That First Special Kiss

by Gina Wilkins

  Heather exhaled impatiently. “You guys are a lot of help. What about you, Kelly? Are you going to keep quiet, too?”

  Cameron spoke before Kelly had a chance. “Kelly never gives advice. She’s much too cautious.”

  Somewhat surprised by the assessment, since she’d never thought Cameron gave her much consideration, Kelly asked, “What makes you say that?”

  “I’m an observer, remember?” the newspaper reporter drawled. “I watch people. You don’t like making waves, and you hate it when anyone is mad at you. Giving advice involves taking a risk of being wrong—which, in turn, almost guarantees that someone will be upset with you. So—you keep your opinions to yourself, for the most part.”

  “Well, I...”

  Grinning again, Cameron winked at her. “Don’t try to deny it, kid. If you were the type to give personal advice, you’d have joined the others in warning Amber away from me.”

  Several throats were cleared in unison. Amber smiled a bit sappily at her lover. “I wouldn’t have listened to Kelly any more than I listened to the others. I know you and I are meant to be together.”

  For only a moment, Kelly saw a somber expression cross Cameron’s wickedly handsome face. And it occurred to her that if she were the type to offer advice to her friends, she would be more likely to warn Amber not to invest too much hope in a future with Cameron, than to suggest to Scott that Paula wasn’t right for him. For one thing, she suspected that Scott, a twenty-eight-year-old attorney, was under no illusions about the avaricious and rather demanding woman he had been casually dating. She thought Heather’s fears that Scott was getting too deeply involved were unfounded.

  Scott pushed his chair away from the table. “I’ve gotta go. Heather, you can lecture me over lunch tomorrow at Mom’s.”

  His twin muttered a disgruntled response, but returned his casual good-night kiss with an affection she made no effort to hide.

  Scott’s departure signaled an end to the evening. Heather left not long afterward, followed by Michael, Cameron and Amber, all of them pausing on their way out to thank Kelly for hosting them.

  “Are we still going fishing next weekend, Shane?” Cameron asked from the threshold.

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll call you to set up the time.”

  “Great.”

  Amber pouted. “I still don’t know why I can’t go with you guys. I like to fish.”

  Cameron pulled playfully at a strand of Amber’s dark hair. “Guys only. No girls allowed.”

  She was still arguing when Shane closed the door behind them.

  Shane turned to Kelly with an ironic smile. “You suppose she doesn’t know Cam wants to go fishing just to get away from her for a couple of hours?”

  Kelly sighed. “You think so, too?”

  “Yeah. She’s starting to smother him. I suppose if either of us was the type to give advice, we would tell her so.”

  Smiling wryly, Kelly shook her head. “I don’t know about you, but I’m staying out of it.”

  “So am I. I just hope it will end amicably rather than in a flaming disaster.”

  So Shane, too, thought the romance between their friends was ill-fated. Like him, Kelly hoped the end of the affair wouldn’t mean an end to a long friendship. But realistically, she couldn’t see any other outcome.

  She noticed then that Shane didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. “Would you like another soda?”

  “To be honest, I’d rather have a cup of coffee—unless you’re tired and ready for me to get lost.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You know you’re always welcome here.” She waved him toward the couch. “Sit down. I’ll get the coffee.”

  He didn’t hesitate. He was comfortably settled on the couch before Kelly had even made it to the kitchen doorway.

  She wasn’t gone long. She returned carrying a cup of coffee for him and a glass of water for herself. Shane patted the couch beside him as he reached for his coffee. “Sit. You’ve been jumping up and down all evening being the gracious hostess.”

  She sank onto the cushions beside him, took a sip of water and then set her glass on the low table in front of them. “I didn’t mind. I always enjoy having everyone over.”

  “I notice you’re limping quite a bit this evening. Is your leg bothering you?”

  His matter-of-fact tone kept her from being self-conscious about the limp, a result of the serious car accident she was involved in a year and a half earlier. She had been lying in a hospital bed recuperating from that accident the first time she’d met Shane. He had seen her at her most vulnerable point and had watched her grow stronger since. During that time he had become one of her closest friends. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

  “Want me to massage it for you?”

  Just the thought of having Shane massage her leg almost made her squirm on the couch, no matter how casually he’d suggested it. “No,” she said a bit too quickly. “But, er, thanks for the offer.”

  “Sure.” He sipped his coffee for a few moments, looking across the room toward nothing in particular. His thoughts seemed to be suddenly far away, and she suspected he was thinking again about whatever had bothered him earlier. She waited, knowing he would tell her when he was ready—if at all.

  And then he cleared his throat “My mother died Thursday. I found out this morning.”

  She didn’t know what to say in response to his quiet announcement. Though she had become well acquainted with Shane’s father, stepmother and young half sister, she had heard very little about his biological mother. She had been told that his mother was an alcoholic and that Shane had been so unhappy in her custody after his parents’ divorce that he had run away from home when he was only twelve. He had somehow survived on the streets of Memphis, Tennessee, for two weeks before his distraught father had found him. Shane had never lived with his mother again after that. Kelly wasn’t sure he had even seen her since.

  Because she didn’t know how he would respond to words of sympathy, she asked instead, “How did you find out?”

  “Her sister called Dad and asked him to tell me. I didn’t mention it to the others tonight because I didn’t want to talk about it then, but I wanted you to know.”

  She was touched. She only wished she knew what to say. “I could tell something was upsetting you earlier, but I didn’t mean to pry.”

  He smiled at her and laid his hand over hers, which rested on her knee. “You weren’t prying. You were concerned—and I appreciate it.”

  Kelly entwined her fingers with his, offering comfort she sensed he needed. “How do you feel now?”

  “I don’t know,” he admitted after a moment. “A little sad, I guess. Her life was such a mess—such a waste. She was only forty-eight. She should have had many years ahead of her, but she ruined her health with her drinking.”

  He hesitated another moment, then added, “And I guess I feel a little guilty.”

  Startled, Kelly frowned. ‘Why on earth would you feel guilty?”

  “It’s hard to explain. It’s just that—well, I’ve had a good life with Dad and Cassie and Molly. We’ve had each other, and Dad’s and Cassie’s extended families. We’ve been happy at the ranch. My mother was never happy.”

  Kelly tightened her fingers. “Shane, your mother made her own choices. I know little of your family history, but you told me once that your father tried very hard to help her with her alcoholism. You said she simply wasn’t willing to give it up. She chose addiction over the sort of happiness you and your father found. It was a waste, and a very sad one—but you shouldn’t feel guilty about choices that were made when you were just a child.”

  Shane leaned against the back of the couch, his gaze still unfocused as he concentrated on his somber thoughts. “I went to see her a couple of years ago right after my twenty-fifth birthday.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t tell anyone but Dad and Cassie. It was something I hadn’t wanted to do before, but I finally felt co
mpelled to make an effort. I still had so much anger against her, so much resentment—and I thought it was time to let it go. I thought there might even be a chance that I could help her.”

  Kelly could tell by Shane’s voice that the reunion hadn’t gone well. “The meeting didn’t work out as you had hoped.”

  It hadn’t been a question, but he answered it anyway, with a shake of his head. “She made it very clear that she hadn’t thought of me as her son since I left her to live with my father. She said I was just like him—and she didn’t want either of us trying to interfere in her life. And then she poured herself a drink and asked me to leave.”

  “I’m sorry.” The words were inadequate, but the only ones she had.

  He shrugged. “She didn’t realize it, but she gave me one very high compliment. She said I was just like my dad.”

  Kelly had always been a bit envious of the intensely close relationship between Shane and his father. She hadn’t seen her own career air force father in years. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she’d always felt close to Shane—she knew what it was like to be rejected by a parent. But at least Shane had his father. Kelly’s mother had died when Kelly was a young girl, leaving her to be raised in a foster home.

  As if suddenly aware of how much he’d revealed to her, Shane sat up straight and cleared his expression, one corner of his mouth lifting into his usual indolent smile. “Thanks for the coffee and sympathy, but I’d better go. It’s late.”

  Oddly reluctant to break the rare moment of intimacy, she forced herself to smile. “Both the coffee and the sympathy are available whenever you need them.”

  Still holding her band, he stood and pulled her to her feet. “You’re a good friend, Kelly Morrison.”

  Her reaction to his words was inexplicably bittersweet, but the smile she gave him was genuine. “You’ve been a good friend to me, too, Shane Walker.”

  “Walk me to the door?” he asked, tucking her hand beneath his arm.

  Privately relishing the feel of work-hardened muscles beneath the fabric of his sleeve, she matched her steps to his as they crossed the small room. Shane stopped at the curvy oak coat rack beside the door to retrieve his jacket and hat. She watched as he donned his jacket, and then she asked, “Will there be a funeral for your mother?”

  He shook his head. “Her sister arranged a private cremation. It was all over before she even called Dad. There was no estate to settle, so there’s nothing for Dad or me to do now.”

  He seemed to have shaken off the hint of depression she’d noticed earlier, replacing it with a stoic acceptance of his mother’s sad fate. Kelly hoped it had helped him just to talk about his feelings to someone who cared about him, and who could understand his mixed emotions about a long-absent parent.

  “Good night, Shane. Drive carefully.”

  His answering smile was unshadowed now, even a bit teasing as he responded to her rather maternal admonition. “I’ll do my best.”

  She opened the door.

  Shane started to cross the threshold, but then he paused and turned to her again. “Um, Kelly—thanks for letting me talk it out, okay?”

  “You’re welcome.”

  On an impulse, she reached out to hug him. His arms closed warmly around her, his cheek resting against her short, blond hair. For several long moments, they stood entwined in the open doorway, oblivious to the cool night air wafting in from outside. Kelly offered comfort in the embrace and Shane accepted it. It was a hug between friends who had hugged many times before.

  And then something changed. She became suddenly aware of how warm he was against her. How firmly he held her against his lean, solid body. She felt his breath against her cheek, and noted the appealing scents of soap and spicy aftershave. Something buried deeply inside her responded to those observations, quivering to life.

  And in reaction, Kelly pulled away, her action so swift and abrupt that Shane nearly stumbled. His eyebrows rose quizzically as he studied her flushed face. “What was that?” he asked humorously.

  “That,” she replied, her voice crisp, “was me telling you it’s time to go home. You’re wearing a jacket, but I’m freezing.”

  It was a lie, of course. She was more in danger of burning than freezing. And she reacted to that danger with a very logical retreat. She all but pushed him out the door. “Good night, Shane.”

  “Good night, Kel—”

  She closed the door in his face, then sagged against it. Friends, she reminded herself. She and Shane were friends. Almost family. And she would do nothing to jeopardize that precious relationship.

  Chapter Two

  Shane spent Sunday afternoon with his father, restringing barbed wire fencing at the back section of the small, but sufficiently profitable cattle ranch they owned and operated together. It was hard work, but a nice day—cool, crisp, clear—and Shane enjoyed being outside. November signaled the beginning of the slow time for their ranch. Calves had been weaned and sold, the herd had been culled and vaccinated, the haying was finished and preparations had been made for winter feeding. Calving would start in mid-January, but until then they had some time to catch up on paperwork and general maintenance.

  Shane and Jared didn’t talk much while they worked. They had always been comfortable with long stretches of companionable silence, feeling no need to make small talk just to fill in the spaces. Jared was the one who spoke first after a long, busy pause. “How are you doing, son?”

  Just as they didn’t need small talk, they rarely had to elaborate for each other. Shane knew exactly what his father referred to. “I’m fine, Dad. You?”

  Jared lifted one broad shoulder. “Yeah.”

  The single syllable spoke volumes as far as Shane was concerned. Like his son, Jared was saddened by the meaningless, early end to a wasted life, but he had long since resigned himself to his ex-wife’s determination to self-destruct, and his own inability to stop her. Jared had gone on with his life, but he hadn’t forgotten the woman who had borne his first child.

  Glancing over his shoulder, Jared studied Shane’s face for a moment. “You seem to be in better spirits today than you were yesterday.”

  Shane grunted as he put his muscles into stretching the wire taut. He fastened the wire and straightened. “I feel better about it. Kelly and I talked awhile last night and I guess I needed that.”

  He had needed it more than he’d realized, actually. He’d been so troubled by his mother’s meaningless death that he almost hadn’t gone to Kelly’s at all. And then something had drawn him there. He’d known as soon as she opened the door, greeting him with a warm, pretty smile and a look of concern in her striking emerald eyes, that he’d made the right decision.

  “You and Kelly seem to be getting pretty tight lately.”

  A bit surprised by his father’s comment, Shane looked up from his work. “Kelly and I have been friends since we met. Nothing has changed.”

  “Hmm.”

  Frowning, he searched his father’s weathered face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Jared deftly twisted wire around a steel post to fasten a strand of barbed wire in place. “What?”

  “The way you said ‘hmm.’ Like there was something else you wanted to say.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just said ‘hmm.’”

  Shane felt a need, for some reason, to continue to justify his personal discussion with Kelly. “Kelly’s practically a member of the family. It isn’t unusual that she and I would talk about family matters.”

  “Because they were raised in the same foster home, Kelly and your cousin Brynn are sisters at heart, not in fact. We all consider Kelly part of the family, but there is, of course, no blood relationship.”

  Shane had never heard Jared make that distinction before, and he wondered why he did so now. “So are you saying I shouldn’t have talked to Kelly?”

  “Of course not.” Jared sounded almost irritated by the question. “I just said ‘hmm,’ Shane. Why are you makin
g so much out of it?”

  He couldn’t answer, other than that he was baffled by his father’s uncharacteristically cryptic conversation. Jared usually stated his thoughts bluntly and without prevarication. But if he was trying to make a particular point this afternoon, it eluded Shane completely.

  Jared changed the subject before Shane could decide what to say. “Cassie’s picking up the tickets tomorrow for our vacation next month. You’re still okay with watching Molly for ten days?”

  Deciding with some relief to follow his father’s conversational lead, Shane hefted the remaining roll of barbed wire into the back of Jared’s pickup. ‘I’m looking forward to it. Molly and I will have a great time.”

  “Yeah, well, you’ve never had her for more than a week before. I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  Shane chuckled. He was unashamedly crazy about his twelve-year-old half sister. He hadn’t even hesitated to let her stay at his house while Jared and Cassie took a long overdue vacation after Thanksgiving. He was convinced it was the best arrangement for everyone. His house was on the ranch, within sight of the larger, main house Molly shared with her parents. She could catch the school bus at the usual spot by the ranch’s entrance gate. And she would be around to take care of the menagerie of pets she had accumulated during the past few years.

  “No sweat,” he said with certainty. “I can handle it.”

  “Hmm.”

  Those enigmatic “hmms” were beginning to get on his nerves. He gathered the remainder of their tools, threw them into the truck, then stripped off his work gloves. “Didn’t Cassie say something about frying chicken for dinner?”

  Jared glanced at his watch. “By the time we finish at the barn and get cleaned up, she’ll probably have dinner ready for us.”

  “Sounds great. Let’s go.”

  They climbed into the truck, Jared behind the wheel. During the short, bumpy ride back to the barn, Shane found himself thinking of Kelly again and wondering why Jared had seemed so ambivalent toward her today. Jared had always seemed fond of Kelly, as Shane was, himself. Was he only imagining that Jared acted now as if something had changed? And, if so, what could it be?