Can't Text This

by Teagan Hunter

  Me: So basically for THE ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR?

  Python: YES. STOP YELLING AT ME, DAMMIT. IT IS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A MAGIC DADDY DICK YOU CAN’T RESIST.

  Me: It is absolutely your fault.

  Me: Also, don’t call it that anymore. It’s creepy now that I know your son.

  Python: Ew. Yeah. You totally ruined that for me. Thanks, bore.

  Me: *kisses*

  Python: Since we had to cancel our date tonight, can I take you out Sunday evening? After I drop the spawn off at his mom’s?

  Me: Hmm…I think I can pencil you into my schedule.

  Python: I’m gonna pencil into you.

  Python: Wait. No.

  Python: I think I just compared my dick to a pencil, and we both know it’s more like a Pringles can.

  Python: And that was a horrible attempt at being all sexy and funny and whatever else.

  Python: I’m just gonna be quiet now.

  Me: That’s probably best.

  Me: P.S. You’re my favorite flavor of Pringles.