He swallowed thickly, watching with surprised blue eyes as he relinquished the camera to me.
I took it from him, looking over the camera. It was rather fancy, beyond my basic knowledge of cameras, but I finally located the correct button. I started taking pictures and felt myself begin to loosen up now that I wasn’t the one under the scrutiny of the lens. “Smile, Trent,” I coaxed, “you should be the happiest guy alive, since you’re on a date with moi.”
He laughed, and I snapped a picture. I stared at the large screen where the photo flashed for a moment. I liked seeing him like that, so carefree and happy, and knowing the reason he was like that was because of me. “Rowan Sinclair, did you crack a joke?” He grinned, playing with his sunglasses as I continued to take his picture.
“I believe I did, Mr. Wentworth,” I smiled. This was actually pretty fun. Who would’ve thought?
He reached for the camera, but I wasn’t ready to give it up. I started to run away, but I didn’t make it far. Trent’s muscular arm shot out, catching me around my middle. He spun me around. I couldn’t help but giggle at the motion. I felt weightless and free. None of my indiscretions clung to me. I was nothing but a girl having fun with a guy. I hadn’t realized till this moment how much I’d craved normalcy—and Trent was the only person that could give me that. He always managed to reveal the real me—the one that was normally a stranger to even myself. He was pretty amazing that way.
He kept spinning me around until I found my back pinned against the stone wall of one of the many shops lining the old town walking mall. He slung the camera strap over his shoulder, staring into my eyes. My arms weaved behind his neck like they had a mind of their own. One of his hands ventured to my waist, grasping me just above the curve of my butt. My body arched against his. His other hand found the nape of my neck and slowly drew my face to his. He gave me plenty of time to pull away—his way of letting me know I was in control of this—when I didn’t pull away his lips slowly pressed against mine. I hadn’t realized it, but a part of me had been dying to kiss him—to really kiss him—without him surprising me or trying to prove something. This was all about us, and how we truly felt. His lips glided over mine like he’d done it a million times. I surrendered to the carnal feelings that always overwhelmed me when I was near Trenton. Our sexual chemistry was off the charts—I couldn’t deny it. Fire ignited in the pit of my belly as his kisses descended down my neck. My eyes were closed and breathy sighs escaped me. I had no thoughts for the fact that anyone could be watching us. When Trent kissed me, I couldn’t think about anything, I could only feel. I needed to let him kiss me more often. His lips claimed my mouth once more and my arms wrapped tighter around his neck.
“Row,” he gasped, the sound of my name leaving his lips stirred my insides.
“Just kiss me,” I took his face between my hands, pressing forward.
We were tangled together and I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began. I let myself go and didn’t worry about anything else. For now, it was only Trent and I.
His lips parted from mine and he backed two steps away from me. His chest rose and fell heavily with every breath. He pulled at the ends of his hair and looked down at the ground. I suddenly felt very unsure of myself.
“Did I do something wrong?” I voiced my concerns. My lips tingled and my body was still humming from the kiss, but could it have been possible that he thought it was awful?
He shook his head back and forth, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “No, not at all.”
“Then why’d you stop?” I hated that my voice squeaked and I sounded like an insecure little girl. I needed him to answer my question though.
“Because,” he said, his hands on his narrow hips, “if I didn’t stop, I never would, and I’m not prepared to go that far with you again just yet. We both need to be ready for that,” he said significantly, “and when it happens, because it will,” he voiced with the utmost confidence, “you’re going to be in my house and in my bed. Not pressed against a wall out in the open.”
My breath faltered as desire flooded my body. With a few words Trent had me imagining the two of us together once more. Something told me that the next time would be even better than the first. We were both older now and with our sexual chemistry…it would be explosive. Hell, we were already explosive without sex involved.
“I—” I didn’t know what to say.
He stepped forward again, cupping my cheek in one hand as one large thumb grazed my slightly swollen bottom lip. “Did my words scare you?”
“No,” I answered honestly and without hesitation.
“Good,” he grinned, lightly grazing his lips over mine. It was so quick that I wasn’t even sure it could be called a kiss. Regardless, the simple touch sent a shiver skating down my spine. Five years of avoiding Trenton had only made me crave him more. Now that I’d given into my desires there was no turning back. “As much as I’d like to stand here and kiss you all day,” his gaze flicked down to my lips, “we better get back to our date.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I forced my body away from the wall, which was currently the only thing holding me upright. “So…” I backed away, “are we only taking pictures on this date?”
Trent grinned crookedly. “That’s only part of it, dinner’s involved, and kissing. Definitely more kissing.”
I laughed, twirling around as he snapped pictures. “I thought kissing was dangerous for us?”
“Oh, it is. Luckily for you, I’m a man that can control himself. I won’t ravish you until we’re both ready to beg for it,” he said huskily, hiding his face behind the camera lens.
I swallowed thickly at his words, pleasure rolling through my body. I hated to admit it, but I didn’t think it would be long until I was begging him to devour me.
“Hey, let’s go over there,” Trent grabbed my arm and we jogged across the street. “Lean against here,” he pointed to a brick wall with intricate graffiti covering its surface. “Look down a bit…yeah, like that…cross your arms over your chest…perfect.” Suddenly, Trent had morphed from laid back to business mode. It was kind of cool seeing him in action like this. I hadn’t known he was interested in photography. Back in high school his hobbies included video games and more video games.
“When did you get into photography?” I inquired, turning my head at a different angle as he snapped away.
“Uh…” He seemed hesitant to answer. After taking a few more photos, he said, “After what happened with us…I needed something to distract my mind. Pathetic, I know,” he lowered the camera, giving me a glimpse of his vulnerable face. “You hurt me.”
Those three words were like a slap. I was only beginning to realize how much I had hurt him. When I left…I’d assumed he’d be like every other guy on the planet and would move on in a millisecond. Not Trent though. He was different.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered after a lengthy silence. “I was scared,” I admitted, nibbling on my bottom lip. “You don’t…you don’t understand how I feel about love.”
“It was a long time ago,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m over it. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
I felt like I did though, but I didn’t know how I could ever make Trent understand that I felt like there was no such thing as real love. He had a wonderful mom and loving grandparents—his dad had already passed away when I met him. Someone that had grown up surrounded by such warmth, couldn’t possibly understand why my heart was frozen—forever an icy tundra never to be conquered.
I simply nodded, taking the opening he gave me. Sometimes, it was better not to try to explain yourself. I’d only end up sounding like a crazy person.
“Anyway,” he lifted the camera once more and I adjusted my pose, leaning slightly forward as my long hair whipped around me, “photography became an escape for me. It allowed me to look at the world in a different light.”
“Is that what you’re studying at college?”
He nodded. “Photography and graphic design. I gue
ss neither Wentworth brother is going to take over the family business,” he lowered the camera so I couldn’t miss his wink. “I can’t imagine being chained to a desk all day. I think I’d shoot myself just to have something to do.”
“What will happen to the business then?” I asked. Trenton’s family had started an ammunition business a long time ago—the business had boomed and today the family was worth billions.
Trent shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll keep it, but hire a CEO or something. My mom’s running it now. When she’s ready to retire, we’ll figure something out,” he sighed. “For now, it’s not my problem.”
I frowned, a little bit surprised by the sharpness of his words. They were so un-Trent-like. Normally, he was the guy coming up with a solution, not the one shrugging it off with mutters of it not being his problem. I guessed that worry was so far down the road that he didn’t see the point in thinking about it, but…God, I thought too much.
“Tilt your head up a bit,” he directed, back to the task at hand. I did as he directed, my gaze sliding towards him. He looked down at the camera screen and a grin formed on his face. “Oh, that’s a good one.”
We moved on to another location—one where he had me sit on a crumbling half wall. I was afraid I might fall, but Trent assured me that if I started to tumble, he’d catch me.
I reclined back, letting my long hair blow around me in the light wind. I was getting cold, but I was having too much fun to tell him to stop. I’d thought this was silly at first, but it was actually pretty fun. For the first time in five years, I was enjoying myself.
I leaned back, closed my eyes, and let the sun’s rays fan across my face. A small smile lifted my lips as I reveled in an emotion I so rarely felt.
Happiness.
Trent came to a stop in front of my house. We’d been gone for hours, and sadly I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, but I had to. Cinderella’s time at the ball was up. Reality had returned.
“Thank you for today,” he turned to me, his eyes reading my face.
“I had a great time,” I told him, my words sounding silly to my ears.
“Good,” he smiled. His blue eyes darkened to navy as he watched me. “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered so low I wasn’t sure I heard him right. “I’m afraid,” he swallowed, looking down, “I’m afraid when I get back, you’ll ignore me again.”
“Get back? Are you leaving?”
He nodded. “I have to go back to school. I have a few more weeks of classes before winter break starts.”
Weeks. I would have to go a few weeks without seeing Trenton. Now that I’d agreed to this relationship, I hated to think I had to wait weeks before I saw him again. Trent was the only person that made me happy. Having him around brought me out of the dark space I’d been living in for so long. Without him here, I feared I’d retreat back into my dark hole—the hole that had become a suffocating pit. In fact, I could already feel my body drawing in and my mind shutting down. I didn’t want to withdrawal into myself anymore though. I wanted to be the girl Trenton believed I was.
“That’s a while,” I mumbled, picking at a loose thread on my sweater.
Trenton took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I know,” his voice was deep with sadness, “but I’ll be back. I’m not leaving you, Rowan.”
I closed my eyes, absorbing his words. A week ago I’d been avoiding him and now I was struggling to say goodbye. I didn’t want to be this girl though—the one dependent on someone else for happiness. That’s why I knew in the end we’d never work. I was too messed up. I was broken…splintered and fractured beyond repair. I didn’t understand why Trenton couldn’t see that trying to mend me was pointless. Once so much damage has been done, there’s nothing you can do to erase it.
“Rowan,” he repeated my name, brushing his fingers over my cheek, “everything will be fine. I’ll call you…and while I’m gone, I’ll be planning something spectacular for our next date, because there will be a second, and a third, and a…well, you get the idea,” he grinned and I couldn’t help but smile in response. “Don’t panic on me now.”
“I’m not panicking.”
“You’re definitely over-thinking then,” he tapped my forehead. “Thinking will only get you in trouble, so don’t, just feel,” his voice dropped to a deep tone and his face was so close to mine that I could have counted every eyelash if I wanted. His breath fanned over my lips. I knew he was waiting for me to make the first move this time. I was trying to decide if I wanted to or not. I mean, that was dumb, of course I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if it was really the best idea. Kissing always seemed to prove to be dangerous territory for us. But I did it. I leaned forward that last little bit and rested my lips against his. Neither of us moved at first, then Trenton growled low in his throat, his fingers tangling in my hair. Both of his hands lowered to my waist and a small shriek escaped me as he pulled me onto his lap. He leaned the seat back and I landed roughly against his solid chest. Through the whole process our lips never broke contact. I grasped the fabric of his shirt tightly in my hands, needing to cling to something that would keep me grounded. His tongue pressed against my lips and my mouth opened in response. Damn, the man could kiss, and I really didn’t want to think about the reason why he was so good. I wasn’t naïve, but I didn’t want to torture myself with images of Trenton with other girls either.
His hands ventured under the edge of my sweater, over my stomach, and up to my breasts. I gasped. Brave under the cover of the night sky I let him lift the sweater over my head, so I was left in nothing but my bra. Yep, we so shouldn’t kiss. It always ended up going too far, but right then I didn’t care.
My center pressed against him and heat flooded my body.
The light stubble adorning his chin and cheeks scratched at my skin, but I didn’t mind.
“Trent.” My gasp filled the confines of the car. I clawed at his black thermal shirt, desperate to remove it—to have nothing between us. A week ago I’d been running from him—too scared to admit that I had feelings for him—but I was done being that girl. I was ready to take what I wanted for as long as he’d let me. I knew I wasn’t worthy of him, and that I’d only end up hurt in the end, but some things are worth breaking for—and let’s face it, I was already wrecked, so how much damage could one more fracture cause?
He tore the shirt off and tossed it somewhere behind him. My hands splayed across the warm skin of his muscular chest, his heart beating steadily beneath the palm of my hand. My hands ventured lower into the dips and curves of his abdominals—and holy hell did the man have abs to drool over. He certainly hadn’t had those when we were sixteen.
His lips descended down my neck and over my shoulder—the little kisses making my body hum pleasantly. He pushed aside one bra strap and his lips continued lower, his hot breath causing my body to arch.
“Trenton, please,” I moaned, my fingers in his hair, pulling him close.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his hips pressing against me.
I felt him and I knew what I needed to relieve the pressure building in my body.
My fingers clumsily fumbled with his belt.
His hands ceased what they were doing to my body and grabbed ahold of mine. “Stop,” he gasped breathlessly. “Stop,” he repeated, and I wasn’t sure if the word was meant for him or me. “We can’t do this, not here like this. I already told you,” he stared into my eyes so I saw that he wasn’t mad, “we’re not ready for that.”
Boldly, I pressed my body down on him so that he knew I was very aware of the hard-on he was sporting. “You seem ready to me.”
He released my hands and clutched my hips tightly in his hands. His eyes closed as he shook his head back and forth. “I can’t. Not yet. I’ve waited years to get you back,” he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear that had fallen forward to hide my face from his sight, “I won’t ruin this by rushing things. I’ve proved how patient I can be, and I assure you, I won’t make love to you
—because, yes, it will be making love, not fucking or anything like that—until I know that you’re not going to run from me the next day.”
How could I possibly argue with that?
Looking into his eyes, I knew a part of him—a big part—believed I’d be gone when he got back for his winter break.
I’d have to prove him wrong.
chapter eight
I’d gone a whole week without seeing Trenton. I thought I might be relieved to have him gone—instead I felt slightly empty inside and I…I missed him. Man, that was hard to admit, even to myself. I missed the way he always seemed to pop up when I least expected him and how his smile made butterflies flutter in my tummy.
I startled when someone’s arm draped over my shoulders as I walked across campus. For a second there I dared to hope it was Trent, but when I looked over a laughing Jude met me. “Did I scare you?”
“You know you did,” I shrugged off his shoulder. “That wasn’t nice,” I clutched my books tightly against my chest as I headed across campus toward my last class of the day.
“Are you sure I really scared you or were you hoping I was someone else?” He raised a brow as he fell into step beside me.
I frowned, looking down at my black ballet flats.
“I knew it!” He threw a fist in the air. “You really like him! And here I was beginning to think that no guy would ever strike your fancy. I’m relieved to know that your ovaries do indeed work.”
I rolled my eyes, reaching up to adjust the hat on my head that was protecting me from the frigid air. “Trust me, my ovaries work just fine.”
Jude jogged ahead of me and grabbed the door, holding it open for me. I stepped inside the warm building. “Thanks…that was rather gentlemanly of you,” I noted, unwinding my scarf from around my neck.
“That’s me. Jude the Gentleman,” he grinned easily as we headed into class together. Since we were both studying the same thing, we shared most of our classes. Sitting down beside me, Jude asked, “Are you studying tonight?”
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