Sweet Tomorrows
Page 24
He was about my height, but he had a good fifty pounds on me, solid from the look of him. He was probably better-looking than me and had a kind face. I could see I was up against a worthy opponent.
I made the effort to stand.
Greg immediately motioned for me to stay seated, which I ignored. Yes, I was weak, but I wasn’t giving him the advantage.
“Please, join me,” I said. “Jo Marie has refreshments ready for us.” At my request she’d brought out a pitcher of iced tea and a plate of freshly baked cookies earlier.
Greg took the chair next to mine and for the first few minutes we exchanged pleasantries. We discussed the weather, the view, his job, and the Seahawks, who had played the third of their preseason games over the weekend.
Greg claimed the first cookie. “Never tasted better cookies than the ones Jo Marie bakes,” he said, keeping his tone cordial.
Instant anger hit me like a punch to my jaw. The thought of her baking him cookies was enough to cause me to clench my fists. It took a couple moments for me to bring my rage under control. I didn’t agree or disagree with him. It demanded discipline not to explain that these would be the last of her cookies he would ever taste.
Starting off our conversation with a challenge wouldn’t serve either of us well. With determined effort I bit my tongue.
“So,” I said, after taking a sip of my iced tea, hoping the ice-cold tea would cool my irritation, “I understand you’ve been seeing Jo Marie for a few weeks now.”
“Yes, we’ve dated exclusively since the Fourth of July.”
“Exclusively?” I challenged. “If you’ll recall, she’s been with me nearly every day since my return.”
“Right,” he reluctantly admitted. “I meant other than when she was with you.”
“She spent countless hours at the hospital with me.” I needed to make it clear that seeing me was her priority.
“Right again,” he admitted, “but at the time you were close to death. Had our circumstances been reversed, I feel she would have wanted to be at my bedside as well.”
Like bloody hell she would have been. I forced myself not to snap back, and I took a couple moments to compose myself. “I’ve loved Jo Marie for three years. You’ve known her for what? Three weeks?”
“Actually, it’s a bit longer than that. Time doesn’t give either one of us an advantage or priority.” Greg’s hand tightened around the tall glass, the condensation leaking between his fingers.
“I agree,” I said, and then decided to confront him head-on. “Do you love her?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
I’d argue that he couldn’t possibly have strong feelings for her on such short acquaintance, but I’d fallen in love with her myself almost at first sight.
“You left,” Greg reminded me.
“I came back, too.”
“You told her to move on with her life and she has.”
“She didn’t stop loving me.”
Greg ignored that. “She’s not the same woman she was when you left. She’s changed.”
“And you know this how?” I challenged.
“She told me.”
“That doesn’t alter the fact that I love her. I’ve changed, too. That’s what people do, we grow, evolve—”
“Meet other people,” Greg butted in. “She met me and now I have strong feelings for her, too. You were off doing whatever it was you were doing and she was alone, worried, stressed-out, and struggling. Then she met me and everything changed for the good.”
“I’m not letting her go.” If he could be direct, then so could I.
“Then we’re at an impasse, because I’m not giving her up, either,” Greg told me, raising his voice.
The sun sank behind a cloud and shade invaded the inn and yard. That seemed fitting for the way our conversation had turned. Neither one of us was willing to concede to the other.
It was time to settle this once and for all. I had to admire his determination, although it wouldn’t do him any good. “If you force her to decide between the two of us, you’ll lose,” I told him flat out.
Greg sighed. “I was hoping we would avoid putting her in that position.”
Of course he was. I’d win and he knew it.
“If you think I’m going to step aside so you can steal away the woman I love, then you’re in for a big disappointment.”
Greg grinned. “That isn’t why I decided the two of us needed to meet and have this talk.”
Despite the fact that he cared about Jo Marie, which made me want to punch him in the gut, I admired his openness and honesty. Arranging this meeting wasn’t comfortable for either of us.
“Then why are you here?” I demanded.
Greg met my look, his own eyes as dark and as resolute as mine. “I’m here to square things with you. Man to man.”
“Square what?” In my mind’s eye there was nothing to square. Jo Marie was mine.
“You need to know I love Jo Marie, too. I care about her. She told me you’re considering returning to Iraq. I understand this isn’t an easy decision and that you’re torn between doing what Jo Marie wants and whatever it is you’re being asked to do.”
He had me pegged.
“The thing is, in an effort to be up front and honest, I felt it was only fair you know that if you do decide to go back to the Middle East I plan to take full advantage of your absence.”
His words had a curious effect on me. They were like a vine that wrapped its way around my torso with small thorns that dug menacingly into my flesh, drawing blood.
“And if I don’t go?” I asked, pinning him with my gaze.
Greg hesitated. “I’d like to say I’d be man enough to gracefully step aside, but the truth is I won’t.”
“What do you intend to do?” Although I asked, I didn’t actually expect him to reveal his battle plan. After all, I was clearly his enemy in winning over Jo Marie’s heart.
Instead of directly answering my question, he asked one of his own. “Have you ever been married?”
“No.”
“I suspected as much. I was. Julie died the same year as Paul.”
Greg and Jo Marie shared a common bond. So what?
“We both know what it means to love another with everything that is within us. We’ve both dealt with grief, a grief that has forever marked our souls. You love Jo Marie and I understand that better than you realize. I love her, too. Like I said earlier, it wouldn’t serve either of us well if we made her choose between us.”
“You don’t want to force her into a decision because you know she’d choose me,” I repeated. I didn’t want to sound smug, but it was the simple truth.
His smile was equally self-assured. “Are you sure of that, Mark? You admitted you’re a different person, but then so is she. When you moved away, leaving her blind as to your reasons, leaving her bereft and lost, it nearly destroyed her. It was a betrayal.”
“She knows why.” I wasn’t about to explain myself to him.
“She knows now, but she didn’t at the time. When you left it marked her. You made it clear the chances you’d be returning were next to nil. You voluntarily turned your back on her and it devastated her.”
In a defensive gesture, I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You don’t seem to realize how badly you hurt the woman who loved you.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t ever hurt her?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Not in the same way, because I know what it did to her when you walked away. She’d given you her heart, trusted you, cared for you, and then almost overnight you were gone.”
“To an extent that’s true, but I had a friend explain after I left.”
“Bob. Yes, I’ve met him.”
“You’ve met Bob?” This felt like a small treachery to know that Jo Marie had introduced Greg to Bob.
“And Peggy, too. They’re good friends to Jo Marie and have stood by her, comforted her, encouraged her, because you weren’t here.
I don’t think you appreciate the agony Jo Marie was in for the last year, wondering if you were dead or alive, desperate for word, any word. And now you’re asking her to do it again.”
I couldn’t argue with anything he said. Not one thing.
“You say you love her—”
“I do,” I said, cutting him off, wanting to make sure he understood there was no room for doubt regarding my feelings for Jo Marie.
To my surprise, Greg stood. With his hands stuffed in his pants pockets, he walked to the end of the porch and then back.
He stood in front of me, his face tight and intense. “The thing is, I would never do that to her. I would never put Jo Marie through that kind of stress and doubt, because I know exactly what that feels like. So to answer your questions, if you decide to finish whatever it is you started back in the Middle East, or even if you stay, I feel I’m the better man for her. I deserve Jo Marie and she deserves me. If you think about it in those terms, I think you’ll agree.”
That barbed vine I’d felt earlier wrapping itself around my torso tightened to the point that I could no longer breathe.
Greg held my gaze in a vise. “I thought it was only fair you should know.”
Perhaps Greg was right. Perhaps he was the better man. As far as I could see, there was only one response to that. To be a better man myself.
I had to admire Nick as he continued with his counseling sessions. I could already see a difference. While I was sure the counselor helped him sort through myriad emotions, I was convinced the meeting with his parents had a good deal to do with the speed at which he was healing.
With time I suspected Nick would lose his dependence on me. It was what needed to happen. More than once I’d mentioned this and did my best to assure him I was fine with it. Each time he’d immediately discounted my claim, convinced he was falling in love with me. At first I tried to laugh it off, but my attempt at humor irritated him and so I did the next best thing. I slowly started spending less time with him. Thankfully, I had a good excuse. School was about to start and I was busy with teacher meetings, orientation, and getting my classroom ready for the first day of classes.
In addition, I felt it was time I moved out of the inn and found a place of my own. This was a discussion I needed to have with Jo Marie and I intended to do that soon. This week for sure, possibly that day after I was finished at the school.
Mark was recuperating and the two of them needed privacy. I’d seen them cut off far too many conversations as soon as I entered the room.
I’d let go of the apartment I’d been ready to move into a few weeks before because Jo Marie needed my help. But Mark was out of the hospital now and gaining strength every day. Jo Marie didn’t need me any longer, and it was well past time for me to find a place of my own and get my furniture out of storage.
The school where I would be teaching was relatively new. The area was growing and the building was only a couple years old. I took pride in making my class as colorful and bright as I could. For many of my students this would be the first time they’d spend more than a couple hours in the classroom. I had printed each of their names and set about decorating them with colorful designs when I sensed someone standing in the doorway.
Expecting another teacher, I smiled, ready to introduce myself. But when I glanced up, it wasn’t a staff member. It was Nick. While my smile might have faded, my heart took exception. I shouldn’t be this happy to see him, but I was. It’d been nearly a week, and in that time he’d readily accepted my excuses. Part of me wished he hadn’t and insisted we find time to be together. He hadn’t, and that told me a lot. He was getting ready to move on and that was only natural. I didn’t fault him. Sure, it hurt, but the pain was a whole lot less than if we’d continued and then he’d decided he wanted out.
“Hi,” I said, making a sweeping gesture with my arm. “Welcome to kindergarten.”
Looking amused, he came into the room and glanced around. “You’ve been busy, I see,” he said. With his fingertips tucked in the pockets of his jeans, he wandered to the back of the classroom, near the story area. I had a big circular rug with bright primary colors in a geometric design where the children would sit. The white bookshelves were stacked with an assortment of picture books.
I stood up from behind my desk. “You were at counseling today?” I asked.
He nodded.
“How’d it go?”
Again he answered with a nod. “I stopped by to take you out to dinner.”
“Out to dinner as in a restaurant?” I asked, remembering what had happened the last time we’d attempted an outing. Eating in a crowded restaurant had been way out of his comfort zone.
“I’m ready, Em.”
Despite my reservations about the two of us spending time together, I smiled, pleased for him. “That’s wonderful, Nick.”
He smiled back at me. “Can’t think of anything I’d enjoy more than taking my girl out to eat.”
My girl. That gave me pause.
I checked my watch, automatically looking for an excuse. “It’s a bit early for dinner.”
“I’ll wait.” He sat down on top of one of the tiny desks, his massive figure dwarfing it.
I hesitated and made busywork while my mind feverishly came up with an excuse to avoid an intimate dinner with Nick. Fragile as he was emotionally, I didn’t want to hurt him, and at the same time I needed to protect myself.
“When does school start?” he asked conversationally.
“Right after Labor Day.”
He crossed his arms and kept a close watch on me as I continued walking about the room.
“I know what you’re doing, Em. You’ve been avoiding me and I know why, but you’re wrong.”
“Am I?” I doubted that, but it would be pointless to argue with him.
“Yes. Not going to make a fuss, just want you to know I’m aware and I’m not going to let you do it.”
“Nick, please.” I clenched my hands in front of me.
“You can try telling me you aren’t attracted to me, but I know otherwise. Every time we touch there’s electricity. You feel it, too, so don’t even try to deny it.”
He was right and so I kept quiet.
“It could be you’re reluctant to get involved with a guy who’s messed up in the head.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know that’s not true.”
“Didn’t think so. Glad you didn’t, ’cause I would have knocked it down.”
Again against my better judgment, I smiled. “We’ve all got issues, Nick. Some are more obvious than others.”
He stood then and walked closer to me. “Speaking of issues, when’s that wedding?”
James and Katie. I’d completely put the date out of my mind and realized the wedding was set for the upcoming weekend. I’d already decided not to attend and had actually tossed the invite.
“From the doe-eyed expression you’re wearing, I’d say you’ve decided not to go.”
“Yes, I told you that earlier.”
“Would have called you a lot of things in the last few months, but coward never entered my mind.”
I shook my head. “Call me what you want; there’s no way I’m attending that wedding.” I could just imagine the pitying looks from our friends. If I was foolish enough to go I’d be forced to put on a brave front and smile. No one would be fooled. I’d probably end up an emotional mess, blubbering all over myself. Not gonna happen.
I walked a circle around him, needing to change the subject. “Did you know I was the one who sent that real estate woman to the house to see if you were interested in selling?”
“Guessed that was the case.”
“You didn’t.” He’d never said a word. “I love that house and have from the first moment I saw it.”
His smile showed his approval. He loved that house, too, and the work and effort he’d put into modernizing it showed as much. “What in the love of heaven were you going to do living in a five-bedroom home?” he asked.
He nodded as though he approved. “Good plan. That was what Brad intended to do.”
“I’d still like to buy the house.”
“Not for sale. You can live in it if you want, though. With me.”
“Nick.”
“You think I’m not serious?”
I could see it was going to take more than me avoiding Nick to get the message across. My plan was to ease my way slowly out of his life and let him get involved back in the world again. Once he did, I was convinced that whatever he felt for me would eventually fade like the sun lowering, a mountain sunset.
“I’d like a break,” I said, forging ahead.
“Good, you’ve been working way too hard.”
He’d misunderstood. “Not from this,” I explained. “From you.”
His eyes widened as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard me or if he had it’d angered him. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“No.” I rubbed my palms together and wondered if that was another tell of mine that he’d picked up on. Afraid it was, I dropped my hands. “You’re getting better and better, Nick, which is great. When was the last time you had a panic attack?”
“I’m about to have one now.”
“Not funny, Nick.” I could see that he was saying that only to get a reaction out of me. “How long has it been?”
From previous conversations I knew at one time he had suffered from them nearly every day. He’d been in a dark place.
“Longest time since Brad died.”
“See,” I said, happy to have the confirmation I needed. “You don’t need me any longer.”
“True,” he agreed, “I don’t in that way. But I still want you in my life, Em. I enjoy spending time with you. You make me want to be a better man. Before the accident, I lived entirely for myself. I don’t want to do that any longer. You give me purpose, and that’s a good feeling.”
“If you feel that way in six months, then we can talk.”
“Six months? You gotta be joking.”
“Six months.”