Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead

by Saralee Rosenberg

  “Are you kidding?” Richard checked his cell for the tenth time. “Beth goes nowhere without Xanax. She probably took the whole bottle by now. Damn! No service in here. I’ll be right back.”

  “Richard, wait!” Artie grabbed him. “There’s something I need to tell you…about Beth.”

  “I know what you’re going to say, but I know my wife. She wasn’t going to leave me.”

  “No, no. That’s not it…. She may not have taken the Xanax…she’s pregnant.”

  “Pregnant?” His voice ricocheted over the crowd noise. “What the…are you sure?”

  “Positive. Mindy told me she did the test last night. That’s what she was coming to tell you.”

  “Oh my God.” He clutched Artie’s shoulder. “Oh my God…”

  Artie was pacing at the back of the room, wondering how anyone could remain seated let alone focused on the hastily done Power Point presentation that was supposed to reassure them. Instead it was creating more angst, giving people things to fear that they hadn’t yet considered.

  “The A320 airbus is one of the most reliable, technologically advanced commercial jets out there,” a veteran pilot droned on. “Similar incident in Los Angeles a few years back…nosewheel jammed ninety degrees in the wrong direction…passengers and baggage were moved toward the rear of the craft…no fatalities.”

  Artie couldn’t listen. All he could ponder was what he’d say when he called home. He was awful at this job. Mindy was the rock, the one who knew the right words to put everyone at ease. How would he ever survive without her?

  “We’re doing everything humanly possible to minimize the risks: burning forty-six thousand pounds of aviation fuel, putting less stress on the plane reduces chances of an explosion. Fire trucks and emergency rescue workers standing by on the tarmac…”

  He checked his watch. They’d been circling for an hour. One more to go. Thank God they wouldn’t have a view of the touch-down, but would they hear the sirens?

  “The pilots will keep the nose gear off the ground as long as possible. Runway 28L is eleven thousand feet. FAA doesn’t recommend a pre-foam, depletes supply in case of fire, can’t compromise the brakes…may be able to evacuate using air stairs instead of slides…”

  Artie was in such shock, he didn’t notice Aaron crouched in a corner until he heard a familiar voice: “‘I’m afraid of aeroplanes, even though I like the way it feels to be a person in the sky…one day we’ll come crashing down, what will I do, never had a chance to say goodbye…close my eyes…’”

  Now his stomach was in knots. This wasn’t just any song. It was “A320,” the Foo Fighter hit from the Godzilla soundtrack. He liked it, too, he just never imagined it would one day be his theme song. “Believe me, I’m freaked out,” he said, “but these guys are so well trained.”

  “Not good.” Richard found them. “It’s a full flight…hundred-thirty six passengers and crew…they’ve never had a major crash here before. Let’s hope they know what the hell they’re doing!”

  “Oh my God, would you cool it?” Artie gritted.

  “Right. No, of course,” Richard backpedaled. “My buddy at the agency said the pilot just has to pop a wheelie so he lands on the back tires. Sure beats losing an engine!”

  Artie didn’t know which was worse: thinking that every passing minute was bringing the plane closer to its life-or-death landing or being surrounded by a room full of strangers who were crying, praying, and chatting, their random words of fear and faith wafting in the air.

  “Hey, c’mon.” Artie had to lift Aaron off the floor. “You heard the guy. The second the plane lands, they start the evacuation and everyone gets out.”

  “You believe what you wanna believe. I know the truth!”

  “What do you mean?” Artie’s heart raced.

  Aaron waved his arms in a big circle and made a loud popping sound.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “My friend’s dad is off today but I got to talking to some guys on the ground crew.” He looked up in tears. “They said the wind’s not comin’ from the west, so it’s gonna be real hard to control the plane now…. They’re gettin’ ready for a crash and burn!”

  “Oh my God!” Artie shuddered.

  “Why do you have to keep saying God?” He rocked like a baby. “There’s no such thing.”

  “You don’t believe in God?”

  “Wouldn’t matter if I did. He doesn’t believe in me!”

  “That’s crazy. Of course there’s a God. I mean it’s fine to question your beliefs. Even Mother Teresa had doubts. But this is no time to abandon ship. If ever you needed to believe in a higher being and—”

  “Stop tryin’ to sell me, okay? I used to go to church and pray and it did shit for me. You think I wanted to grow up in that house? You think it’s fair I’ve been losin’ people left and right, or that a plane full of good people might blow up ’cause my mom wants to get even with me. I know I shouldn’t have called the cops on her, but I thought we were all gonna get killed…all these guys livin’ in our house, stealin’ our things. ’Cause of me she had to serve time; wouldn’t talk to me when she got out….”

  Artie was riveted, momentarily forgetting that his wife’s life was in jeopardy. All he could focus on was his son’s painful confession and his sad, convoluted belief that there was some karmic connection between his dead mother and the innocent people in peril.

  “Hey, look. It’s your call if you want to talk to God, or Allah, or the Good Humor man. But please tell me you believe in something, ’cause I can’t think of anything worse than not having faith. And how you could think you had anything to do with this situation? You’re an innocent bystander.”

  “You’re only sayin’ that ’cause you’re my dad, but you gotta see the truth. Somebody up there hates me…. I go on a vacation and my mom dies, I come home and my uncle is dead, I go back to New York and find out I’m under arrest in Portland. I get back here and now a plane full of people is getting fucked! It’s me, man. Don’t you see? Anything to do with me is doomed!”

  Artie tried to process the sad revelation that his son felt like a marked man, yet he couldn’t contain his glee. “You think of me as your dad.”

  “Duh.”

  “No, I mean when we first got together, you kept calling me Art.”

  “Just a name,” Aaron said. “I’m not retarded. You’re all I got now.”

  “Mindy thinks you’re great, too.” He wiped his eyes. “She’d do anything for you.”

  “I know…. Somethin’ happens to her, we are so screwed!”

  “Nothing’s going to happen…. God knows we need her more than he does.”

  Artie had lost track of how many diet Cokes he’d downed, how many steps he’d paced, how many tears he’d shed, how many times he’d called home, how many times he’d wished he’d never asked Mindy to change her plans. But the bottom line was the same. If not for finding the Starbucks stock, he never would have suggested that Mindy book a last-minute flight. So the money wasn’t even in his pocket yet, but it had already altered his life, and not for the better.

  And who was he to tell Aaron not to question God’s existence? He had a few concerns himself. How could a compassionate God shower him with wealth, then take away the woman who was his wife and best friend? Was it written in the script that he wasn’t entitled to happiness and success at the same time?

  An energized Richard ran over. “Good news! I asked one of the guys up there if a pregnant woman would be one of the first off and he said yes. That means Mindy would be right behind Beth.”

  “Good, good!” Artie had to force himself to focus. “What else did he say? How much longer are they going to be up there?”

  “Another twenty minutes maybe. Half hour tops…I can’t believe they’re not shutting down the airport for this. The terminals haven’t been evacuated. It’s like business as usual out there.”

  “That’s strange because I heard someone say the tarmac looks li
ke an army invaded—rescue workers, fire trucks, ambulances. Have you been drinking?”

  “Yeah, but not enough.” Richard blew into a tissue. “I swear to God I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. The thought of all these people strapped in their seats not knowing what’s going to happen to them is blowing my mind. I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t make it off that plane. I’ve screwed up so royally….”

  “Want to know my one regret?” Artie whispered. “That I never bought Mindy a nicer engagement ring. I know how much she wanted something a little bigger. I could kick myself now. I blew money on such stupid stuff when I could have used it to show her how much I loved her…”

  “I just want to make things right, especially with a baby coming,” Richard sniffed. “I hope to God they’re okay….”

  “What the fuck!” A bewildered Aaron looked up from his crouch position. “We need to start prayin’ or somethin’.”

  Some choice! Wait around for word of the landing or follow one of the staff into a room where a small closed-circuit television had been set up. Artie was astounded by how many people jumped at the chance to watch, as if this was a Hollywood movie, not a potential real-life tragedy.

  Richard opted to watch so he didn’t have to spend another minute in a crowded conference center listening to people’s annoying cell conversations or well-meaning clergy.

  Artie was still undecided because of Aaron. How could he let this young, troubled kid possibly witness a plane blowing apart? He’d carry this image to his grave, although sitting around staring at tables of food and drinks thinking Mindy had left this earth would be more surreal.

  Only to look around and realize that while he had been contemplating his terrible options, Aaron was once again making his own decisions. He was gone.

  “Call his cell,” Richard said. “We’ve only got another few minutes.”

  “We didn’t get him one yet.” He wiped a sweaty brow. “Where the hell could he have gone?”

  Everyone with whom they’d spent the past few harrowing hours had a suggestion. Try the men’s room, the vending machines down the hall, the newsstand, even the roof. Maybe he was trying to catch sight of the landing from there, no matter that he could be arrested for trespassing.

  Artie was so torn between shock and anger that at the very moment he was supposed to be bracing for a possible disaster, he was cursing out his kid for his senseless acts.

  “We gotta go.” Richard nudged Artie. “He’ll show up eventually. Poor kid’s probably hiding under a couch.”

  “You don’t know my son. When he runs away, he looks for blow jobs.”

  “God, I love this kid!”

  Artie looked around the room full of brave people who had said that no matter how terrified, they wanted to watch the landing. Of course in this day of dazzling, fifty-inch televisions with state-of-the-art high-definition images, none of them expected to have to gather around a small black-and-white set from the days of The Ed Sullivan Show.

  And rather than looking out for fellow survivors, people were elbowing for a better spot. But it was in the midst of being shoved aside that Richard saw an image on the screen that made him wonder if maybe he’d drunk too much after all, for now he was seeing things. “Is that Aaron?”

  “Where?” Artie wedged himself closer to get a glimpse.

  “Over there.” Richard pointed to the top right of the screen. “Yeah, that is him…. Those are my Nikes…. Look, do you see him? He’s wearing a helmet and a yellow raincoat!”

  “Son of a bitch.” Artie stared. “How the hell did he get out there? I’m going to fucking kill him! He could die!”

  “Where are you going?” Richard grabbed him.

  “What do you mean? I have to have someone go get him. He can’t be out there.”

  “Sir, there isn’t time,” some woman from the family assistance team said. “I don’t even think we can notify one of the squad captains now; it’s too late. The plane is about to touch down.”

  “Oh my God!” Artie crouched down. “Oh my God…how could he do this to me?”

  “Wait. Look,” Richard waved him over. “One of the guys just gave him a hose and stuck him on a truck.”

  “Oh man! I bet it was one of the guys he talked to when he went downstairs to find his friend’s dad…. I can’t watch now.”

  “Yes you can. You’re the one who said we had to stay positive.”

  “Yeah, but that was before my idiot son decided to play fireman! The kid always loved fire trucks…. Just yesterday we were cleaning out his old house and found this one from when he was a baby. I bet he went out there for Jimmy Fitzgerald….”

  “Or for Mindy,” Richard patted Artie. “No way does he want to lose another mom.”

  As people held hands bracing for the landing, they gasped. Just before touching down, the plane suddenly thrust upward, banking steeply to the right before soaring back into the air. Nobody had mentioned the possibility that the attempt would be aborted at the last second.

  “I have no idea,” the head supervisor said, knowing that everyone would demand an explanation. “Obviously there was a problem. Maybe the angle was bad or the wind speed…”

  “Practice makes perfect,” a young woman crossed herself.

  “They’re coming back…they’re trying again.” Richard sounded like one of the play-by-play announcers on Monday Night Football. “Holy shit, is that smoke?”

  Artie wished there was a split screen so that he could monitor the landing while trying to keep an eye out for Aaron, and oh God, Richard was right. The nose of the plane was on fire, raw flames and plumes of gray smoke were ripping across the belly. “Oh my God!” Artie cried.

  “Land!” Richard screamed. “Fucking land the plane already!”

  “Why aren’t they foaming down the runway?” someone yelled.

  “I’m gonna be sick.” A man ran out.

  Then in an instant, the plane came crashing downward on its belly like a cannonball, but instead of decelerating, it was picking up velocity on the wet pavement, sliding from side to side like a mad skater. Suddenly the screen went white, obliterated by huge sprays of foam shooting from every direction. With zero visibility, the only things to focus on were the piercing sounds. Sirens, alarms, water dousing from hoses, the crackle of flames, people screaming?

  In the corner of the tiny screen, they could spot signs of life: passengers sliding down a chute, then running, slipping, tripping, grabbing hands covered in foam….

  “I think I see my son!” a woman cried. “I think that’s him! That’s his jacket!”

  A panicked Richard and Artie were glued to the screen. Weren’t Beth and Mindy supposed to be among the first ones off?

  “Ain’t that your kid?” a man nudged Artie. “Looks like he’s carrying somebody…oh Christ…he fell!”

  “Get up, Aaron!” Artie shouted as if he was watching the Jets in overtime. “Get up! Run!”

  “Can you see who he’s with?” Richard squinted.

  “No, they’re too far away…wait, hold on, is that Beth? I see some light-colored hair…”

  “Oh my God! That is her! he found her!” Richard hugged him. “He found her!”

  “Yeah, but where’s Mindy?” Artie gulped. With dozens of people fleeing, it was near impossible to make out faces. “C’mon Mindy! Show up!”

  A moment later, Richard high-fived him. “I see her…. it’s definitely her!”

  “Where?”

  “Right over there,” he pointed. “Looks like she’s carrying someone, too…an older man maybe. It’s hard to tell.”

  “Oh my God, you’re right. It is her!”

  “She’s unbelievable, Artie!”

  “I love you honey,” Artie said as tears streamed down his face.

  “They made it!” Richard hugged him. “They goddamn made it!”

  “Thank you, God!” Artie fell to his knees. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  “We’re driving home,” were Mind
y’s first words when she tore through the terminal doors and collapsed in Artie’s arms.

  “Whatever you say.” He kissed her. “Although they mentioned something about giving us free flights back.”

  “Free?” She laughed, afraid to let go, as this was the moment she’d prayed for. “Okay, maybe.”

  Then Aaron walked in, received a hero’s welcome, and hugged Mindy so tight she well understood his meaning. They were family to each other from this day forward.

  “You’re grounded.” Artie slapped him on the back.

  “For what?” Aaron removed his fire helmet and shook out dust and debris.

  “What do you mean for what? For scaring the crap out of me.”

  “Fine. What’s my punishment?”

  “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it yet.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I’m just gonna appeal. I have an in with Judge Mindy.”

  “That’s right,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Aaron can do no wrong. You wouldn’t believe how many people he carried out, and the smoke was getting so awful.”

  “Fine!” I’ll make it a light sentence.” Artie laughed. “No allowance for a month.”

  “Fuck that, man. I’m as rich as you now!”

  “True. Then okay, just give me your word you’re done with the dangerous stunts for now. I swear I thought I was going to lose both of you, and I don’t know what I would have done.”

  Aaron couldn’t respond because he was whisked away by a reporter from one of the news channels.

  Meanwhile, Beth and Richard were huddled in a corner, both at a loss for words. They had forgotten that beneath the hardened surface of hostilities lay a foundation of love and companionship.

  Mindy looked over and smiled, sensing that Richard had just asked Beth if she was pregnant, and she looked in his eyes and nodded yes. Together they cried, knowing how difficult it would be to cast aside the years of hurt and pain, yet understanding that the only way to reconcile this near-death experience was to get their priorities straight.