The Heart of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  "She's only seventeen. How could this have happened? I told him to stay away from her. Why that damn boy just can't listen, is beyond me."

  "Calm down Jasper. I know this isn't the ideal situation, but that boy loves her and he will do right by her. He practically planned out their entire future for you, and I could tell that didn't make our little girl happy in the least."

  I peeked around the corner as the house fell silent. It was eerily quiet and when I caught sight of the two of them, it looked as though my granddad was cryin'. He turned rapidly towards my grandmamma before he pulled her into a deep hug.

  "This just isn't the life that I wanted for her. I know she'll be an amazin' momma, but I fear that she doesn't know that. After everything that evil mother of hers put her through, I reckon she second guesses herself every minute of everyday as it is."

  A stray tear rolled down my cheek and landed on my shirt as the weight of his words settled into my chest. He was right, about everything. I have always questioned myself because of my mother. I had always felt less than a person and never felt worthy of anybody's love, let alone a poor helpless child. What if I turn out to be exactly like my mother? I now had a better understanding as to how Madison has felt his whole life. I quietly turned on my heel, making my way back outside and onto the porch. I looked out over the expansive land wondering how this all was supposed to work out for us. We couldn't live at our grandparents for the rest of our lives. We needed a plan. One that would work for both of us.

  Just as I sat down in the rocking chair in the far corner, I heard Madison's voice break through the silent darkness.

  "Are you ignorin' me now? Kayla, after everything that has happened, you can't just ignore my phone calls. I worry too much about you."

  "I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could think to say at the moment. My mind was goin' about a million miles an hour tryin' to process the events of the last three days. Madison sat next to me, but he felt a state away. I needed him to understand what I was feeling, good and bad. "What if I'm not enough for our baby? What if I turn out like my mother?"

  Madison was instantly at my side, kneeling down in front of me.

  "Look at me, pretty girl. You are more than enough for this baby. He or she will love you unconditionally and without question, just as I do. We will make this work, I can promise you that much."

  I lifted my eyes enough so that I was looking directly at him. He literally took my breath away. Everything about him made me want to be the mother and wife he thought I could be. He deserved that much from me. The palm of his hand cupped my cheek and I pushed into it, like a cat wanting to be petted. His touch only intensified my feelings and I never wanted this feeling to end.

  "I believe you." I whispered.

  We sat in silence for a little while longer, when I finally decided to tell him about the text message.

  "Madison, I need to tell you something. I guess show you, would be the better term."

  "What is it, darlin'?"

  I slipped my hand into my boot to retrieve my phone. Just as I opened up the text message, his phone began to ring, startling me to no end.

  "Hold that thought." He put his finger up to tell me one second, as he walked away to answer his call.

  I couldn't hear much from where I sat, but I listened intently as he nodded his head saying yes, I understand and no. I fiddled with the hem on my dress as I sat patiently waiting for him to finish up. Then I heard the anger laced between every last word he spoke.

  "Don't you fuckin' dare. I will take care of it."

  He came sauntering back over to me and I couldn't hide the perplexed look on my face. Madison rarely got mad and he rarely used language like that with that much hostility behind them.

  "Who was that?"

  "No one you need to concern yourself with. I have an errand to run, you gonna be okay? Are we okay?"

  "Of course, cowboy. Go do what you need to do."

  He lightly kissed my forehead, "I love you Kayla James."

  "I love you too." The words felt more like a good-bye than a see ya later, and I found myself extremely worried.

  A few minutes later, Madison was gone and I was left alone. I watched him jog up the hill and disappear into the dark. A part of me wanted to follow him, to know exactly what he was up to. I just couldn't bring myself to do it though. I trusted him, and if it were something life or death, I knew deep down that he would've told me.

  I made my way inside the house and could instantly smell dinner cooking on the stove. The aroma of spices and butter assaulted my sense of smell and I ran full speed for the bathroom. When I was done emptying the contents of my stomach, which at this point was nothing, I walked back out to join my grandparents.

  "Dinner smells delicious Grams. What are we havin'?"

  "I figured I would make something simple. Spaghetti sound okay to you?"

  "Sounds great." I lied.

  After dinner, I helped my grams clear off the table and load the dishwasher. It had now been two hours since Madison had left, and something inside of me felt off, wrong even. I had the feeling that something bad was about to happen and there wasn't a damn thing I could do.

  Chapter 15

  Madison

  It felt like a scene from a movie playin' out in front of me. After my phone call with Joey, I had to come and see for myself. I didn't doubt what Joey had seen, but part of me wished it weren't true. Sure as shit though, it was. As I pulled into the parking lot at the seedy motel, I watched as he sat with Wren at a nearby picnic table, deep in conversation. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling at that very moment, but all I could see was red.

  I kept my distance tryin' to hear what they were discussing, when I heard Kayla's name come out of Wren's mouth. My fists clenched at my sides and my mouth went dry. I could feel the adrenaline flowing through my body and without a second thought, I ran in the direction of the two most evil men I had ever come across.

  My fist connected with Wren's jaw, sending him down to the ground. I made sure he didn't move before I lunged at my father and tackled him down to the ground next to Wren. I started working his face over when I felt someone tugging on me from behind. When I turned, I came face to face with Joey and Wren. Joey had him in a tight headlock, restricting his breathing.

  I nodded at Joey in appreciation for his help, but couldn't find the words to say it. I pulled my father up and tossed him onto the picnic table.

  "I called the cops, Madison. They should be here shortly."

  "I appreciate it Jo, but I need to handle this myself. I need you to leave, now!"

  "Whatever you say, bro."

  He sat Wren down at the table next to my father. I made sure Joey was gone before I turned back to threaten the lives of these two.

  "Does it bother you that I've had your girlfriend in more ways than you?" His words made my stomach roll and my rage intensify.

  "I'm warning you now, shut your fuckin' mouth, or I'll make sure you're dead this time."

  "The night you left her all alone out there in that field, she was begging for me to do the things I did. She craved it, begging for more the entire time."

  I pulled my grandfather's .48 from my waistband and pistol-whipped him across the face. "I told you to shut the fuck up."

  Just as Joey's taillights disappeared, I turned my attention back to the task at hand. My father was coming to, when I pointed the pistol directly at Wren.

  "There comes a point in everyone's life, when they have to make a decision. A decision on what is best. I made my decision a long time ago, but unfortunately, you didn't quite understand. You were supposed to die, both of you, not just her mother. I had planned it perfectly, but you just had to come back and make me do it all over again. So, any last words before you meet your maker?"

  A smug grin fell across his face and I had to stop myself from shooting him right then. I needed to hear him say he was ready to die. I needed the confirmation that what I was doin' was what was best for Kayla.
/>
  "Son, what the fuck do you think you're doin'?"

  I pointed the gun at my father now. "You'll get your chance to speak. Now is not that time."

  The gun was now back on Wren. "Well?"

  "I can die happy knowing that the baby that your precious little whore is carrying, is mine. I should've killed her when I had the chance. I should've made her regret the day she ever met me. What I regret most, is not ripping her in two-"

  I cocked the gun back and squeezed the trigger without hesitation, just as Wren lunged at me. We fell to the ground and the gun went sliding across the dirt and under the table. I dodged his fists a few times before one eventually landed on my nose. Blood flew and splattered the front of his shirt as I heard the cracking of the bone. I tried to buck him off of me, when I heard the distinct sound of a bullet loading into the chamber. I looked over Wren's shoulder and found my father standin' behind him, pointing that gun, straight at me.

  "Get off my boy, Wren. This isn't how it's supposed to go down. I told you, you can have her, and I get him."

  My body filled with rage at the mere thought of Wren gettin' his hands on my girl. My girl that was pregnant with my baby. I bucked harder this time and Wren went flyin' off of me. I scampered to my feet, lookin' straight down the barrel of that gun. I wanted to believe that my father wouldn't shoot me, but honestly, I didn't know this man standin' in front of me anymore.

  "Now isn't the time, Madison. Don't worry though, son. Soon enough." He lowered the gun to the ground, aiming it at my feet. I slowly started backing away, when he let off a round that barely missed the toe of my shoe.

  "I'm leavin', but don't you worry DAD, you'll get what's comin' to ya."

  I turned my back on them both and started walkin' back to my truck. I glanced both ways lookin’ for cars before crossing the street to the parking lot. The next thing I heard was squealing tires and then a thunderous crash.

  As my body made contact with the windshield of the Suburban, I could feel and hear every bone in my body cracking. As the SUV stopped, my body rolled forward onto the warm metal hood. I lay not moving, waiting for the darkness to sweep in and take over me, but it didn't, not yet. Suddenly the SUV began rolling backwards and my body rolled to the asphalt. I frantically searched for my pocket tryin' to find my phone in my disoriented state. Just as my fingertips grazed the cool backing, I heard the engine rev.

  The taste of salt and metal flooded my mouth as the blood poured out of it continuously. This was it. This was my end. My entire life flashed before my eyes, playing out in slow motion. I blinked a few times and then everything went black. My last thoughts were of Kayla. Kayla an our unborn child that I would never see again. There were even flashes of my father and I at a baseball game and my mother holding my hand as we crossed the street to get ice cream on one of her last days.

  There was nothin' left for me. Now there would be nothin' left for her. I could feel my last few breaths fill my lungs as I gasped for air. My body was limp. I couldn't feel anything now. Not even the excruciating pain that should've been present. My breaths became shallower and the reel of my life became shorter. Just like an old reel to reel, the film was done and continued to flip through the last frames. There was nobody there to shut it off. Nobody to come to my rescue and save me from death. The only thing left was, darkness. My chest dropped one last time as my last breath was expelled from my body. I never imagined death to be peaceful, but in this moment, peace was all I had.

  Chapter 16

  Kayla

  Seven hours, twenty-two minutes, and fifteen, no now sixteen seconds is how long it's been since I got the phone call that would forever change my life. Twenty-five minutes and thirty seconds is exactly how long it took me to realize that I was still standing in the very spot I had been in after hearing that I needed to get to the hospital. Thirty minutes and five seconds is how long it took me to get to the hospital.

  And now one hour, sixteen minutes and three seconds is how long I've been sitting in this drab, mauve colored waiting room, waiting for the doctor to give me an answer. I had about a million and one of them, but my concern and uncertainty didn't seem important to anyone but myself.

  "There's been an accident," is the only sentence replaying in my head. I hated hospitals. I have no fond memories of hospitals or doctors for that matter. Only bad. I was sitting in a waiting room almost exactly like this one when I was nine and they told my parents and me that my grandma Nelson had died. I was sitting in that exact waiting room when they told me that my grandpa Nelson only had an hour to live. Like I said, I have no fond memories of hospitals.

  I've never had any relatives or friends who have had babies. In fact, I don't think there has a ever been a time when I have voluntarily been to any hospital for that matter. So here I sit, waiting for the bad news I know is coming. The emergency room doors slide open and I watch as people file in. Sick people, hurt people, even happy people pass me by as though I'm a permanent fixture in this god-forsaken place.

  Seven hundred and thirty six. The amount of black and white tiles I have counted in the last fifteen minutes. Seven is the number of people I have counted come in and get triaged in the last ten minutes. All that runs through my mind is numbers. I have no one to lean on for support. I have no one who understands the pain of what I going through right now. Zero, the number of those people, is zero.

  I lift my head long enough to see the next person walk through the double doors leading to the back, and all I can do is feel sorry for them. I can't find it in my heart to feel sorry for myself. I can't even bring myself to send a text message to Cami, or even call Madison's grandmother. I feel empty, as though a part of my heart has broken off and the jagged pieces left over tear at my lungs with each breath I take. I feel dead. I find myself thinking about death with every passing second, and the only thing keeping me from taking my own, is the growing baby inside of me.

  How am I supposed to live without him? How do I explain to our unborn child that he or she may never meet his or her father? Two, that's how many relatives I now have. I can't help but wonder how we all take something so precious as life, for granted so often. One, that's the number of friends I have left. I wish all the numbers would just disappear.

  The door opens up again and a doctor in sea green scrubs emerges. He has on a surgical cap and there is a small splatter of blood on the inside of his left pant leg. I watch him closely as he glances around the small waiting room, in search of the poor soul that he is about to crush with his bad news. Twenty two seconds, that's how long it takes me to realize that he is actually searching for me. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, the very same ones that I can't bring myself to shed. The surgeon removes his white surgical cap with his long deft fingers and drops his head as he makes his way over to me.

  Two, that's how many breaths I take before the doctor finally, reaches me. He sits down in the worn down leather chair next to me and a frown forms across his face. I'm bracing myself for the worst news I could ever hear. His mouth opens and I can tell that words are comin' out, but in place of the sound of his voice, a ringing in my ears is the only prominent sound. My eyes reach his and all I can see is sorrow and empathy behind them. I take in another deep breath, trying to find my words to ask him to repeat himself when everything around me starts to fade to black.

  I don't know how long I've been out, but I'm now laying on a very uncomfortable bed, and all I can hear is a fast whooshing sound echoing through the room. I slowly come to the realization that it's my baby's heart beat and I find myself being able to breathe again.

  The same doctor that I had seen not too long ago enters the room and gives me a half-hearted smile. It doesn't reach his eyes and I realize that his smile is forced. I try to sit up, but I'm unable to find my strength. I look up at the doctor and smile in return, the best I can.

  "Just tell me." I whisper.

  "You passed out Mrs. Raine."

  I cringe at his reference to the name that I don't
possess. "I'm not his wife."

  His apologetic tone lets me know that he indeed had no idea. "I'm sorry..."

  "Kayla."

  "I'm sorry, Kayla. I just assumed." He's pointing at my stomach and I realize that he must've assumed that because I was pregnant with his child, that I would be his wife. "Well the good news is, you and baby are doin' just fine. But, I suppose the news you're waitin' for is in regards to your boyfriend?"

  "Yes, he's my boyfriend. And yes, I need to know."

  "I'm only supposed to tell family members about his condition, but I suppose bein' the mother of his child constitutes as much."

  "Thank you."

  "Madison came in, in extremely critical condition. He had more internal bleeding than we had initially suspected and quite a few broken bones. We reset the bones that needed it, but the damage was extensive. Along with three broken ribs, a broken arm, leg and hip, we also had to remove his spleen."

  He stopped to take a quick breath and to make sure I wasn't going to pass out again, I assume. I nodded in his direction for him to continue, when his voice lowered to just above a whisper.

  "Kayla, Madison is in a coma. As of right now, he is in stable condition and we managed to get the internal bleeding under control, but he has a long road ahead of him. If he wakes up, there's no telling the toll the accident has taken on his brain. As soon as you're feelin' up to it, I can have a nurse wheel you up to his room. Does he have any kin we can contact?"

  I nodded. In my current state of shock, it was all I could do.

  "Okay, I'll need to get that number from you if that's possible?"

  I nodded again as I pointed towards my handbag on the chair across from me. I knew how his grandmother was goin' to react, but she needed to know. She needed to have the chance to say her goodbye's if need be. The doctor handed me my phone and I quickly scrolled down to Lydia's number. I shoved the phone into the doctor's hand and rolled my head to the side. I couldn't stop the never ending flow of tears that were now falling, and the last person I needed to see me like this, was the doctor taking care of the father of my child.