[2016] Finding My Cowboy

by Christian Michael

  Emmett scooped up the child in his arms, and tossed her above his head, then caught her again. The girl squealed and kicked her legs, then looked over Emmet’s shoulder at Trinity, and her eyes widened.

  “Is that my new mommy?”

  She pointed, and Emmet turned around.

  “Yes it is, Sweetheart. Trinity, I’d like you to meet Maddie… my daughter.”

  Chapter 6 – Motherhood

  The days to follow were unlike any that Trinity could have imagined. She thought she was coming out here to marry a widower with a farm. That was what she had been expecting, and that was what she had essentially done. Yet, the one little detail Emmett had left out of his ad, and the one little detail Thomas had left out of is description of Emmet, happened to be the biggest detail of all.

  Trinity had never thought about what motherhood would be like, and now that she was taking on that role, she wasn’t at all sure she was ready. She had been good at helping Mrs. Graham, but Mrs. Graham had told her what to do, with a child, Trinity was the one that was supposed to have the answers.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you have a child?”

  She couldn’t hold back the question any longer. It had been nearly a month, and Emmet had acted since the first day as though marrying someone without telling them you had a child was the most natural thing in the world. Then again, moving all the way across the country to marry a man you have never met wasn’t entirely natural, either.

  “What’s wrong? Aren’t you getting along?”

  Emmet was drinking his morning coffee, getting ready to head out to the fields. Trinity was washing the breakfast dishes, but Maddie wasn’t out of bed yet. She was young, too young to be attending school, which meant Trinity spent a lot of time with her during the day.

  “We get along just fine, but…”

  Her voice trailed off, and Emmet stood up. He walked over to her, and pulled her away from the wash basin, wrapping his arms around her.

  “What’s wrong, my Love?”

  Trinity couldn’t help it. The tears formed in her eyes and brimmed over, running down her cheeks and leaving wet trails on Emmet’s shirt. He hushed her, and rocked her in his arms, trying to soothe her.

  “What’s wrong with Mommy?”

  A voice came from the edge of the kitchen, and Trinity pulled away from Emmet. She didn’t know how she felt about Maddie calling her that. She wasn’t Maddie’s mother, and she didn’t feel right about it. Trinity grew up without a mother or a father. She didn’t call anyone by those names. She didn’t have any.

  Now, with this little girl, she didn’t feel that it was right, either. Trinity wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, and dried them on her apron.

  “Nothing’s wrong, Sweetie, your father and I were just talking. Come, here’s some eggs and bacon waiting for you.”

  Trinity pulled the cast iron lid off of the plate on the table. She had left it there to keep warm for Maddie, and was pleased to see that it still had steam rising off of it.

  “Yay!”

  Maddie ran over in her bare feet and climbed up on the chair. She said a quick prayer of thanks as her father had taught her to do, and began to enjoy her breakfast. Emmett looked helplessly from Maddie to Trinity, then back at Maddie. It was clear he didn’t know whether to stay or leave…but the chores needed doing.

  He kissed Trinity on the cheek and Maddie on the forehead, then told them both he hoped they had a good day. With that, he was gone. Trinity finished washing up the dishes, keeping an eye on Maddie, but not saying much. Maddie finished her breakfast, then took some of her dolls outside to play.

  Trinity stood by the window in the kitchen, looking out at the little girl playing in the dirt with her dolls. There was so much about that little girl that reminded Trinity of herself. So much that she could relate to. But this little girl knew what it was like to belong. She knew what it was like to have a father, and a mother even, though her mother had passed away.

  This little girl seemed to be so much happier than Trinity had ever been, or felt like she could be. There was something so innocent, and so accepting about Maddie that made Trinity feel confused inside. She didn’t know what to feel.

  She knew she wanted to be happy, but she wasn’t sure if she was happy here. It was definitely better than back in Vermont in some ways, but there were things in Vermont that she missed.

  I can’t go back there and be Mrs. Graham’s seamstress again. I just can’t. As a matter of fact, if I go back, I am going to have to live in a different town all together. I can’t go back to being that poor orphaned girl that grew up to help the old widow of the town…

  But no matter what I do when I get back… I’ll be back. Olga will be there, though I am sure she is quite caught up with Peter now. At least I’ll be home.

  Trinity hardly even realized she was considering going back to Vermont until that very moment, and at that moment she was startled with herself at how much she was willing to go back. In fact, she had very nearly made the decision to go back, she just didn’t know where she wanted to be in Vermont.

  Maddie ran inside and headed to her room, calling out something about her dolls. Trinity said nothing. She felt nothing. She didn’t belong here, she belonged back in Vermont with the people that had known her for her whole life. Emmett was a very kind man, and Maddie was a sweet little girl, but they needed someone that belonged with them. Someone that knew how to be a family.

  Trinity didn’t know how to do that. All she knew was how to sew clothes and help the needy at the church.

  “I have to go back to where I belong… this family deserves a real mother.”

  Trinity whispered the words to herself, but hearing them out loud was enough. Her mind was made up, she just had to plan out when she was going to head back.

  And how she was going to break the news to Maddie and Emmett.

  Chapter 7 – Turning Around

  “If this rain keeps up, I am going to be out of a job.”

  Emmett joked the next morning as he looked out at the rain pounding against the window. He had been spending much of the past few weeks plowing the upper fields, getting them ready for planting, but the rain made it impossible to keep footing on the slippery hillsides, so he had to call it quits until the rain stopped.

  Trinity enjoyed having Emmett in the house with her, and so did Maddie. She still hadn’t said anything to either of them about her leaving… Trinity figured she would just slip out when she had the chance, and leave them a letter explaining what she had done. She had even gone so far as to make the letter last night. Now, she was going to hang onto it and wait for the right time to leave it out.

  With Emmett in the house all day, Trinity didn’t know if she would find the right moment. Although he spent most of his time plying with Maddie, they were both still around, which made it difficult to know when to place it.

  Maddie was close with her father, and spent every second she could following him around or sitting on his lap. She would bring all of her dolls out from her room and relentlessly pester Emmett until he gave in and played with her.

  “Daddy! Daddy! If you don’t have to work outside, can we play dolls? Can we? Pretty please?”

  Emmett laughed at his daughter as she tugged on his shirt, then he bent down and hoisted her up to look out the window with him. Maddie got bored with looking at the rain, and again pestered him to play with her. Finally, Emmett gave in and told her to go get her toys.

  Trinity wasn’t ever openly invited to play along with them. Deep down inside, she knew she would have been welcome to join in, but she also didn’t want to intrude. Maddie didn’t get to see her father a lot with all of the work that needed to be done, and since Trinity was inside the house to watch her, he spent much of his time outdoors, working on various activities.

  Trinity didn’t mind sitting back and watching the two of them play. She would often grab some mending that needed to be done, or occasionally a needlework, though it was rare for her to
work on needlework projects. She felt she had spent enough of her life sewing, and she didn’t want to volunteer too much of her time working on projects that didn’t need doing.

  There were times, however, when Trinity did wish Maddie would entertain herself. Trinity didn’t get a lot of time with Emmett, either, and she felt she got even less time with him than Maddie got. Of course she knew Maddie was his daughter first and foremost, but she wanted to get to know her husband, and it was difficult when he spent all of this time indoors playing games with Maddie.

  I’m sure they spent a lot of time playing together when it was just the two of them, but I need to have him to myself sometimes, too. How am I supposed to get to know him if I can’t ever have a few minutes with him without Maddie interrupting?

  Of course, I don’t know how to bring this up to him, either. He adores her, as well he should, but I wasn’t prepared for this when I moved out here, and I’m not sure I’m prepared for it now.

  The more she thought about it, the less Trinity wanted to bring it up to him. It seemed to her like she would appear to be whining or complaining, and those were two things she certainly never did. She wasn’t about to start now… Trinity had gotten herself into this, she was going to get herself back out of it.

  “Daddy, I’m hungry… when are we going to have dinner?”

  Maddie suddenly asked in the middle of their game. Trinity involuntarily looked up at the clock that was on the mantle. It hadn’t been that long since breakfast, and Maddie had hardly touched hers.

  “Not for some time, Sweetheart, but you just had your breakfast. Why don’t you go play in your room for a while? I am going to see how the back fields are holding up to all of this rain.”

  Emmett groaned as he stood, and exclaimed that he was becoming too old to play dolls.

  Maddie stamped her foot on the floor and put her hands on her hips.

  “No! You will never get too old to play dolls with me. Never! Can I go with you?”

  Emmett laughed and looked out the window.

  “I don’t know, Darling, It’s pretty wet.”

  “Please? Please Daddy? Please Please Please?”

  “Oh, all right. I am going to walk the whole back way… are you sure you want to?”

  “Yes!”

  “All right then, we’ll only be gone an hour or two, Trinity. When we get back we can start dinner. What do you say?”

  Trinity looked up from the project she held in her hands and nodded. She wondered if Emmett even realized nobody had asked her if she wanted to join them. Maddie whooped and ran to get her things on, and Emmett pulled on his jacket. They both bid Trinity a good morning, and headed out the door.

  Trinity rose from her spot and walked over to the window, looking out to see if she could find them. Maddie was chasing after her father, jumping in the puddles as she did. Trinity laughed to herself. That little girl was awfully cute. Part of her wished she was out there with them, but that feeling that told her she didn’t belong crept back up.

  With a sigh, Trinity walked back to her room and grabbed the letter. She was going to leave it on the counter for them to find when they got back. By then, she would be well on her way to town, if not on the stage already. Trinity gathered her things, buttoned her coat, and made sure the note was where they would find it.

  Then, with one final look about the house, she took a long breath in and let it out again slowly, and she left.

  Chapter 8 – Coming Home

  The rain started again before Trinity made it to town. She hoped it wasn’t raining enough back at the house to make Emmett and Maddie come back early. Trinity wanted to get a good start before they got back. She didn’t have much to carry, Trinity only took a couple of dresses to begin with, and the only thing she really wanted to keep was the glass figure Emmett had purchased for her the day she had arrived.

  The stage was in and out of town often enough, Trinity knew it wouldn’t be hard to find a ride today. If she had gotten enough of a head start, she may even be to the next town before they found out where she had gone. It wasn’t that Trinity wanted to run away from them, but she didn’t’ want them to feel badly about her leaving.

  It really wasn’t anything they had done. It was the fact she didn’t feel she belonged anywhere, and that was something she explained right in the letter she had left. Trinity hoped they would understand, and that they wouldn’t blame themselves. She had even left her address in case they wanted to write to her when she got back.

  All in all, Trinity didn’t feel good about what she was doing, but she felt worse about staying. She wanted to be where she felt she belonged, and she didn’t here. At least back home in the church she felt like she had a place, even though it wasn’t a place she liked. A place was a place, and that was all that mattered to her.

  Trinity purchased a ticket for the next stage that was coming through. It was set to run through in an hour, so she had some time to wait. Trinity pulled her bag over to the side of the platform, and sat down. If they took their time on their walk, she should be getting on the stagecoach about the same time they were getting back inside. All in all, it would be perfect timing.

  When they got to town, she would be gone, and things would all go back to the way they had always been before. Trinity ignored that gnawing feeling inside of her that told her she was making a mistake, and with resolve in her posture, she sat tall, waiting for the stage to arrive.

  As she sat there, Trinity couldn’t help but notice the emptiness that filled her heart. She didn’t know why, but there was something that felt like it was missing. She had never noticed this feeling before, and wondered if she had always felt this way without even realizing it. It wasn’t really a pain, but more of a dullness that was in her chest.

  She sighed, hoping it would go away, but it didn’t.

  As the minutes passed, it got worse, and for the first time in a long time, Trinity thought she was going to miss them. She wondered if she was making a mistake, but shrugged off the feeling, telling herself she was just nervous for the journey.

  Suddenly, Trinity thought she heard something.

  It wasn’t the stagecoach.

  It was her name. Someone was calling her name.

  Trinity rose, and turned around. There, running up the road as quickly as she could, was little Maddie. Emmett wasn’t far behind. They both looked worried, and Trinity could see that Maddie had been crying.

  Maddie threw her arms around Trinity as soon as she reached her, sobbing into her shoulder.

  “Don’t go, Trinity! Please don’t!”

  Trinity held her, but stood up when Emmett reached her.

  “Emmett… what’s all this about? Didn’t you see my letter?”

  “I did, and I came as quickly as I could. Trinity… do you really think we don’t want you there?”

  Trinity didn’t know what to say. She had felt that way, but she didn’t know why. They hadn’t done anything to make her feel that way. She nodded, then shook her head.

  “It’s not that you did anything, Emmett… It’s just that I don’t belong. I have never had a family. I have never had a mother or a father, or any brothers or sisters. I don’t belong in one. You have each other, and it is wonderful, but you don’t need me.”

  There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, and Emmett reached out and pulled her close, with Maddie in between them.

  “Trinity. You have meant more to me than anyone has in years. And Maddie, too. You are the mother and the wife that I needed, and everything to Maddie. I know it can be hard, but I can’t just let you go. I need you. Maddie needs you. I love you, Trinity.”

  “I love you, too!”

  Maddie was still crying into Trinity’s dress, and at that moment, something came over her. She felt that wall that she held in her heart melt away. It was a new feeling… one she never experienced before. It felt as though a burden had been lifted, yet all of her emotions came out all at once.

  Trinity burst into tears, and let Emm
ett hold her.

  “You guys really want me to stay?”

  “More than anything!”

  Maddie chimed up in her shrill voice.

  “More than anything. Please stay.”

  Emmett whispered the words in her ear, and for the first time in her life, Trinity felt loved. She felt like she truly belonged here, and she felt she needed these two as much as they needed her.

  For the first time in her entire life, Trinity had found her family.

  THE END.

  Widow Finds Love

  Mail Order Bride

  CHRISTIAN MICHAEL

  Chapter 1 – An Ad in the Paper

  The school bell rang loudly, releasing the children from their afternoon class. They came pouring out of the schoolhouse, pushing each other and laughing. There was a rush by the door as they all clamored past, each headed to their homes.

  Jessie looked out the window, then shook her head as she turned back to the dough she was kneading.

  It’s just habit. Soon enough you will stop checking for him.

  This was the time of day John always came home. At least, it was the time of day he always had come home… before the accident. Jessie tried not to think of the void she felt ever since her husband had passed. But no matter what she did, there didn’t seem to be anything that could cheer her up.

  Except for you, Little One.

  She placed her flour covered hand on her apron over her stomach. Jessie was pregnant with her first child, which was the only thing that kept her sane in her grief. All she could think about day and night was John, and how awful it was she lost him.

  There had been a fire. It had been silly, really. Some boys were playing with matches in the neighbor’s barn, and when the straw lit up, they panicked. Sure, John had gone in after them, but they were the ones that made it out, and he wasn’t.

  Jessie had wrestled with her grief, spending days at a time feeling like she had nothing in this world, until she discovered she was pregnant.