Diving In

by Bianca Giovanni

  “Yes, baby” I whisper to her, putting my free hand against the middle of her chest like I can feel her heart. “Let it go, Lola. Come for me, beautiful girl.”

  She does. This time we don’t have to be hidden in darkness like we were last night. I take her in, watching the expression on her face and enjoying the way the muscles in her firm little stomach flex and expand while she shivers. All that is gorgeous, and that’s not even counting how she feels inside when she pulses against my fingers. I can say with some certainty that fucking Lola would be a dream come true.

  “James!” she cries out and collapses onto me, her body still shaking as she pants into my chest.

  “That was so beautiful, Lo,” I say, feeling almost as pleased as her. “You’re so beautiful. My gorgeous angel. You’re my special little treasure.”

  I hold her in my arms and I almost get choked up, which is weird. I feel like we just shared something major, something way beyond the physical boundary we just crossed. It’s kind of like everything got blocked out for a minute and the only thing that mattered to me was making her feel good. I don’t normally get that way with girls. Sure, I always want them to get off, but I’m usually trying to get something out of it too, so this kind of selfless experience is sort of weird for me. I wanted her to feel good and I didn’t give a shit about what it was like from my end of the deal. All I cared about was her and now all I want to do is hold her while she comes down from it. This just feels so … intimate.

  “That was so intense,” she whispers, her breath hot against my chest.

  “I know, baby,” I say, wrapping my arms around her tighter and kissing into her hair. “I felt it too.”

  I know it was intense for her, but the weird part is that it was so intense for me. I didn’t even do anything, but I feel that kind of relaxed sensation you get after you come really hard. Just holding her like this … it’s done something to me and I feel different.

  “You’re so perfect, Lo,” I whisper to her, trailing my fingers up and down her back. “You’re so special. Everything about you is beautiful.”

  She lifts herself up on shaky arms and looks in my eyes, giving me a smile that could light up the whole city.

  This is definitely a moment. Something’s happening right now. The way she’s looking at me and the way it makes me feel, all fluttery and warm … shit’s taking place that goes way over my head and I can’t pinpoint what it is, but it’s there. I feel it.

  I tuck her hair behind her ear and then stroke my fingers down the back of her neck. I feel weird about it, but I really want to kiss her right now. In fact, I’d like to stay in bed and kiss her for the rest of the day until I have to drive her to the airport. Who does that? Who wants to be in bed with a hot, bare-ass naked chick and just kiss her? Something’s wrong with me if I’m thinking like this.

  “James … I … that was,” she says like something’s all weird with her too. What happened to us just now?

  I tilt her head towards me and I slowly close my eyes as I touch her forehead to mine. “You are the most perfect thing in the world,” I whisper softly to her. “You’re the most amazing person and you’re beautiful and I wish you lived here because I’d do this forever.” Christ! This sounds like the kind of thing you say to a girl before you propose to her, like the spiel that comes before telling her you love her. But that’s not … unless … do I love her?

  “You’re so warm,” she giggles as she presses into me and nuzzles under my neck.

  “You’re so hot,” I reply, my face fixed in a perma-smile.

  That makes her laugh and I’m happy to lighten things up a bit. We were heading into some uncharted territory there for a minute and it kind of freaked me out to consider some of those feelings I had towards her.

  “I want to take a shower,” she says, lifting up on her arms again so she’s hovering over me and looking like some shit religious people would describe when they talk about heaven.

  “Want me to join you?” I throw out there with a raised eyebrow. Considering how shy she was yesterday, I seriously doubt she’ll do it. But hey, worth a try, right?

  I can’t really hide my total surprise when she pauses, gives me a sexy smile and then nods her head, “Yes, I think that’d be nice.”

  “You’re fuckin’ with me, aren’t you?” I smirk.

  “Nope,” she shakes her head. “I wanna shower with you James,” she adorably replies, biting her bottom lip in this way that makes me crazy for her.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can hear her snickering. “That is, hands down, the best thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  She laughs loudly and sits up, still straddling me and giving me a view of her bare body. The way her hair falls over her boobs reminds me of a mermaid.

  “You just don’t know!” I chuckle as I sit up and wrap my arms around her. “You have no fuckin’ clue what this does to me!”

  “I have some idea,” she grins, looking down at my crotch.

  “You make me harder than I’ve ever been in my fuckin’ life!” I admit.

  She tries to hold it in, but she nearly snorts when she bursts into laughter. Yeah, I get it. It wasn’t exactly the smoothest compliment. It makes me laugh too. I just said that to my best friend. I just blurted out that she gets my dick hard and I told her that right after we had this sweet little moment. I’m sure I could have phrased it better, but she fries my circuits and I’m way too honest with her.

  “Do you want me to do something about that?” she asks, sliding her hand down my stomach.

  My mouth opens a little bit and I let out a deep breath. Even the slightest touch of her fingertips feels good.

  “Maybe I could give it a try,” she continues.

  I swallow hard and close my eyes, trying to get my shit together. I can’t even describe how bad I want her, but I’m worried about it. If she so much as touches my dick, I’m going to end up fucking her. I know it. If she’s naked and I’m naked, it will happen. I won’t be able to control myself. She’s too close and it would be too easy to go for it.

  “I don’t think we should,” I say against all my better judgment.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” I nod. “Lo, I can barely hold back as it is. Don’t make fun of me, but I want you so bad right now that it hurts and I’m gonna go fuckin’ werewolf on you and frenzy fuck you if we keep going.”

  She bites her lip to keep from laughing.

  “You’re naked and you’re like three inches from my dick. I want to just grab your hips and fuckin’ plunge into you,” I continue to say, despite the intelligent part of my brain telling me to shut the fuck up. “I want to fuck you until you scream so loud the neighbors call the cops. I want to make you come so hard you cry. I want to be in you for hours. I want you to miss your flight and stay here riding my dick for, like, the next eight days.”

  “Goddamn!” She laughs. “That’s graphic.”

  “I can’t help it,” I chuckle. “You do crazy shit to me. You make me get filthy. The things I want to do to you right now … it’s so bad I don’t even want to tell you about it.”

  She completely cracks up, taking my face in her hands and planting a big kiss on my forehead. “I guess we should cool it down, then,” she smiles. “I don’t want you to lose it and go all ravenous on me.”

  “I fuckin’ would, too!” I chuckle.” Christ! The things I would do to you—it’d be totally obscene”

  “You’d defile me?” She laughs, raising an eyebrow at me.

  “I’d completely defile you,” I tease. “It would get totally dirty, Lo, really vulgar stuff. You’d be horrified by it because I’d never stop going, either. I’d fuck you so good it’d be burned into your brain for the rest of your life. Any time you fucked somebody else, you’d be like, ‘Damn, this is nowhere near as good as when James did it,’ because I’d do it so good that nobody could ever compare.”

  “Shit!” She giggles. “You’ve thought this through.”

 
; “You have no idea,” I chuckle.

  “I think you like talking nasty to me,” she smirks.

  “I do like it,” I grin.

  “Alright, dirty boy, let’s shower,” she says, patting my stomach and sliding off of me.

  I miss the feel of her the second she’s away. I’m kind of horrified at myself, at how horny I am for her right now. She’s Lola! She’s my best friend, my little sweetheart. Even though she’s proved that she has a sexy side that could boil my blood right out of my body, I shouldn’t think such lewd shit about her.

  “Come on,” she says, walking happily naked into the bathroom.

  I’m out of bed in ten seconds and I follow after her like a fuckin’ puppy. Shit! She totally has me now—not that she didn’t before, not that she hasn’t since the day I met her. I’d do anything for this girl, but now she knows it. I’m never going to hear the end of this if my friends find out. I’m supposed to be the ladies’ man, the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” guy who gets any chick he wants and acts all alpha male all the time. Now a girl—a tiny, petite, pretty, innocent girl—has me wrapped around her little finger.

  It makes me smile a little bit, though, because I know she likes it and I like anything that makes her happy. Lola’s seen sides of me that I don’t show to anyone. I’ve cried in front of her, got into screaming fights with her and then come crawling back to grovel and apologize because she was right all along—she’s almost always right. I’ve gone crazy, primal protective over her and I’ve gotten all paranoid because of her. She just taps into my most base impulses and everything I do is cranked to 11 when it comes to her.

  She turns on the water and peeks over her shoulder at me. She knows exactly what she’s doing. I’ve completely lost the upper hand—if I ever even had it in the first place, that is.

  My eyes feel all hooded with lust as I watch her rinse her hair, the water flowing down her body in all the places I’d like to touch her. Shit! This is really bad. I’m fuckin’ fixated on her.

  “Can I wash your hair?” I ask her. What kind of a request is that? How pussywhipped am I and I haven’t even had her pussy?! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  “Uh-huh,” she nods.

  I grab the shampoo and lather up her long hair, massaging her scalp. I hate myself for how much I love this. After I smooth in the conditioner, I take the shower gel and lather up my hands, rubbing her shoulders and back until she’s relaxed and breathing all deep and stuff.

  She rinses out the conditioner and then trades places with me so I’m under the water. She grabs the bottle of shower gel and starts pouring some out on her hands, looking up into my eyes in this sexy way that makes my smile turn more flirtatious.

  I inhale a sharp breath when she runs her hands over my chest, onto my shoulders, down my back and around onto my abs. Her little fingers are talented and she’s fuckin’ caressing me in a way that has my heart pounding. It’s not necessarily sexual—she’s not going for my dick or anything—but it’s sexy. It’s kind of sensual, but innocent at the same time.

  “You freaked out that you’re naked with me?” I grin at her. “You were such a dork about it last night, but now you’re a fuckin’ Playboy Bunny prancing around here and teasing me.”

  “Teasing you?” she raises her eyebrows like she’s surprised. “How am I teasing you?”

  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” I laugh. “How are you not teasing me?”

  “Because I’m naked and taking a shower with you and washing your body with my bare hands?” she smirks.

  “Yeah, that would be it,” I nod. “I don’t think best friends do shit like that.”

  “No,” she smiles “they don’t.”

  What does that mean? The way she said it was all soft and seductive, but she doesn’t elaborate on it. There was more to it, though. I feel like there were a whole bunch of other words hidden under the surface of what she said. She couldn’t possibly mean … does she want to be more than friends?

  That thought is both awesome and terrifying at the same time. I don’t doubt that Lola would be an awesome girlfriend, but I don’t think I could be an awesome boyfriend. I’d probably end up fucking some other chick and pissing her off, because that’s kind of what I do. I’m good as a friend with benefits, good as a fuck buddy or a one-night stand, but I’d be shitty to date because I have the tendency to fuck things up with people who care about me. Just ask my dad, who all but flat-out told me I wasn’t worth a shit when he was kicking me out of the house for doing porn. I know it sounds totally emo, but I don’t deserve for somebody to have feelings for me that go that deep. I especially don’t deserve for Lola to feel that way about me. She’s a zillion times better than I deserve—than anyone deserves, really.

  We finish showering and she starts combing out her hair with a towel wrapped around her body. It’s the first time all morning that I haven’t been able to stare at her tits and I miss them already.

  “I’m gonna make us some breakfast,” I say, kissing the top of her head.

  I head out into the kitchen and start cracking some eggs and preparing French toast for us. Breakfast food is fast and easy, but I like to add my own little flares to it to make it more gourmet. The omelets I’m making, for example, have an assortment of veggies and spices to give them a little more flavor. It’s cool to be cooking for Lola again. I missed it. I used to love cooking dinner for her when we lived back home. She’d eat at my house a lot or I’d go over to her place and make stuff for her and her mom. I loved the way she’d scarf it down and then tell me she felt like her belly would explode from how full she was.

  She comes into the kitchen but she’s fully clothed and she’s pouting a little bit. She stands against the counter and holds something up. It’s a black g-string with sparkly stars on it.

  “Why was this on the floor by your bed?” she asks, clearly not happy about the discovery.

  “It’s from last week,” I reply, not really sure what to do in this situation.

  “Whose skanky-ass thong is this?” she says like she’s even more pissed off.

  “Lexi … or maybe Tara,” I answer truthfully.

  “You don’t know which one?” She’s not pleased. Definitely not.

  “Last week, we all did a shoot together and we were still hyped up so they came over here, since my place is close to the studio,” I attempt to explain.

  “You had a fucking ménage with those two bitchy girls last week?” she says. She sounds like she’s hurt and I don’t know what to do.

  “Yeah, dude,” I shrug. “Why are you getting weird about it?”

  “I … I’m not,” she replies, stumbling a little bit. She shuts up after that and then goes to sit down at the breakfast bar that looks over the counter.

  “Eggs are almost ready and I got some turkey bacon for you, since I know you don’t like the real thing,” I smile, motioning to the stove.

  “Ok,” she says, but her voice is all deflated.

  “Lo, what’s going on?” I ask her, stopping what I’m doing to come around the counter and stand in front of her.

  She pauses and I can see her brow starting to furrow. She’s still pissed. “Did you at least change your fucking sheets before you had me in your bed? I’d hate to think I slept on the same sheets where you fucked those nasty-ass bitches.”

  “Whoa! What?” I say, stepping back. Where the fuck did that come from? “You’re pissed about Lexi and Tara?”

  “No,” she says, clearly meaning yes.

  “Why would you be mad about that?” I ask her. “You know what my job is, you know that I do that shit all the time. Fuck, I’ve told you about almost every chick I’ve banged and you’ve never once flipped out like this. What’s the deal, kid?”

  “Nothing,” she shrugs, but she won’t look me in the eye.

  “Nah, I’m not gonna let you just shut it down like that,” I say, taking her face in my hands and making her look at me. “Why are you pissed?”

  “You make me feel like a jealous
girlfriend,” she murmurs. “I don’t like feeling like I’m some whiney girl who bitches when you fuck somebody else, but that’s how this makes me feel.”

  “Well don’t feel like that,” I shrug. Isn’t this perfectly obvious? “You’re getting all crazy like I cheated on you or something. Fucking them isn’t cheating. How the fuck could I cheat? I’m not your boyfriend.”

  Her lip shakes and I can tell that really hurt her feelings. I feel like an asshole.

  “Wait, that sounded mean. I’m sorry,” I immediately apologize. “I just—that’s not how I meant to say that.”

  “It’s ok,” she shrugs and hops off the barstool. “You’re right.”

  She starts shuffling back to the bedroom, but I catch her elbow and turn her around. “I’m sorry, baby,” I say to her. “I really am, ok? I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh. I just meant that we’re best friends and that you never usually get all weird about me and other girls. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on here.”

  “I don’t know,” she says and her voice trembles a little.

  “It’s ‘cause of what we did, isn’t it?” I nod, putting my arms around her to comfort her. That’s what happened. She let loose and shit got real, so now she’s all jumbled up inside about how she feels. She likes me, and I mean “like” likes me.

  “It’s not that,” she says, totally lying. “I’m just bummed about having to go back to school.”

  “No you’re not,” I cut right to it. “You’re bummed because you felt something for me. You’re freaked out because something happened and now you don’t know how you feel about me.”

  “How would you know that?” she timidly responds.

  “Because I feel that way about you all the time,” I say.

  “What?” she looks up at me with confusion.

  “Yeah, dude,” I smile. “I like you so much, Lola, and it makes me get all weird when I think about you being with other dudes—even just being friends with other guys. I told you, you’re my treasure, kid, and I don’t want you to open yourself up to anybody else.”

  “Yet you can still do it whenever you want to?” she pouts.