Frat Hell

by S. M. Shade

  Did I just hear that right?

  The wide eyed, cautious expression on Noble’s face assures me I did. “I’m sorry, I—”

  My voice falls to a whisper. “You’re sorry you love me, or you’re sorry you said it?”

  “No, I’m not sorry for either.” He sits up and runs his hands through his hair. I give him a minute to gather his thoughts. His eyes meet mine, shining with sincerity as he says. “I love you, January. I think I loved you before you ever noticed I was alive. I’m not sorry for that. I just…didn’t mean to blurt it out when we were talking about hairy twats.”

  A surge of emotion rushes through me. I’m trying not to laugh over his last comment, over the whole situation, really, but I’m also overwhelmed by his confession. And it’s time to admit my own.

  “When you showed up at the hospital, and I saw you so concerned about me and Mom, those were the first words that went through my brain. Well, you know, after I accidentally beat you up.”

  A smile creeps across his face, and I brush the hair off his forehead. Bed head looks good on him. “I couldn’t believe you came all this way. But it’s not just that. I have so much fun with you. I think about you whenever we aren’t together. I-I have some issues that just wouldn’t allow me to say it first. So, I’m glad you did. Even if we were discussing Chewbacca crotch.”

  The unsure grin on his face is so adorable, I want to maul him. “Yeah? You love me?”

  I drape my leg over his lap, straddling him. “I love you.”

  “It’s about fucking time.”

  ***

  Christmas Day is one of the best I’ve ever had. Possibly because I have spent the entirety of it in bed with Noble, trying to put the Kama Sutra to shame. Before him, I liked sex, but I could take it or leave it. After all, my hand could usually give me a better ending than a man could. I had no idea what I was missing.

  By evening, I finally manage to shower, dress, and leave the room for some food. Mom is being released from the hospital, but Aunt Helen is picking her up. It’s a strange feeling, not to be the one solely responsible. I won’t be reminding her of her pills, making sure she gets to her appointments, or sitting at the hospital when she has a bad episode.

  It’s a huge weight off my shoulders, but I also know there are a lot of things I’ll miss as well. I’m not sure how I’ll deal with living alone, but I’m kind of excited to see.

  Denton stands in front of the huge refrigerator, balancing multiple dishes as he roots around. “Hey, Jani, Helen told me to help myself.” He turns and sets the dishes on the island. “Do you want some pie?”

  “Nah, I’m going to make a couple of turkey sandwiches.”

  He scoots the platter of turkey across to me. “How is tinkle face?”

  “Almost back to normal. You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

  His grin is infectious. “Would you?”

  “Fair point. I’m not sure when we’re heading back. I’ll check with Cassidy tonight.”

  “Don’t hurry on my account.” He gathers up the plates of pie and starts toward the door.

  “Don’t knock her up!”

  “I wrap my monster. Don’t worry, I won’t cross our bloodlines.”

  Oh god. I hadn’t even thought of that.

  My phone beeps with a text from Noble. I figured he must want a drink or something along those lines until I see it’s a picture message. My service isn’t great here, and the picture takes a moment to load, so I lay the phone on the counter while I slather mayo on bread and add some turkey and lettuce.

  The kitchen door pops open and Mom walks through with Aunt Helen right behind her. “Jani! Merry Christmas!” Mom exclaims. They’re both beaming from ear to ear.

  “Merry Christmas. It’s good to see you so chipper.”

  “I’m glad to be home.”

  Home. This is her home now.

  She glances at my phone that’s glowing on the counter. Her gaze also draws Aunt Helen’s attention, who peeks over her shoulder. It doesn’t even register in my mind they’re looking at the picture Noble sent me until Aunt Helen chokes on a laugh, and Mom announces, “Not bad. Leans a little to the left. I’m glad to see you’re having a good day. Helen and I are going to work on her new puzzle.”

  They leave the room like hell is chasing them, their laughter following them down the long hall.

  I snatch the phone up to see a crystal clear, up close and personal picture of Noble’s erect cock.

  Damn it all.

  I’m going to kill him.

  I shove the phone in my pocket and haul our food and drinks back to our room. Any thoughts of talking to Helen about getting Mom’s things have been put on hold. No way am I facing her now.

  “Seriously? You sent me a dick pic from the next room?”

  Noble is stretched out on the bed, a Chesire Cat smile on his face. “I thought you might miss him.”

  “Well, Mom and Aunt Helen didn’t miss him.”

  The covers fly off as he shoots bolt upright. “What? Why did you let them see your phone?”

  “I laid it on the counter. I didn’t expect it to be a phone boner! How are you even hard? We’ve been at it all day!”

  “That’s your fault. All I have to do is picture you, and that ass.”

  “Well, they saw it.”

  He takes his plate from me. ‘What did they say?”

  “They laughed and left.” I climb onto the bed beside him.

  “Laughed? Psh. Some women can’t handle it. That’s why I named it Truth.”

  Blinking, I stare at him, trying to make sense of that statement.

  He chuckles and grabs at his sweat pant clad crotch. “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

  “Oh god. You’re such a dork sometimes.”

  He plants a quick kiss on my cheek. “But you love me. So, you’re stuck. Besides, you know you touch yourself when you think about me.”

  “I facepalm. Does that count?”

  “With you, sweetheart. I’ll take what I can get.”

  My phone beeps again, and I give him a look. He holds up his palms. “Not me, I swear.”

  “It’s Cass. They want to meet for breakfast in the morning.”

  “Are we flying back tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know. Guess we’ll ask them then.”

  Noble sets our now empty plates aside. “In the meantime…”

  ***

  By the next morning, my vagina hates me and is in full revolt. “Get away from me, you sex fiend,” I groan, when Noble’s arms find their way around me again, pulling me close.

  His chuckle is warm in my ear. “I’ll behave myself. We have to meet Cass in an hour. You’d better get up.”

  “I can’t. I have a crippled snooch.”

  “Do you want me to lick it better?”

  “No, no touching for at least twenty-four hours. I’m trying to get up the courage to pee.”

  He slaps me on the ass. “Well, get moving. I’m starving.”

  “You slap my ass a lot,” I remark, rolling out of bed.

  “What can I say? It’s slappable.”

  “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

  “You should.”

  An hour later, we’re cleaned up and seated on a patio under a copse of palm trees. Cassidy and Wyatt walk in, and I know something is up since Cass’s face is all smile.

  “Hey guys, how was your holiday?” she asks.

  The sideways glance I give Noble makes Cass laugh. “The same as ours then. So, we have a little favor to ask.”

  “Name it,” Noble says. After flying him and Denton here, I’m sure he’s hoping for a chance to return a favor.

  Cass smiles at Wyatt, and he returns it, nodding. “We’re going to get married while we’re here. Like, this evening.”

  What?

  “But…how did you arrange…?”

  They laugh at our stunned faces. “It wasn’t hard. We found an officiant to do the ceremony. We pick
up the license after we leave here, and we don’t need a venue when we’re surrounded by beautiful beaches.”

  I get to my feet and hug Cass. “I’m so happy for you! What do you need from us?”

  “We want you to be witnesses, and I need to find a dress. Just something light and pretty.”

  Noble shakes Wyatt’s hand. “Congratulations, man. I’d be honored.”

  “My cousin, Chloe, is a photography student. I’m sure she’d be happy to take pictures if you’d like. Unless you want to hire a professional.”

  Cass beams. “We don’t really have time to find anyone, so that would be perfect.” She squeezes Wyatt’s arm as she continues. “Wyatt needs to find a suit, so I was thinking maybe he and Noble could go shopping, and we could do the same. We’ll find you a dress too.” She turns to Wyatt. “And we should include Denton. You guys go get all pretty and we’ll handle the rest,” she gushes. “Oh, wait! A cake. The hotel manager told me there’s a bakery on Main Street that should have something pre-made, so you can pick that up.”

  When no one moves, she huffs, “Well, what are you waiting for? We don’t have much time. Let’s go!”

  Noble and Wyatt exchange a look, trying not to smile.

  “Okay, I’ll handle Bridezilla here. Why don’t we meet at the hotel around two?” I suggest.

  Noble leans over and drops a kiss on my ear before we part, murmuring, “Bye. Babe. Try not to walk so funny.”

  Bastard.

  Chapter Nine

  Noble

  I’ve somehow been roped into an impromptu wedding, but it’s the least I can do after what Cassidy and Wyatt have done for us. Wyatt and I head back to the house to pick up Denton, who is more than happy to go along as well. He seems a bit relieved to distance himself from Chloe, who practically humps his leg as we’re leaving.

  Wyatt laughs as we climb into his rental car. “That didn’t take long. You might want to be careful. She’s got those crazy, I might follow you back to the mainland eyes.”

  Denton slumps in his seat. “She’s a monster in bed, but damn, way too clingy. I’m glad I live far away.”

  “If the pussy is good, just enjoy it while we’re here,” Wyatt advises. “It’ll only be another day or so.”

  “So, is it?” I ask, turning to regard him in the back seat.

  “Good pussy? Oh yeah.” He fidgets a bit, looking out the window.

  They both look at me when a snort of laughter springs forth.

  “What am I missing?” Wyatt asks.

  “Nothing. Denton’s spent the last couple of days taming the wild buffalo.”

  Denton’s gaze jerks to mine. “How the hell do you know that?”

  “Jani got an eyeful at dinner the other night. She said it was full woolly mammoth land.”

  Groaning, Denton covers his eyes, and leans back.

  Wyatt chuckles. “So she’s—”

  “All snatchural,” I interrupt. “It’s not like there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, I prefer not to have to use a sickle to find the wet spot, but to each their own.”

  “Hey.” Wyatt speaks up, amusement in his voice. “Don’t let him give you shit, Denton. We’ve all come face to face with a bikini spider a time or two. You still got to own that shit like a man.”

  The conversation ends when Wyatt parks in front of a men’s clothing store. Shopping isn’t high on any of our lists, but once we explain to the sales lady what’s going on and what we need, it’s relatively painless. We walk out with our new suits less than an hour later.

  The next stop is the bakery where Wyatt picks up a fancy white cake. It’s not really meant to be a wedding cake, but who cares? You can’t go wrong with cake and this is all last minute, anyway. With all our errands run, we head back to the hotel to wait on the girls.

  Wyatt’s hotel suite is spacious and steeped in luxury I’ll never know in my lifetime. Denton and I take a seat at the shiny wooden table while Wyatt checks his phone. “They decided to get their hair done as well, so they’ll be a while.”

  I grin at Wyatt as he sits across from us. “So, are you terrified yet? Ready to run into the ocean?”

  “Nah, Cass is it for me. I want to get that ring on her finger, make sure she knows it.” He reaches back to a mini fridge behind him and passes us a beer.

  Denton pops his open, takes a swig, then turns his attention to me. “How are things going with Jani?”

  “I may have blurted out an I love you. Right after showing my dick to her mother and her aunt.”

  They both pause before breaking into laughter. “What the fuck have you been doing?” Denton asks.

  “Okay, the dick reveal wasn’t my fault. I sent her a picture and she left her phone open. Her family is just too damn nosy. The I love you…” I run my hands through my hair. “It just popped out.”

  “Like in the middle of sex? Because that doesn’t count,” Denton informs me.

  “Nope, we were just talking.”

  “Did you mean it?”

  Wyatt leans forward, his elbows on the table. “Of course he did. That shit doesn’t just pop out for no reason.” He nods at me. “I know how it is. It kind of builds up until it escapes on its own.”

  “Exactly.”

  Wyatt finishes his beer. “So, did she respond?”

  “Yeah, she said it back. We’re good.”

  The smile on Denton’s face is taunting. “So, we could easily make this a double wedding today.”

  “Ha! You can fuck right off with that. We’re too young. I’ve got two years of school left.”

  Denton slaps me on the arm. “I’m just fucking with you. Jani’s a great girl. I’m happy for you.”

  “So, how far along is Cass?” I ask

  Wyatt’s jaw plummets and he lets out a bark of laughter. “How the fuck did you know?”

  “Dude, come on. Impromptu wedding because you’re in Hawaii? You two can fly wherever you want anytime.”

  Wyatt shakes his head. “She’s only about six weeks. And don’t tell Jani. We aren’t announcing anything for a while.”

  “Congrats, man,” Denton tells him. “Kids are great.” He pokes me in the arm. “You’re next.”

  Forcing a smile, I shove him. “No way. I like having my time and money all to myself.” It’s what I’ve always told myself. I found out at eighteen that I’m sterile. When I was trying to come up with money for college, I went to a sperm bank to sell my swimmers, and they called me that night to tell me. At eighteen, my first thought was that it was probably a good thing, that I wouldn’t be able to accidentally get a woman pregnant. It’s easier to tell people I don’t want kids than I can’t have them, and spare myself that look of pity. I don’t really brood on it, I mean, at my age, I’m not exactly dying to be a father. I still haven’t found a way to tell my mother, though.

  “It’s a little earlier than we planned,” Wyatt confesses. “But I’m looking forward to being a dad.”

  The rest of the afternoon marches by, and the evening finds me standing on a beach with my friends, watching two of them marry.

  Cassidy and Wyatt stand together, reading their vows to one another, but I don’t really hear them. I can’t take my eyes off of Jani. She’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen her in a dress since she’s more of a jeans and sweater type of girl.

  The airy, flowing, pale yellow dress she wears flutters in the salty breeze, and she smiles at me from her place on the other side of Cassidy. A white and yellow ribbon holds back her dark hair, showing the long line of her neck. She catches me looking at her and glances toward the happy couple, widening her eyes, then looks back at me, her expression clearly conveying her thoughts. It’s like we can talk without saying a word.

  It’s surreal to watch the people you care about, the same people you learned to swim the turbulent waters of adulthood with, take such a huge step. It puts our lives in perspective, how far we’ve come from being clueless kids learning to pay bills and stumbling our way through first dates to making huge lif
e decisions.

  A small ball of panic settles into my stomach. It’s like all the expectations of the future are attacking me at once. I have to finish school, and while I have a scholarship for the next two years, I have a sizable student loan to pay off for the last four. I have a new job, but it’s also pretty temporary. I don’t have to look far to find the horror stories of graduates struggling to find work in their field.

  Jani turns back toward the happy couple, and her eyes well up as she watches them kiss. The panic ball in my stomach swells a bit more. She loves me. And she knows I love her. How long before marriage is added to the pile of expectations already balancing on my back? And surely, she’ll want kids; a family. I was so bent on getting her to want me like I wanted her, I didn’t think about the future at all.

  It’s too much.

  The officiant pronounces them man and wife, and I smile and clap along with Denton, Helen, Aubrey, and Brinna, while Chloe snaps pictures. Cass and Wyatt radiate happiness. I can’t let my sudden realization ruin their moment.

  Wyatt shakes my hand while Cass and Jani hug. “Thanks for being here,” Wyatt says. He flashes a sideways look at Jani before adding. “I’ll be happy to return the favor when it’s your turn.”

  His words reach her ears as well and she just smiles at me.

  Expectations.

  I’m drowning in them.

  I manage to keep my cool through the rest of the night and I’m relieved when we climb on the plane to head back home to Indiana. I have a new job to start, and new classes I haven’t done the required reading for. This little jaunt into paradise has been fun, but real life awaits.

  Bigger and more intimidating than ever.

  ***

  My phone beeps with a message from Jani.

  Jani: Dinner tonight?

  My chest thumps against my ribs. I want to see her. I really do. I’ve been busy with schoolwork and my new job since we got home over a week ago, but that isn’t the reason I haven’t been spending time with her. Seeing Cass and Wyatt tie the knot made me realize I need a plan for my life. I’ve been chugging along, trying my best, but I’ve never really stepped back and thought about what I want long term.