by Mandy Harbin
He hoped it’d get better as time went on, but being forced to see her today proved that wasn’t possible. He obviously couldn’t remember for sure if he’d ever been in love before, but he knew he hadn’t been since losing his memory. Until now.
He’d spent these years seeking sexual release with willing women and without emotional attachments, not because he was afraid of falling in love, but because he didn’t know how to be in love with someone. And he still didn’t know how to accept it, deal with it.
It didn’t matter. He didn’t deserve to be in the same room with her, so he sure as hell didn’t deserve to be in a relationship with her. As he thought about her, he knew he’d never love another woman again. She was the only woman fully suited for him, but he wasn’t suited for her. So now he had to learn how to live life without the one woman his heart demanded. If he was man enough, he’d confess to her what he’d done.
But something like that needed to be discussed in person, and he knew if he were alone with her, his cock would overrule all rational thought. To touch her would be succumbing to the darkest sin, one there was no redemption for. He was already damned, and he’d do his best to keep from dragging her with him.
So he was doomed to live a life of hell, knowing he hurt the woman he loved. It didn’t matter that it happened before he fell in love with her. He was a monster, and he couldn’t change his past no matter how much he wished it.
Colonel dropped some lug nuts and cursed, yanking Brody out of his depressing thoughts, though he knew he’d never truly escape them, only be granted brief reprieves.
“Where the fuck is Gage? That little shit knows better than to take off on a Saturday. His ass is the lowest on this totem pole. He should be working overtime to ensure he stays welcome at this job.” Colonel grumbled as he picked up the items he’d dropped.
“He’ll be in later,” Brody said, stepping over to help Colonel. He didn’t want to tell his boss where Gage was—in Prairie County, Arkansas, doing some digging on Dave Simmons.
“Colonel’s right, that punk is new, so if anybody gets a Saturday off, it shouldn’t be him,” Roc said from across the shop.
It’d been a week since Brody found out about Roc feeding innuendo to Xan about Mimi, and he’d been avoiding him because Brody knew he’d knock out that jackass if given the opportunity. But keeping his distance didn’t help him to keep his mouth shut. Brody knew he’d been snapping at Roc all week, but Colonel acted sympathetic, probably figuring that Brody’s mood was specific to the baby-killing news and not something personal, so he hadn’t chided him over it.
“He’s been here for two fucking years, asshole. We all get days off now and then,” Brody growled.
Roc slammed down his wrench and pointed his finger at Brody from over the car he was working on. “I wasn’t talkin’ to you, motherfucker. You can back off my ass any time now. I’m sick of your shit. I ain’t done nothin’ to you!”
That was it. Brody shoved off the ground and stormed over to Roc. “You haven’t done anything to me? You haven’t done anything to me? Is that right?” Brody reached the black-haired jerk, grabbed a handful of his shirt and pushed him into the side of the car. “How the fuck do you explain Mimi?” Brody yelled in his face.
Roc blanched briefly, then narrowed his green eyes. He put his hands against Brody’s chest and shoved, but Brody was much bigger, and so pissed he couldn’t be moved.
“Get off! I didn’t do anything to Mimi.”
“I’m talking about what you said to Xan about her. Your punk-ass practically told her I was fucking Mimi!”
All work in the shop stopped and a couple of the guys gasped. “Dude, that ain’t right,” Hunter said.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Bear shook his head as he headed over to break up the impending fight.
“He likes stirring up trouble, that’s what,” Blade muttered.
“I never said you were doing Mimi,” Roc spat. “I told her you were over at Mimi’s house and had been there all morning. It ain’t my fault she assumed the worst.”
“You lyin’ sack of shit!” Brody’s fist connected with Roc’s face once, twice, before Bear threw his arms around him to pull him away.
He wasn’t strong enough, so Hunter and Blade jumped in to help. The three were finally able to peel Brody off Roc.
“It ain’t my fault you’re sweet on her pussy,” Roc yelled as he threw a punch. Brody blocked it, but not before it made contact with his jaw and slid away.
Getting sucker punched by a prick who was bad-mouthing Xan made Brody’s blood boil even hotter. He roared and dragged the three men holding him back in Roc’s direction and hit him again.
“Enough!” Colonel ordered as he grabbed Roc and pulled him away from the group. It was easier to move the smaller man, and it seemed as if Colonel was going to let it go. But then he got in Brody’s face. “Get the hell out of here. Go cool off at home.”
Then he turned to Roc. “You too. And if you want a job to come back to, you’ll watch your fucking mouth in the future. Got it?”
Roc grunted and nodded before looking away. Brody stalked off to his motorcycle, revved it up, and shot out of the parking lot. He was so pissed he was shaking. So much for not acting on that rage. When he’d snapped, there was no going back. Roc deserved every hit, and then some. Brody should’ve pushed the other guys off and pummeled that jackass. Misguided anger or not, Roc needed to be taken down a peg or two, and Brody was just the man to do it. If that man so much as breathed wrong around him, he’d take him out.
He wasn’t ready to go home because he knew he’d drown his frustrations, anger, pain in more alcohol, so he drove to Gage’s house, hoping he was back and had found something about Dave Simmons. When he neared, he saw Gage’s truck, so he pulled in. After parking, he strode up to the door and knocked. He heard the chain rattle just before the door opened.
“Hey, man. C’mon in.” Brody followed Gage back into his living room where he had a laptop open and papers strewn about. They both sat on the shabby couch. “Whatcha doin’ here so early? I figured I wouldn’t see you for a couple more hours.”
Brody swiped his hand over his face and then over his hair. “Got sent home for fighting with Roc.”
“Ah, well, that was bound to happen.” Gage chuckled. “He needs a good ass-whipping anyway.”
“Yeah,” Brody grunted. “It was stopped before it really started.” He sighed as he sat back and ran his hands over his jeans. “Any luck today?”
“Yes and no. We still can’t count Simmons out as a suspect, but he hasn’t been hiding anything. He was there at the farm today, and I spoke to him. I flashed him one of the fake identification badges Colonel had made for us. Told him I was an FBI agent working the Collins case.” Gage wagged his eyebrows. “He hadn’t seemed uneasy with that and answered the general questions I’d asked. But when I acted like the questions were over and pretended to be shootin’ the shit with him, I asked him about his retirement and he clammed up. Didn’t volunteer any information and promptly escorted me off the property.”
“Hmmm, that could be taken a couple of different ways. Either he’s dirty and was covering his ass, or—”
“Or he’s just a former agent who answered questions to help another agent out and wanted to keep his personal life off the table.”
Either way, Simmons was still a suspect. “We need something more concrete before we decide if he’s a real threat to her.”
“Yeah, I’ve been following the money. So far, that big deposit is the only one that doesn’t fit. It came out of nowhere, and he hightailed it out of the agency as soon as that puppy cleared the bank. Short of asking him outright, which we can’t do, it’s taking longer than I wanted finding the source.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate you doing all this.”
Gage sat back and stared at Brody for several seconds. “She means a lot to you.”
It wasn’t a question, but Brody felt like answering anyway. “Yep.”
As hopeless as the situation was, his feelings were not questionable.
“Look. I know I’ve told you this before, Brutus, but you shouldn’t take what Colonel told you at face value. Think about it. He’s getting intel from sources that are shady. Those guys have their own agendas. Who’s to say the Tess Collins story wasn’t fed with a specific outcome in mind.”
Part of what Gage was saying was true, but Brody couldn’t afford to hope. And yet…
“What would anybody gain by leading me to believe I’d killed Xan’s baby?”
“The very fact that you’re questioning yourself is reason enough. Who knows, man? These guys could be looking for a score and would know Collins is looking for his ex and his kid. We still haven’t cornered that Dale Adams rat. Someone knows Xan and Scott are hiding out here, and we don’t know how close that someone is to Collins. If Adams worked for Collins, he’d be here by now. So I think Adams is some third-party player. He sees you hanging around Xan, feeds this to his boss. Colonel asks questions about your past to people who’d have been around during that time—people like this Dale Adams character. The right person has his ears open, and he can figure out how to play everything to his advantage. If they can’t get to Xan because you’re always around, they take you out. They can’t get close enough to you physically, so they mess with your head, hope to trip you up, catch you off guard.”
Brody chuckled, the first time he felt genuine humor since learning the dreadful news. “That’s some story you’ve conjured up. Unfortunately, you have no proof except to show me the ass you pulled it out of.”
Gage smiled and punched Brody’s shoulder. “My point is we don’t know what happened. If it makes you feel better to distance yourself from Xan, then I’m not going to argue. But I think you should be critical of anything you learn about your past. No matter how good or bad it seems.”
Brody felt a little better looking at his situation through Gage’s eyes. He made sense, and maybe Brody should be a little more leery of what he’d learned about his previous life. But even if there was the slightest possibility that he killed Xan’s daughter, he had to live with it if that were the case. It didn’t change anything about his relationship with Xan. It only gave him motivation to seek the truth for himself.
“Thanks, man. I’m gonna head out. Let me know if you find anything about Simmons’ money.”
“Will do.”
Brody left and let the thrilling hum of this bike soothe his muscles. He was still pissed at Roc and fighting the urge to demand answers from Colonel on his informational sources, but now that he had a glimmer, a sliver of hope, his mind was fighting to recall Xan’s beautiful body spread out beneath him. He couldn’t allow that because nothing had truly changed. But as soon as he got a few beers in him, his moral fiber would dissolve and he’d find himself wrapped up in a Xan fantasy so hot, he’d be jacking off all night.
A few minutes later, Brody was pulling into his driveway. He killed the engine and walked into his house, heading straight for his kitchen. It was time to get started on drowning his morals so he could dream about the woman he loved, doing very naughty things to his body. He yanked the fridge door open, grabbed a beer, and twisted off the cap. He downed half before he turned and almost choked on the last bit.
Because in his haste, he hadn’t noticed he wasn’t alone in his kitchen.
Xan sat in a chair at the far end of the table, facing him, wearing the sexiest, purple-and-black negligee he’d ever seen. His dick was already half hard with images of Xan’s beautiful body. Now it was painfully erect. Thankfully, he was too shocked to groan at the sight of her because he’d definitely be making some noises. He took two steps in her direction before he realized what he was doing.
No. He stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the vixen before him. He couldn’t touch her, but she didn’t understand why.
And he wasn’t going to tell her.
Evidently, he wasn’t man enough to break the news to her. But he didn’t have time to chastise himself right now. He needed to be a dick—not think with his dick—and throw her out. He was rude to her in the beginning, so he could do it again.
He opened his eyes and the air locked in his lungs. God, she was a vision. How could he turn her away without crushing her heart? He’d already done enough damage to her. He didn’t want to just keep adding to it.
“Xan,” he breathed. Whatever else he was going to say was forgotten, if it was ever clear, when she stood. That damn teddy had tiny purple lace covering her tits and scrunched black lace that clung to her body, ending just below her pussy where garters tipped with purple bows hung to hold up her sheer, black stockings. She even wore stilettos strapped at the ankle.
She was a fucking knockout.
“Xan,” he tried again, but had to stop to clear the catch in his throat. Jesus, he wanted her. He clenched his hands, fisting them and stretching his fingers several times as his body fought his brain for control.
“Brody,” she murmured, stepping toward him.
A groan slipped out, but he bit it off as he took a step back.
“Where are you going, lover?” she purred as she advanced on him.
He was a goner. He couldn’t think straight with all the blood rushing to his cock. His balls were aching, sweat beading on his brow. He had to get her out of here, so he could jack off. If he could just beat one out, he could remember the reasons why he needed to avoid her.
She stepped up against him and he instinctually grabbed her arms to push her away. But she quickly flicked the button of his jeans and unzipped his pants, giving his cock a little relief. Only he didn’t have time to relish the additional room his growing dick needed because she dropped to her knees and licked the pulsing head.
He hissed, grabbing her hair. “Xan, this isn’t a good—”
Oh for the love of God. She took him into her mouth and his objection died the death it deserved. No way in hell was he going to stop her now. Her mouth was much preferable to his hand.
“Shit, baby,” he groaned as she sucked just the head, her tongue teasing the ridge just the way he liked it. Xan was the best at this. Never had he had another woman suck him off with such intensity, such enthusiasm, as if it were her greatest pleasure.
She hummed around his cock and his knees started to buckle. She arched her back, exposing her bare ass. Bare. Shit, she wasn’t wearing any panties under that devil’s wet dream. His hands fisted tighter in her hair as his control snapped. He held her still while his hips thrust, fucking her sweet little mouth, watching the globes of her ass sway as she churned her wanton hips. And still she swallowed with each deep penetration, taking him all the way.
“Fuck.” He wasn’t going to last. He pumped faster and she grabbed his balls, squeezing them almost painfully. “Yes! I’m gonna come, baby.”
He pushed into her two more times, feeling the cum boil, ready to rush free from his body. Oh yes, he was about to shoot down her throat, and he couldn’t bear to wait.
Then she pulled away suddenly and he howled in frustration, feeling the impending orgasm hover as if on a knife’s edge. She stood, her mouth swollen and wet with her effort and he panted, staring at her, wondering why she stopped, keeping himself from shoving her back to her knees to finish like some selfish prick.
“You want to come, you have to fuck me first. Then I’ll let you come whichever way you want.”
Chapter Seventeen
Xan watched Brody’s eyes, already glazed with lust, narrow with her demand. She knew she wasn’t playing fair getting him all worked up and stopping, but she didn’t care. He’d been avoiding her for a week now, and she wanted answers.
And by God, if she didn’t get answers, she was going to make him regret his actions by showing him what he’d been missing. Because she’d been missing it—him—too. She’d lain awake every night fantasizing about him, the feel of his cock in her pussy, in her mouth. She loved the taste of him, so it’d been damn hard stopping just now, but she had t
o embrace the bigger picture here.
She wanted him. In bed. In her life. Maybe getting answers wouldn’t be possible, but she’d do what she could to open up to him and encourage him to do the same. But if he didn’t want a relationship, she’d take what she could get. She wasn’t going another twelve years without sex if she could help it.
And if she had to be a cock tease to get her way? So be it. She knew the outfit was a hit the moment his eyes widened. The bulge in his pants? Oh yeah, that was another indicator.
“You’ll let me come however I want?” he rasped.
“Mmm-hmm.” She ran a finger along his neck, inciting a subtle shiver in response. Her Viking seemed to be holding back still, and that was unacceptable, so she mustered up the gumption to continue her seduction. “What’s wrong, big boy? You know you want to fuck me,” she crooned, running her hand down his abdomen and lightly clutching his cock.
He groaned and swayed toward her. His movement was automatic, but she didn’t care. Since he was leaning her way, she seized the opportunity. Already in ridiculously high heels, she nudged up on her toes with ease and captured his open mouth with hers, sliding her tongue into the heat. She kissed him hard as she squeezed his cock, and he broke. Brody grabbed her ass, lifting her and turning, slamming her against the nearest wall. That’s what I’m talking about. Her arms went around his neck, legs instinctively wrapped around his hips as she rubbed her weeping pussy against his cock.
He took control of the kiss, ravishing her mouth, nipping at her lips, massaging his tongue against hers almost desperately. Xan continued to rub herself against him, loving the animalistic sounds rumbling in his chest and tearing from his mouth and into hers. He squeezed her ass cheeks with such force he’d leave marks, and that only made her hotter. The idea of him marking her as his ignited some primal instinct in her that should’ve been reserved for men with cavemen mentalities, not a woman who was practically a virgin before meeting this man.
And she didn’t care. He could grab her by the hair and drag her wherever he wanted at this point, and she wouldn’t protest.
