But unfortunately, the thoughts just won’t stop. On the way to my high school campus, I run through the pros and cons of my mother’s return.
Sure, a normal girl would value her mother being around. But I’m not a normal girl. I’ve been sleeping with my stepfather, which is about as far from normal as possible. If Gray and I had never become attracted to each other, maybe we would have developed a normal father-daughter bond. Maybe we would’ve cried together over missing Kathy.
But that’s not how things worked out, and now my relationship with Gray and Mason is more important to me than anything I ever shared with my mother.
Kathy has always been selfish and self-centered, whereas Mason and Gray treated me like the center of their Universe. They both put me first.
The more I think about it, the more certain I am that I’d rather spend my time addressing the issue head-on with my lovers, as opposed to trying to understand anything about my mom.
Maybe if I could speak to Gray, I could explain my feelings and hear his take on things. But after the way he behaved at dinner, I’m not sure I can face him. And even if I could get my emotions in check, would things be any different? The alpha was under her spell last night, and I doubt my ability to change his mind.
But maybe Mason could do it. He and Gray have known each other for ages. Maybe the therapist could make a difference.
Suddenly, I lean forwards.
“Elmer,” comes my rushed voice. “I need to see Dr. Channing. Take me to his office please.”
“Now?” The older man sounds confused.
“Yes, right now, please,” are my stressed words.
“But it’s not your session day,” he ventures slowly, hands uncertain on the wheel. The chauffeur eyes me in the rearview mirror. “Your sessions are on Thursdays, don’t you remember, Miss?”
But the need is too strong.
“I don’t care. I have to go. You can tell Gray afterwards, just do it.”
And obligingly, Elmer does a U-turn in the direction of Mason’s office.
A rush of relief flashes through me and I begin to rehearse my speech. He needs to know what happened, but more importantly, he should hear how it hurt me. Mason has to listen. He’s a therapist after all, and I want to make sure he hears all about my heartache and betrayal.
Plus, this is the beauty of our special relationship. When one person is out of whack, there are still two level headed thinkers to work their way through the situation. When one of us is upset with another, we have a third partner to talk the issues through with, rather than yelling at each other like two idiots.
“Here you go, Miss,” Elmer says, pulling to a stop outside of Mason’s building.
“This won’t take long at all,” I assure him, wriggling out of the backseat in a flash.
The security guards and receptionists are all familiar with me from our visits, so they wave me in without question. In my mind, I fantasize that Mason has told them about my importance to him, and they know that my comfort is of the highest priority.
And with a friendly smile, his secretary speaks.
“Dr. Channing is wrapping up a session now. You can go right in,” she chirps.
“Okay,” I nod, rubbing my damp hands along the sides of my shirt.
Nerves race through my body, multiplying with every step as I make my way to the door of his office. My arm feels like lead reaching for the doorknob. But this won’t do. I have to work through it.
“Come in!” sounds a deep growl, and slowly, I open the door.
The alpha’s back is to me when I enter the office. My heart flutters when he turns, his handsome face taking my breath away. God, he’s attractive, and I can’t help noticing even in the middle of this crisis.
“Mona, I wasn’t expecting you. Is everything alright?” the psychiatrist growls, surprised.
I launch straight into it.
“Mason, everything is a mess! My mom showed up last night and she’s got Grey under this spell!” The words babble from my lips, but Mason’s face remains impassive.
“Do you hear me? I said my mom came back!” I repeat, hoping he just misheard me, but that handsome mien is unchanged.
And after what feels like forever, Mason speaks.
“Calm down, Mona,” he says smoothly. “Sit down.” The man gestures to the leather loveseat, but I ignore him.
Because this calamity just got worse.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I whisper, stepping back with shock. Mason’s arms drop to his sides.
The blonde man’s eyes are unfathomable, as vivid as the sea even during this storm.
And slowly, that handsome chin tilts once in a nod.
“Let’s just think about this rationally, Mona,” the man rumbles. “Let’s take it one step at a time.”
But the demon’s been released, white hot fury scalding my veins.
“What is there to think about, Mason?” are my nasty words. “Why do you need to think?”
Professional mask in place, Mason speaks once more.
“You came here for therapy, Mona. You and Gray needed help with your relationship, so you sought my help. And your mother is at the crux of the tension brewing between you two. Maybe her being back will be a good step towards resolving the tension.”
I can’t believe the words I’m hearing. Mason moves slowly as he settles down in his desk chair, all the while gazing at me with that doctor face - the one that makes it impossible to read his thoughts.
How can he spew such nonsense? Does he know it’s eating me alive?
“My mom being back is a positive?” come my slow words. “Are you kidding me?”
But Mason just nods like it’s no big deal.
“You and Gray can discuss the root of the tension with Kathy,” he suggests smoothly, his tone both familiar and unfamiliar at once. What’s going on? Why is my world becoming the Twilight Zone? Has an alien taken Mason’s place, forcing his mouth to move while speaking crazy words?
“Oh, okay,” come my slow words. “So, we should all meet together to discuss the tension?” If Mason can detect the obvious sarcasm in my voice, he says nothing.
“Yes. I think that could be good for all three parties involved.”
“All three parties, you say?” I can’t help but point out the irony, but the man doesn’t so much as blink.
And with my emotions in the spin cycle, I walk over to his desk until we’re close, almost nose to nose.
“Maybe we could all sit in here, and discuss the tension that’s been brewing between me and Gray. We can tell Kathy just how her absence affected the two of us, and exactly what we did to relieve the tension. Is that what you had in mind?” I ask. This time the sarcasm is thick and bitter, like poisoned honey.
“Is that what you want?” There’s no trace of irony in Mason’s voice, and somehow that infuriates me.
“No! I want you to stop acting like this!” I scream at the top of my lungs, thrusting my hands onto his chest with every word.
Clearly, all control is gone, that goes without saying. I know I need how to reel it in, but that seems impossible considering the way Mason’s behaving. Everything about him is mechanical, like I don’t mean anything. How can this be happening?
But Mason remains unperturbed, that big chest hard under my palms.
“Mona, you have to calm down. Gray hired me to help you two, and that’s what I plan to do. You have to remember, Gray and I are grown men, sweetheart. We’re both looking for the real thing, not some little girl who throws tantrums when things don’t go her way.”
My world comes tumbling down as I watch his lips move. There’s no emotion or attachment to his words, they’re that of a licensed professional, and I’m merely a patient. I’ve never felt so cheap and heartbroken in my life.
Heart screeching to a stop, I want to scream and cry and slap Mason across the face – hell, I want to do the same to Gray! But I can’t. It wouldn’t do any good, and deep down the truth is clear.
&nb
sp; Because I have been a dumb little kid, just like Mason’s saying.
I’d been hoping for the best. A real relationship between the three of us, filled with love, light, and laughter.
Unfortunately, Gray and Mason never felt that way. I was just a quick fuck, someone to play with on the side. A small bit of nothing for fun and games, that’s all.
And woodenly, I leave Mason’s office, the door swinging shut silently behind me. Like a robot, my feet exit the medical office, Elmer opening the Town Car backseat door. I crawl inside, soul curdling in on itself.
“To school now?” Elmer asks.
School. It seems like another chapter of this same nightmare, filled with heartbreaking realizations, the train gone off the rails in a really bad way.
“No, I just want to go home,” comes my lifeless voice.
And wrapping my arms tightly around my legs, I hug myself tight, willing the tears to stay down.
Because when Kathy took off, I should have jetted as well. I was too scared, too young, and too poor, but it’s what should have happened. And now, I’ve fallen into the trap of Waverly Mansion. Gray never cared. He was always waiting for my mom to come back.
At least Mason was honest, which is more than I can say for the man I’ve lived with for two years. How in the world did this happen? How did I get stuck in this web?
As Elmer drives on, my heart begins to harden inside my chest. Mason and Gray are out for themselves, just like everyone else. They both want what feels good, when it feels good.
I was a convenience. Nothing more and nothing less.
And unfortunately, the sooner I can accept that, the better.
“Miss, we’re at your school,” Elmer speaks, tipping his cap in the rearview mirror. I stare at the wrought iron gates, uncomprehending.
“No, no school today,” are my tight words. “I thought I said I wanted to go home.”
Elmer sighs. The old man cares about me, and is torn what to do next. He knows I need to go to school. I know that too, but the thought of teachers droning away in front of a classroom is too much for me right now.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Damn.
“Hello?”
“Mona! Where are you? I thought you’d just missed homeroom, but you’re still not here,” Lydia whispers into the line.
“I’m not coming today,” I say with a sigh, still looking out the window at the imposing gray building.
“What do you mean you’re not coming?” she asks, befuddled. “Mona, we always plan our off days. Are you doing something without me?”
And she’s right. Because what good was a day off from school if you didn’t have your best friend to enjoy the time with you?
“Something urgent came up.” It’s a half truth, but all I can come up with on the spot.
But Lyd knows me too well.
“What’s going on, Mona? Something’s been off with you since last night. I know when things are bothering you, you like to keep them bottled up, but do you want to talk about it?”
Clearly, my friend cares, which is more than what I can say about my stepfather or therapist. But this isn’t the time. I’m in the car, and she’s literally in class, whispering into her cell.
“Lyd, really, it’s nothing.” I have to hide my pain from her – it’s not like I have a choice.
“Mona, you’re my best friend, don’t shut me out,” the girl commands. “Now what is it?”
Leaning back in my seat, I take a deep breath before closing my eyes. I know my buddy’s right, but after the day I’ve had, I don’t want to reveal my heart to anyone else. Lydia can hear all the details later.
But my friend just won’t give up.
“Mona, come on,” she says sternly. “Spit it out, or you’ll just feel worse.”
And finally, the wall cracks.
“Lydia, my mom came back.” It’s a flat admission, and only the start, but it seems like the safest place to start.
Stunned silence for a moment.
“Oh my God!” Really? Where was she?” Lydia overflows with questions, bafflement in the air.
“She didn’t really say where she was, just that she needed time to figure out who she is, or something like that.” I struggle to remember the bullshit Kathy pronounced at dinner. Last night already feels like a blur.
“Wow,” my best friend says slowly. “So she needed to lose her daughter to find herself? That’s some fucked-up shit.”
“Right,” is my morose answer.
“I’m sorry, Mona. Do you know what you want to do?”
I pause for a moment.
“I want to get out of here. But honestly, Lyd, to where? And how?”
And once the words leave my mouth, I realize how desperate I am to leave town. It won’t be easy. I’m penniless and young, without even a high school degree. But the break is much needed to collect my thoughts and right the boat.
My friend agrees.
“Yeah, maybe we can get one of those old Volkswagen vans and take the back seats out so we can drive around the country and pull over when we’re tired,” my buddy teases.
Tears seep into my eyes. Maybe.
“I was just going to join the circus and get it over with,” is my sorrowful reply. “I’d be a great fire-eater.”
“That makes sense. I hear the circus has amazing benefits actually. People make fun of them, but joining the circus is a great career move,” Lydia giggles.
“So, I’ll pick you up at 8 tonight. Slip out your bedroom window and we’ll go and find the closest circus company.”
“Sounds great,” she chirps. “But seriously, can you please be here by lunch? There’s no way I’m going to Chemistry without you.”
Blast Lydia for ruining my fantasy. But she’s right. I can’t hide from my problems forever. Circus or no circus, there’s still high school.
So with a sigh, I agree.
“Okay, see you then.”
And slowly, I get out of the car, legs like lead. How can I focus when my world had been torn away? Suddenly the circus and traveling the country in a beat-up VW van sound pretty good. It’s certainly simpler than the confusing situation at hand: me, in love with my stepfather and therapist, with my mom in the mix.
But the problem is that Mason and Gray don’t love me back. I feel something for them, but the two alphas made it clear that their priorities are different. So what now? Ultimately, there’s no place for my feelings … and I have to live with that.
Chapter 13
Mason
“Dr. Channing, did everything go okay in there?” My secretary Crystal steps tentatively into the office. Mona just rushed out, that plump form doing a mad dash for the elevator. Clearly, something was wrong.
But there’s no sense in getting my secretary involved. After all, distraught patients are part and parcel of the business, so why would Mona be any different?
Because you care about her, the voice in my mind speaks. You care about Mona and Gray, and that’s why there’s a problem.
Oh shit. Oh shit shit. But Crystal doesn’t have to know.
“Thanks, everything’s fine,” comes my low rumble. “No worries.”
But Crystal’s on a roll.
“That’s Mr. Thorn’s daughter, right?” the woman asks, and for some reason her question upsets me. But there’s no sense in dropping the professional demeanor.
“She’s his stepdaughter, but it’s a complicated history,” comes my cool tone. “Nothing to worry about.” Thank god my voice is calm and steady – there’s no way anyone would suspect anything untoward.
“Oh, okay,” she chirps. “Should I give Mr. Thorn a call and alert him to what’s going on?”
What is this woman’s problem? Just drop it. But I smile again like it’s no big deal.
“I’ll call him later,” are my words. “No worries, it’s not a problem.”
Of course, I’m not sure when or if I’ll actually give Gray a call. After all, what is there to say? Um, so sorry? W
e ruined your stepdaughter’s life? She was an innocent and we’ve gone and trashed that sense of wonder?
Because Mona is a gem, brilliant and unique. It’s just that after Kathy’s impromptu visit, I realized that there wasn’t much I could do to help, given the hard facts. Mona was in an awful situation with two asshole men who should have been protecting her. Instead the teen lost everything physically and emotionally, begging me with big brown eyes that broke my heart.
“I’ll grab you a cup of coffee. Anything else?” chirps Crystal.
“Naw, I’m good, thanks.”
My secretary nods her head and silently exits, shutting the big door behind her. That’s all I need.
“Fuck!” comes the loud cuss. “Fuck fuck fuck!”
Because how did this all get so fucked up so fast? I can’t even begin to understand how Mona must feel in the middle of all of this chaos. She’s a sweet girl, but this was too much, too soon.
Mona deserves better than me and Gray, much better. She should have a guy her own age who worships the ground she walks on. She should have someone who brings her flowers every day, who makes her feel like the most special girl in the world. Not two forty-five year old assholes who are also in love with each other.
Because is that what this is? Love? Frankly, I’m not sure I know what love is. Does Gray? If he’s in love, then why is he pinched under Kathy’s thumb?
None of this makes sense.
It hurts me to imagine what Mona must have gone through with Gray. The three of us were doing fine, so why is he now kow-towing to Kathy? What could make him switch so suddenly? There’s no explanation.
But maybe it’s not worth answering because where were we going with this anyways? There was no future for me and Gray, and without Mona, our relationship is kaput anyways. She’s such an integral part that none of this is worth doing without the brunette, period.
So what exactly is going to happen?
It’s such a fucking mess. Better just to move on, it’s simpler that way after all. But I can’t forget that part of our history, or act like it never happened. Gray means too much to me. Mona too. And the thought that the girl came to my office to seek refuge or some sort of security only cuts more deeply.
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