A Babysitter's Guide to Monster Hunting 2

by Joe Ballarini

  “This is what I’m supposed to do!” she wailed.

  At the very edge of the wooden pier, Dawn slammed on the brakes.

  Dawn had a glazed, sleepy look in her eyes. “We’re here.”

  She scratched the weeping bites on her neck. I didn’t want to spend another second in the car, but the pier was so narrow the car barely fit on it, and the doors would only open an inch. I couldn’t squeeze out. We were trapped inside, facing the endless black ocean.

  Waves smashed. The old wooden boardwalk groaned below us. There was a shimmy. A crack. The car shifted and moved forward. I needed to get Theo out of there. I climbed over to the back seat to unbuckle him. Theo kicked and wailed.

  The baby wasn’t crying. He was warning me.

  A powerful thumping rose behind us. Thundering footsteps.

  “Here comes Bullgarth,” Dawn said with a dewy smile.

  “Bull who?!”

  I followed Dawn’s gaze, and my stomach filled with cold terror. The beast she called Bullgarth was charging down the dock on all fours like an angry, mutated silverback gorilla. It was the monster from last night. His huge paws shuddered the wooden boards. His twisted horns lowered, aiming right for us.

  I covered Theo with my body as glass exploded. Monster bone shrieked against metal as the car skidded toward the edge of the dock. I tried to unbuckle Theo from his car seat, but his legs were stuck in the straps.

  “Dawn, help!” I cried.

  “It’s okay, Kelly,” she said matter-of-factly. “He’s only here for the baby.”

  The monster snarled through the shattered rear window and tore the back door off, hurling it into the ocean, like he was skipping stones on a Sunday.

  I reached for Theo, but Bullgarth’s hairy paws ripped the entire car seat from its base.

  “No! Get away!” I screamed.

  I gasped as the monster shook the car seat upside down. The baby dropped into the beast’s giant, padded palm.

  Bullgarth unleashed a throaty roar in my face. I recoiled, petrified.

  Crick-crack!

  The front of the car jolted down.

  Wooden boards fell away beneath us. Cradling the baby against his chest, the ape-man monster backed away as the creaky dock collapsed into the sea.

  “Bye-bye, Kelly,” Dawn said with eerie calm.

  I clambered over to Dawn and undid her seat belt as the car tipped forward. I pulled her by the jacket toward the ripped-open door.

  Through the windshield, the gloomy ocean came into full view. I was still struggling to pull Dawn out of the car when it plunged into the icy waters.

  A meaty paw caught my arm, catching me in midair. A giant splash swallowed the Ford. I watched the car sink into the merciless sea.

  Bullgarth’s curious, glistening silver eyes studied me as I dangled helplessly in his grasp. It took me a second to realize, the beast had saved us. Maybe he wanted a snack for later.

  He lifted Dawn and me onto the cracked ledge. Baby Theo fidgeted in the monster’s other arm, pulling little fistfuls of brown fur. I grew very still, not wanting to spook Bullgarth.

  “Please. Don’t hurt him. Just . . . give him to me,” I said, my voice trembling.

  I slowly held out my hands. Fur-Face glanced from me to the baby.

  “It’s okay, Kelly,” Dawn said beside me with a dazed smile. “He’s not going to hurt him. Go on, Bullgarth. Take him.”

  “No. Don’t listen to her, Bullgarth. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” I pleaded.

  The monster flared his large, wet nostrils and howled as he raced off with the child.

  17

  A wail came from above. Looking up, I saw a blur of brown climbing a telephone pole on the shoulder of Sutton Beach Road. Bullgarth swung along the wires like a trapeze artist. I choked. The baby was being held in the monster’s orangutan-like feet, bobbling along in the grip of his toes.

  “That is so dangerous, Bullgarth!” I screamed, running underneath them. “Do not do that! Bad Bullgarth! Bad!”

  The powerful creature launched from a wire and took the baby in his arms, just before he slammed down on the roof of a seaside tourist shop that was closed for the winter.

  Whoa.

  I scurried after them as Bullgarth roared down at me and then leaped from the roof of the Surf Shack to the roof of Seashelly’s Swim Gear to the roof of Pappy’s Fish Fry. I grabbed the jump rope from my book bag and charged forward, tying one end into a loop.

  Remember Heck Weekend. Weapons training. Aiming the rope is all about timing. Wait for it, Kelly. You gotta get this right.

  I released the spinning jump rope. It flew high and lassoed the beast’s twisting horns. I hung on to the handle and was taken for a monster sleigh ride across the empty parking lot. The ground punched my ribs. Bullgarth shook his giant head and swung me into the side of a dumpster with a clang. Still, I held on tight.

  Bullgarth howled and charged across the street and into an overgrown cemetery. Tall grass whipped into my face as I dodged two-hundred-year-old graves. His giant feet crushed slate gravestones like they were snail shells.

  I flung myself around the base of a towering, angelic statue and wrapped the jump rope around its heavy base.

  The beast’s horns jerked back. His ginormous feet flew out from underneath him, and the ground shook when his big fuzzy butt slammed into it. Baby Theo thumped onto Bullgarth’s chest and rolled onto the long, soft grass, just out of his reach.

  The furry giant thrashed and snarled, but he was tethered to the angel statue.

  “Not so fast, Hairy Pants.”

  I picked up Theo and kissed his head. I wiped the scraggily hairs and bits of leaves from his turtle pajamas. He needed a diaper change and a bath, pronto.

  “You better not have given him fleas,” I said, cuddling the poor baby.

  With a heaving breath, the creature thrashed. The strong jump rope held him.

  The sun had vanished into dishwater-colored twilight. We were all alone in the cold, forgotten cemetery that was more overgrown weeds and gnarly trees than graves. The people buried here were so ancient that no one had visited them in a hundred years.

  I glared at Bullgarth. This beast was going to pay. I sat the baby on the ground, reached into my backpack, and removed the dagger.

  The knife was heavy, thick. The enchanting green stone winked in the hilt. It electrified my arm with unstoppable power.

  “Don’t look, Theo,” I said.

  The monster saw me lifting the knife, and his stormy eyes bulged in terror. His long, donkey-like ears drooped, and his lower lip quivered over his tusks.

  “Sorry, Bullgarth. You seem like a nice monster, but I can’t let you get away with this.”

  I noticed the fur around his neck was thinning and patchy, as if it had been rubbed off. There were scars on his wrists from what looked to be shackles. Someone had chained this guy up. Maybe it was an escaped circus freak, or maybe it was part of some black-market monster smuggling trade gone bad. Or maybe Bullgarth was the victim of a cruel, evil bully.

  I heard a gurgle from the ground. Theo was staring at me with those big blue eyes. I know this is going to sound weird, but something in that baby’s gaze told me not to do it.

  I glanced at the ugly beast and lowered the dagger.

  “Go and tell your friends to leave us alone.”

  Bullgarth’s sagging ears perked up. He was happy I was letting him live.

  I bent down to scoop up the baby. Then I heard the jump rope snap. Bullgarth was loose.

  Looking up, I saw that his sweet puppy-dog expression had turned to fury.

  He was going to eat me.

  The grind of a motorcycle engine zipped toward us.

  Thweep! Thweep!

  Bullgarth stumbled as a barrage of red darts impaled his fur. Bullgarth wildly swatted at them, but his jaw went slack and his eyes rolled back into his head. He made a confused grunt, and I jumped out of the way as he fell face forward.

 
The dirt bike skidded to a stop. Black boots kicked down the stand. Lowering a blowgun, Liz LeRue smirked at me.

  “You never learn, do you, newb?”

  18

  “I thought you were in Tennessee!” I said.

  “That’s what I wanted everyone to think,” Liz said.

  I helped her bind the unconscious, eight-foot-tall hairy monster’s arms and legs with a glimmering golden rope.

  “I was staying in a tent behind the willow tree at the end of your block the whole time. After Madame Moon’s warning, I wasn’t taken any chances.”

  My mouth hung open. Liz shook her head, amused.

  “The hunter has become the hunted,” she said, casually texting someone. “I’m so proud of you, Ferguson!”

  One thing I had learned about Liz, the more danger I was in, the happier she seemed to be.

  “I had a hunch Serena was coming to town, so I faked going AWOL. That way I could do my thing and not get caught by her or one of her hairy goons. I wasn’t exactly planning on blowing my cover so early, but it seemed like you needed the help.”

  I stared at my crazy friend with deep admiration. I thought she had abandoned me, but she had actually been looking out for me the whole time. I threw my arms around her, and she instantly shoved me away.

  “Easy, sparky. I have a bad feeling the dumb ape’s just the first of many. Thanks for drawing this ugly mutt out, though.”

  “Wait a second,” I said. “You were using me as bait?”

  Liz shrugged.

  “Stop using me as bait, Liz!”

  “But you’re so good at it,” she said, patting me on the head.

  It grew dark as I explained to Liz that Berna, Curtis, and Cassie were tracking down a mansion where Serena might be hiding. Headlights swept the gravestones. The babysitter mobile chugged into view. Wugnot hopped out, adjusting his “We’re #1” trucker hat around his nubby horn. The hobgoblin scowled at Liz.

  “Think you’re pretty smart, doncha?” Wugnot grumbled. “Had me driving around in circles.”

  Liz tapped her temple. “All part of the plan, Wuggie.”

  Wugnot shot a snot rocket at her. His tail pointed at me. “Vee told you to stay home.”

  I was about to explain myself when the squashy hobgoblin tossed me a diaper bag and an emergency bottle of formula.

  “Save it for the judge,” he said. “Brought you some wipes and dipes. Well, aren’t you a handsome widdle man?” Wugnot said in a surprisingly silly tone of voice.

  No one is immune to the power of a cute baby, not even an ex–man-eating troll.

  Baby Theo reached out and yanked on the gold ring hanging from the hobgoblin’s warty snout. Wugnot giggled and pried Theo’s fingers from his nose.

  As I fed and changed Theo on the front seat of the babysitter mobile, Wugnot and Liz hooked a motorized cable to the rope tied around Bullgarth and slowly reeled the enormous, snoozing beast into the back of the van.

  “Should’ve turned this thing into a fur coat when you had the chance,” Liz said.

  I didn’t want to tell Liz about the sad look I saw in Bullgarth’s eyes or the strange connection I felt to the dangerous beast. She would call me soft.

  Wugnot buckled Theo into a baby seat in the van and we headed for the beach.

  Red and blue lights washed over the crumbling dock. Yellow “Do Not Cross” tape was already strung across the scene. We slowed to a crawl near the sandy dunes, just out of sight of the police cars and fire trucks. A Coast Guard boat was patrolling the waters, shining spotlights on Dawn’s sinking car.

  “Officer Muntz,” Liz whispered, nodding toward a policeman with profound cheekbones. “Not my biggest fan.”

  “Where’s Dawn?” I whispered to Liz.

  Liz crept out of the van and into the cold seagrass. She found Dawn unconscious, hidden among the tall reeds. There was a red dart in Dawn’s chest. I shot a “how could you?” look at Liz. She shrugged.

  “It was for her own safety,” Liz said. “We’ll fix her up back at HQ.”

  We quickly carried Dawn’s limp body into the front seat of the van, propped her up, and buckled her in. As we drove onto the highway toward babysitter HQ, Bullgarth stirred in his sleep.

  I snapped a selfie with him and sent it to Berna with a message:

  Monsters: 0, Babysitters: 1

  19

  Liz leaned her dirt bike against the stone lion of our chapter HQ. We carried Dawn inside. Berna wheeled a gurney down the hall.

  I cradled Baby Theo’s head in my hand. “Something bad bit her neck.”

  Berna pulled on blue latex gloves and softly turned Dawn’s head to the side. The centers of the two bumps on her neck had turned black, with dark ropy veins spreading underneath them.

  Berna took a sharp breath.

  Please don’t say it was spiders. Please don’t say it was spiders. I really don’t want to go hunt spiders.

  “Looks like a spider bite,” Berna said.

  I winced.

  Berna whirled the gurney past the training room, the library, and into the laboratory. I briskly walked beside her, holding Theo.

  “Dawn was acting crazy,” I said quickly. “She wasn’t herself. So that means whatever spider bit her had—what’s the word? Nuero? Neurotic?”

  “Neurotoxins,” Berna said. “Means poisons that affect the brain.”

  “That’s the one,” I said.

  “I’ll have to draw some blood, run some tests.”

  “Can you do that?”

  “Kelly, I’ve been studying to be a doctor since I was eight.”

  “Yeah, but you’re, like, thirteen.”

  “Actually, I’m twelve. I’ve done only minor surgery.”

  “Berna, I’m starting to feel very jealous of how smart you are.”

  “Don’t be. It’s the result of a lifetime of pressure from my mother.”

  I followed her to the center of the laboratory and flicked on the buzzing, bright lights. “Your mom encourages you to do minor surgery?”

  “She was a babysitter,” she said, scrubbing up. “She gets it.”

  “No way! Was she with the Rhode Island chapter?”

  “Focus. I’ll give Dawn a minor sedative so she can rest while we figure out what she’s infected with. There’s no telling what state she’s going to be in when she wakes up, so we have to figure out an antidote for her right away.”

  She opened a metal box where ten thin, long needles shined brightly. “Wanna help?”

  “Gaaaah” was all I could manage to say as I turned away, woozy.

  I had stared down the mouths of sea monsters, werewolves, and nightmares, but it was the sight of a slender hypodermic needle that turned me into jelly.

  “I, uh, I think I’m going to salt the house to keep out the Sleeknatch,” I said as I backed toward the door. “Rock on, Dr. Vincent.”

  In the kitchen, I found a large, half-empty bag of rock salt. As I poured it down every drain in HQ, I heard the quick slapping of bare feet on marble. Mama Vee stalked toward me, pulling her silver Rapunzel hair into a crooked bun. A thick line appeared in between her scrunched eyebrows.

  “Vee, before you say anything,” I said, putting up my hands, “just know that I thought it was just going to be for an hour.”

  “You were supposed to go home and rest. I don’t tell you to do things because I like telling you what to do. I do them for your own safety.”

  “I hear you and I am sorry. But if you’re so worried about me, why’d you assign me to babysit Theo in the first place? You claim I’m not a sitter, and yet, you give me a newborn? Why couldn’t you have picked Berna? She’s clearly the smartest one here.”

  “The Mighty Kang didn’t tell Berna about the turtle hatchling. It told you and only you.”

  “What’s so special about him?”

  Shadows darkened in the room as Vee looked down at Baby Theo.

  “Sitters from way back foretold of a childminder, a warrior, who would one day rise up to
destroy the Boogeypeople,” she said. “They claimed the warrior would be born under the Sword of the Sitter. A constellation in the shape of a sword.

  “The Sword of the Sitter appeared in the sky the night this little love was born.”

  I cocked my head to the side and studied the little boy with his gummy smile.

  “This adorable mush is going to save the world?”

  “He’s too young to show his powers yet. But one day, I have a feeling he’s going to shine.”

  I gently touched the little chunk’s cheek, hoping I was strong enough to protect him.

  “You help Liz with the beast. I’ll give this beautiful mister a baff! Would you like that? Yeah you would! We’ll go have quick bafftime and a bot-bot give you nap-nap. Okaaaay, little turtle wurtle? And don’t worry about Mommy. We’ll take good care of her. I promise with all my heart. Yes we will. We will!”

  Vee wandered off, bobbling Theo in her arms. Apart from being a great monster hunter, she was such a pro. I caught up with Liz and Wugnot as they pushed a large cage with Bullgarth still sleeping inside it into a freight elevator at the end of the hall.

  “Berna’s running a blood test, so don’t go into the lab,” I said to Wugnot.

  The hobgoblin ran his meaty paw over his mouth and smacked his lips. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

  Wugnot used to be a Hominemque comedere—an eater of men—but he quit cold turkey eight years ago (if you don’t count his relapse). But we all knew he could flip out if he got around fresh blood.

  We descended in the elevator with the caged beast.

  “Have you guys heard from Cassie or Curtis?” I asked.

  “They’re checking out another mansion before heading here,” Wugnot said. “Hargrave Manor. I think Cass was happy to get rid of me so she could have time alone with Curtis.”

  Hargrave Manor. Why does that sound familiar?