Awakening the Wolf

by Crymsyn Hart

  Finally, Illiana found herself on the edges of the forest where the ravens ruled the air and the wolves reigned over the land. The trees spired high into the sky. Their tips were obscured by the fog, and the branches reached ever higher. It was in those high branches that the priests tried to touch the very heavens and get closer to the spirits who watched over them. Illiana never really put much thought into the spirits. Whether they were long-dead ancestors they should revere or gods they should worship. Her aunt had told her the great spirits who protected them were more than anyone could truly explain. They were beings who comprised everything. And when Illiana had asked her aunt to suss out what that statement meant, Coret stated that one day Illiana would understand. As she flew into the heart of the Corvus territory, so many things ran through her mind at what she would ask her aunt. Coret might not even be there. Maybe she was with the other priests still celebrating. Illiana circled the highest tree, which was the oldest, where they had gathered the night before for the large ceremony. She slid between the branches, keeping her wings close to her body. Leaves brushed along her underside, and twigs threatened to stick in a wing, but she was too savvy for that and rolled when she was too close to one of the boughs. Other birds sat on the limbs and observed her. She could feel the weight of their gazes. Their caws and chirps echoed through the forest. If she listened she understood what they were saying, but today she concentrated on one thing. High in the tree was where her aunt’s house had been built. Most others who lived in the community were connected by bridges, branches, or walkways, but her aunt lived separate from the rest of the flock.

  As Illiana expanded her wings to slow her descent, she concentrated on changing to her human form. Her body grew heavier, and feathers receded until she was left only with naked skin. She touched down on the platform outside of her Coret’s doorway and plucked one of the robes hung in a small shelter that were kept for visitors. She wrapped the cloth around her and belted it. It was too tight, but she did not expect to stay long. Illiana knocked on the door, and after a moment it opened. The skin across her aunt’s face was drawn tight, and dark circles accentuated her blue eyes, making them stand out even more. Her hair hung heavy around her shoulders, and part of it was held back by a leather thong.

  “Your mother has been looking for you. She’s quite distraught over you disappearing from the ceremony last night. Belik also came up to us and wondered when you would be back. It appears the young man has an interest in you.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her aunt. A flare of anger threatened to take over her reason. “He’s nice, I guess, but I’m not really into him. And my mother, well, I don’t really care what she thinks. And the rest of the flock could not care less if I vanished and never returned. I’m sure they would find it a welcome relief their oddball member has finally gone.”

  “I heard the wolf howling for you. Is that where you went?” her aunt asked.

  “Can I come in, please?”

  The other woman moved aside and closed the door once Illiana had stepped into the small space. Illiana glanced around. The hearth was in the center of the round house, and the stairs leading to Coret’s bedroom were on the far wall. She had several chairs scattered around the fire and a large bearskin rug on one side. Feathers and bones from all varieties of animals hung from the ceiling. The wind clattered them together as it played with the mobiles. Crystals sent fractured rainbows around the room when the sun hit them. The hut was filled with the scent of mint from the small herb garden her aunt had by one window. A beaded curtain was suspended from the ceiling, blocking off the cooking area from the rest of the house.

  “Would you care for some tea?” Coret asked.

  Illiana sat down and hung her head in her hands. She raked her fingers through her locks and tried to think back on what had happened the night before. However, it was still mostly blank, with bits and pieces of memory floating around such that she could not connect the dots. Something had happened to her, and she could not sort it out. A soft touch on her shoulder brought her back to herself.

  “Tea?”

  “Thanks.” She wrapped her hands around the mug and let the warmth sink into her flesh. It helped her to think.

  Her aunt sat across from her and sipped at her mug. The aroma of mint and honey permeated the small space. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on? You normally don’t make social calls unless you’re furious with your mother. Not that I don’t like seeing my favorite niece. After last night, I assume something else happened. Care to share?”

  Illiana sipped her tea and tasted the slight zing of lemongrass. She swirled it around and watched the dark liquid, hoping to see some of her future reflected there. It all came back a dark void the way her dreams were. “I went with Christopher last night. He almost admitted that he cared for me. I saw it in his eyes. I felt it when he kissed me. Then his bitch showed up. She must have sensed something about him. About how we feel . . . I don’t know.” Jalisa’s words grated across her thoughts, and it hurt her even more. It brought the darkness out inside of her, and she felt a growl roll up her throat and rumble over her lips.

  A surprised sound came out of her aunt’s lips, and she nearly spilled her tea. Illiana looked up and saw the shock. “What?”

  “Nothing. You were saying you met with Christopher. A bold move because you know how much your mother hates you being friends with him.”

  She took another swig of her tea. “Well, she’s always hated my relationship with him. But she doesn’t have to worry about that. After Jalisa left, Chris said some things to me, hurtful things that I never thought he would say. Of everyone, besides you, he’s always stood up for me. The words hurt so much. I don’t know . . . I started to run, to just get way, to escape, and I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I woke up on the coast, naked, with no memory of how I got there.”

  “What do you recall?” Coret asked.

  “Snatches of this. Flickers of that. Running through the woods. Just running. That was all I wanted to do. But there seemed to be another part of me that was there.”

  “You weren’t flying? What was this other part you mentioned?”

  “No. I’ve told you before. There’s something else lurking in my mind when I get angry or hurt. A shadow self that I can never really get a glimpse of. Last night it was there with me during all of it—almost protecting me—and I gave into it.”

  “Were you afraid of this other part of you, this shadowed self?”

  Illiana sat her tea down. “No. I welcomed it. It’s here with me. Even now, it’s listening. And I think you know exactly what it is.” She met her aunt’s gaze and waited for the other woman to respond. Coret got up from her chair and paced the small room. The silence between them became deafening. The wind curled around Illiana’s cheek and calmed her, running its fingers over her tea and cooling the surface. The breeze tried to reassure her that it was okay, but Illiana did not want to listen to it. All she yearned for was the truth. It would give her something to grab ahold of, if she knew exactly what the darkness was. Did she have to fear it? Was she losing her mind? Her aunt stood by the window and tended a few of the herbs. Illiana wondered if she was going to answer her and was about to ask her when Coret began to speak.

  “Your mother never wanted you to know.”

  “Know what?”

  “The truth about who you are. About who your father was.”

  Cold dread filled Illiana and nearly stopped her heart. Whenever she had mentioned her father to her mother, a murderous gleam came to Lelana’s eyes. Lelana would stop whatever she was doing and tell her never to bring up the subject again. All Illiana had ever been told was that her father was dead. They had been together for a few months and her mother was pregnant before her father died. Illiana knew she had inherited traits from him. She was heavier than the ravens, had darker skin, and her features were not like the rest of her flock. She assumed it was because of him that her mother could never loo
k upon her with true acceptance. Now it was time to learn the truth.

  “Who was my father?” Illiana whispered.

  “It’s not about who your father is, but about the part of him that’s inside of you. About your heritage.”

  She shook her head. “No. I need to know about my father and about what’s inside of me.”

  Coret smiled and went behind the beaded curtain. Illiana heard rustling with tins and glass being knocked together. When her aunt returned, she took Illiana’s hand and placed something inside of it. “This was something your father gave me. He said it represented his clan.”

  Illiana opened her hand and inside of it was a necklace on a leather thong. The leather was old and cracked, but the pendant was a silver rectangle. Embedded in it was a square of turquoise and below that a circle of amber. That language etched in the silver was not one she could read. The metal was cool, but the stones were warm to the touch. She wrapped her fingers around it and held it close as she tried to sense something in the metal or the stones. A full draft rose around her and then danced out. Illiana figured that it meant to say that it was tied to the necklace. Right there she knew her control over the air elemental was inherited from her father. What else had she gotten from him? What was it about him that her mother did not want to tell her? Had they had some illicit love affair and relationship that were forbidden by the flock or her mother’s family? Had their affair led to his death? Tears burned her eyes, but she wiped them away. Knowing that Coret was willing to tell her about her father, about who she was, made her jumpy with anticipation. What was it that disgusted her mother so much that she could never look her directly in the eye and tell her the truth about where she came from?

  “What did you know about him?”

  Her aunt knelt before her and took her hands. “His name was Ranolo. Anyone who saw him was immediately drawn to him. He was new and mysterious. That isn’t something we get around here. He was injured, and your mother was smitten. I was busy with meditations and could not assist with the healing. Lelana stood by his side, and, well, you were the result.”

  “So what made him so special? And why does my mother hate me so much?”

  “Illiana, she doesn’t hate you. You remind her of him in so many ways.”

  She gripped the mug as she felt the fury engulf her. The information her aunt gave her only opened up more boxes in her mind, leading her down paths whose endings were uncertain. “How do I remind her of him? How does any of this relate to what’s going on with me?”

  Coret sighed and squeezed Illiana’s hands. “When your father came here, he was an injured wolf. When he left, he was one of the biggest eagles I’ve ever seen.”

  Two animals? Was that even possible? It was not something she had ever heard of. How could two forms exist in one body? There wasn’t enough room. “You have to be mistaken. Two forms can’t live in one body.”

  “It’s true. It’s the one thing your mother did not want you to find out. You’re more like your father than your mother ever wanted to admit. I knew the truth once you were born. I felt it in you, but Lelana wished to keep it secret from you. It’s possible. Certain clans, from what your father explained, have this ability. There are none in this area that I have come across, but in other territories there are. Your father came here on a great journey from the west, and he ended up here. Your mother never wanted to acknowledge that you were two-natured.”

  Illiana shook as she heard the information about her father. She had learned more about her past and heritage in the last five minutes than she ever knew in the last twenty years. However, it still did not make sense. If her father was able to change into two different creatures, then did that mean she was able to as well? Where did that fit in with controlling the air element? Was the darkness that dwelled in her thoughts concealing the other half of herself? “Okay, so then I’m able to change into two different forms. Why haven’t I been able to do that? Wouldn’t I know what it is?”

  Her aunt gave her a sad smile. “Here is where your mother and I have our disagreement about you. I told my sister she should’ve been telling you this all your life so you would grow up knowing who you are, knowing both parts of yourself, but she did not see it that way.”

  “Why then?”

  “That’s something you have to ask her.”

  Illiana nodded, processing all of the information her aunt was laying at her feet. It seemed too much to take in, and yet it made sense in a way nothing else had before. She clutched her aunt’s hands and stood up. All of a sudden she was intrigued and terrified at the idea of sharing her body with another form, another animal that she had never even known was there before. What did that make her? Did everyone else sense it? Was that the reason why she was an outcast among her flock besides her different appearance? She let the breeze play with her hair. It helped to soothe her. It fanned the wrath bubbling inside of her as she thought about how her mother had cut her off from a vital part of herself. She clutched the silver pendant in her hand. A sharp pain cut into her palm from the corner of the pendant slicing into it. Illiana closed her eyes and took in a cleansing breath, hoping it would keep her steady. When she closed her eyes, she felt the otherness waiting in the dark part of her mind she had never explored before. It seemed closer than it had ever been before, waiting to break through the veil. All she had to do was step over the threshold and all would be revealed to her.

  “If I take after him, do you know what other animal I should be able to change into?”

  “I think you already know the answer to that,” Coret said, amusement lilting her voice.

  She sighed. What was it? If she already knew, then why was she coming up with a blank? The night before, she had been running, so her other shape had to be something with four legs. It seemed the other side of her was pressing for her to figure it out. The shine of silver eyes flashed in her mind. It was more animalistic, so it had to be a hunter.

  Coret drew her into a hug. Illiana rested her head on her shoulder so she could whisper in her ear. “There’s a reason why you have always been drawn to the wolves more so than the others in this flock. You’ve told me in the past you’d always felt right at home with them. There are some among this clan who never set foot on the ground and yet you’re sneaking off every time you get to play with them.”

  “But that’s because I’m friends with Christopher.”

  “Illiana, you’ve been in love with him since you were thirteen. Put that aside for a moment. You growled at me a few minutes ago. Even your eyes turned silver for a split second.”

  She touched her face and found a mirror to stare into. Her eyes were dark the way they always were, showing no change. Illiana tried to imagine her eyes turning silver, reflecting the full moon, but she saw nothing—save her own face. All of her yearned to see what she would look like if she truly turned into a wolf. What would the others of the flock say about her then? Would she still be part of the flock? If it were the wolf, why was it coming out now? “Why now? If it’s always been there, why are things changing inside of me?”

  Coret shrugged. “That would be something to ask your father, but my guess is that because your mother raised you to know only the raven and not the wolf. Last night, when you were hurt by Christopher, it must’ve taken over. You wanted to retreat from the world, so it took hold and let you run. You needed to escape from your problems. When you were finally exhausted, you changed back. I would think that you finally had your walls down long enough that it came out. Now that you know it’s there, you can access it the way you can the raven part of you.”

  Illiana stared at her reflection and thought about what her aunt had said. If the walls had finally come down, then she should be able to claim her birthright and embrace the rest of her heritage. Possibilities whirled around in her mind. The wind nearly knocked her over. It was then she realized all the mobiles and things hanging from the ceiling were clattering together. Even the whistling of the gale through the leaves was shrieking. The a
ir was cold upon her skin. She left the mirror and glanced at the fire pit. The coals were nearly burned down, but she could feel the heat of them. The longer she stared at the glowing embers, the more she was sucked into them, swaying back and forth as though caught by the very spirit of the fire. If she listened intently, her ears picked up more than the faint crackling of the coals, she could make out the voice of the fire. It was crisper than the air element and burned her entire body. The salty tang of the smoke settled on her tongue. The darkness inside of her thoughts was not so dark anymore as though it responded to the fire element. Fire was fury. Primal. Wolves followed their instincts. They listened to no one but themselves. Illiana had seen it before, even with Christopher being in a pack. Illiana reached out with her mind and tried to harness the fire the way she had with the air, but it was just beyond her reach. It kept flickering through her grasp. The more she concentrated on it, the more the darkness receded as though she had taken a candle and the flame was growing more courageous to shed some light onto the shadowed part of herself. She gazed deep into the blanketed darkness and caught a glint of black fur and two burning silver eyes. The shape moved, and she made out the form of a wolf. It stepped closer into the light, and she saw the full majesty of the creature that dwelled inside of her.