. I reached for the panties, snaking my fingers into the band and pressing down, my heart beating so hard in my ears and throat that it was all I could hear. As soon as I stepped out of the feet, I lost it.

  I mean... I lost it.

  “I can't, I can't,” I said, going to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, burying my face against my knees. “I can't. I'm sorry. I just...”

  I felt like I was falling apart. My skin felt too hot. And I couldn't draw in a proper breath, leaving me lightheaded. I rocked back and forth, cradling myself, trying to give myself some sort of comfort.

  “Okay, it's okay,” Chase said, close, and I realized he had gotten on the ground behind me. His hands reached for me gently, grabbing my shoulder and knee and pulling me into the space between his legs until the side of my face was against his chest. One of his hands went to the side of my neck, the other to my hip. I felt his lips press down on the top of my head. “It's alright, Ava. Take a breath, okay?” I drew shaky air into my painful lungs, exhaling it quickly because it felt like it burned. “Good. Again,” he said, his hand starting to stroke my hair gently. “Give me a number.”

  A little better.

  A minute ago it was a ten, going on eleven. But it was a little better. “Eight.”

  “Okay. Keep breathing,” he had to remind me. “What do you need from me right now?”

  No one, literally no one, had ever thought to ask me that before. Which was amazing. Amazing that no one in my life who watched me suffer thought to ask that, to ask the one right thing they could ask.

  “I need you to rub my back,” I decided, thinking of how he had put me to sleep doing that.