He took a step and almost stumbled. Over the last few weeks his feelings for her had grown until he couldn’t separate them from his feelings for Gideon anymore. They were intertwined, inseparable. He was in love with her, as he had only ever been in love with Gideon.
When he moved again his steps seemed to quicken of their own accord. Soon he was running toward her, his open shirt blowing back along his sides, his strides eating up the distance between them. He felt an urgency that made him desperate. He had to get to her. Sarah picked up her skirts and ran to meet him. They almost collided, but Charles stopped just in time and caught her against his chest, spinning them around.
“What’s wrong?” she cried out distress. “Gideon?”
Charles cupped her face in his palms and ran his thumbs along her beloved cheeks as he shook his head. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. I just had to see you. I had to touch you.” He was breathless from more than his sprint down the hill. It was need, desire that wrung him out and left him in tatters. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. She was Gideon’s.
Sarah wrapped her arms around his waist, her breathing, her expression, everything about her screaming of a desperation that matched his own. “Charles,” she whispered.
His lips pressed down on hers in an effort to appease them both. She was eager and welcoming, but it wasn’t enough. He tore his mouth away from the kiss and pressed his cheek to hers, both hands now cupped around the back of her head. He held them both prisoner like that, so close to what they wanted and yet so far. Why did he deny himself? Gideon had told him time and again that he wanted Charles to have Sarah, that he would not be upset if she and Charles became that intimate. But Charles had played the martyr. Why?
Because he was afraid.
Sarah broke free of his hold and brought her mouth back to his, kissing him roughly. He loved that about her. In the bedroom was where Sarah had learned to spread her wings. She never hesitated to take what she needed from them in the intimacy of their bed. She had asked him to take her many times. With kisses like this, and with words.
He held back, letting her kiss him, not wanting to push her away. But that’s what he was doing. By refusing her he was pushing her away. He’d been too much of a coward these last weeks to take that last step. Because he was afraid of letting down his defenses enough to let someone else in. Someone who might turn away as Gideon had. But Sarah would never turn away. Sarah was…Sarah.
Charles broke the kiss again and pressed his forehead to hers, breathing heavily as if he’d run a race. He was tired of sacrificing. He wanted to take something for himself. He hadn’t had anything for himself in so long.
“Charles,” she murmured again and pressed her hand to his racing heart.
He backed her against the tree trunk and she went willingly, trusting him enough to not even turn her head to see where he was pushing her. He reached down and began to slowly pull her skirts up, giving her the chance to push him away, to say no.
She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him close, spreading her legs so he could move between them. With her other hand she reached down and began to undo the fall on his trousers.
He couldn’t speak. If he said anything it would shatter the perfection of this moment. It would make it too real, and then he’d have to think about what he was doing. What it would mean to all of them. So he kept his silence and shuddered at the delicate touch of her hands on him.
When she touched him and pulled him free of his trousers, he pressed against her closer and rested his forearms on the tree trunk on either side of her head. The bark scratched his skin and it only made him more aware of the many sensations bombarding him. He turned and buried his face in her soft, sweet-smelling hair. He could feel the weak warmth of the sun on his back as he listened to Sarah’s panting breaths. The birds were beginning to greet the morning, and he heard a horse nicker faintly from the barn.
She knew. She understood that she must do this. He could not take her. She had to invite him in, she had to be the one. And so it was Sarah who slid her arm around his neck and wrapped her leg around his waist. It was Sarah who brought his cock, hard and aching, to her warm entrance, and he had to choke off a gasp at his first touch of sex against sex. She pressed down on him, taking the tip of him inside her, and Charles couldn’t take a deep breath. He tried to pull in air and only managed short, sharp inhalations. It felt so good. So goddamned good to be inside someone again. To be inside someone he loved.
He slammed inside her then. He wanted to take it slow, he wanted to savor her, savor the moment and the feelings, but he couldn’t. He needed to get as deep inside her as possible. He needed to bury himself there and never come out. Sarah cried out softly and wrapped both arms around his neck. She pulled herself up and wrapped both legs around his waist and Charles was gone. He rammed her back against the tree, grabbed her hands in his and pressed them into the tree over her head and fucked her. Fucked her as he’d wanted to for so long, as she’d been asking him to. Fucked her as a man desperate for his woman needs to fuck.
His mouth slanted over hers and he swallowed her cries and her moans. He shared her breath, her taste, her heat, not letting her come up for air until she turned her face away with a gasp. He buried his lips in the curve of her neck then and sucked on the salty skin he found. Sarah’s hips were pushing against his, keeping up with his rough, wild rhythm, matching his passion. He had known she would be a match for him, that she could take his rough handling. Gideon fucked her so gently, as if she’d break. But Sarah couldn’t be broken. Not by this. Not by them.
Sarah yanked one hand out of his grip and buried it in his hair, pulling it sharply as she made a fist and held his mouth to her. Her legs tightened and she wriggled down so that the angle of Charles’ thrusts changed. “Yes,” she hissed, and Charles growled against her neck, biting her. He placed his free hand under her bottom and pulled her into him.
Sarah came. Her passage clamped down on his cock so hard he shouted at the pleasure, so sharp it was almost pain. She pulsed around him, pulling him in, not letting him go. Charles let her ride his cock. He let her writhe on him and moan, her nails biting into his scalp. He began to come. The aching pleasure was pulled from his balls in a spine-tingling rush of ecstasy and he had to lean hard into her, the tree at her back holding them both up. His fingers twined with hers against the rough bark and some small part of his mind wondered if he was hurting her. But she held his hand as tightly.
“Sarah,” he finally whispered in a rough, broken voice. A small sob escaped her. He cupped her cheek and raised her face so he could look at her. Her eyes were swimming with tears, a few having already fallen. She smiled at him then, and he knew she was feeling the same things he was right now. This was right. She was as much his as she was Gideon’s.
“Sarah,” he whispered again, unable to put it all into words. So he bent to kiss her instead.
“Get off her.” Gideon’s voice was guttural. He was mad enough to kill. He couldn’t believe that Charles would take her like this, so roughly, like a whore against a tree where anyone could catch them. What if Gideon hadn’t woken to find them both missing? What if someone else had come out?
Charles froze and Sarah cast frightened eyes over his shoulder to Gideon. She was crying.
“By God, if you’ve hurt her…” Gideon snarled. He stalked closer and Charles pulled out of her as she lowered her legs to the ground. Gideon knew one painful moment of regret. He would never be able to fuck Sarah like that. He simply couldn’t anymore.
Charles adjusted his trousers and then stepped back. Sarah’s skirt had fallen, covering her legs. She leaned heavily on the tree. She could barely stand. Her hair was a tangled mess, some strands caught in the tree bark. Gideon choked on his anger when he saw the bruise on her neck. There were teeth marks. Sarah’s hand flew up to cover it and Gideon’s gaze shot to her face. She looked frightened. He whirled to face Charles.
“You did this to her.”
Charles
glared at him. “Yes, just as you—”
Gideon didn’t let him finish. He lashed out and backhanded Charles across the face. Charles stumbled back a step, caught off guard. Gideon dropped his crutches at the same time he threw himself at Charles. When he hit Charles in the chest they both toppled over and fell to the ground, rolling down the slight hill. Gideon rolled again so he came out on top of Charles, but Charles was recovering quickly. He tried to push Gideon off, but Gideon grabbed the collar of his shirt, pressed his forearm to Charles’ throat and planted his foot on the ground to hold his place.
“How could you? After everything? After I gave her to you? This is what you do? This is how you treat her? Have you no decency?” The questions were ripped from Gideon’s heart, leaving an open wound.
“Gideon!” Sarah cried out. She was sobbing now. “Don’t! It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t.”
Charles finally succeeded in shoving him off and Gideon rolled onto his back. Sarah ran over and fell to her knees next to Charles. “Are you all right?” she asked him, frantic.
Charles sat up, supporting his weight on one hand. He rubbed his neck gingerly and nodded.
“What happened here?” Gideon asked. The question was almost as hard to ask as the ones he’d thrown at Charles accusingly.
“If you knew your wife at all, Gideon,” Charles told him is disgust, “or me, you’d know that what just happened was what she wanted.” Charles refused to look at him.
Gideon could not believe that. “Sarah is a lady. That sort of rough fucking may have been fine for whores, but not for Sarah.”
Charles laughed with bitter humor. “Because only whores like me like a good, rough fuck?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Charles was standing now too. “You never meant a word of it, did you? You never meant for me to have her. You thought I wouldn’t, that I’d continue to play the martyr and leave her alone. Well, I won’t. She’s as much mine as yours now, and you can’t keep me from her.”
“If you think I’ll let you abuse my wife, you’re wrong,” Gideon told him. He realized then what a vulnerable position he was in, lying there with no crutches, no defenses.
“I can’t believe you could even think that of me,” Charles choked out. He looked sick.
“I wanted it.” Sarah’s voice was firm, though Gideon could still hear her tears in it. He looked at her and she met his gaze unflinchingly. “I encouraged him. I wanted him to take me, and I wanted it rough. I wanted him to take me against the tree and I wanted him to bite me.” A sob ruined the effect of her confession and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as if to hold any more emotional outbursts inside.
“Sarah…” Gideon said in astonished confusion. He had not known. He’d had no idea that she wanted to be fucked like that. He didn’t know if he could do it.
Sarah stood clumsily. Charles reached out a hand to her which she caught as she rose to her feet. Then she let go and backed away from both men.
“I wanted it. I’m sorry, Gideon. I didn’t mean to…” She hiccupped on a sob again. “I thought…” She looked at Charles and, bursting into tears, she turned and ran back to the house.
Chapter Fourteen
“You have to go to her.” Charles bent down and grabbed Gideon’s crutches. He stood and tossed them on the ground next to Gideon. “She thinks we did something wrong. You have to tell her we didn’t.”
Gideon hesitated to pick up his crutches. He had just made the biggest mistake of his life and wasn’t sure how to fix it. Yes, he needed to go see Sarah. But he had to mend fences with Charles first.
“I’m sorry.” He looked right at Charles as he said it, letting every ounce of regret he felt show on his face.
Charles sighed and leaned against the tree, his hands on his hips as he looked over his shoulder at the pasture. “I know you are.” He turned back and Gideon flinched at the pain he saw in Charles’ expression. “Is that truly what you think of me? That I could hurt Sarah that way?”
Gideon shook his head. “No. In my saner moments I know that you would never do that. That you would do everything in your power to make sure no one ever hurt her, including you or me.” Instead of taking his crutches and getting up Gideon covered his face with his hands and rolled onto his back in the grass once again. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You were both gone when I awoke, and I came searching and saw you together. The closer I got the more apparent what you were doing. It was rough and I jumped to conclusions.”
“You have a talent for that.” Charles sounded bitter rather than amused.
“I said I was sorry.” Gideon hadn’t meant to say it like that, as if he were the offended one.
“How many times am I going to have to forgive you, Gideon?” Charles asked quietly. “Five? A hundred? A thousand times? I feel as if I’ve already reached my limit.”
“God, don’t say that,” Gideon replied fervently. “I’m quite sure I’ve got a great many more offenses yet to be committed waiting inside me.”
“Gideon.” Charles voice was tired, his reprimand weak.
“I mean it. You know I’m not easy, Charles.”
“No, you are not,” Charles agreed a little too quickly.
“You told me that a few weeks ago. But I don’t try to be that way.”
Charles straightened and moved away from the tree. “Sometimes I wonder.” He shook his head when Gideon started to reply. “No, no more. Go to Sarah.”
“Does this mean I am forgiven?” Gideon asked as he finally grabbed his crutches and stood up awkwardly. Charles did not offer to help.
“No. But I suppose you will be eventually.”
It was more than Gideon had hoped for. Things were not right by any means, but at least they were not quite so wrong.
“Don’t forget we leave for Suter’s today.” Neutral ground. Gideon almost sighed with relief as Charles brought up the horse-buying trip. They were walking up the hill together silently. Hills were never easy for Gideon, though he had mastered the ability to traverse them without falling down.
“Can’t you go without me?” Gideon asked. He didn’t want to anger Charles again, but he hated going anywhere. It was thoroughly unpleasant to watch people’s reaction to him.
“No, I can’t.” Charles was exasperated. “I’ve told you, most of these gentlemen don’t wish to deal with me. They consider me your lowly servant. They won’t negotiate price with me or talk about bloodlines. They want you for that. And I don’t want to risk losing this Arabian. He’s from von Fechtig’s stables.”
Gideon’s lips thinned. Charles had told him what was happening after several unsuccessful trips. Gideon tried to take care of the problem through his correspondence with several buyers, but it was a futile effort. And Charles was right. They needed the Arabian.
“I’m sorry.” He winced as the words escaped again.
“Yes, I know,” Charles answered wryly. “So you’ve told me.”
———
“Come in.” Sarah kept her voice level by sheer force of will. She knew as soon as she heard the knock it was Gideon. It was well past dawn now. She’d been waiting for him for what seemed like hours.
The door opened and Gideon stepped in. He didn’t look at her where she stood beside the bed as he shut the door behind him quietly.
“I’m sorry.” He stood by the door, leaning on his crutches as he apologized, as if afraid to come any farther into the room. “I was an idiot and I came to beg your forgiveness.”
Sarah let out a watery chuckle, on the verge of tears again. “Yes, you were.” She licked her lips nervously. “But you were shocked. I know you were. We should not have done that there, without you.”
“Nonsense.” Gideon moved over to the chair in the corner and lowered himself into it. “You two have every right to do that whenever you please.” He looked at her with an eyebrow cocked. “Although try not to do it in front of the entire neighborhood next time, please.”
/> Sarah laughed again. “Oh, Gideon. Everyone was asleep.”
“You hope,” Gideon muttered loud enough for her to hear. She blushed. Gideon cleared his throat. “I want you to know, Sarah, that I was not upset at the fact that you and Charles have finally become intimate.”
“We were rather intimate before this morning,” she answered drily, sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands folded in her lap.
It was Gideon’s turn to laugh quietly. “Yes, quite. But you know what I’m talking about. I always expected that Charles would have you that way one day. I’m not sure why he hesitated so long. You both knew. I’ve told you enough times that I would not deny you that.”
“But you do not like it.” Sarah finished the sentence for him, but he shook his head.
“You are wrong.” Gideon took a deep breath and looked away. “I think you know how much I do like it.”
Yes, she knew. At least, she knew he liked to watch her and Charles when they were together. “You didn’t get to watch us this morning.” The words were spoken without thought, and Sarah’s eyes grew wide with dismay as she realized what she’d said.
Gideon nodded. “Ah, then you do know. Yes, I would have liked that.” He clasped his hands in his lap, staring at the floor. “Does that bother you?”
Sarah shook her head and then realized Gideon couldn’t see it. “No, it doesn’t. I suppose it should.”
Gideon’s head jerked up. “Why?”
Sarah was taken aback at his question. “Why? Well, I guess because it would certainly bother everyone else to know what we do with Charles.”
Gideon waved away her concerns with a snort of disgust. “Bah, who cares what they think? They can mind their own business. I certainly do.”
Sarah laughed. “Yes, you certainly do.” She sighed. “I could have said no that first night you came with Charles. He didn’t want to be here.” She wondered if he still felt that way. He’d sought her out today. But was this really what he wanted? Or did he feel compelled to consummate their relationship because of Gideon? “I never even thought to say no that night. I suppose part of me wanted him there. What does that make me, I wonder?”
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