Imperfectly Real (A Series of Imperfections)

by A. E. Woodward

  “Where have you been?” Emma yelled over the loud club music. Elizabeth turned away from me and leaned in to whisper something in Emma’s ear. I wondered what lie she was telling her. Whatever it was, it seemed to work because Emma was suddenly serious. She nodded and shared a look with Shane, letting him know that she was ready to head home. I wondered what excuse Elizabeth had used for her early night.

  Without questioning Emma, Shane nodded. He obviously understood what she was getting at. In fact, they had probably already discussed this before we came out. Dollars to donuts they’d established some sort of signal. Damn them and their freakish, lovey-dovey, mind reading bullshit!

  “We should be heading back,” Shane called out as he finished his beer. “You guys coming or staying?”

  Rob and I looked at each other. I shrugged, indicating that I was down for whatever. Taking control of the situation, Rob answered, “We’ll stay.”

  We shouted our goodbyes and Emma made us promise to be quiet once we decided to come home. Another effect of having rugrats around. I kept stealing glances at Elizabeth, trying to get a read on her. I wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay but I couldn’t, for that would surely raise some questions. Instead, I fought the urge to go and comfort her, and watched her walk away with Emma and Shane. I motioned for the bartender and ordered a couple of whiskey shots. I was quite oblivious to the world around me, lost in my own thoughts, until Rob punched my shoulder.

  “And I thought I was the stupid one,” he spat before quickly sucking back his shot.

  Confused, I rubbed the spot Rob had nailed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Tyler!” he shouted over the music. “I’m beginning to think that you’re the ‘idiot friend’ after all. You do far dumber shit than I could ever dream up.”

  I still didn’t know what Rob might be referring to. I knew what I hoped he wasn’t talking about, but I told myself there was no way he knew—and I wasn’t about to rat myself out. He rolled his eyes, annoyed with my cat and mouse game. “You’ve got a thing for Sloan girls don’t you?”

  I felt the blood drain from my face and I thought I was going to be sick. I’d promised Elizabeth no one would know about our momentary indiscretion, and I’d already broken that promise.

  “Seriously, Tyler, you have got to stop thinking with your dick,” Rob continued, his tone very matter of fact. “It does more harm than good. Take it from a professional. All it ever gets you is crabs … or the clap.”

  He was right. I had no valid argument. I was notorious for having sex without considering the repercussions—I’d done it all through high school, college, and even now as a grown-ass man. I looked at Rob, trying to decide my next move. Should I argue? Try to discredit him. Maybe he was just making an assumption—perhaps he hadn’t really seen anything.

  “I know you’re trying to think of a way out of this one, Tyler, but don’t bother,” he spoke as though he knew what I was thinking. “You’re lucky Emma or Shane didn’t see you guys. How dumb are you? You were right next to them for Christ sakes!”

  “Why didn’t you stop me?” I asked, spinning my empty shot glass on the bar. I wondered why he’d been in the bathroom but didn’t do more to prevent me from … well … you know.

  “I tried you moron! Who do you think clued Emma and Shane in on your disappearing act?”

  Ah, of course. Emma and Shane could have been lost in each other for hours on that dance floor. Suddenly it made sense to me. I realized that Rob had never left like I’d suspected. He’d been watching us from the sidelines the entire time. He had seen our heated dancing. He’d seen me press my lips to Elizabeth’s neck, and watched us leave hand in hand walking toward the bathrooms. He’d obviously been trying to stop us when he and Shane had burst into the bathroom.

  Rob motioned for the bartender to bring us another round. “Seriously, Ty, this is by far your greatest fuck up. Ever. Even more so than getting it on with Em.”

  “You’re telling me …”

  “So, what’s your plan with all this?” Rob questioned and motioned for the bartender to bring us another round.

  “I guess I don’t have one. I dunno, it was a moment of weakness and that’s it. Elizabeth is married. She wanted me, and it had been too long since my last good lay. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  “Obviously.”

  We continued to sit there, pounding shot after shot. The next thing we knew the lights turned on in the club—a clear indication that it was closing time. Rob and I had sat at that bar for the remainder of the night and I’d lost count of the number of shots we’d done. We stood to leave and both of us stumbled to find our way out. My stomach was in knots, either from the shots or my bad decisions, and the crisp October air was a godsend once outside.

  “Holy fuck, how did we get so drunk?” Rob asked as he tripped on the curb.

  “I dunno, but it’s awesome.” We chuckled and continued walking towards the condo. We probably should have hailed a cab, but I think the ride would have done us more harm than good. Besides the crisp fall air really was nice. My clouded mind continued to be invaded with thoughts and memories of Elizabeth. I’d given up my room for the duration of her visit, and it was driving me mad knowing that she was in my bed.

  I’d said I didn’t have a problem sleeping on the futon.

  I’d lied.

  I fucking hated that thing, but it had been the right thing to do and I was a good guy. Or at least I was trying to be one. On second thoughts … good guys probably didn’t fuck married women.

  Yeah. I’m pretty sure they didn’t.

  That familiar green awning came into view and I breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly exhausted, I couldn’t wait to pass out.

  “Hey, Kev-o,” Rob yelled to the doorman as we walked into the building.

  “Good morning, gentlemen,” he paused and smiled at us. “Nice to see you guys out enjoying yourselves again. It’s been a while.”

  “Indeed it has,” I chirped as we stalked passed him.

  We started up the stairs, toward the condo. “See, even the doorman thinks we’re lame lately,” I muttered, just before my foot caught on the lip of one of the steps. I caught myself with my hands and muttered a few choice obscenities. Rob laughed as he attempted to walk over me. I reached up and grabbed his leg, causing him to fall down. Not very mature I know, but we didn’t get to do stupid shit that often.

  “You prick!” he hollered loudly. I laughed while trying to shush him. He had such a loud mouth. That paired with his current liquid courage, and lack of volume control, I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d have the whole building up in arms.

  We gathered ourselves up off the steps and continued to harass each other as we made our way to our door. It was like we were back in that slummy apartment in Brooklyn again—twenty-two and carefree.

  I felt happy.

  “Shut up!” I motioned for Rob to tone it down a notch. “Emma will have our fuckin’ heads if we wake up the kids.”

  I fumbled with my keys while stifling my laughter, until I was finally able to unlock the door and push it open. Rob slurred some form of a goodnight before making his way up to his room. I laughed as he literally crawled up the stairs. He flung himself around at the top of the stairs and flipped me off before vanishing down the hallway. I had no doubt that he would be passed out in a matter of minutes.

  I staggered into the living area where I fell onto the futon with a thud. I froze, hoping that I hadn’t made too much noise. I was a big dude so when I fell, I fell hard. When no one came out to see what was going on, I assumed I was in the clear. Throwing my hands behind my head I kicked off my shoes. My feet dangled off the edge and I hoped that I was drunk enough to get a decent night’s sleep.

  I had just closed my eyes when I felt her presence again. My eyes snapped open to find Elizabeth kneeling next to the futon, my body twitched in shock.

  “Holy shit,” I panted. “
You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Sorry,” she whispered, a faint smile painted on her lips.

  “What’re you doing, Half-Pint? You should be in bed,” I questioned. My gaze fell to hers, and I saw that she still looked broken and conflicted. I wanted to know what she was thinking, wanted her to let me in her head. Hell I just wanted her to let me in, period.

  “I can’t sleep. I don’t know much, Tyler, but I do know that I can’t stay away from you.” She lifted her hand and put it on my cheek.

  Instinctively, my hand flew to hers and I stopped her from continuing to run her hands over my skin. I was smart enough to know that we needed to leave this at one drunken indiscretion. We could walk away from this now and be okay—this didn’t have to define us. But we needed to stop before things got too hard. If we went any further than we already had, our emotions would get mixed in and it would be too difficult. But deep down, beneath my good conscious, I was worried it might already be. I started to tell her that she needed to leave it alone, that we’d already gone too far and that one mistake was enough. “Elizabeth—”

  “I know what you’re going to say, Tyler,” she cut in, “but I’m not happy. To be honest I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy. It’s been years since I’ve felt any kind of emotion. I’ve locked it all up, deep inside. The perfect Barbie doll for my mother to play with. But the moment I saw you, I remembered what it’s like to feel. Being near you brings out things I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel like a woman again.”

  A single tear slid down her cheek. Defeated, my hand dropped from hers and she leaned forward, looking me dead in the eyes.

  She stopped herself, her lips just inches from mine. Her eyes burned on me. “And I know you feel it too.” She paused, just gazing at me seemingly waiting for me to make my move.

  My heart thumped in my chest. She was right, and as much as I hated to admit it, Elizabeth Sloan was slowly driving me insane. She had come back into my life like a whirlwind and there was something about her that I just couldn’t ignore. Without thinking I lifted both my hands and cupped her face. She closed her eyes, seeming to revel in my touch. I leaned forward and quickly pressed my lips to hers. Moments passed before I finally pulled back and let my head fall onto the futon.

  Deep down I knew everything about this was wrong. But if it was wrong, why did it feel so right?

  “We’re seriously fucked up, Half-Pint,” I muttered as I closed my eyes. I was exhausted, and the combination of the liquor and emotions proved too much for me to stay awake any longer. I felt the fog surround me as I began to drift off into a drunken slumber.

  I felt Elizabeth kiss my forehead one more time before she whispered, “We might be. But we are perfect for each other.”

  The sound of little people was the first thing to cause me to stir. Add ‘early morning wake ups’ to the list of bad things about sleeping on the futon.

  Fuck.

  I rolled over to face the wall in a vain attempt to try to ignore the chaos that had erupted in the living room. The kids squealed in excitement, and I heard someone attempt to shush them. I sighed, knowing there was no stopping the noise—hell, the kids were just babies still. Defeated, I threw my feet onto the floor. The quick movement made the room spin and I tossed my head back on the futon.

  I groaned as the room continued to whirl underneath me, despite having my feet firmly planted on the floor. Emma’s rule was failing me this time.

  “Good morning.”

  Hesitantly, I opened my eyes to see Elizabeth hovering over the kids at the kitchen table while they ate. My heart immediately started banging in my chest and everything from the previous night came rushing back to me.

  I stood from the futon and made it to the table before collapsing onto the chair next to Felix. He immediately put his arms out to me, wanting me to pick him up. It was the one thing I could never say no to. I immediately removed him from his highchair and sat him in my lap while he continued to put some nasty puff things into his mouth.

  He pounded his fists onto the table, and my head throbbed as a result.

  “You’re so good with him.” Elizabeth spoke softly as she sat a coffee in front of me. “Sorry, I don’t know how you like it.”

  “Black is fine.”

  The tension in the room mounted with each unspoken word. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of noise—what with Felix and Emily giggling and babbling across the table—but Elizabeth slid into the seat across from me and we just sat and stared at each other. She smiled, and I wondered if she was playing house in her mind, pretending that this was her life. I hated it, but I sort of was. I shuddered when I realized that I wouldn’t mind if it was true. What the hell had happened to me overnight? My conscious was screaming at me to cut the shit, just as I reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

  “Want to take the kids to the park with me? I could show you around the city?” I asked quickly, before I lost my nerve. I could tell she wasn’t sure, and more than likely worried about how it might look. “No one will suspect anything. I’ve been known to run off with Felix before.” It was true. That kid was all the best parts of my two best friends, and nothing could stop me from spoiling the shit out of him. I just couldn’t wait for the day when he would finally call me, ‘Uncle Tyler’.

  “That could be fun,” she said, hopeful at what the day might bring.

  We shared devilish grins before hurriedly gathering everything we would need for a morning at the park. We both knew that what we were doing was wrong, but we didn’t care. The thrill of it all was exhilarating. I scratched a note to Em and Shane while Elizabeth fastened the kids into their strollers.

  “Ready?” I asked, grabbing my keys off the countertop. Elizabeth nodded in response before we each pushed a stroller out the door. It was still early, especially for a Sunday in the city that never sleeps. Most of the hipsters had probably just made their way to bed, and so the only people that would be out on the streets this early were the parents and their kids. We would blend right in, for sure.

  “Want some Starbucks?” I asked as we turned a corner headed towards the small park close to our condo.

  “Sure.” She smiled.

  “What do you drink?” I asked.

  “Anything with caffeine.”

  I gave her a smirk, thinking to myself that that actually sounded a lot like a typical Emma answer, before promising her that I’d be right back.

  I hustled into the shop and ordered two grande caramel macchiatos. I hummed a happy tune to myself as I handed her the cup and she took a tentative swig. “I forgot how happy-go-lucky you were.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked as we continued down the sidewalk pushing the strollers, the kids babbling back and forth to each other in excitement.

  “You were always so happy growing up. You know, that’s what I loved about you. That and how you made sure I was always taken care of. Do you remember when you yelled at Emma for ditching me to go play with soccer with Shane?”

  “I actually do remember that,” I replied. It was funny thinking how such a small part of our lives had stuck with us. Somehow—for whatever reason—it had been important to us both, permanently etched into our precious memories.

  “You seemed different to me after your dad died … but I guess I was wrong. You’re still the same guy I knew back then.”

  I winced at the mention of my dad’s death. It had been the roughest time in my life. I was just a kid, still in high school. I practically lived at Emma’s for months. My mother drowned her sorrows with mimosas and I couldn’t stand her for it. The only thing that kept me going back to my house was Talon. He was just a kid, a preschooler at the time, and he needed me to take care of him, because God knew my mother couldn’t. I’d sneak him out of the house and put him to bed at Emma’s. She’d sneak us in through her daylight basement, so that Mrs. Sloan wouldn’t ask too many questions. All that really mattered was that Talon was taken care of, and we wouldn’t have to listen to Mom sob w
hile she got drunk.

  Elizabeth was right though—I had changed after dad died. I did my best to put on a front and give people what they expected from me, but I was never the same. He’d been the one to keep our family together, and without him I just became a reminder of all that was lost to my mother.

  “Sorry,” she whispered, obviously sensing my emotions. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Don’t be, it’s the truth.” I forced a smile, to let her know that it was okay, just as we turned the corner to the park. Despite the sun shining, it was pretty barren with only a few couples, kids, and a handful of dogs running around.

  We found a grassy and secluded spot in the park. The sun was shining and the last bit of warmth from the summer was still in the October air. I laid a blanket on the ground, and Elizabeth put out some toys out for the kids. Once we got them settled I lay back on the blanket and put my arms behind my head, letting the sun warm my face. I felt Elizabeth sit down next to me so I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close. She giggled and my heart thundered in my chest. I briefly thought that I could get used to this until I remembered that she was married. She wasn’t mine, and she probably never would be—and that was the cold hard truth.

  I looked at her and really saw her for the first time. The night before had been clouded with primal need. She’d looked hot, and it had been about nothing more than numbing our loneliness. But looking at her then, sitting in the sun, she honestly took my breath away. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Period.

  Growing up, I had always known that she was going to be a knockout, and she had turned out to be just that. It was something that Emma had always hated her for. Emma may have been confident in a lot of things, but when it came to her sister she was a totally self-conscious woman.

  Elizabeth’s short blonde hair caught the sunlight just so, offsetting her slightly olive skin. Holding her in my arms I was reminded again of how tiny she truly was. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she must have looked like when she was pregnant. It pained me that I would probably never know.