Inked Obsession

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  When it came to death and marking time, numbers filled my mind. One month since he had passed. Then two. Then six. Now twelve, a new number. Months turning to a year. Today was an anniversary, but I couldn’t truly focus on what that number would have meant to me before I discovered the truth. Because Marshall hadn’t known the woman I became before he died, and I didn’t think he would recognize the woman I was now. I barely did.

  I didn’t have tears today. Just confusion.

  Yesterday when I arrived, I’d put my feet in the water because, of course, it was the ocean and you had to do that. And then I had eaten alone in my room, exhausted. I hadn’t wanted to see anybody, even though I was supposed to be enjoying myself. I had come on this trip because my brothers and friends had suggested it. And, frankly, because I wanted to be alone. Not so I could wallow in despair, but so I didn’t have to deal with the looks. How was one supposed to act on the first anniversary of losing their husband soon after finding out that he had cheated and had a love child?

  Hallmark did not make a card for that.

  At least, I didn’t think so.

  I had slept hard, harder than I had in a long while. It had been wonderful to wake up. I had then taken a long bath, washed my hair, blown it out, and just relaxed throughout the day, doing my best not to think about anything but what I needed to do to put my next foot in front of the other.

  Now, I was ready for lunch. First, I wanted to put my feet in the water again and maybe swim, ruining the blowout I had given myself.

  “Hey, there,” a man said as he walked towards me. I looked up and gave him a small smile, not an interested one but still polite. I didn’t know this man, and there were plenty of people around, so I wasn’t alone if he wanted to kidnap or murder me—because, of course, that’s the first place my mind went. He was attractive. He wore swim trunks, had at least an eight-pack, a full beard, and bright blue eyes.

  If he had any ink on him, I would have thought he was one of the Montgomerys. Of course, he could be a Montgomery cousin for all I knew.

  “Hello,” I said softly, shielding my face from the sun. I wore large sunglasses, but it was still a little bright.

  “I’d ask if you’re all alone out here, but that would sound weird.”

  I snorted. “Just a little,” I said with a laugh.

  “Anyway, I noticed you were standing here and enjoying yourself, and I won’t keep you, but I was thinking…if you didn’t come with someone’s special, I’d love to buy you a drink. What do you say?”

  I looked at him, at that eight-pack and how the sun glistened off the droplets from when he had gotten out of the water. He had thick thighs, strong muscles, and did absolutely nothing for me.

  I didn’t think it was a case of me missing Marshall. Far from it. I’d found men attractive in the past—and even recently.

  Images of Beckett filled my brain, and I pushed them out of my mind. That was odd. I shouldn’t be thinking of him like that, and yet, here he was, encroaching on my mind.

  He shouldn’t. He truly shouldn’t.

  I should just say yes to this man I would likely never see again, try to enjoy myself, and have a drink with no ties or promises. Maybe I would never even ask his name. I would just smile and laugh and try to figure out exactly who I was now.

  I wasn’t really sad. I should be sad. I should be breaking inside. I wasn’t. I had been on the road to healing long before I found out that Marshall had cheated on me. And I wondered what that made me.

  Maybe I was just a realist.

  Because Marshall had left me well before a year ago.

  And yet, as I looked at this man now, I realized that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to date again. I told myself I did. I’d told myself I would be free to enjoy myself this weekend. And yet, there was nothing. Not a single spark or flame.

  I was done being the widow Eliza. The sad Eliza. The broken Eliza. I wanted to have fun, but in order to do that, I needed a little spark. I smiled at the stranger, trying to figure out what to say.

  Only he must have seen my thoughts written on my face. “Ah, wrong moment.” He winked. “Well, it was nice to meet you.”

  “It was really nice to meet you,” I said. “And maybe another time. Thank you.”

  He raised a brow. “Thank you?” he asked. “For what?”

  “For asking.”

  He smiled again, and I wished it did something for me. “I’d say anytime, but I’m not a creeper who’s going to ask a few hundred times and annoy you.”

  “Thank you for that.”

  “If I ever see you again on another beach, at another time, consider yourself asked.”

  “Another time, another beach, maybe I’ll say yes.”

  “Well, that’s worth looking forward to.”

  He winked and then headed back towards the resort.

  I shook my head, looked out at the beach again, and inhaled.

  I took another few step into the sand as the surf came and tickled my feet. I smiled.

  Was I relaxed? Maybe. I had been on my way to finding happiness. In my art, myself, my friends. Marshall and everything that had happened to me had derailed that over the past couple of weeks, but in the end, I would find happiness.

  I had to. I didn’t want to be the sad person everybody tiptoed around because they didn’t know how to be around them. I was so thankful for the Montgomerys and Brenna and even Lee, because they made sure I was always included.

  The other women I used to know from the base and other parts of my life no longer invited me to things. I was the plus one they didn’t know what to do with.

  I did not want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be me. I wanted fun. I wanted heat. I wanted attraction. And, damn it, I wanted sex. I really just wanted happiness.

  And, once again, Beckett’s face came to mind when I thought about all of that.

  He was just a friend—one who had seen me at my worst. Just because I’d had a slight crush on him in the past year, it meant nothing because it was just the result of emotional upheaval. It didn’t mean I had to keep thinking of him. I shook my head and looked around, people watching as the waves gently brushed my ankles.

  There were families on the beach, couples, people walking and laughing. Just a nice, gentle day. I looked around again and frowned, wondering what on earth was wrong with my mind.

  I had been thinking about Beckett for some reason, and now I had conjured him out of thin air in my brain. Because there was no way that Beckett Montgomery was on the beach. There was no reason he should be here. Nobody would send him to watch over me.

  And yet, even as I kept blinking, the man who couldn’t be Beckett Montgomery frowned and walked towards me.

  He stood three feet away, took off his sunglasses, and blinked rapidly. “Eliza?” he asked.

  Oh, I knew that voice. The one I did my best to ignore. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said and shook my head. “They sent you here to watch over me?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “What? I thought they sent you for me. What the hell? How are you here?”

  “I’m here because I wanted to get away from everybody on the anniversary. And with everything going on, my brother sent me here. Did he send you to watch over me because they couldn’t take care of me themselves? What the hell?”

  Beckett just shook his head and then threw it back and laughed. Why the hell was he laughing at a time like this? “Let me guess, Eli and Lee must know the same person.”

  “What?”

  “I’m here because I’ve had a really shitty few months, and my family thought I needed a fucking vacation.” He winced, then looked around.

  “The little kids didn’t hear you, but maybe you shouldn’t curse while we’re out in public.”

  “Fine,” he growled. “Anyway, I am here because I needed some time off. I had a really long, fucking day even trying to get here, and Benjamin and Lee and Archer sort of forced me. And now you’re here. Why are you here?”

  “Beca
use I didn’t want to be around everybody on the first anniversary of losing my husband when everyone’s trying to make sure I’m okay and not thinking about it, while they’re thinking about it. Even though I can’t even be truly broken anymore because I’m not even sure who I was when he cheated on me.”

  “Oh,” Beckett said with a sigh.

  “Yes, oh.”

  “So, we’re both here, at the same resort, for completely different reasons.”

  “I have a feeling the girls didn’t plan this because they would never be this way. Hell, this is a very unnerving coincidence.”

  “One I don’t think the Montgomerys actually caused, which is something that should be commended,” he said with a laugh that sounded a bit hollow, even to my ears.

  “You’re here, at this resort, at the same time as I am,” I said.

  “Apparently.”

  “Do you want to tell me why you’re here?” I asked as another wave came forward. This one was a little taller than I had expected. I let out a squeak and reached out. Beckett reached forward, gripped my hip, and kept me steady. Water splashed my wrap, making it stick to my skin, and his eyes darkened as he looked down at me. He had pulled back his sunglasses so I could see every expression on his face as he took in my bathing suit and the wet wrap clinging to me. I knew that I had to be seeing things. Because Beckett Montgomery could not be thinking of me that way.

  No fucking way.

  “You know what?” I asked after a moment.

  “What?” he asked, his voice low and gruff.

  “I am going to go eat some lunch and have a really big drink.”

  He swallowed. “That sounds wonderful. Can I join you?”

  I rolled my eyes, even though I wasn’t sure he could see through my sunglasses. “That was me inviting you in a very awkward way.”

  “Good, we can be awkward together on our solo vacations that are somehow at the same place.”

  “How the hell do Lee and Eli have the same friend, who just happens to own a five-star resort on the most beautiful, white sand beach ever?”

  “I don’t question how my friends know people. Your brother, however, that’s interesting.”

  “You don’t even know my brothers,” I said, shaking my head as we made our way back towards the resort. I noticed the man who had asked me out sitting on his beach chair. He nodded at me, smiling softly.

  This wasn’t awkward, but it somehow felt like a new beginning. Of being me. Nothing crazy, just figuring out what path I should take and what plans I needed to make. Because I wouldn’t wallow in despair any longer. I needed to be the new me. Whoever that was.

  “We’re going to have to sit outside since I’m wet and in my swimsuit.”

  Beckett’s gaze raked over me again, and I swallowed hard. “Yes, you are.”

  I snorted. “Okay, here. I think we can just ask for a table here,” I said.

  “Hello. Montgomerys for two?”

  I froze as Beckett cleared his throat. “That’ll be fine,” I said.

  We made our way towards a table near the edge of the covered outdoor patio. The view was beautiful.

  “Did he just say Montgomerys, as in plural? How does he even know you?”

  Beckett looked over the menu and shrugged. “I talked with the guy earlier when I was getting morning coffee. I guess he thought you were with me. I don’t think he was expecting me to pick up some random stranger or meet a friend from back home.”

  “Well, I’ve always been an honorary Montgomery, might as well add the weirdness to it here.”

  He laughed. “I guess so. You and Brenna, even Lee, you’re all honorary Montgomerys.”

  I tilted my head. “Are you and Brenna doing okay?” I asked out of the blue, surprising myself. The thought had been on my mind for a while now.

  He flinched, and I knew I’d probably said the wrong thing. Here I was, trying to forget my problems, or at least get through them, and I was walking right into Beckett’s.

  “Brenna and I aren’t, well, you know, we’re just friends, right?”

  I nodded. “I used to think that you guys might want more, but Brenna quickly made sure I understood the non-truth in that.”

  He cringed, and I wanted to reach out and pet his arm, telling him that everything would be okay. I figured that would make things even more awkward. “I should tell you too, since now everybody at home knows.”

  I stiffened. “What do they know? What’s wrong?”

  He gave me a look and shook his head. “Hold on, let’s order a drink.”

  The waiter came, and we ordered a sushi appetizer and Bellinis while we looked over the rest of the menu.

  “Talk to me.”

  “Shit,” he muttered before explaining about the shooting and him keeping secrets.

  My heart ached, and I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Beckett,” I whispered.

  “Yes,” he said and looked down at our clasped hands before squeezing mine, but he didn’t let go. I swallowed hard before I let go. He shook his head and then took a drink. I hadn’t even realized the waiter had dropped them off.

  “You’re okay?” I swallowed hard, trying not to panic. He was right in front of me. He had to be okay. Right? Or maybe he was on this trip because he wasn’t. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t lose anybody else.

  “I am. I hurt my back slightly, but apparently, that’s it. Just an aching back when it gets cold, and the fact that I can’t sleep at night.” He paused. “I didn’t really mean to say that part out loud.”

  Relief spread through me, and I had to wonder why it was so strong for a man I shouldn’t think about as much as I did. “You know, last night was the first night that I’ve slept a full eight hours. I got a new bed once I moved into Jacob and Annabelle’s rental. I didn’t want to sleep on the one I had shared with Marshall for so long. And I love my new bed. It’s comfortable, and it’s wonderful, and yet I can’t sleep for more than four hours a night in it. I toss and turn, and then I wake up and do some work before going back to bed. It sucks,” I grumbled.

  “You slept here?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes. Finally. And then I took a long day to relax and try to enjoy myself.”

  “You know, when I was too busy thinking about myself before I came here, I thought about you. About what today would mean. I didn’t want to bring it up. I also don’t want to not bring it up.”

  I sighed, not knowing how I should feel. I leaned back as the waiter dropped off our sushi. We ordered a whole lunch tray, enough that I was probably going to overindulge, but I knew Beckett could eat the same as my brothers, so we would be fine.

  “I think… I think if I hadn’t known I’d been lied to, today would feel different. Now? It just feels like a day where I need to move on. To figure out who I am and what I want. And I’m glad that I’m here. Not that I don’t love your family and my friends. I do. So much. Honestly? It was more that I didn’t want to accidentally deal with Marshall’s family.”

  He gave me a knowing look. “Because they might contact you.”

  “Or show up or want to ask about money again. I don’t know. I’m not answering my calls right now, and my brothers are actually dealing with it.”

  “Do you need help? I’ll help.”

  My chest ached slightly. This man. He gave so much, even when he didn’t realize it. I shook my head. “I think I’m going to be okay. Maybe. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I have a huge family, and your huge family. We’ll figure it out. I wanted to spend today and the weekend alone to cement the fact that I’m going to be me now. And okay.”

  Beckett popped a piece of sushi into his mouth then shook his head. “First, this is the best damn sushi I’ve had in my life. Second, I’m sorry that I’m ruining your alone time.”

  “You know what? I think you needed your alone time, too. So if this is the last time we speak this weekend, I understand.”

  He frowned. “I don’t think I can spend the whole weekend at a resor
t with you in it and not talk to you, Eliza. I’m not going to spend every moment with you, so we can both have our alone time or whatever the fuck we need, but I can’t just ignore you. I never could.”

  I didn’t know why those words warmed me from the inside. They shouldn’t. Maybe it was the three sips of the Bellini I’d had. I took another before taking a big gulp of water, as well. And then, I chowed down on some sushi.

  We talked about nothing important, work, and family. I felt normal. As if I were just spending time with a friend. It felt different, too. Maybe because this was Beckett. Annabelle’s big brother. And the guy who had held me after I broke down.

  Who I had dreamt about one night and then hadn’t let myself think about it too hard.

  I hadn’t expected him to be here, but I wouldn’t leave because he happened to be near. I would just be. Finally, I would be me. And I would enjoy figuring out exactly who that was. Even if Beckett was along for the ride.

  Chapter 12

  Beckett

  * * *

  Eliza had been right. There was something about the beds in this resort. I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in months, and yet last night once my head had hit the pillow, I’d slept for eight hours. The two of us had finished our lunch the day before and then had parted ways…only to realize our rooms were right next to each other.

  We’d stood in the hallway, our keys in our hands, and stared at one another. It had to be because we were in the guest rooms provided by the owner and not some scheme by the Montgomerys and Wilders to get Eliza and me to check in on each other.

  Eliza and I hadn’t said a word other than goodbye at the interaction, and I’d gone to the beach while she’d taken time for herself. I still couldn’t believe that she was here at the same time and place as I was, getting through her issues as I tried to get through mine.

  And if I were honest with myself, I was grateful that she was here. I’d come here to rest, to do what my family thought I needed to. Had I been alone for all of it, I would have figured it out, but I liked having someone to talk to who already knew me.