Sweet Deceit

by Duggan, K A

  Fliss is about to realise no matter how far you run, happiness can't be built on a cocktail of fantasy and lies.

  And deceit doesn't really taste all that sweet.

  Precise and to the point. If I’d had any input I probably would have droned on for far too long. I open the pages and see my dedication to her is still there, but she’s also included one to me:

  “If you find someone who knows all your mistakes, accepts them, forgives you for them and loves you in spite of them, never let them go.”

  This first book off the pile has a yellow sticky note underneath the quote that reads I found that someone and let him go. How dumb am I? I’ve taken more than I’ve given. I’ve forced patience on you while you let me find the best version of myself. You didn’t try to change me but let me realise I didn’t have to change, I just needed to grow. I just needed you.

  I digest those words slowly. It’s an apology of sorts and though I’m sick and tired of her explaining her feelings via writing my heart picks up a pace at the hope contained within them. Fliss has always been more open through writing, through email interactions, through any means other than face to face.

  I get comfortable. I know what I wrote, from the time she turned up on my doorstep and I believed she was only here to view the apartment, right up until our shock baby news. But reading what her motives were and how she felt for that time period is an insight I can’t wait to get lost in. As always, understanding her is my number one priority. She might drip feed information to me but at least I get it.

  And for the rest of the day that’s exactly what I do. I’m engrossed in reading a love story about my life and how a onesie wearing woman came along and changed it for the better.

  Putting your life out there for complete strangers to have an opinion on can go one or two ways.

  Firstly it can be enjoyed, make you a bestseller and create a huge fan following. Because reading a true story about two regular people makes others believe this kind of life is accessible. If we found our soul mate through the means we did, then they can too. Our story was relatable, crazy maybe and more suited to a work of fiction, but still…

  Our honesty, our struggles and our love, written from both our points of view was a hit.

  But here comes the secondly, with that comes the negativity, the judgement and the backlash. The downright tearing down of Fliss’ character because she made mistakes, she made plenty, but she held her hands up, she admitted to them and then included them in this book of our life. Social media helps in this business, to keep you relevant, to have your work seen, to interact with readers but it also opens up a can of worms. Keyboard warriors use it as a place to insult, to tear you down. To send private messages and directly tell you their thoughts on everything they deem you did wrong. It’s fine to disagree with our story. It’s not fine to bully because of a differing opinion.

  How often do you make mistakes? I’m guessing regularly because as humans it’s human nature to do so. No one is perfect. It’s strange to me that complete strangers think they have any sort of right to judge us, to have an opinion on our relationship but this is the attention we invited in when we released this story. It’s part and parcel of now being well known, but the invasive questions Fliss gets asked about her parents and Milly is shocking. Thank God the only real names we used in this were our own, because of the selling a child part, that caused an uproar.

  If we’ve brought out such strong emotions in readers, though then I guess it was written well.

  To be honest I don’t much care either way anymore because after I read it, I did a Fliss. Dropped everything, flew to her on a whim and moved in. I haven’t left since and nothing could ever make me again. A few weeks ago our baby girl was born and life as a dad is utter bliss or utter Fliss as I like to say. Whatever went before, from the day she was born I knew I was the luckiest guy alive, my two beautiful girls are thriving, happy and healthy.

  Freya’s birth even softened my father. Grey should now be called rainbow or some other stupid play on how happy he is. I had no idea he was such a softy, but then my girl brought me to my knees. They’re even planning on moving over as they can’t bear the distance apart.

  Me, I’m still writing. I’m sought after now and God did it feel good to shove that in my fathers face. To prove him wrong. He took it well, begrudgingly but he even said he was proud of me. Blow me over with a fucking feather. I still leave her shower smiley’s whenever I can, sometimes we simply shower together and I make her more than smile in there. She still opens packets of sweets before me and bins the nasty green ones. It’s definitely the little things in life that have the biggest meaning.

  And Fliss…

  Would you believe out of everything she could do she decided her talents lay in designing? Not any old designing though, no, Fliss designed a range of baby animal onesies – seriously, you should see the octopus design. She used our precious baby as a model for the first photoshoot, if I thought her cow onesie with the four dicks was bad, well this grey thing had eight limbs. I couldn’t stay and watch because I was starting to choke on my laughter. If you think that’s funny, imagine me, the poor guy who had to walk around with his fiancé dressed as a caterpillar while holding our bundle of cuteness who was in a butterfly onesie, widespread wings and all. It was kinda cute I guess, I know what she was going for, but fuck me. People must have looked at us and thought we were on day release from a loony house or something. Luckily she only did that in public the once to teach me a lesson. And it’s one of the greatest things about her. She doesn’t care what others think of her clothing choices. It doesn’t embarrass her and to be that free must be a glorious feeling. I know I couldn’t do it. Her own onesies don’t make as much of an appearance any more which I must admit, I miss. Every now and then she likes to surprise me with a ludicrous design she’s found which she wears around the house. She does it completely on purpose, she knows my absolute weakness where they’re concerned are the ones with tails and hoods and I’m betting it won’t be long before she moves into designing adult ones for nothing more than to humiliate me.

  Fliss never did meet with Millie. And for that I’m grateful. I don’t know what she wanted to gain from it, but I worried if she was expecting some kind of relationship to form she’d be disappointed. She toyed with the idea so many times but ultimately decided the woman was nothing to her, she already had her answers and once our baby was born she really couldn’t understand why anyone would sell their child. Maybe someday in the faraway future, she’ll revisit her decision and if she does I’ll stand by her. But for now, we’re focusing on being happy, on being parents and soaking up this new experience for both of us.

  So life worked out the way we wanted. Fliss always tells me she knew if we could just meet, even for the briefest of moments our relationship would be cemented. She didn’t expect there to be so many bumps in the road, but anything worth having isn’t always going to be easy.

  It was a chaotic way to get here. There were times I thought we’d be forever severed. She kept me on my toes, but ultimately, if Fliss hadn’t committed that Sweet Deceit I’d never know how perfect my life could be.

  The End

  Bonus chapter

  (Excerpt from Sweet Deceit)

  The first time we met

  Ash

  I’ve been cleaning this apartment like a maniac. Making a good impression on this viewing is essential. I’m generally a clean and tidy guy anyway but making this extra effort might just cinch it for me.

  This viewing has to work out.

  I don’t know how Cammy has been finding out about the others but if this bad luck streak continues because she gets a whiff of this one and fucks it up again, I might have to move home.

  And that is something to be avoided at all costs.

  I take one last look around just to check all is satisfactory and curse as my phone rings. If this is the interested party ringing to cancel, I’m screwed.

  Jake’s name flashes on
the screen, “Hey.” I answer

  “Trina’s done it again. You better get over here.”

  “On my way,” I reply, no questions asked.

  Trina is one of my best mates, has been since we were kids, but she has her own demons to battle, every now and then she fails miserably and we all have to rally to be by her side. She needs me and that is possibly the only thing that could make me cancel this viewing.

  “Fuck!” I shout, slamming my hand on the breakfast bar. “Why does she do this?” I mutter to myself. Her timing sucks but I know she doesn’t have any control, she doesn’t purposely choose when these episodes will occur.

  I make my way to the door and just as I reach it, it knocks. I consult my watch, noticing the woman is early. I can’t cancel now, but I can make this quick.

  I pull the door open, a little too forcefully in my impatience to get going. The woman stood before me has her head downcast, staring at her shoes. Long blonde hair is all I can see, she has mounds of it, as though she’s never had a haircut her whole life, it easily goes past her arse.

  She suddenly flicks her head my way and our eyes connect. Hers are an ocean blue filled with sadness, she looks so timid, awkward as she stands before me, wringing her hands and swaying on the spot as if her modest heels are too much for her to handle.

  A small smile plays over her lips as she drinks me in. She’s cute. But I don’t have time to put on a charm offensive.

  “You just going to stand there, or are you coming in?” Nice one, Ash, real welcoming.

  She walks past me like Bambi, tottering in those shoes, as I close the door and take her in. Oh yeah, that hair is Rapunzel length long. I bet it’s great to pull on in the bedroom.

  I clear my throat before thoughts like that can lead down a dangerous path, walking past her I say. “I’m sorry but I’ve managed to double book myself, this will have to be a quick tour.” I stride ahead of her, desperate to get this over with.

  “Living room.” I tell her before moving on to the next room “Bathroom.”

  I stop outside the spare room “This is the spare room.” I continue, opening the door and moving aside so she can look in. She takes a quick peek before turning to face me.

  “So, what do you think?” I ask, turning and quickly glancing at my watch.

  “Umm, uh… your home is lovely.” She stutters. She looks like she wants to say more, but the way she stares at me is kind of disconcerting, if I didn’t know better I’d say she was swimming with recognition. I realise she sounds completely different to the woman I spoke to on the phone.

  My brows rise “Not from around here?”

  “What gave me away?”

  “The accent for one. Look, I’m late for something so do you want the room or not?” I hate myself for being this tactless and emotionless, but my worry for Trina has only intensified and I just want to leave. Finding a roommate doesn’t now hold the same urgency it did 20 minutes ago.

  “Huh?” she asks

  “You’re here for the spare room, right?” I question as my brow raises. For a split second, I contemplate this could be a new trick of Cammy’s.

  “Yeah, right.” She agrees quickly.

  “So? Are you my new roommate or not?” I can barely hide the desperation in my voice. I silently compel her to agree.

  “Me?” She blurts as though such a thing is absolutely absurd. Then why are you here? Wasting my damn time!

  I squint at her and after what feels like an age she says “Yes, I’ll take it.”

  I can’t help but smile. This woman, without even knowing it has just solved all of my problems. I could hug her for that alone. But this isn’t a done deal yet. I need to lock her in so she can’t back out and put me back to square one.

  “Good. So Uh if you have the first months rent, we’re good to go.” I run through some on the details we spoke about over the phone and running through some quick ground rules. I direct her over to my kitchen island and show her the pre prepared paperwork I had drafted.

  “Right, so the paperwork is here, and this is the spare key. I’ve signed already so feel free to peruse it and if happy it’s a done deal. I know this is unorthodox and I’m really sorry to dump you like this, but I really do have to go. I’ll be back later so feel free to make yourself at home, acclimatise, whatever and if you need to move your things in while I’m gone, please do. We can catch up later, roomie?” As I talk, she avoids all eye contact, looking through the contract in front of her instead.

  I frown when she hands over a stack of cash, but convince myself she’s probably just drawn it out in preparation of her acceptance.

  “Okay.” She agrees reluctantly and I wish I didn’t have to leave like this. I have time though to show her my first impression may have been lacklustre but living with me will be fun. I nod at her agreement, smile her way and leave. Leaning against the door once I’m in the hall. What the fuck did I just do?

  Acknowledgments

  A huge thank you has to go to Sarah Louise Brown, who has helped endlessly with this book. The tagline came about from brainstorming with her, she was one of the first to read the draft chapters and then she beta read for me as well. You. Are. A. Gem.

  Massive thank you also to my other beta’s – Yvonne Eason, Donna Matthewman, and Linda Humphries – your input was invaluable.

  Kerry Humphreys – This book would likely still not be finished if you hadn’t sprinted with me for the last stretch and held me accountable. You are always there with ready advice and I’m so thankful for you. The teasers you designed are gorgeous and I’m so lucky to have you as a friend. Love you muchly!

  Emma Louise Norton James and Vicky Shellard – There are lots of pieces in this story that came from spending time with you guys. Thanks for being some of the driving inspiration behind it.

  Stella Gray – Although the first half of this was light and a little comedic, I always knew the illness of Fliss’ mother would be the driving factor for her leaving. I researched Alzheimers and dementia because I wanted to convey the truth of these awful illnesses, but having never been affected by it I knew I needed the input of someone who had. Thank you so much Stella for reading the chapters I sent to you and for your openness and honesty.

  Amanda Walker – For the amazing book cover. I loved it the moment I saw it. Thank you!

  Rebecca Milhoan – For editing and making the words I wrote readable. You’re a star and I can’t thank you enough for jumping on board and helping with this.

  And to you, the readers. You make this possible. Thank you for taking a chance on an indie author. I hope you enjoyed reading Ash and Fliss’ story.

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