Promise to Obey

by Whitelaw, Stella

  She lifted his legs up onto the sofa and he settled into a more comfortable position. Her hand brushed the roughness of his chin as she shifted a cushion under his head. The temptation to touch him was almost too strong. She wanted to kiss his love-soft face, to breathe in his breath, lay her head on his chest and listen to that strong heart beating.

  There was a fleecy throw on one of the chairs and she covered his bare feet with it. Jessica stood back as daylight flickered and faded from the room. She switched on a nearby lamp and left him in the rosy gloom. The moment was too precious to lose. If she stayed a moment longer, she would have knelt by him again and whispered three words into his ear.

  She realized that she did love him. It was a strong, passionate feeling that swept aside all previous doubts. But she could not tell him. She would never be able to tell him.

  That would not have been wise. Even if he couldn’t hear.

  EIGHT

  Jessica never heard Lucas crawl into his own bed, somehow remembering the way to the stables. He disappeared from the couch, only a dent in the cushion to remind her of his presence.

  The children had long gone to bed, including the now mortally sick rabbit, so she let Mrs Harris go home.

  ‘I can do myself some supper and a snack for Lucas if he wants it,’ she said. ‘There’s no need for you to stay.’

  ‘If you don’t mind, miss. There’s a programme I’d like to watch on the telly.’

  Lady Grace was climbing the stairs quite well, although Jessica always made sure she was close at hand. Her ladyship was in a better mood now that an appointment was promised.

  ‘My son knows best, you see,’ she said. ‘You don’t know anything.’

  ‘That’s why he’s a surgeon and I’m a nurse,’ said Jessica.

  ‘I think I’ll read for a bit. Hot milk at nine o’clock, please. This is quite a good book. I’m surprised that you found such a good writer. Perhaps you’ll remember the author’s name for the future.’

  ‘I certainly will. I’ve read all of his books,’ said Jessica, as she closed the door. She leaned against it for a moment. She was learning to maintain a calm composure in the face of all verbal assaults.

  It was warm and cosy in the kitchen. She dragged the old rocking chair closer to the Aga, and settled herself with an egg, tomato and lettuce sandwich. This was her peace and quiet. Somewhere warm with a book and a sandwich. She seemed to live on sandwiches. The warmth spread through her and all the worries of the day faded. Lucas was safely home and that was all that mattered. He was here, somewhere, sleeping alone in his room in the stables. A room which she had never seen.

  He had not mentioned this ill-planned marriage arrangement again. Maybe he had accepted her decision. She regretted nothing. Marriage was for two people deeply in love, who could not bear to be separated, who were twinned together in mind even when they were miles apart.

  But she had to let him go. Lucas should go back to his medical environment and find a suitable woman to love. Perhaps another surgeon would set him afire. A woman who was perfect in every way, mind and body and soul.

  Jessica let the book fall to the floor. She could not stop the tears coming. The thought of Lucas making love to another woman was shattering. She entered a world of excruciating pain. The night air was deep in dust and grit. She wanted to feel his hard body against her but it could not happen. She had to isolate herself from the situation Lucas had created.

  ‘Guess what, everyone? We are going on a secret drive today, a mystery tour,’ she announced at breakfast. It was the announcement of the day. ‘All of us. Lady Grace as well if she wants to come.’

  ‘A secret drive, how lovely!’ said Lily, munching her way through a bowl of muesli with nuts and sliced banana. ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘It wouldn’t be a secret if Jessica told you, would it?’ said Lucas, sauntering into the kitchen. Jessica wondered if his hair ever saw a brush or a comb. But he had showered and the dark hair was glistening wet. He smelled of a sharp after-shave. He had also changed his clothes, was wearing ancient blue jeans and a white T-shirt. What did it matter? He’d be in greens in the theatre. ‘What about school? Is it half-term already?’

  ‘It’s an inset day,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m not entirely sure what that means but the teachers do some sort of bonding and training exercises and the children have the day off. So we are going to do some bonding and training.’

  ‘Sounds fun. The bonding bit. Perhaps I should suggest an inset day at the hospital. It might go down really well with the younger members of staff.’ Lucas was already on his phone, asking the switchboard to put him through to Intensive Care. He was enquiring about yesterday’s patients and seemed satisfied with the information. ‘I’ll be in later this morning.’

  ‘Can Floppy Ears come on this secret drive?’ asked Lily, wide-eyed with excitement.

  ‘Is he feeling better?’

  ‘Yes, Daddy made him better.’

  ‘He can come,’ said Jessica. ‘But only if he behaves. No shouting, noisy squealing, or hopping about. One noisy hopping commotion from him in the car and he’ll be out of the window, feet first.’

  Lily looked horror-stricken. ‘You wouldn’t really throw Floppy Ears out of the window, would you, Willdo?’

  Jessica saw that she had alarmed the little girl. ‘It was only a joke, sweetheart. You’ll put a seat belt on him, won’t you?’ she reassured her. ‘Of course I wouldn’t throw him out of the window. I’d put him in the boot to cool off.’

  Lady Grace resisted the idea of a secret drive. She had on her stubborn face.

  ‘I have no intention of going on a secret drive,’ she said. ‘I’m not a child and anyway I know every road around Upton Hall. There’s nowhere that I don’t know.’

  ‘Want a bet? I bet you three games of cards that you don’t know this secret place that I am taking you to. If I win, you can pay for tea out at a café.’

  ‘Tea at a café!’ Lily shrieked. ‘Cakes?’

  Lady Grace liked betting when she was confident she would win. ‘That’s a bet. And you will lose. We shall set a time limit. Midday. If I don’t know where we are going by midday, you win. If I do, I win.’

  ‘Sounds fair,’ agreed Jessica. ‘I’ll get everything ready. No one needs to rush or panic. Take your time. It’s not very far.’

  She gave Mrs Harris the rest of the day off. ‘Don’t worry about making any lunch, I’m not sure of our plans,’ said Jessica. ‘Just leave something cold in the refrigerator and I’ll serve it when we get back.’

  ‘I’ll make a sherry trifle before I go and some coleslaw, a rice salad, and a cheese and onion quiche.’ Mrs Harris was determined to do her bit.

  ‘That sounds quite a lunch. So kind. Thank you.’

  It was a bit of a panic but only for Jessica. She had to pack everything they would need without anyone noticing what she was doing. It was more difficult in Lady Grace’s bedroom as Jessica did not want to be caught snooping. But she found what she wanted, hidden in a box, on the top of a wardrobe.

  Daniel was his usual uncommunicative self, but he was waiting outside, wearing his cowboy hat, so the idea of a secret drive had appealed to him even if he said nothing. Jessica winked at him. ‘Help me put these bags in the boot, please, Daniel. They are all part of the secret.’

  He nodded, but still said nothing. He was strong, at almost eight, and heaved the bags in. He showed no curiosity.

  Lucas had already left so there was only Mrs Harris to wave them off. She stood on the porch steps, a forlorn figure in her flowered overall. She privately thought that they would be back in half an hour, with Lady Grace demanding a dry sherry or her first gin and tonic.

  Jessica knew that her driving was under scrutiny. She was ultra careful with the automatic gears. Lady Grace was a backseat driver, especially when sitting in the front and criticized every move that Jessica made. She had dressed smartly in a soft sage-green tweed suit and pearls. Jessica had checked the route beforehand and
knew exactly where she was going. It was to a private estate of big houses facing the sea, past Goring, between Ferring and East Preston, where a lot of pop stars and football stars lived in walled seclusion.

  Mrs Harris, who was in on the secret, had given her directions. ‘They don’t have a road in front of the houses,’ she said. ‘There’s a wide stretch of grass and a path and then the sea. No traffic at all, so quiet. I’ve walked it many times. So the only access is from the back road. That’s why all these stars go to live there. I believe one of the Beatles, or was it the Rolling Stones, lived there once.’

  ‘I know where we are,’ said Lady Grace triumphantly, peering out of a window. ‘This is the Kings Mead Estate, very exclusive. Not a secret drive any more. You owe me three games of cards.’

  ‘Yes, you are right there but that’s only half the answer. You don’t know exactly where we are going.’

  The backs of the big houses were not so imposing. The usual range of garages and dustbins and car ports as anywhere else. The house she was looking for had a wide curving in and out drive. It was a classic white house, in a sprawling hacienda style, very Spanish with lots of balconies and shutters and iron grille work, dozens of terracotta pots spilling with late summer flowers.

  Jessica drove in and parked near the back entrance or was it the front? She had managed to get here safely without an outbreak of fighting in the car.

  ‘Is this the secret?’ Lily asked dubiously. ‘It doesn’t look like a secret place. It’s only a big house.’

  ‘Not yet,’ said Jessica. ‘We are not there yet. The house has a secret. A very special secret.’

  The back door open and a Filipino maid in uniform stood there smiling. ‘Miss Harlow?’

  ‘Yes, Miss Harlow and extended family,’ said Jessica, smiling back.

  ‘We are expecting you. Please to come this way.’

  ‘And I’m Lady Grace Coleman,’ said her ladyship, not wanting to be left out of any introductions.

  ‘Welcome, Lady Grace,’ said the maid. ‘This way, please.’

  Jessica heaved the bags out of the boot. Without being asked Daniel took two of the smaller bags. He kept up with the party going indoors.

  They followed the maid through high, spacious white rooms and along wide white plastered corridors. Everything seemed to be white with minimal furniture, a few sofas and tables and drapes. They went down some steps and the maid opened a double door. Lady Grace held onto the handrail.

  ‘There is no one using it today,’ she said. ‘You will not be disturbed. Please ring the bell when you wish to leave.’

  A wave of warm heat washed over everyone. In front of them was a beautiful sight. A sheet of tranquil aquamarine blue water, perfectly still, not a ripple in it, set in white marble tiles. Round the edges were lounge chairs, deep with blue cushions, and at the far end, floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto the sparkling blue of the distant sea.

  ‘Good heavens,’ said Lady Grace, for once lost for words. ‘What a place.’

  ‘A pool,’ breathed Lily. ‘It’s an indoor pool.’

  ‘Pool,’ said Daniel.

  ‘And it’s ours for the morning,’ said Jessica. ‘You can swim or not swim, Lady Grace. I’m going swimming and Daniel and Lily are going to have swimming lessons with me. But it would be wonderful for your hip. Even walking in the shallow end of a pool is an outstanding exercise. It places so little stress on your knee and the water is buoyant.’

  ‘But I don’t have a swimming costume,’ she said, the slightest tremble in her voice. ‘I’ll just watch.’

  ‘There is everything you need in this bag,’ said Jessica. ‘Those look like changing rooms over there. No steps to go down, only a very shallow ramp and rail.’

  ‘I don’t have a swimming costume,’ repeated Lily, near to tears.

  ‘Guess what’s in this bag for you both.’ Jessica waved an M & S bag from Brighton. ‘Brand new swimsuits.’

  ‘But Floppy Ears…?’

  ‘Floppy Ears doesn’t want to get wet. He’s going to sit this one out and watch.’ Typically awkward rabbit.

  Jessica had never worn her swimsuit before. It was a relic of the humiliation. Fraser had planned a romantic weekend in the Balearic Islands, somewhere warm and sunny, he said. She had begun putting together holiday clothes, endless lunchtime shopping. But the romantic weekend had never happened and the swimsuit had never been worn. She tore off the price label and wriggled into it. The sleek blue and pink striped one piece swimsuit still fitted even though she had lost weight.

  Lily’s swimsuit was bright pink and frilly, covered in polka dots. She loved it instantly. Jessica had played safe with Daniel and bought him plain navy trunks. He went straight into the water, splashing, disturbing the glassy surface with ripples of movement. Daniel could swim of sorts. Lucas had taken him twice last summer to the public pool in Littlehampton during the holidays, but it was so crowded and noisy. Daniel had hated it. Lucas had not tried again.

  But this was different. There was no one here, no one to splash him or get in the way. Daniel struck out with confidence, remembering all that Lucas had taught him. He could see the end of the pool by the sun streaked window and it was not far away. It looked like a heaven beyond him.

  Jessica put blow-up arm bands on Lily and guided her in, holding onto the side rail. ‘You are going to learn to kick your legs first,’ she said.

  Lily decided that splashing Jessica was far more fun so no one actually saw Lady Grace emerge from a changing room. She was in a plain black swimming costume with wide shoulder straps and some sort of club shield in the centre. On her head she had a flowered swimming cap, very popular in the Seventies.

  Jessica guided Lady Grace down the ramp into the shallow end. ‘This is a bit warmer than the sea,’ she said grudgingly. Jessica didn’t know if this was a complaint or a compliment. She had no difficulty in getting Lady Grace to walk backwards and sideways, several times.

  ‘You can do any kind of movement that feels comfortable,’ said Jessica. ‘The water is buoyant so less weight is placed on the hip and the knee. It will strengthen your muscles and make you feel more secure. Hold onto the rail. Or swim a few strokes, if you want to.’

  ‘I can swim,’ said Lady Grace with a sniff.

  ‘I know you can,’ said Jessica. The proof was there, embroidered on the front of the black swimming costume, the Brighton Swimming Club shield.

  It was many years since those swimming days, but after a few hesitant starts, Lady Grace was breast-stroking the length, slow and stately. It was not possible to see her face but Jessica had a feeling that her usual expression of irritation had relaxed. No one could be annoyed in this peaceful water.

  It was a beautiful pool. It must have cost thousands of pounds and yet it was hardly used. The house belonged to one of the girl singers in a pop group. They toured the world with sell-out concerts. She was very rarely at home. Then the house and pool would be humming with all night parties and beach barbecues.

  Lily had no fear of the water and was splashing about with her arm bands. Jessica swam a few lengths alongside Daniel, slowly and easily. He was obviously in training to swim the Channel.

  ‘All right?’ she asked.

  He nodded. But she could see from his face that he was enjoying it. This was another of his freedoms. Where he could be himself and no one would bother him. The water was endless and he could go on forever and ever.

  No one noticed the maid coming in and placing a tray on one of the glass-topped tables. The sun glinted on the chrome fittings of a tall coffee pot. She smiled at Jessica and indicated the tray.

  ‘Coffee and cold drinks,’ she said. ‘Bathrobes for your use over here. Please to enjoy.’

  There was a row of bathrobes on the wall. Everything had been thought of. Lady Grace climbed out a little unsteadily, glad to put on a bathrobe and rest on one of the blue loungers. She was tired. She hadn’t swum for years.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Jessica.

>   Lily, who would never say no to a drink and a biscuit, scrambled out. Daniel ploughed on, determined to beat some personal world record.

  Jessica poured out the coffee, glad of a cup herself. Breakfast seemed a long time ago. It was excellent coffee. She had been worried in case this expedition was a failure. She might have fallen flat on her face. But it had been a wonderful morning despite the shaky start.

  ‘So who won the bet?’ asked Lady Grace. ‘I knew where we were.’

  ‘But you didn’t know the secret,’ said Jessica. ‘Suppose we call it a tie? We could still play cards this afternoon.’

  Lady Grace waved her hand round the pool and its surroundings. ‘So, how did you arrange all this, young lady? You don’t have a magic wand.’

  They heard a discreet cough behind them. ‘No, she doesn’t have a magic wand, but she has a way with words and an inventive mind,’ said a man’s grave voice. He stopped suddenly in the doorway. ‘Good heavens, if it isn’t Grace Coleman. It is, isn’t it? Grace Coleman, after all these years, well I never. What a surprise.’

  Lady Grace had taken off the flowered cap and her grey hair was all mussed up but it was too late to do anything about it. The elderly gentleman walking carefully towards them was not looking at her hair. His face was one big beam.

  ‘Well, I never thought to see you again. You just disappeared into thin air. We wrote and phoned but you never answered. We all missed you down at the club. You were one of our best lady swimmers.’

  ‘Arthur Hopkins,’ she said weakly, drawing the bathrobe closely around her body. ‘After all these years. What a surprise.’

  He sat down and Jessica saw there was an extra cup. She poured him some coffee. He ladled in sugar and milk, hardly taking his eyes off Grace.

  ‘I’m not going to count the years,’ he chuckled. ‘I stopped counting long ago. It’s only numbers after all. But we had some good times, didn’t we? My goodness, that seawater was cold, but we didn’t care, did we? The youngsters these days, they’ve got no stamina.’