Love Letter Duet: The Encore Edition

by Callie Anderson

  “London?” How the hell could I tell him I was pregnant when he was going to the other side of the world?

  “Yeah, they want us in the studio as soon as possible.” He kissed my knuckles.

  “That's great!” I put on my fakest smile.

  “I want you to come with me.” He looked up at me with hooded eyes.

  “Weston … I can't.” I shook my head. If I told him I was pregnant, it would ruin everything he had worked so hard to obtain. It would alter his life forever.

  “Yes, you can. You can find a job there, you’re talented. I’ll take care of you until you find something, and if you don’t want to work, I’ll still provide for you. I just want you there with me.”

  If you truly love someone, you’ll do everything in your power to make sure they never feel true pain. If I told Weston I was pregnant, he would stay by my side. He would walk away from everything he’d ever dreamed of to be with me, so I went with my gut and lied to protect the ones I loved most.

  Because that’s what I’d learned: if you truly love someone you’ll do everything you can so they never feel pain.

  He would stay by my side and help me raise this baby. If he stayed and I lost the baby or something worse happened, he would resent me for the rest of his life. They say a woman becomes a mother the day she finds out she's pregnant. At that moment, I chose to put my child's life before anyone else, even Weston. I was about to break his heart, and mine, but I needed to protect the little creature growing inside me.

  I pulled away from his hands and straightened in my seat. “I don't love you enough to go with you,” I spoke softly with a shaky voice.

  Lie.

  That was the biggest lie I had ever told. I loved him enough to follow him to the moon. “I'm not going to be my mother and follow your dreams and leave mine behind.” My voice cracked at the sight of his face changing from happiness to sorrow. “Since you've been home, our relationship has been put on the back burner. My father made my mother his second choice.”

  Lie.

  “I don't want to live in the shadow of my parents. I don't want to live with four men on a dingy tour bus. Since May, I've been at your side and I've supported you every which way possible, but I can't move halfway around the world for your dreams when I have my own to follow.”

  “Emilia…” he pleaded. “We can make this work.”

  “I love you, Weston. I just don't love you enough.” I swallowed back my tears. I needed to hold it together. “We need to be honest with ourselves. This hasn’t been working out for a while. This is a sign that it’s time to walk away. It’ll be a clean break. You’ll be in London and I’ll be here, and then we can both move on.”

  Weston’s eyes scanned my body for a few quick beats before he finally spoke. “You can’t be serious.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You’re lying.”

  “No, this is how I feel. I’ve felt this way for some time now.”

  “Well, I guess now I know how you really feel.” He nodded his head slowly.

  “Go and live your dreams.” I prayed for the tears not to fall as I spewed my lies. “One day you'll find someone who’ll want to tag along. You knew from the beginning I was skeptical about us.”

  His hands rubbed his face. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.” He bowed his head. “I thought what we shared was different. I thought you and I had a future.”

  “We don’t have anything. My love for you is broken. I can't ever love you the way you love me. So please, pack your things and go. Follow your dreams.” The words spewed from my mouth like poison.

  Weston rose from the couch. Without one final glance, he turned and left my empty apartment. The door slammed behind him.

  Leslie walked into the room. “What's the matter?” She brushed my hair back as I clutched the pillow and sobbed.

  “He's going to London,” I cried. “He’s gone, we’re done. It’s over.”

  She pulled me in for a hug and brushed my hair back. “And what about…?”

  “I'm pregnant.” I sobbed louder.

  “Why didn't you tell him?” Leslie sat back on the couch and I curled into a ball.

  “Because I'm not keeping this baby.” I sniffled.

  “You can't say that.”

  “If I keep this child, I can't tell him. If I tell him, he won't get on that plane to London. He won't follow his dreams and neither will Axel, Harry, or Pete. If I tell him about this baby, he'll stick by my side, and every time he looks at me he'll resent that I destroyed his dream.” I hiccuped. “I can't follow him to London with the baby in my belly. I don't know where we would live. I don't know what kind of health insurance we would have. I can't just quit my job, the only form of income I have, to follow him. I can't, I won't be my mother.”

  They say lightning never strikes twice.

  They lied.

  25

  WESTON

  Just like that, she had ended it all. As though I had been nothing more than a hobby she was willing to stop.

  I had asked her to follow me to London. I thought I’d get a yes, but instead, she broke down and told me no. Told me that she didn’t love me enough to chase my dreams with me. I loved her with everything I was, but it was clear to me as I begged her not to end things, that she didn't feel the same. She’d dismissed my love for her and everything we had.

  Somehow I managed to leave her house, get in my car and drive over to Paulie’s apartment. The drive was a blur as cars passed me, but the anger didn't subside. Instead, it intensified. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my heart pounding furiously against my ribs.

  When I approached Paulie’s condo, Pete and Harry were getting out of their cars. The smiles on their faces told me that they knew about the deal. I put my car in park and got out, closing the door before I followed behind the guys with my head lowered. There was no need to bring them down. It was time for us to celebrate.

  Except I’d just lost the love of my life.

  Inside the apartment, Axel and Paulie sat on the couch with the contract on the coffee table.

  “Are we ready to do this?” Axel asked as he clapped his hands in the air with excitement.

  I had nothing to lose. Emilia didn’t want me. This band would be my entire focus now. My heart and my mind both knew that was a lie, but I’d spend my days convincing myself otherwise.

  “Let's do this,” I said and stole the contract from the table. My eyes glazed over the verbiage, but I didn't read any of it. Instead, I handed it over to Pete. “When do we leave?”

  Axel relaxed his arm over the back of the couch and sighed. “They want us in the studio next week.” He kicked his feet up onto the table, getting comfortable.

  Next week wasn’t soon enough. I needed out of here, out of this town, where everything reminded me of Emilia. “Let's go now.” I leaned back against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Now?” Pete asked, his eyebrows pinched together as he looked over at me.

  “Yeah why not?” I kicked off the wall and padded across the room. I knew by their burning stares that they were confused, but I wasn’t ready to tell them the truth yet. “We need to find a place to settle into. Make sure we have our equipment. Get the lay of the land.”

  “We're going to fucking London, Weston. Not fucking Guam,” Pete said, shaking his head at me. “What’s the rush?”

  I threw my hands in the air. “Fine. You fuckers stay here. I'm leaving.” My heart was ripped in half, yet it was beating out of control. I needed to get the hell out of here before I locked myself in my room and never came out.

  “Well, if Weston's leaving, I'm going with him,” Harry said, catching my attention.

  “Yeah, me too,” Axel said. “I can go and say hello to my mum before we start recording.”

  My gaze landed on Pete. He was the only one left. “Fuck it. Let's get the ball rolling.”

  Unfortunately, it took us two days before we found a flight that didn’t cost a fortune.

  F
orty-eight hours had passed since I stormed out of Emilia’s house. Two thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes since I’d last spoken to her. I was counting every second. I fucking missed her. Every day was night because there was no sun left, but I refused to contact her. I refused to be the one to reach out to her. My heart had shut down. I was angry, hurt, and fucking broken. She made her bed, so I was letting her lie in it, alone.

  And even though I refused to call Emilia, my phone was glued to my hand like it was a second skin. And every few seconds I kept looking at it waiting for it to ring. She had to know we were leaving today. I assumed Axel had said goodbye. But still—nothing. Clearly, I was exactly that to her.

  Nothing.

  My finger played over the text message button, I wanted to shoot her a quick message, a simple I miss you. But just as I was about to click her name, Axel sat in the empty seat next to me. I yanked the buds out of my ears and looked over at him.

  He arched his brows and crossed his arms over his chest. “You gonna tell me what's going on?”

  I sighed and shoved my phone into my pocket, forcing the black screen out of my mind. “Nothing,” I clipped, tugging the hood of my sweater over my head and blocking out the world,

  But it didn’t stop Axel. He cleared his throat.

  “I've been trying to get ahold of her for the last two days. She won't answer my calls, and Leslie won’t either. Not to mention she wasn't here to say goodbye to you.” Axel leaned in close. ”So something must've happened.”

  A long sigh rolled through me. “We broke up.” I glanced over at him and shrugged. “What else is there to say? She doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be a part of this. She doesn’t want me. She told me to go and follow my dreams, and that's what I'm doing.” The truth of our breakup stung like a bitch.

  “Fuck,” Axel mumbled under his breath. He cupped a hand over my shoulder as though he was silently trying to tell me everything would be okay. “Maybe when we come back she'll be here waiting for you. Maybe she needs a week to cool off, and then she'll reach out. She might just need some time. You guys started dating just as our careers took off. Maybe it was overwhelming and it all happened too fast for her.”

  For the first time, I agreed with Axel’s love advice. A year ago I was making music, working in promotions. When Emilia met me, it was the first time I had sung in a band. She’d never had a chance at a normal relationship with me because I was always on the go. Maybe some time to cool off was all she needed. I would give her that space. I would go to London, record this record, and then come home to my girl.

  I grinned at Axel. “For a guy who only thinks about getting laid, you actually have a valid point.”

  Axel chuckled and tapped his forefinger to his temple. “There's a lot up here you don't know about.” He stood and walked over to Paulie.

  I understood why Emilia didn't want to go. It was selfish of me to ask her to pick up and leave when her life was in LA. Axel was right. We would record the album, and I'd come home to her. Within six months, I'd be back home.

  Digging into my carry-on, I pulled out a notepad and pen.

  Dear Emilia,

  I'm sitting here at the airport waiting for them to start boarding the plane and you're all that I can think about. I'm throwing caution to the wind and flying out to London to follow a dream. A dream that, in this moment, seems realistic. A dream that comes with a cost.

  You.

  You broke my heart.

  You told me to go and live my dreams. Those words have resonated with me since the moment I left your house. Now I’ve realized that you're my dream. The one I dream about marrying and starting a family with one day.

  I want you to know that I won't be gone forever. The second we're done in London I'm flying right back to you. You're my yellow gel, and with a love like ours, you stand and fight for what you believe in.

  I believe that this isn't the end for us. I will come back for you.

  With all my love,

  Weston

  26

  WESTON

  Day 1 London

  Dear Emilia,

  We made it to London. I wanted to call you the second we landed. The entire flight you were the only thing I could think of. Your smile, your face, how beautiful you are. You said that you don't love me enough to follow my dreams and it was wrong of me to ask you to come with me. You shouldn't love me more than you love yourself.

  I was angry when I left, hurt by how things played out. But in relationships, we're supposed to argue so we can grow. I want you to know that I'm coming home to you, and you have no choice in the matter. You’re my yellow gel, and I'll always love you.

  Weston.

  Closing my notebook, I shoved the pen in my back pocket.

  London is gloomy, and dark, heavy clouds threaten to pour down on us. Not at all like the sunny coast of LA that I miss so desperately. I stare out the window of the car and count how many days till I go home.

  Soon, I remind myself. Soon I'll be going home.

  27

  WESTON

  Day Three London

  Dear Emilia,

  I love you. God, I fucking love you. I tried calling you today, but it said that your number was disconnected. Tell me that this isn't over, Em. Tell me that when I arrive back home, we can have a chance to do things right. I'm holding on to hope because that's all I have. Hope that you'll be there waiting for me.

  I love you.

  Weston.

  28

  WESTON

  Day 5 London

  Dear Emilia,

  We've been here for five days and still we haven't got into the studio. There was some confusion with the schedule and they double booked with another band. The guys don't give a shit since Axel dragged us all to his mother’s house. It reminded me of the first time I took you to meet my mother. Surprisingly, that helped a bit. It eased the pain of being here away from everyone. I guess I'm a little homesick.

  I wish you were here to meet his mother, I know she'd love you.

  I know I do.

  Weston

  “Are you ever going to mail those?” Axel asked when he walked into the room we shared.

  “Eventually,” I sighed and tossed the notebook over. “I'll send them all once I have something more substantial to tell her. I'm tired of the hey, nothing's happened since we broke up. Thanks for not following my dreams. It’s a load of crap.”

  “Fucking ay, Weston.” Axel tossed his towel in the hamper. ”You keep talking like our career has died. Paulie said we’ll be in the studio soon. Enjoy the moment. Live a little.”

  “I want to record. I want to make music,” I barked at him. My patience was tested with each passing day.

  “All with time.” Axel walked over to my bed and tossed my shirt at me. “Get bloody dressed. We're going out to drink.”

  I didn't argue. A drink would do me good.

  29

  EMILIA

  Emilia

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried this much. I want to say it was when my father died, but I don’t think I cried. It was more anger than hurt. But Weston leaving had destroyed me.

  Seven whole days.

  I cried for him.

  I cried for the little human growing inside of me that I refused to admit I was already in love with.

  I just wanted to be alone in my room where I would simply break down and cry until my body was exhausted and sleep would find me, but I tossed and turned, my pillow stained with my tears. When my heart felt heavy, I reached across to my nightstand and pulled out a notebook, and with a shaky hand, I began to write.

  Dear Weston,

  I want to apologize for what I said to you. I do love you. I love you so much that I rather put your happiness above my own. There will never be another man I love more than you. The truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you. I haven’t been honest with myself. Weston, I’m

  I couldn’t finish the sentence.

  I could
n’t tell him I was pregnant. He was gone. I’d asked him to leave.

  And he was happy. He was following his dreams. He would become the person he was destined to be.

  I closed the notebook and curled into a ball. Weston would never know about this child.

  30

  WESTON

  Day fourteen in London

  Dear Emilia,

  It's been two weeks since I last saw your face. You have no idea how hard it has been here. The only thing that keeps me going is thoughts of you.

  There are days I wonder where you are. If you're at your spot on the beach, or if Cinthia's position has you knee deep in paperwork. God, Em, I miss you. I never knew how deeply in love I was with you until now. It's been fourteen fucking days and I'm miserable. When I close my eyes, I can see your face, your tiny button nose, and your beautiful smile. That's what keeps me going. Paulie said tomorrow we have our first studio session. It's one step closer to returning home to you. Please don't lose faith in us. Please know that I'm coming back for you. You're my muse, Emilia, and I swear one day you'll be my wife. You inspire me to be a better man. For you, I'll be better. Because our love in unbreakable.

  You see …

  when you lose someone you love …

  it tears you down.

  It strips you of your hopes and dreams,

  your body shuts down.

  But the love I have for you is unbreakable.

  When I see the sun on the horizon,

  I feel the pain.

  I know I’m not going to make it,

  unless I see your face.

  My love is unbreakable.

  Unbreakable.

  Our love is unbreakable.

  Unbreakable.

  You, Emilia, are mine, and you will always be.