When Love grows doubt

by Barbara Eckhoff

  "And here."

  Where he had immediately kissed her temple on the other side. He had taken her in his arms and held her. Their eyes had met and there it was again, the moment in which she longed for more than just kisses. Robert had then taken her by the hand.

  "Come!"

  Without another word, he grabbed the the wine and two glasses and had gone out with her into the garden. It had already been dark, but a few torches had illuminated a narrow gravel path that led to a small pond. In the water, which was surrounded by higher hedges, grew water lilies. On one of the large leaves sat two frogs, which were singing in the stillness of the night. Robert drew them over to a park bench that stood on the shore and settled down. Moira, who had never seen this place before found it very romantic. Moira had hardly taken a seat next to Robert, when he had held out a poured glass of red wine to her. They both sipped their wine.

  "At last we are alone. I should have had the idea of bringing you here much sooner. It's nice here, isn't it?"

  "Yes. Funny how the frogs croak."

  Had she really said something so stupid? She could literally feel the atmosphere charged up between the two of them. With her lips dry, unconsciously she ran her tongue over to wet them. Robert took the glass from Moira's hand and placed hers and his on the floor and turned back to her. Her heartbeat quickened as she read the passion in Robert's eyes.

  "Oh, Moira, I love you, and it's driving me crazy to be near you without being allowed to touch you."

  Moira, not understanding what he meant by this, only replied," But you do touch me. You kiss me and..."

  She didn't get any further, because Robert had closed her mouth with his. Demanding and urging, he drove with his tongue over her lips until she opened them and allowed him to enter. Carried away by his passion, she closed her eyes, clung to him and returned his kisses. Suddenly his mouth wandered along her neck to her collarbone. An indescribable tingling sensation gripped her body and a moan escaped her mouth. While Robert did not stop running his lips over her tender skin, he changed his position on the bench and pulled her to him. He pushed away the disturbing hoop skirt with his hands which immediately puffed up behind Moira's back. "What a foolish fashion!" came to his mind as he struggled with the monster and at the same time simultaneously tried to continue kissing Moira. He would have loved to rip her clothes off. That was what he would have liked to do most at the moment anyway. He was on fire. He wanted to touch her all over her body, caress her, kiss her and taste her, love her and give her love. Moira, who automatically tensed when she realized, she was sitting on Robert's lap, didn't know how to act. She had never been so close to a man before.

  "It's all good. Just relax and enjoy it."

  He breathed little kisses on her neck and saw her cartoid artery throbbing wildly. Her cleavage rose and fell violently. In a burst of ecstasy, he pressed his lips to the naked base of her breasts. Moira cried out with desire and he closed her mouth with his lips. His hand wandered up her back and deftly opened the clasp of her top. With both hands he slowly pulled the top down a little and exposed her upper body. Two flawless firm breasts stood out, their pink buds perkily raised by the coolness that now enclosed them. Robert swallowed hard at the sight. He noticed how he became hard and his body tensed. Moira, who had realized too late what was happening to her, straightened up and wanted to turn around ashamedly.

  But Robert lovingly took her face in his hands and kissed her. Then he said:

  "Please don't. You are so beautiful. I love you. Can you feel how I desire you? Can you feel it? I want to explore your whole body, caress and fondle you. I want to kiss you and love you. I hurt every single day that I can't have you. Moira please, let me touch you and I promise you that I won't do anything that you don't want me to do."

  Somewhat frightened and wide-eyed she looked at him, but something in her told her she could trust him. Even though her mind told her caution, her body spoke a completely different language. She had enjoyed his touch and the deep feeling that burned inside her. She herself had become curious, demanded more and so she just nodded and let him. Robert kissed her and rekindled the passion between them. His hands ran over her naked back and slowly found their way to her breasts, which they enclosed tightly. They filled his hands perfectly and the feeling Robert experienced was indescribably beautiful. But when he pressed with his thumb and forefinger one of the firm buds, he was surprised about Moira's fierce reaction. She cried out passionately and dropped her head down into her neck. He kissed her tense larynx and continued to rub her breasts with his fingers, until he felt her hands on his chest. Quickly he stripped off his jacket and vest and began to undo the buttons on his shirt, when Moira stopped him. Breathing heavily he put his hands down and waited. With trembling fingers she slid over the fabric until she stuck one finger into the open cuff and felt his skin underneath. Robert drew in a sharp breath.

  More courageous by his reaction, she opened one button after the other. Robert could have torn the damn shirt off his body, he was so impatient, but he did not want to scare her off and wanted to feel her hands on his skin. Wanted to see the passion in her eyes. After a time that did not want to end she stripped off his shirt and exposed his upper body. Admiringly she looked at the sun-browned skin. His upper body was hard and muscular. The well-proportioned muscles were tense and the tendons on his arms stood out. A light fuzz of black hair adorned his chest, and when she let her gaze wander a little lower, she saw that his belly was flat and firm. Robert was in good physical shape and had not an ounce of fat on his body Moira, who seemed to be engrossed in the exploration of the male torso, did not catch Robert's longing looks. Breathlessly he breathed to her: "Touch me, Moira. That, which pleases you, pleases me."

  Carefully she let her fingers slide over his upper body. The softness of the chest hair surprised her and so she played with some of the little hairs. It cost Robert a great deal of self-control. But any impetuous advance would now be a mistake and would destroy Moira's trust in him. He wanted to gently show her the erotic world of love and wanted to explore it together with her.

  She was passionate and he was sure that they would have a lot of fun together in bed. Slowly, he leaned forward and found her mouth. He pulled her closer to him, so that he could feel her naked breasts on his skin. Suddenly Moira froze, she abruptly straightened up and pushed him away a little; put a hand on his mouth and listened into the darkness.

  "Did you hear that? I think there's someone there."

  Excited and looking around, she tried to discover what had caught her attention. Robert, on the other hand, did not want the evening to end; when it seemed to get interesting and he just said succinctly:

  "It was probably an animal, which rustled in the bushes."

  But Moira was not so sure. She suddenly felt as if they were being watched and it reminded her of Sir Dumfrey, who told her that she was under observation. A little stronger than she had intended, she pushed Robert back, slipped off his lap and pulled her top back up. With her hands, she held it in place and turned her back, with the silent invitation to close the back fastener again. Robert, understanding that the evening was hereby ended, sighed and stepped behind her to close the dress. Then he turned her around and took her in his arms.

  "Moira, it would have been only an animal."

  "And if it wasn't? I have shown myself indecent here and I've done things that don't befit a lady. I want to go home, Robert."

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for the evening to end like this. I enjoyed it very much, and I think you did too. There's nothing wrong with indulging in love. And when we're married, we'll pick up where we left off today."

  Moira felt how the blush rose to her face. Continue? Was there more? Perhaps she had encouraged him too much today. Whatever it was that had made that noise behind her, reminded her that she still had a job to do. She reached into her skirt pocket and felt the small can. How was she supposed to give him the powder now? But then her eyes fell on t
he two glasses of red wine and a thought came to her.

  "Robert, I want to go. Please put on your shirt and take me back inside."

  Robert, not wanting to press Moira further, turned around and bent down to pick up the clothes he had carelessly thrown to the floor. Moira used that moment to pour the powder into his glass.

  When he turned to her again shortly thereafter, clothed, he took her face tenderly in his hands.

  "I hope you are not too angry with me. I love you."

  "I love you, too, Robert. It's been nice, but it's time for me to go home now."

  "Let's at least have that glass of red wine together."

  She agreed, and inwardly held her breath when she saw that the powder had dissolved and he emptied his glass. Now she was lying here on her bed and had a guilty conscience. She had told him that she loved him and yet she betrayed him. This had to come to an end. Abruptly she sat up. Dumfrey had said that Robert was in his way because he was doing some villainy in the bay and Robert had apparently somehow caught on to him. He couldn't be there tonight, but she had the opportunity. Maybe tonight was her chance to find out what was going on there. Firmly determined, she got up from the bed, took her cloak, sneaked out of the house and hurried away towards the bay.

  Chapter 14

  Fearfully, she flinched at every sound. She knew the way in and out, but in the darkness and at this time of night everything was different. Normally she was not particularly jumpy, but her inner tension was reason enough for it. Suddenly, a dancing light appeared in front of her and seemed to be approaching her. Panic-stricken, she looked around. What should she do now?

  If these were the villains, they would see her in a moment. She did not have much time to look for a hiding place. The light had disappeared, but she knew that the path made a bend and if they kept the direction, they would reappear in front of her any second. What was she to do? Under no circumstances did she want to run into the hands of those who were coming.

  Hastily she looked around and saw a large tree standing slightly to her right. If she huddled against it, she would be hidden behind it. She was not yet two seconds behind the tree crouching when she heard voices and footsteps. What the scoundrels said, she couldn’t understand, but she listened to the footsteps and was

  terribly frightened when she heard them close to her. Moira held her breath. Don't make a mistake now, she thought to herself. Silently and with bated breath she crouched against the tree. She did not dare change her position, because any noise would have warned the men. Suddenly the voices stopped and small beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Unfortunately, she could not see anything from her position and it seemed too dangerous for her to look. Then she heard the footsteps moving away. Relieved that she had not been discovered, she waited a few more seconds before she carefully rose from behind the tree. She was about to come out of hiding when a hand grabbed her and yanked her around. A scream escaped her.

  "Miss Fergusson! What are you doing here?"

  Surprised to see a woman here before him, the man held her with an iron grip.

  "How do you know my name and how did you know I was here?" stuttered Moira as she realized that she had fallen into the hands of the criminals.

  "It doesn't matter. The boss told us that something like this could happen and my feeling that we were being watched has never been wrong. He's not going to be thrilled about it when I report to him that you are spying on him. It would be better for you to keep your nose out of his business and now get up and go forward."

  He pushed her rudely in front of him, until she reached the path. But if she now believed that he would release her so she could hurry home, she was mistaken. She saw in front of her the glow of light that seemed to be waiting in a few hundred yards, and wondered what was going on there. She couldn’t see the man who had grabbed her in the darkness and now continued to push her along the path, but she was sure that she had heard the voice before. To figure out who he was she tried to make him talk.

  "What's going on here, anyway?"

  "None of your business," he growled.

  "And what's going to happen to me?"

  "You will know soon enough. Now shut up and see that you keep moving forward. I don't have all night to worry about your chatter."

  Moira resigned herself to her fate and continued on her way in silence. Even though he was more rude to her today, she was sure that the man behind her was the coachman of Sir Dumfrey. Just as she was wondering what the realization now brought her, they reached the gang, who were already busy with loading a cart with barrels. So that was it. Here Dumfrey was smuggling some barrels ashore. How long has he been doing this?

  "Hey, who do we have here?"

  One of the smugglers had left the group and was now approaching her. Just as he tried to touch her with his hand on her chin, with Moira wanting to retreat in disgust, he was rudely pushed back.

  "Make sure you finish. We've been held up long enough."

  "It's all right. We're done, boss. Everything's loaded," the man replied, trying to diffuse the situation.

  "Good," replied Dumfrey's coachman, turning to Moira.

  "If I am to give you any good advice, go home and forget what you have seen today. It would be better for your well-being."

  Thereupon he passed her and left her in the darkness behind. The men, however, all climbed onto the carts and continued along the road. Moira did not dare move and looked at the ever-shrinking cart until it

  disappeared from her sight. Such bad luck. This evening had not gone at all as she thought it would. While she now knew what was going on, unfortunately, Dumfrey would also learn that she had not kept her end of the bargain and it did not make her position towards him any better. She would have to think carefully about her next step.

  A good night's sleep was out of the question. Since Moira had gone to bed around two in the morning her thoughts had been wandering back and forth. She wondered if Dumfrey would do anything, now that he knew that she had not kept to the agreement. He had specifically warned her not to meddle in his affairs. Had she put everyone in danger with her appearance tonight?

  Annoyed with herself, she had to admit to herself that she had been too dilettantish. Full of worry about what he might be planning now, she had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning and was glad when the morning dawned and she could finally get up. During the morning hours she had been able to distract herself with work, but when it was afternoon, her restlessness was so great that she could not shake the

  feeling off that something was wrong. She had expected to receive a letter from Sir Charles today, asking her to meet again, but even the realization that this was not the case did not reassure her. Robert had not yet shown his face today either. He rode by almost every day to steal a kiss. Was it perhaps that, which made her worry?

  Towards late afternoon she could stand it no longer and ran over to the castle. Was she mistaken, or were the residents looking at her strangely today. Moira was friendly as she passed the gardeners, maids and stable boys, but something was not right. She could literally sense it. It seemed to her as if they all knew about what she had done yesterday. That she had poured a sleeping powder into their master's wine. Moira closed her eyes briefly and scolded herself for being a fool. It was only her guilty conscience that was bothering her. She hurried up the stairs and pulled the doorbell. After what felt like an eternity, the door opened and Albert appeared. He looked tired.

  "Oh, Miss Fergusson, I'm sorry, but his lordship cannot see you today."

  "Isn't he in?"

  "Yes, he is, but he is indisposed."

  "What's the matter with him?"

  "We're at a loss. Gwyneth is already reproaching herself, for it seems he ate something that didn't agree with him. You had dinner with him last night, didn't you? Did he perhaps ingest something that you did not eat? You’re feeling well, aren’t you?”

  "Yes, I'm fine and I don't understand. What did he h
ave, exactly?"

  "He can't keep food or drink down and he has chills and an elevated temperature. We have already called the doctor, but he couldn't find anything either and has only prescribed strict bed rest."

  "My goodness, that sounds bad. How can I help? I don't understand it at all. After all, we ate the same thing. It can't be the food. Maybe I should check on him? Can I talk to him?"

  "I'm sorry, but he's just fallen asleep and the doctor said that he should have rest at all costs. I would hate to wake him up. But I can let you know when he is feeling better."

  "Yes please do Albert. I'm very worried. I will check on him again tomorrow if it's all right and tell him that I was here."

  "Of course."

  Just as Albert was about to close the door, Moira thought of something else.

  "Oh, Albert. Do you think his lordship would mind if I borrowed his carriage for a while?

  I've got a few errands to run and it would be much easier with a carriage."

  "I guess that's all right, since you'll soon be mistress here yourself. Tell Samuel, he will prepare it for you."

  "Thank you and please let me know immediately, if there is any change in his condition."

  At the stables, she met Samuel, who had just treated an injury of one of the workhorses. When he saw Moira coming down the aisle he paused in his work and rose.

  "Moira, what a surprise. Have you heard the bad news yet?"

  "That Robert is sick? Yes."

  "You're all right, though? Albert thinks it might have been the food."

  "I don't think so. We ate and drank the same thing yesterday and I have had no problems with it. He must have caught something. I just hope he recovers quickly, I'm very worried."

  "Yes, I hope so too. It's all quite strange."

  "Samuel, can you get Robert's carriage ready? I was going to borrow it, because I have to run a few errands. Albert said that would be all right."

  "Sure, I'm sure Robert won't mind. Wait outside, I'll bring it right over."