by Toni Aleo
“Stop talking so much and do what you planned. Even though, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t text or call you after listening to what we just practiced.”
“I hate you. I really do.” Jace glares and then turns back to the video. “So yeah, here it goes. What I want to say. What I’m feeling. What I want. Which is you.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I hear Jayden moan, and I swear, I love these two.
“Shut up and start playing!”
Jace looks back at the camera, and I listen as the beautiful melody to the beginning of “Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran starts to play. I freaking love this song, so damn much. And when Jace starts to sing it, badly, of course, I know I just fell in love with it more. The words before were heart-wrecking, but now, the beauty of the lyrics is enhanced by the man I love. He may not be able to sing, but the words are coming from his soul. His eyes are locked on the camera, and his fist is moving with each word as he sings just for me.
Horribly, but I don’t care. He is beautiful, he is hilarious, and he’s doing this for me. Even if I’m not sure he should have to. I should be singing to him, but he’s fighting. He wants me. I do matter. As he gets to the chorus and he sings, desperately, from his soul, I can only smile with each jerk and fist pump he does. When the music stops, though, and Jayden takes the phone despite Jace’s protests, I laugh.
Jayden runs out of the room and into the bathroom across the hall, locking the door behind him. I have no clue what is going on, but the grin on my face is unstoppable as he struggles with the phone. Holding it out, Jayden looks at me, his green gaze locking on to me. I’ve never been intimidated by him, but I am now.
“Listen, Avery, please call my brother. Let him apologize so none of us ever have to listen to him sing again. I mean, that was torture. I didn’t know he was that bad,” he says quickly as Jace beats the door down. “He loves you. You have to realize that. And you make him happy. So please, give him a chance. If not for his sanity, for my family’s. Because I’m pretty sure if he calls my mom in a drunken state, crying like a fourteen-year-old girl whose boyfriend broke up with her and smashed all her One Direction CDs, she might come after you with a shotgun,” he says with a grin and I smile big. Then I’m laughing as Jace screams obscenities at his brother, his fist coming against the door like King Kong. “Love like this doesn’t come along often, you know? Don’t let some misunderstanding, or whatever the hell happened, come between you two. Real lovers work it out. They communicate instead of giving up. You’re not a quitter, I know you aren’t, so just call. Okay?”
And then the screen goes black, going back to my messaging app.
I can’t help but wonder if Jace killed Jayden, but before I can even text him, there is a knock at my door. Pushing the blankets down, I look toward the door to find Matty taking up the whole space. Just like that, my grin is gone and I’m glaring. I haven’t talked to him, or anyone, since last night. No one has checked on me, so I’m a little surprised to see him.
“What?”
He makes a face and then chuckles. “Man, your face is fucked up.”
My scowl deepens because I don’t know what he is talking about. “What do you want?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he gives me a pointed look. “Mom told me to come apologize. But since I did nothing wrong, I refuse to. But tell her I did.”
Is he being real? “Please, I’m not covering for you ever again.”
He rolls his eyes. “Such a fucking drama queen.”
“And you’re a dick.”
“I don’t know why you can’t do what you’re told.”
“’Cause you aren’t my dad. You’re nothing to me. So, bye, Felicia.”
He glares, and for the first time in my whole life, I’m scared. What the hell is wrong with him? “You’ve always been so jealous of me. Get over it. You can’t be me.”
Confused, I shake my head. “I don’t want to be you, and I never wanted to be. I only wanted you to love me. I’ve tried to love you, even when you don’t deserve my love, but you’re so cruel to me.”
“I don’t want it,” he yells at me. “I don’t want anything from you but for you to disappear. You know what?” he sneers, coming into my room, stopping in front of my bed. “I wish you had died. I wish you were never born. You ruin everything. You’re nothing but a waste of space.”
My heart just hurts as I go up on my knees, holding his gaze. “What did I do to you, Matty? Why on earth do you feel all this animosity toward me? You’re supposed to love me.”
“I don’t, and I never will. You stole something from me that I can’t ever get back, and I’ll never forgive you for that!”
Confused, I search my brain for any basis for his accusation, but nothing comes to mind. “What the hell? What?”
He shakes his head. “Just fucking disappear. Don’t come back. No one loves you anyway.”
Whoa. Wait.
That was one of the last texts Caleb sent to me. Word for word.
But before I can stop him, though I really don’t know why I would, he stomps out of my room, slamming my door hard, and rattling the pictures on the wall. Falling back on my haunches, I just shake my head. What was he talking about? And why would he say those things? Those exact things? I just don’t get it, but I have no problem doing what he said. He doesn’t want me in his life, fine. There is someone out there who does.
Someone I love.
And I can’t let this go on any longer.
Opening my texts, I hit Jace’s name.
Me: Can you talk?
He answers within seconds.
Jace: Yeah.
After touching his number, I don’t have to wait long before his voice comes over the line. “Hey.” His voice holds so much promise it hurts, and my eyes fall shut.
“Hey,” I say shyly, chewing on my nails as silence stretches between us. Clearing my throat, I look up at the ceiling, blinking back the tears as I whisper, “I love the video.”
I can hear the smile in his voice. “Jayden is a dick.”
I smile. “Yeah, but then you gotta thank him, ’cause I want to talk.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he says softly. “But I don’t want to do it over the phone, Avery. This isn’t something that can be solved with words. I need to feel you against me. I need to look into your eyes, wipe away your tears.”
Swallowing hard, I nod, a tear rolling down my cheek. I miss him so much. “Yeah, I agree.”
“Did you drive to the airport?”
“No, I had a car pick me up.”
“Can I pick you up?”
My heart flutters as I slowly nod. “I would love that.”
“What time does your plane get in?”
“7:10 on Monday night.”
“You couldn’t change it to earlier?”
“No, I already tried. Everything was booked.”
“Can you send me the flight info?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Awesome,” I say breathlessly, my chest feeling empty from where he has my heart. “I miss you.”
“God, Avery, I miss you so fucking much,” he groans. “I just want you home now.”
“Me too,” I whisper. “I hate it here.”
“Two days. And then I’ll take you to get ice cream, we’ll talk, and we’ll leave all this nonsense in the past. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Because I love you, Avery. I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you.” Swallowing hard, I bite into my lip. “I’m sorry.”
“No, not now. Wait. Because I need to say it too.”
I blink back the tears as I nod slowly. “Okay, but how’s your leg?”
He chuckles. “Well, because I kicked in your door, they wouldn’t let me play last night and we lost.”
“So I guess that’s my fault?”
“I mean, if you want the blame, I’ll let you have it,” he teases and I grin. “No, it’s mine. I shouldn’t have gotten so
mad that I kicked your door.”
“Maybe I should have opened it?”
“Yeah, that would have been nice. My knee and my team would have thanked you for that,” he says and I laugh. “But that’s a conversation for Monday, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree. “But one thing?”
“Yeah?”
“Nothing happened with Delanie Cunt Collins, did it?”
He scoffs. “Fuck no, my heart is in New Jersey.”
My mouth turns up into a full grin and I let out a sigh. “And my heart is in Nashville.”
“Damn right, and you aren’t getting it back.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Good,” he says, and then he yawns loudly into the phone. “Shit, sorry. I’m so damn out of it. I woke up to Jayden in my bed. It was freaky.”
I laugh at that and my face hurts from grinning. “I’ll let you go.”
“Okay, go mingle with that family of yours.”
I pause. “Yeah, about that… I kind of told them to fuck off and that I don’t want them in my life.”
“Holy hell, that’s amazing,” he says and I laugh. “Or wait, am I supposed to say something else?”
“No, it’s good. Matty said something crappy, of course, and I hit him. Then he pushed me into the counter where I busted my nose.”
He pauses. “Excuse me? He did what?”
“It’s no big deal.”
“Um, yes, it is. What did your mom, dad, or hell, anyone do?”
“Nothing.”
“What? Are you serious? I’ll kill him,” he says, his voice full of venom.
“Whoa, killer. Siblings fight.”
“I’ve never put my hands on Lucy—neither have my brothers. You don’t hit girls.”
He really is perfect.
“Just stay in your room, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay, call me if you need me to come up there. Or better yet, I’ll send Jude to come get you.”
“They aren’t holding me hostage, Jace.”
“Fine, go to a hotel. I’ll get you a room.”
“Jace, be real.”
“If I’m real, I’d fly you home. Now I’m worried.”
“Don’t be. I’m fine.”
He pauses and then clears his throat. “Like really, really fine? I’ve been so worried that you would…”
He trails off and I know what he is talking about. The cutting. But he has nothing to worry about. “I haven’t hurt myself. At all.”
“Good. That’s really good.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Okay, will you text me later?”
“Yeah, text me when you wake up.”
“Cool. Okay, I love you.”
“I love you.”
I hang up, looking down at my screen as it goes to a picture of him and me. It was the day we were with Angie, having a blast. It was the day I knew I loved Jace Sinclair and that he was the last guy I’d ever love. It’s such a special picture, something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.
It’s a picture of my forever.
I don’t come out of my room the rest of the weekend. Not even for the game, which was originally why I was in town. Mom did come to check on me, begging me to come out, but I stood my ground and she didn’t fight me on it. Especially when I looked in the mirror and saw the bruises around my nose. My family did nothing, and that just blows my mind. I mean, yeah, I went at him. But why did I have to? Why didn’t they tell him to shut up? Blah, whatever, I don’t care. I’m leaving in a matter of hours, and I’m never coming back. And the supershitty thing is, I don’t think they care.
But Jace does.
He wants me home.
Jace: So nine hours left until you’re home.
Me: Counting down the seconds.
Jace: Me too. Be safe. Call me when you land.
Me: I will.
After covering my face with more makeup than usual because of the bruises, I pick up my bag and head downstairs, wanting some lunch before I head downtown for my appointment. I already said good-bye to my mom this morning since she had a luncheon to go to for the hockey club she still supports, despite not having a son playing. While it burns that she doesn’t want to drive me to my appointment or to the airport, I know I need to let it go. I’ve decided this imitation of a family isn’t good for me, and I have to stand behind that. I have to be strong, no matter how much the small, feeble girl inside me wants to grasp at my family, begging them to love me.
As I head downstairs, the house is quiet and I don’t expect to see anyone else. My dad left last night for Toronto, Seth yesterday morning for wherever his next game is, and while Laurence and Matty are still here, I assume they don’t care to say good-bye to me, which is fine by me. Kind of. Whatever.
Dropping my bag at the bottom of the stairs, I head into the kitchen to get some leftovers Julian said he’d have for me. The kitchen is empty and I wonder where he is. He said he’d see me off, but I don’t see him and that makes me sad. While I may not think we need him, I love him. He’s always been really nice to me. Shrugging, I head to the fridge, getting out the plate that has my name on it before putting it in the microwave. Leaning against the counter, I wait as I play on my phone, stalking Baylor’s and Claire’s Facebook pages. They asked me to be friends this past weekend, which was surprising since I thought Jace would tell them we broke up. I’m assuming he didn’t because we are friends now, and it’s cool. I love looking back and watching Jace grow through their pictures. He’s so hot.
When I hear a text sound, I look around confused, since my phone didn’t go off. Looking to the island in the middle of the kitchen, I see a phone, blinking with a text. When it goes off four more times in a row, my brows mush together. Whose phone is that? I don’t want to be nosy, but when it goes off four more times, I take a step toward it, leaning my forearms on the counter until it’s in my view. I know I’m wrong with this, but it could be an emergency.
Graham: Dude, really?
Graham: What did I do? I thought we were going somewhere.
Graham: I mean, I’ve been falling for you and I thought you were too.
Graham: Let’s discuss this. I don’t want to break up.
Graham: I love you, Matty.
My eyes widen and my heart jumps into my throat.
Holy fuck.
It lights up again with another text and my eyes get even bigger.
Graham: We can tell them together. My parents understand, they love you like I do. Let’s tell your parents. Don’t end this. This is good. We are happy.
“Oh my Go—” Before I can even finish my sentence, I’m being pushed into the fridge and Matty’s hand is at my throat. My hands come to his wrists, crying out. “Let me go,” I struggle to say.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I slap at his arms but he doesn’t budge, and panic settles in my chest because I can’t breathe. He doesn’t look like he is going to let me go either. His eyes are wild, bloodshot, and his breathing is erratic, almost like he’s been crying. That can’t be right. Matty has no feelings. But one thing is for sure, I have to get out of his grip. I bring my knee up and he folds over, holding his groin as I get away, going around the island and out of his reach.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I yell at him, and he leans on the island, glaring at me.
“What did you see? Fucking tell me, you bitch!”
“Oh, nothing much,” I say, my eyes locked in his intense and angry gaze. “Only that you’re gay,” I throw back at him and his eyes bug out.
“Shut your whore mouth!”
“Oh, why? You scared someone will hear me? I can’t believe that, instead of telling our parents, you’d rather break up with your boyfriend.”
“Shut your fucking mouth. You know nothing.”
“I know that Graham is in love with you. And if you touch me,” I say when he moves toward me, “I’ll tell Mom and Dad. I’ll tell the world.”
“They won’
t believe you.”
“I don’t care. I’ll still tell ’em.”
“You think I care?”
“I know you do.” I see the panic in his eyes. Holy shit, my brother is gay. I mean, it doesn’t change anything. He’s still a douche, but this is huge. It makes no sense. I never saw this coming. Never. “Wow. I’m a little flabbergasted.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“So, you aren’t gay?” I ask, the cold, blank stare he is setting me with giving me chills. He looks so angry, so upset, and somewhere deep inside me, I feel for him. But then I remember what he has done to me, and my sympathy is nowhere in sight.
Especially when he yells, “Fuck you, Avery! Go slit your wrists.”
“That’s all you have on me,” I murmur, shaking my head, my last ounce of sympathy flying out the window. “But at least I’ve never been anyone but myself. I may have been a little messed up, but I’ve always been me. You, though, you’re hiding, tormented by the man you really are. So really, who’s suffering? Because I’m not. I’m happy. You…You’re just sad.”
“I’m not hiding shit.”
“Oh? Really, call Graham over. I’d love to meet him.”
His eyes are wild, his jaw clenching, and I really don’t know this person. Where is the twin who used to play dolls with me when we were little? Oh. Wow, maybe there were signs?
“Just fucking go. Get out of my life.”
“I’m leaving, after I eat my lunch and watch you squirm with nervousness that I could out you.” I hate that it has come to this. I’m not a mean person, but he’s done this. He’s caused me to be as nasty to him as he has been to me.
“You wouldn’t dare. I’d kill you.”
See? “I’m not scared of you, Matty. How could I be? You’re a fraud. I may be considered crazy and suicidal, but at least I’m me.”
“Which is nothing.”
“To you, I’m nothing. But I’m something to someone special.”
“Ha, that Sinclair bastard? Please, he’s using you.”
“Aw, are you jealous my boyfriend is hotter than yours?” I ask.
