Love Letter Duet: The Encore Edition

by Callie Anderson

  “Excuse me.” Colleen pushed her way between the wall and Emilia.

  Emilia refused to pull her gaze away from mine while her head slowly began to shake.

  “What?” I raised my hands innocently.

  “You know what.” She crossed her hand over her chest. “Do you think your fiancé would appreciate that?”

  “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was getting to know Lyra’s teacher, that’s all.”

  “Sure.” Her lips puckered.

  “Are you jealous?” I took a step toward her. She took a deep breath and filled her lungs with air before slowly letting it out. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to reach across and place the palm of my hand on her cheek and tell her there was no Chelsea and that no other woman would be her to me.

  “Emmy.” Jeremy’s voice made her jump.

  She turned to face him. “Coming.” She walked toward him and I followed.

  “Hey, man, thanks for coming.” Jeremy extended his hand. I wanted to hate the man, but he made it hard when he was always polite.

  “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  I walked into the dining room and stood next to Lyra. She stood on a chair, her eyes wide as she looked at the castle cake in front of her. Happiness radiated from her pure soul.

  The group of guests gathered around the table and Emilia stood on the other side of Lyra with Jeremy behind her. She gave Lyra a big kiss on the cheek and began singing Happy Birthday.

  I would no longer miss any birthdays.

  “Go on, sweetie, make a wish,” Emilia said to Lyra when the song ended.

  Lyra tapped her little fingers on her lips, contemplating what her wish should be, then took a deep breath. She closed her eyes as she blew out the four little candles that sat on the top tier of the cake.

  “Okay, big smiles this way,” Jeremy’s sister said, holding a camera in our direction. I stepped out of the picture to let Emilia and Jeremy pose as a family.

  “No, Daddy, come in the picture, too.” Lyra reached out for me.

  I looked over at Emilia, who gave me a kind smile and nodded slowly. I shouldn't feel like I was imposing on them. She was my daughter, too.

  Jeremy's sister snapped the picture and Emilia began to cut the cake. I scooted around the table and headed into the living area. I sat on the couch, my hands folded in my lap and my head lowered as I stared at the white coffee table. I couldn’t help but feel like a misfit in Lyra’s life.

  I was brought back from my haze when Lyra charged at me and wrapped her arms around my head. She still had frosting on the side of her lips. “I'm ready for our slumber party!” I cocked my head to the side and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Slumber party?” Then I remembered she was referring to my parents.

  “Yeah, Mommy said I get to meet Grandma.” She cupped my face with her little hands. “Can we go?”

  Cradling her in my arms, I stood and went to go look for Emilia. She was in Lyra’s room with an overnight bag in her hand. She walked over to Lyra and licked the icing off her face. “Did you say good–bye to your friends?” Emilia asked. Lyra nodded. “Did you say bye to Jeremy and Miss Colleen?” The question was for Lyra, but Emilia looked over at me. I tried not to chuckle. “Okay, come on, I'll walk you two out.”

  Jeremy stayed by the door as Emilia walked Lyra toward my car. She helped fasten her into her booster seat and shut the door.

  “If you need anything, just call. There’s a list of emergency contacts in her bag. She might have a tummy ache from all the sweets, not to mention she might be very hyper from the sugar.” She took the overnight bag off her shoulder and handed it to me.

  “Thanks for inviting me. It was nice.” I leaned forward to kiss her good–bye but stopped myself, and looked over her shoulder to where Jeremy stood on the top of the stairs. I nodded, saying good–bye.

  Walking around the car, I pulled my door open but stopped when Emilia turned back toward me. “Weston?” I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. She walked until her hand rested on the passenger car door. “Why didn’t you bring Chelsea?”

  “Why would I invite her? It wasn’t my party.”

  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The words were barely a whisper as they escaped her lips, “Don't fall in love with Lyra’s teacher.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. We both knew Jeremy was far enough that he wouldn't hear us. I licked my lips and held her gaze for a few seconds before I responded, “Don't worry, babe. There is only one yellow gel.”

  I heard her gasp as I climbed into the car.

  Lyra and I sang along to the songs on the radio as we drove to Laguna Beach. She was the happiest kid I had ever seen. Maybe I was biased—she was my child after all, so of course she was perfect. I pulled my car into the driveway and noticed that my parents and my grandmother were waiting up for me. I looked at Lyra through the rearview mirror and noticed her staring at the house.

  “You see those people over there,” I said, lowering the radio. She nodded, her gaze glued out the window. “That's your grandma and grandpa, and the other one is Mama. She's my grandmother so that makes you her great–granddaughter.”

  She pulled her gaze away from them and looked at me, her mouth open with shock. “She’s your grandma?”

  “Yep, that's my grandma, but do you know what’s the best part?” She shook her head eagerly. “They're all here waiting to meet you. They’re gonna love you so much. They’re your family.” I shifted the car into park.

  “Okay.” She nodded and reached for the door handle. I escorted Lyra out of my car and up the cobblestone path.

  My mother gasped, her hands over her heart as she looked at Lyra. They had seen pictures of her before but hadn’t had the opportunity to meet her until now.

  I looked down at Lyra. Her little hand gripped my finger. “Lyra, do you think you could go give Grandma a big hug? She looks like she's very excited to see you.” You—the child I fathered, the child who loved everything, the child who had a heart of gold.

  She released my hand and sprinted into her grandmother's arms.

  “Oh my goodness,” my mother said as Lyra’s little arms wrapped around her neck and my mother kissed the top of her head. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! Happy Birthday, my sweet little angel.”

  Mama walked over to them and gently patted Lyra’s back. She was too old to hold Lyra in her arms. Lyra reached over and hugged Mama. “Hi, I’m Lyra Skye Darcy, now Carter.” She beamed at them.

  “I’m Mama.”

  “And I’m your granny.”

  I leaned against the hood of my car watching their exchange. Pop walked over to where I stood and joined me. “You did good, kid.” He rested his hand on my shoulder.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said. I was unable to pull my gaze away from Lyra who, in mere seconds, had found her way into my mother’s heart.

  My mother carried Lyra inside the house and we followed behind as she showed Lyra around. Lyra noticed the balloons and gifts that were set out for her on the dining room table.

  “Are these for me?” she asked innocently.

  Mama walked out of the kitchen, a small cake in her hands with four lit candles. “You can open your presents, but first you have to make a wish.” My mom pulled back a chair for her to kneel on.

  Lyra’s cheeks had to hurt from how wide her smile was. For the second time that day, people who loved her unconditionally sang Happy Birthday. Once the song was finished, Lyra’s wide smile had been replaced with a small frown.

  “What's the matter, Lyra?” I asked.

  “I already made my wish today,” she whispered.

  When I envisioned myself having children, I never expected them to have to celebrate two birthdays, have two separate holidays or live in two separate homes. “It's okay, you can make two wishes.” I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She inhaled all the air her lungs could take and blew out her candles.

  Once we were done eating cake and Lyra had opened all her presents, I
walked her to her room. Though she had consumed an absurd amount of sugar, she was exhausted.

  “Is this my room?” she asked when I twisted the handle.

  “For this weekend, yes.” I tickled the top of her head.

  “Granny and Pop Pop don't live here?”

  “No, princess.” I helped her out of her dress and into the pajamas Emilia had packed. “Granny, Mama, and Pop live in a different house far away from here. We're staying in this house just to celebrate your birthday.”

  “How come they didn't come to my other birthday party?” Her voice was drained from the excitement of the day.

  “Because, princess, it just doesn't work that way.” I pulled back the sheets for her to climb into bed.

  “I don't like that, Daddy.”

  “I don't either.” I kissed her forehead.

  “Can you tell me a story?” Lyra asked, hugging the blankets closer to her chest.

  “I’m not really good with stories, but I can sing you a song. It's a song I've been working on just for you.” Stroking my fingers through her curly red hair, I began to sing.

  You are the light in my sky,

  My little star, you burn so bright.

  I will hide away your pain,

  I'll be the sun shining through the rain.

  Being your dad means the world to me,

  You are my little sweet princess, my little sweet pea.

  I continued to hum the melody until her eyes began to drift close. Kissing the top of her head once more, I lifted from the side of the bed and walked toward the door.

  “Daddy?” Lyra called.

  With one hand holding the door, I looked back at her. “Is everything okay?” The hallway light let me see that her eyes were furrowed and she was hesitating with her next question. “You can talk to me, Lyra.”

  “Do you think my wish will come true?” Her voice was hopeful.

  I chuckled. “What did you wish for?”

  “I want you and Mommy to give me a little brother. Or a sister.”

  I tried to maintain a calm expression as I strolled back to the side of her bed, contemplating how I would answer her question. I leaned over and lifted the covers up. “What else did you wish for? Since you had two cakes.”

  “I wished for my very own princess room.” Her eyes scanned the bedroom she was in.

  I tapped the tip of her nose. “I think that can be arranged. Now close your eyes and go to sleep.”

  “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you more.”

  I left Lyra’s room and headed out to the deck, my feet heavy as I forced them to move. I sat on one of the patio chairs and gazed out into the darkness. The moon illuminated the sky and down below I could hear the faint noises of the ocean. My elbows rested on my knees and my head hung low as I tried to calm the chatter inside my head. What would my life be like had I stopped that damn fucking wedding? Now they were planning a second child and I was a part–time father. Would Lyra want to spend time with me when Emilia gave her a sibling to play with?

  I felt a hand tap my shoulder and looked behind me. Pop stood there with two beers in his hands. “You look like you need to talk.”

  “What gave it away?” I asked and reached for a bottle.

  “You should be happy. Your child is healthy and happy,” Pop sat next to me. I watched as he took a swig of his beer.

  “I'm thrilled she's here. But I realized I threw everything away. I realized that, in this world, you can't have it all.” I brought the glass bottle to my lips and paused. “Emilia asked me to tell her not to get married, and I drove to the church, but I couldn’t get over my own shit to stop her from marrying him.” I nodded and drew my beer back.

  “We all make mistakes in life. It’s how you grow from those mistakes that will change what you can or can’t have in life.”

  “Emilia and her husband are planning to grow their family.” I shook my head slowly. “And Lyra just told me she wished for a little brother or sister.” I paused and let reality sink in. “I'm going to be a stranger in my own daughter’s life.”

  “Son, these things always have a way of working themselves out. What is today might not be a year from now.”

  I nodded as I listened to Pop’s words of wisdom, letting them seep deep into me. What is today might not be a year from now.

  I didn’t know then how much would change in a year.

  56

  EMILIA

  I had been on Clomid for six consecutive months. Still, every pregnancy test I took was negative. It was draining to fail my husband every month. Dr. Marino had promised that, after six months, we would start IVF.

  “Drink this tea.”

  “Don’t eat any red meat.”

  “Stay away from acidic foods.”

  Everyone wanted to add their two cents as to why I wasn’t pregnant yet, but I had tried it all. I counted days, tracked my ovulation cycle, injected the medicine, and had sex with my husband. But it wasn’t spontaneous and fun. It had become a job, and I was ready to quit.

  “Hey,” Jeremy said as he rounded the corner and walked into our kitchen. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop open as I read through emails. “You’re working from home today?” he asked as he reached inside the cupboard and took out a mug.

  “Yeah.” I looked up at him and tried to seem optimistic. “The doctors want to do a full work up before I start IVF so I’m going to work from home half day to avoid the traffic.”

  “You'll be fine, babe. Everything will be perfect. Soon we'll have a baby of our own.”

  I was failing him. He wanted a child of his own. It was obvious. Every time Weston picked up Lyra, Jeremy’s attitude would change. And it didn’t help that Weston had dove right in and became extremely involved in Lyra’s life. He was at every soccer game, every event, and he was waiting for us to close on our house before he bought his own so he’d be closer to his daughter. I knew it was stretching Jeremy’s last nerve, but Weston was doing it for Lyra.

  “Mommy?” Lyra’s voice pulled me away from my train of thought.

  “Yes, sweet pea.”

  “Are you picking me up from school today or is Daddy?”

  Jeremy shoved the carafe back into the coffee machine with a bit more force than necessary. “Actually,” he walked over to Lyra and brushed the top of her head with his hand, “I am.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes lit up, and she turned to face him. “Do you think we can stop at Jungle Java after school?”

  “Lyra,” I protested. Even at the age of almost five, she knew that both of the men in her life would do anything for her.

  “Please, Mommy?” She turned back to look at me. “Aria’s Mom has taken her there three times already.” Her tiny hands coiled under her chin.

  “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You have your spelling test today, if you get them all right, Jeremy can take you to Jungle Java.”

  She hopped in place and then ran out of the room. “Lyra, where are you going?”

  “To change my shoes. I know we’ll be going to Jungle Java later!” she shouted.

  Jeremy chuckled. “You know she has mastered those spelling words.”

  “Sometimes I forget how smart she is.” I sighed in defeat.

  Jeremy leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “She takes after her smart mother.”

  “No ice cream.” I pointed up at him, and he cocked his head to the side. “I know she’ll beg for ice cream and the answer is no because it will spoil her appetite.”

  Jeremy nodded and kissed my lips. “Come on, Lyra. I have your backpack.”

  Lyra ran back into the kitchen and hugged me goodbye before she and Jeremy left.

  The way he was with her, how he loved her and stood with us through it all, was the reason why I desperately wanted to give him a child, even if I felt like I was going to lose a piece of myself.

  57

  EMILIA

  A few days later, I received a call from Dr. Marino’s office. My fingers coil
ed around the phone cord as the receptionist stated that my results were in and the doctor wanted to discuss them with me. Too anxious to wait another second for my results, I asked to go in right away. After I hung up, I sent Jeremy a quick text. I couldn’t face the doctor alone.

  Me: Doctor wants us to go in to talk about our results. Do you have time during lunch tomorrow? It’s the earliest they had available.

  Jeremy: Of course. I'll be there.

  I sighed in relief at his response. But yet, the worry was still there. In my gut, I knew that something was wrong. Call it woman’s intuition or whatever you wanted, but I could feel it all the way down to my bones, that this wasn’t good news. Never could I have imagined it was going to be as bad as it was though.

  My knees bounced as we waited for Dr. Kaplan in the uncomfortable chairs facing his empty desk. Inhaling a sharp breath, I cracked each one of my knuckles, my lungs fighting to release what little air I had just sucked in.

  “What's the matter?" Jeremy asked, his hand reached for mine.

  I exhaled, and shook my head. "Something’s wrong." My teeth sank into my lower lip to keep from crying.

  “How can you be so sure?" He brought the back of my hand up to his lips in what should have been a calming kiss.

  But his affection did nothing to alleviate my doubts. A seed had been planted into my mind and I felt it spreading through my body. "Because I feel it in my gut. Something isn’t right."

  Jeremy gripped my hand tighter. "Em, it's just nerves."

  I pulled my gaze away from the dark wooden table and glanced at Jeremy. He had a sincere smile on his face. He was trying to reassure me that it would all be fine. And I wished so badly that I could have believed him, but I couldn’t. "Have you ever had that feeling that something was about to change, like a bomb was about to go off?"

  I watched his eyebrows pinch together. "Yeah..."

  “Well, that's exactly how I feel.” I pulled my hand away from Jeremy and rubbed it over my chest as I tried to soothe the pain.