by Laura DeLuca
“Justyn … I….” She started to shake her head.
“Please, Becca. Two days. After all we’ve been through … is that so much to ask?”
How could she refuse him? Even though she knew she was just dragging out the inevitable—even though she knew it was just going to hurt them both all over again when she was forced to tell him goodbye a second time, she nodded her head.
“All right,” she agreed. “I’ll try to stick it out a few more days, but only if you sleep on the bed.” He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “I won’t do it unless you agree to my terms.”
He raised an eyebrow, and it almost made her smile. “You like to play hardball, huh? All right. I agree. I’ll sleep in the bed. But only for tonight.”
Rebecca nodded. “Okay then. Since we have that settled, can we please get out of here? I’m freezing, and after everything that just happened, I have no desire to go back inside and face Livy.”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Justyn rolled his eyes. “You know these drinking parties aren’t my scene. You just wait here for a minute. I’ll run in and get our jackets.”
Justyn put his hand on the screen door, and when he pulled it open, Quinn stumbled out and almost fell down the steps. Only Justyn grabbing his arm allowed him to catch his balance. He laughed a little as he righted himself and looked surprised to see them there. He probably thought they’d left after the incident with Livy.
“Thanks, man.” He patted Justyn’s back. His eyes were a little glazed. He must have had a lot more to drink since they stepped outside. “Hey, guys. Have you two, umm, seen Megan?” He looked around the porch as if she might somehow materialize there if he willed it hard enough. “Can’t seem to find her anywhere.”
Justyn shrugged. “The last time I saw her, she was sitting in your lap.”
Quinn scratched his head. “Yeah, well, she had a few beers and she had to go, you know, powder her nose or whatever it is girls do in there for hours. I waited, but after a while, she didn’t come back. So I went to look for her and,” he shrugged his shoulders dramatically, “no Megan.”
Rebecca was suddenly worried. “I hope she didn’t try to walk back to the dorms alone.”
“Or drive back,” Justyn added. “She definitely wasn’t in any condition to get behind the wheel. Maybe we should stay a few minutes longer. Just until we find her.”
Rebecca nodded her agreement. The first thing she did was pull her cell phone out of her handbag. When she dialed Megan’s number, it went right to voicemail. That wasn’t abnormal on campus, but the frat house wasn’t buried as deep in the woods, so her reception should have been fine. It made Rebecca even more anxious. She and Justyn were just about to follow Quinn back into the house when they saw a blond head bobbing in the crowd.
“There she is!” Quinn exclaimed. “I’ll go catch her. You guys can … ummm … go back to whatever it was you were doing.” Quinn went to step over the threshold so he could catch up with her and almost fell over for the second time.
Justyn laughed. “I think someone needs to cut you off, my friend.”
“Na, I’m good.” Quinn snorted and turned back to the door. “Hey, Megan, wait up!”
Quinn continued to shout as he stumbled through the doorway, even though there was no way anyone was going to hear him over the blaring music. The girl had disappeared around the corner. It had definitely looked like Megan’s tawny tresses, but Rebecca didn’t get a good enough look to tell for certain. Still, Quinn and Justyn both seemed convinced, and she couldn’t wait to go home and put the horrible night behind her, so she didn’t worry about it for long.
Justyn went in after Quinn to get their jackets. As she waited, Rebecca kept peeking in the door for some sign of Megan. She saw lots of people, but now both Quinn and Megan had vanished. Maybe the party was dwindling down. There was no sign of Livy or her boy toys either. Rebecca imagined she was off licking her wounds, but immediately regretted the thought when she remembered the very real scars on Livy’s arms.
When Justyn returned with jackets in hand, she followed him to the car in silence. He didn’t mention their conversation again. He didn’t put any pressure on her to change her mind about going home. He even kept his side of the bargain and allowed her to carry her blankets out to the loveseat. As soon as she lay back, she realized the beer had really done a number on her. Her head was a little achy, and she was so tired it didn’t take her long to fall asleep, even on the lumpy couch. But though she slept, her dreams were still haunted by visions of masked faces. The only difference was when she was trying to run away, Megan was beside her.
Chapter Nineteen
When Rebecca woke, she found herself secure in her bed, tucked under the covers. So much for Justyn’s promise. He must have carried her in sometime during the night. She was so zonked from the beer, she hadn’t even noticed. She should have been angry, but she was too comfortable to complain. She could feel the aftereffects of the unaccustomed drinking as she stirred. She still felt tired, her mouth was dry, and there was a dull ache behind her eyes. When she glanced at the clock, she saw it was almost noon, and she couldn’t believe she had slept so late. She was grateful when she smelled the scent of fresh-brewed coffee wafting in from the kitchen.
Gradually, she pulled herself from the bed and stretched her tight limbs. Her scuffle with Livy must have taken a little more out of her than she realized, because her muscles were sore. She yawned as she stepped into the living room, not sure whether she was looking forward to seeing Justyn or dreading it. As it turned out, she didn’t have to worry about it either way, because it wasn’t Justyn who greeted her with a streaming cup of coffee.
It was Darlene.
She was dressed as eloquently as ever, with a long white dress that gently brushed the floor and silver charms dangling around the lace neckline. Her long black curls stood out in stark contrast to the light color. Rebecca realized she had never seen Darlene wear white before. Like Justyn, she was usually wearing black or occasionally the bright ornate colors of her belly dance costumes. Never white. It made her appear almost angelic.
“Here you go, Becca, darling.” Darlene handed her the mug and laid the sugar and creamer out on the counter. “Have a cup of coffee and get some food into you. We have a lot of work to do today.”
Rebecca accepted the cup, still a little too foggy from sleep to argue. It wasn’t until she was seated at the kitchen nook, sipping coffee and munching on some toast that she finally managed to say something.
“Wh-where’s Justyn?” she stuttered.
“He got up early this morning and left once I arrived,” Darlene explained. “He’ll be spending the day in the dorms with his friend Frankie.”
Rebecca felt a lump rise in her throat. “He’s that angry with me?”
“Of course he’s not angry, darling,” Darlene told her with a wave of her jeweled hand. “He’s just giving us a little space.”
“Space for what, exactly?” Rebecca questioned. “No offense, Darlene, because you know I love you, but what are you doing here?”
Darlene put down her own mug of coffee long enough to grasp both Rebecca’s hands in her own perfectly manicured ones. “Justyn called me last night. He told me that you’re having a hard time coping with what happened. Now don’t be upset with him,” Darlene added quickly when Rebecca’s cheeks flushed. “He didn’t come to me as his mother, but as a Wiccan High Priestess. Your High Priestess.”
Rebecca sighed heavily. “I appreciate the sentiment, Darlene, but I really don’t think you can make an herbal tea that’s going to fix this. I’m … a total mess.”
Rebecca felt herself crumble. She should have been embarrassed to show so much emotion. Yet it seemed only natural when Darlene wrapped her arms around her and stroked her hair. Instantly, Rebecca felt sheltered and soothed in her motherly embrace, and even more so by the strange power that Darlene always seemed to radiate. Darlene let her cry as long as she needed, and only when her w
racking sobs started to subdue did she speak again.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Darlene cooed. “I know how hard this is for you. I mean, I really know.”
Rebecca hiccupped and dried her eyes. She looked up at Darlene in surprise. “You mean you….” She couldn’t quite bring herself to finish the sentence.
Darlene nodded. “It was many years ago that some awful man forced himself on me against my will. Before Justyn was born. He doesn’t even know about it, to be honest. Some things are meant to remain amongst women.”
“I’m so sorry,” Rebecca whispered.
Darlene had been through so much, losing Justyn’s father so young and raising him alone, yet she remained a beacon of strength. Learning she was also a rape survivor made Rebecca respect her even more than she’d thought possible.
Darlene shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. There should never be regrets. Everything that happens in our lives is part of the journey—the good and the bad. It all molds us into the person we are meant to become. I wouldn’t be the woman or the witch I am today, without all of the things I experienced.”
Rebecca cast down her eyes. “I don’t think I’m as strong as you are.”
Darlene only smiled. “You’re kidding me, right? Wasn’t it you who stared down the barrel of a gun to save my son’s life? You do realize that without your bravery and quick thinking, it’s very possible that Justyn would have bled to death before help got there.”
“But this is different…” Rebecca argued.
“Why? Because you’re trying to save yourself? Why is your life any less precious? I know you have the strength to win this battle, Rebecca. You fought the man who tried to hurt you and you got away. You didn’t give into him then. Don’t give into him now. Don’t let him win.”
Again, Rebecca felt the tears well in her eyes. “I feel like he’s already won. It’s like he’s still here. Sometimes, I swear I can still feel his hands on me. It makes me feel so awful—so, so, dirty. I think that’s why I keep pushing Justyn away. I feel like I’m not worthy of him anymore. Like I’m tainted somehow.”
“I know those feelings well,” Darlene said gently. “I’d like to try to help you get past this, if you’ll let me. The Pagan path is about more than just herbs and oils, Becca. You’ve been studying the Craft long enough to know this. In the loving arms of the Goddess, a woman can find healing. That’s why I’m here today. I’d like to perform a cleansing ritual.”
Rebecca blinked a few times. She had joined Darlene and her coven in many full moon and Sabbat rituals since she met Justyn, but a ritual cleansing was something new to her. She had no idea what it entailed, but if it would give her back her life, she would try anything.
“It won’t be exactly like what you’re used to,” Darlene explained, sensing her confusion. “It will only be the two of us. This is women’s work, women’s mysteries. As much as we both love Justyn, he can’t be here until the cleansing is complete.”
Rebecca nodded. So that was why Justyn had run off with Frankie for the day. He was giving his mother time to work her magic. As Darlene started digging through the large carry bag she’d brought with her, pulling out candles and crystals, Rebecca started to feel the very first glimmer of hope. If anyone could fix what was broken inside her, it was Darlene.
“Now, I’m not saying that this one day is going to be a cure-all,” Darlene continued. “This type of wound takes time to heal, and it will leave a scar, just like that cut on your arm. Our goal here today is to help you open your heart to the healing the very universe can provide. But you have to be open to it, Rebecca. You have to want to heal.”
“I do! Oh, Darlene, I do!” Rebecca sobbed. “I just want to be me again! Not some mindless zombie going through the motions, afraid to feel anything real.”
Darlene nodded. “Then we should begin. I’m going to smudge the whole apartment to remove the negative energies. Then I have a few things to set up. While I’m doing that, I’d like you to bathe.” She handed Rebecca a vial of bath salts sprinkled with lavender and scented with frankincense. “Take as long as you need. Feel the element of water embracing you. Let it wash away any impurities.”
Darlene’s whole posture changed as she began her preparations. As soon as she took on the persona of the High Priestess, she was no longer just Justyn’s mother or even the exotic belly dancer, Tempest. She was the embodiment of the Goddess, and she shone with an almost ethereal light. It made Rebecca believe that anything was possible and that small glimmer of hope began to shine a little brighter.
Rebecca slipped into the bathroom and let the door click shut behind her. Even as the tub filled with warm liquid, she already began to feel more relaxed. The smell of sage and incense drifted in under the door, giving her an almost heady feeling. As soon as she sunk into the water, that scent blended perfectly with the soothing lavender and frankincense essential oils that she soaked in. Darlene had taught her a lot about the power of visualization. As the water enveloped her, she imagined the dirt and grime that she felt clinging to her body and soul being scoured away by the warmth and healing within the bath. She floated, feeling as though she were in the very womb of the Goddess.
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed in the tub, wrapped in that soothing, watery embrace. When she finally emerged, the steaming water had cooled to a dull lukewarm. Rebecca stepped from the pool and wrapped herself in a white towel, feeling warmed inside and out. The sweet scent of the oils still lingered on her skin long after she dried. As she breathed in the refreshing aroma, she realized that for the first time since the attack, she felt clean. That feeling of removal was enhanced as she watched the soiled water drain away, taking with it the negativity she had released.
When she dressed, she took Darlene’s lead and chose a white sundress embroidered with lace, feeling that the color of purity was the best choice for what they hoped to accomplish. She wore nothing else. No stockings or undergarments to bind her. No shoes to keep her from being able to ground against the earth. Nothing except for the silver pentacle and the ammonite pendant she had never taken off since Justyn had gifted them to her. When Rebecca returned to the living room, Darlene looked her over with approval.
“You’re looking better already!”
It was obvious that while Rebecca had been bathing, Darlene was hard at work herself. The living room had been transformed into a sort of temple. Light harpsichord music was streaming through the CD player. The lights were dimmed, but dozens of white and light blue candles cast the room in a peaceful, luminous glow. A perfect circle of quartz crystals was spread out in the heart of the room. In the center of the circle, Darlene had placed a portable altar where she laid out her tools: a wand, dagger, cauldron, oils, and herbs. There were a few sticks of incense burning in each of the four corners of the circle, along with an appropriately colored candle to represent the different Guardian elements. After casting the circle and inviting those elements, Darlene picked up the still smoldering smudge stick from the abalone shell and gestured for Rebecca to enter the circle of quartz.
“Before calling on the Goddess, we will ask the elements to aide us in our work. Element of air.” Darlene raised the smudge stick back and forth down the length of her body, sure to cover every inch, even the heels of her feet. Rebecca closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and let the energy flow with the sweet smelling smoke. “Element of air, may the power of your winds blow away all fear.”
Next Darlene moved to the candles, picking up one of each color. She explained that the light blue was for healing and the white for purification and strength. “Element of fire, warm our hearts from the chill of fear and anger. Guide us with your eternal flame.” As she spoke, she outlined Rebecca’s frame with the candle flames, coming so close that she could feel the heat of the fire against her skin. It made her flesh tingle, and she felt warmed, inside and out. Then, since she had already bathed and cleansed her outer body, Darlene handed her a mug filled with tea when they moved on to the element of water.
Finally, Darlene picked up two vials of all-natural sea salt, one black and one white. “Element of earth,” she intoned as she sprinkled the white salt atop Rebecca’s head and around the circle. “Ground us with your strength that we may stand as tall as the highest trees amidst diversity.” Then she switched to the black salt, which Rebecca remembered was used for protection. “Mother Earth, may your strength banish all that is evil so that our path is clear. Guard and protect us.”
After all the elements had been properly honored and thanked, they turned to the divine forces of spirit and divinity. Darlene picked up the bottle of healing oil from the altar and with the utmost gentleness and love, preceded to anoint Rebecca at all of the seven chakras, starting with the root chakra in the small of her back and ending with the crown chakra. Each time, before making the sign of the pentacle with the oil, Darlene kissed her three times. “May the Goddess protect and heal you. May you find purification in the light of Her love and the shelter of Her womb.”
Rebecca was filled with an inner peace she thought could never be escalated when the last of the oil was distributed. Yet, Darlene had only just begun. After the cleansing, the High Priestess walked her through a beautiful meditation and breathing exercise in which she was able to release even more of the feelings that were holding her back. Not only the fears and memories from the recent attack, but even lingering emotions about the ordeal with Debbie came to the surface and effortlessly drifted away. Darlene recited a prayer to Diana, an aspect of the Goddess in the form of the pure Virgin Huntress, asking for her aid and strength in the days to come. With her eyes closed in concentration, Rebecca swore she felt Her embrace. The Goddess cradled her against her breast, until finally the unbearable ache she had tried so hard to ignore settled to a dull throb that was actually bearable. With tears of relief running down her cheeks, Rebecca opened her eyes to find that Darlene was the one cradling her.
