Saratoga Falls: The Complete Love Story Series

by Pogue, Lindsey

  To my seventeen-year-old self, Mike was like no other guy I’d ever met; he was older, someone outside of school and Saratoga Falls with worldly experience, and no ties to anyone other than me. I could be myself with him.

  But bringing him out here proved to be my first mistake of many. That’s the day he’d met Sam. The day Nick planted my first kernel of doubt about Mike, only for me to ignore it so it could bite me in the ass a year later.

  I don’t know how soon after that day Mike started sneaking around with Sam, but when I found out, I hated her for it. Even if logic told me she likely didn’t know he and I were together. He was older and we did our own thing, always away from crowds, which was my second mistake. Part of me knew Sam was probably duped, like me, but it didn’t make the truth less painful. It all seems like yesterday and yet a lifetime ago, too.

  Sam shouts at Mac to bring her a drink as she sits up on her woven blanket and tucks a loose wave of blonde hair behind her ear, the rest pulled back in a braid. I imagine her eyes are fixed on the beach festivities, on Bobby, Reilly, and Colton, playing barefooted volleyball in their shorts.

  “Fear not, ladies, the party has arrived!” Nick calls down to them.

  Mac and Sam peer back at us, smiles engulfing their faces, though they falter a bit when they see me. I’m not surprised by it, though my reaction to the way my presence affects them stirs my unwanted insecurities back into place.

  “It’s about time, sleepy head,” Mac says, shielding her eyes with her hand.

  Nick flashes them a full-faced smile. “It’s not easy looking this good. I needed my beauty rest.”

  “Oh, I’ve seen you first thing in the morning. I know all about it,” she teases and we make our way over to the blanket.

  When I meet Mac’s gaze, it’s more curious than I expect, less thwarted. “Hi, Bethany,” she says.

  “Hey,” is about all I can manage as Nick and I drop the ice chest beside the others on the sand.

  When Sam finally looks at me, she offers me a small smile but doesn’t say anything. She’s still uncertain how she feels about me, I’ve noticed. Yesterday’s civil conversation was for Jesse and Nick’s benefit, and she’s fine when we talk about design stuff, but the past still lingers, and so does Sam’s dislike for me, even if she’s trying.

  “Oh, look, you got him out of bed!” Reilly says, jogging up to the group. He’s all easy smiles and bright blue eyes as he glances between us.

  Reilly could make things awkward if he wanted, especially after my friend Claire kissed him and caused a scene between him and Sam last summer. She’d wanted a final summer fling before she moved away, but Sam walking up on them during Claire’s brave moment wasn’t part of the fantasy. Mortification was what Claire got instead of Reilly. He got his girl, though, and he just smiles and acts like it never happened at all.

  Reilly tosses Nick the volleyball. “How are things?” He looks Nick directly in the eye. I get the impression he’s talking about Turner family drama, and I busy myself, pulling my hair up into a ponytail.

  “Fine,” Nick says, tossing the ball back to Reilly. “Annoying.”

  “Time for another Tetris night?” Reilly lifts his brow, hopeful, and I drop my beach bag onto the sand.

  “Oh, you want to get your ass handed to you again?” Nick asks. “Fine, then. Let’s do it.”

  “It’s always a competition,” Sam says, handing Reilly a bottle of water. He chugs it down, then gasps for breath and glances between me and Nick. “You guys should come play some ball. Brush some of those cobwebs off from being so sedentary and hunched over your textbooks.”

  “I’m down,” Nick says. He glances at me, his eyebrows dancing. “You want to play?”

  I look from him to Mac and Sam, situating themselves on the blanket. As much as I’d like to play with the guys to avoid the awkwardness that awaits me here, I know it won’t earn me any points with the girls, so I shake my head. “Maybe later, when everyone’s ready to play.”

  Nick nods and jogs after Reilly, toward the net. I’m not sure why I have the sudden need to get Mac and Sam’s approval, but I feel like I do, especially if Nick and I are going to be friends. I don’t want it to always be weird. Plus, I’m not as indifferent as I used to be. I want them to like me, and maybe I’m tired of letting people form their own, misguided opinions of me, too.

  “Here,” Mac says. She pats the empty space between her and Sam. “Take a load off. Catch some rays—it feels really good.” She pulls her t-shirt off and then her shorts, revealing a full body most girls would kill for and most guys want to get their hands on.

  She stretches back, completely oblivious. “Come on, Sam doesn’t bite, I promise.” Mac pats the blanket again and adjusts herself, her eyes closed behind her sunglasses.

  “Okay, sure.” I tug my sundress over my head, feeling the nip of the breeze against my skin, but I like it. It’s something else to focus on instead of the thick silence that seems to mask the sound of seagulls and crashing waves off in the distance.

  Sitting down between them, I wonder if Mac put me in the middle on purpose as I pull out my sunblock. It doesn’t matter why she did it. Today’s about having fun. That’s what Nick keeps telling me, and it’s what I keep repeating to myself over and over.

  “That lotion smells amazing,” Mac says. “What is it, lilac?”

  I nod, realizing she probably can’t see me against the backdrop of the sun. “Yeah. It’s a new product we got in at the salon. It’s overpriced, but it doesn’t smell like coconut, which is nice. Everything in the salon always smells like coconut.”

  “Yeah, that’s annoying.”

  With a sigh, Sam turns onto her stomach, pulling her braid off her back. “This feels sooo good,” she groans. “I can’t remember the last time I went sunbathing.”

  “See, Sam? I told you it would feel good to relax.” Mac looks at me and shakes her head. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it is for me to get this girl to pamper herself once in a while. I’ve gotten one mani-pedi with her in the last year. One.”

  I smile, appreciating Mac’s easiness around me.

  “I guess that happens when you’re so busy,” Sam says on a sigh.

  “No—not true at all.” Mac scoffs. “I’m always busy, yet I still find the time.”

  With a laugh, Sam wipes the sweat from her forehead. “But you’re high maintenance. I’m not.”

  “Take it back!” Mac gasps with feigned fury.

  “No way. It’s true.” Sam’s head lolls to the side and she grins. “And that look on your face is priceless.”

  When I’m finished with the sunblock, I scoot back on the blanket, ignoring the goosebumps over my skin as I ball my beach towel up under my head.

  “Well, I think Bethany would agree with me,” Mac continues. “It’s nice to treat yourself every now and again, right?”

  I nod. “Yes, it’s nice, especially if you need to unwind. Getting my nails done is sort of my ticket to escape for an hour or so every once in a while.”

  “I totally get it,” Mac says. “I have brothers, too. I think I might over compensate with the girlie thing just so I can remind myself I’m not a greasy slob, like Bobby is.”

  Sam and I both chuckle and drift into an easy quiet. The sounds of the ocean and the guys laughing and grunting as they hit the ball off in the distance becomes a serenade, and I lose myself to the warmth of the sun on my face. An airplane echoes somewhere far away. “I didn’t realize how nice this was going to be,” I muse, the sun melting every tightly wound muscle in my body.

  “Did Jesse have fun yesterday?” Sam asks, her voice muffled by the blanket.

  Recalling the pure joy on Jesse’s face as he and Nick brushed out the horses after our ride was priceless, and I know I couldn’t have asked for him to have a better experience. “Yeah, he did. He loved Shasta,” I say and look at her. “Thank you for letting us come out and ride.”

  “It was all Nick,” she says. “Of course I’d never tell
him no.” Her eyelashes flutter behind her glasses, and I can feel her gaze on me. “Bethany,” she says with a thoughtful pause.

  “Yeah?”

  She waits a drawn out moment, then continues. “Don’t hurt him this time.”

  I stare at her, shocked and a little offended by her request. Nick and I have had our share of issues, but I can’t take credit for all the turmoil that’s passed between us. This is the moment I assumed would come, though, and I’d tried to prepare for it.

  “I’m not trying to hurt him,” I tell her. “I’m not trying to do anything. We’re just friends.”

  “What were you before?”

  Nick and I have always had a connection, but we’ve never been anything to one another. “Nothing, I guess.”

  “That’s my point.”

  “What Sam is trying to say,” Mac interrupts, “is that even as nothing to each other, all the back and forth between you guys has been really hard on him. So, imagine our concern now that you guys are actually friends.” I’m too busy trying to ignore the burn of discomfort blooming in my chest and cheeks. I peer up at the blue sky. The sun burns my eyes, but I let it.

  “I don’t care what you guys say,” Sam grumbles. “It’s clearly more than just a friendship. He rode a damn horse for you. That’s not nothing.” She sounds a little awed, even if she doesn’t sound terribly happy about it.

  “He was just doing something nice for my brother, it doesn’t mean anything.”

  Sam snorts, making me bristle.

  “Maybe, but . . .” Mac sprays herself with more tanning lotion then looks down at me. “Nick’s never come to me about a girl before, ever. So, that’s big—that means something too.”

  My heart beings to hammer against my breastbone, bringing unexpected anger and hurt just beneath the surface. He talked to Mac about me? Rationally, I know it makes sense. They are best friends. But, the knowledge makes me feel exposed and a little betrayed.

  “See, he’s clearly losing his mind already,” Sam jokes, but I don’t find it funny.

  I reach for my dress. “I get that you’re protecting your friend,” I say, tugging my dress over my head. “But despite what you both think, you don’t know me. I don’t control what Nick does or feels. I’m not saying that I haven’t helped make things complicated between us, but you only know his side of things.”

  “By all means,” Sam says. “Enlighten us.”

  As much as I want to tell her to shove her judgements up her ass and explain ten years’ worth of “my side” of things, I’m not sure there’s much I can say right now that will make this situation any better, not while I grow more bitter by the second.

  “Why?” I say, rising to my feet. “You’ve clearly made up your minds already.” I straighten my dress and peer around for an escape. “I’m gonna stretch my legs.” I head toward the beach, away from them and the group, uncertain how things turned from conversational to toxic in a matter of seconds. My feet sink into the sand, making it difficult to walk away from them fast enough. I’d like to go play with the guys, maybe bat playfully at Reilly and give Sam a real reason to hate me, but that’s not who I am anymore. I’m not sure it ever really was.

  “Hey!” Sam says, jogging up behind me. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

  I laugh bitterly and continue walking. “Wasn’t that the point?”

  “No,” Sam says. “Well, maybe a little,” she amends. “Look, I’m sorry okay? He’s like my brother. He’s been looking out for us since elementary school, and I feel like it’s my turn.”

  “I’m not a harpy, Sam. I didn’t scheme my way into his life, like you seem to think. Neither of us asked to be project partners. It just happened.”

  “I get that,” she says with a huff. “Will you please just stop for a second?” Sam tugs on my arm. “God, you people and your long legs . . .”

  I stop and look at her, deciding it’s best to get everything out in the open now.

  “You’re like his kryptonite,” she says, a wisp of her hair floating in the breeze. “You heard Mac. You screw with his head and make him crazy.”

  “Well, I—”

  “You don’t do it on purpose, I get it. I just—I don’t want him to get hurt.”

  I shake my head. “Neither do I.”

  She blinks and bites the inside of her cheek before she speaks again. “I don’t know if he’s always thinking clearly when it comes to you, and you guys are delusional if you think you’re only friends.” She shakes her head. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is probably going to end badly. I just hope you guys know what you’re doing.”

  No, I have no idea what we’re doing, but I don’t have time to think about it. Nick comes jogging up the beach. “Hey.”

  He and Sam exchange a look before she glances at me again, then heads back toward the blanket.

  Nick lets out a raspy breath. “Is everything okay? That looked pretty intense.” He smacks on his gum, assessing my reaction.

  “It’s fine,” I say and continue walking. “I just need some space.”

  Thirty-Nine

  Nick

  “I’m just gonna grab my project stuff,” Bethany says as we step into my apartment. “I’ll finish the summary this week and start putting the binder together so we can focus on moving all the furniture in next Saturday.”

  “I was going to do that with Reilly this week, but I’ll let you do all the frilly stuff.”

  “‘kay.” She grabs her book bag off the floor. She hasn’t really looked at me since the beach. Whatever was said between her and Sam has caused her walls to go up again.

  “What did she say to you?” I ask. “You’ve been . . . different. Was she rude? Sam can be a little pushy but I’m sure—”

  “It’s fine,” she says. “That talk was bound to happen at some point. Sam’s just concerned.”

  “What is she so concerned about, me and you?” I know Sam doesn’t love Bethany, but I thought she was coming around to the idea of her.

  “Yeah, and honestly, I don’t blame her.” She scrambles for her papers on the table.

  “What? Don’t listen to Sam. She doesn’t know what it’s like between us—she doesn’t get it.” For the first time in my life, I’m pissed at Sam. Bethany and I were doing so good, now she’s a million miles out of reach again.

  “Why do this to ourselves?”

  “Do what? Be friends?”

  “Is that what we really are?” she asks, surprising me. “It feels more complicated than that.”

  “Of course it’s complicated. It’s stupid-complicated, it always has been, and it’s annoying as hell. But I told you from the beginning that I would let you steer the way.”

  “I don’t know, Nick—” she says with a groan.

  “Know what? Why does any of it matter? Why can’t we just be whatever we are?”

  “Because it’s dangerous,” she says.

  “Dangerous how, like you might actually be happy for once?”

  She shakes her head. “You’ve got enough going on in your life, Nick. I don’t want to mess things up for you. I don’t want to risk this turning out badly and—”

  “Bethany,” I say softly. “Why don’t you and everyone else stop worrying about me for a minute. What do you want? And it’s not about Jesse or your parents, either.”

  Bethany’s eyes are gray embers that burn with something unspoken, and I will them to meet mine. If I could get her to look at me, really look at me, she might finally admit what’s going on in her head. “Hey,” I breathe, and take her hand in mine.

  When her eyes shift to mine, they’re shimmering, and as she opens her mouth, I hold my breath. Hopeful. “I just want to get through this project.”

  I watch the way her cheeks redden and her eyes shift over me. “That’s all?”

  “Isn’t that enough, for now?”

  I shake my head. “It’s beyond that for me, now,” I tell her simply. “No matter how much you deny this, you know it’s not
going to just go away when we’re finished with this project. And, I don’t want it to.”

  She pulls her hand from mine and shoves everything into her bag, every one of her neurotic tendencies forgotten. I want to be angry with her for pushing me away, but the pain in her eyes makes it difficult to grab hold of anything other than hope that what she truly wants is stronger.

  She hauls her bag up over her shoulder. This morning I was admiring the way she looked, standing in my apartment in her sundress. Now, I panic that she’s going to leave and might never come back.

  “Don’t go.” It’s a plea and I hate how weak it makes me.

  She walks over to the couch and picks up her beach bag. “I have to—”

  “Bethany,” I say, stepping in front of her. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “Please, Nick.” She looks everywhere but at me.

  I study her trembling lip and can almost feel her reluctance like it’s my own. “Fine.” It takes all the willpower I have to step aside, knowing I have to respect whatever decision she makes, even if I hate it. “If you really want to go, I won’t stop you.”

  She clears her throat. “Yeah, I do.” But she doesn’t move, and I can hear the wavering resolve in her voice that only needs to be swayed just a little.

  “You like me,” I tell her. “Even if it’s complicated—I can feel it. I’ve always felt it, and so have you.” I take a step closer. “Screw the past. Screw Sam and everyone else. I’m not going to let you push me away anymore.”

  “Oh, really?” she says dryly.

  I cross my arms over my chest in answer. Her conviction is wavering, and I can’t help but allow a quirk of a smile. “If you really want me to play the bad guy so that you don’t have to admit to yourself you want to stay, I can.”

  “And how’s that going to work, exactly?”

  A dozen ways I might get her stay pop into my head. “I’ll force you.”