I gave him a ‘duh’ look.
He chuckled, rubbing his jaw. “At the library?”
I nodded. “What’s with all the questions?”
He shrugged. “I was wondering if I could join you. My roommate is always playing this heavy metal shit and I can’t think straight. Plus, you’re smart, so you can help me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Jude, we both know you’re way smarter than me, so flattery will get you nowhere. But if you’d like to join me, that’s fine.”
He smiled widely. “Thanks.”
“What are you up to?” I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Nothing,” he smiled innocently, crossing his arms behind his head.
“Jude,” I warned.
He smirked. “I heard some pretty hot girls hangout at the library. I was thinking of branching out.”
“Have you banged all the sluts you can handle? Moving onto the good girls now?” I mocked. “I’ve got news for you, smart girls won’t fall for your charms. It looks like you might have to give it up, unless you want to fuck the same girl twice,” I patted his shoulder in mock sympathy.
Jude laughed at my words. “Oh, Row, you don’t know me at all. I can charm any girl I want out of her pants.”
“Not me,” I snorted, searching my bag for a pencil and my notes.
“Trust me, I could if I wanted to,” he assured me. “I’ve never released my powers on you.”
I eyed him doubtfully. “Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? Or should I be proud that you like me enough not to ruin our friendship with sex?”
“Proud,” he nodded, fighting a smile, “definitely proud.”
I rolled my eyes, focusing on the professor as he strode into the room and began the lesson. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about Jude’s sex life.
I pulled my hair back, securing it with a hair tie, and shoved the book away from me. I’d been reading the same sentence for the last thirty minutes, and that wasn’t like me. I knew what my problem was. I kept waiting to feel the familiar tingles that announced Trent’s presence. But they weren’t coming. He was at school and I had at least two more weeks before I’d see him. Trent had succeeded in invading my every thought—just like he had when we were in high school. After our friendship ended I never stopped thinking about him or wishing for things that I knew would never come true. So, it was easy for me to fall for him—he already stole my heart a long time ago, and I never got it back…I think that was part of the reason I tended to feel so hollow inside.
“Are you okay?” Tatum’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I forced a small smile, “I’m fine.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are so not fine. I’m your friend, talk to me,” she pleaded.
I wished I could, but I didn’t know how to open up. Expressing my feelings didn’t come naturally to me. My mom had made me feel like a worthless piece of shit—always wanting me to be invisible and never to speak. I didn’t even know how to put into words what I was feeling.
“It’s nothing,” I shrugged, reluctantly sliding the book towards me so I could resume studying.
Tate shook her head, her pretty blonde hair swishing around her shoulders. “Sometimes, I just don’t get you,” she mumbled.
I flinched at her tone, knowing I should tell her that I missed Trent, but it wasn’t that easy for me. I felt ridiculous for even missing the guy; to voice those words out loud…it made me feel weak, like I was admitting that I needed him…which I didn’t. I was perfectly fine on my own. I wouldn’t allow myself to be dependent on someone else for my happiness, I’d only end up disappointed in the end.
I knew I should say something to Tatum, apologize for my inability to talk to her, but I couldn’t.
I went back to my studies and only faltered when a little while later Tate muttered under her breath, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
I’d never heard Tatum cuss before, so my eyes widened in surprise. I put the book down to see what had made her suddenly so venomous and found her staring at Jude.
“You two know each other?” I questioned.
Tatum’s eyes were murderous. “You know him?” She countered.
“He’s my friend?” I don’t know why my words came out sounding like a question.
“Well, if it isn’t little Tate,” Jude smirked, his eyes lingering on her chest, which was concealed by a thick black sweater, and finally venturing up to make eye contact.
“Jude,” she spat out the word like it was something sour in her mouth. “I see you haven’t changed since high school.”
He chuckled, shrugging off his backpack, and dropping it onto the table. He pulled out a chair and plopped down across from Tatum.
“And I see you still have that same fiery attitude,” he leaned forward.
“Don’t think I won’t kick you in the balls again,” she warned.
“Once was enough,” he grinned crookedly, eyeing her with mischief in his eyes, “I assure you I’ve healed though, and I’m in perfect working order if you’d like to check it out.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re a pig.”
“And you,” he leaned forward, steepling his fingers, “are a tease.”
I watched their back and forth banter like one would a tennis match. I was mesmerized and disgusted all at once.
“I don’t think it counts as being a tease if you’re only trying to avoid contracting some nasty disease,” she sneered, gathering up her books. “You never could handle rejection.”
“What can I say? I’m not used to it,” he smirked cockily, crossing his arms behind his head as he watched her stand and sling her backpack over her shoulder. “Don’t worry though, I quite enjoy a chase, and this one is only starting,” he winked.
“Ugh,” she rolled her eyes before leveling him with a glare, “I would’ve thought four whole years of rejection would have been enough for you. Don’t waste your time with me,” she pointed a finger at him, “because you’re never getting these off,” she dramatically lifted the bottom of her shirt and reached down to hook her thumb through the top of her panties.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder, stealthily flashing him her middle finger, then storming away dramatically.
Jude wore a funny smile—one I couldn’t quite pinpoint—then he looked over at me. “She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to marry that girl.”
I snorted. “Your confidence amazes me.”
“It’s the truth,” he shrugged, glancing over his shoulder as her form disappeared around the corner, “that girl…there’s something about her.”
I couldn’t help it; I busted out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “Care to elaborate?”
“Not much to tell,” he opened his book, eyes downcast.
“There’s always something to tell,” I pressed, my curiosity getting the best of me.
He looked up, flicking his straight dark hair out of his eyes. “Well, you see, when I was a freshman, I kind of ended up sleeping with her brother’s girlfriend. He found out and spouted off to me, but it didn’t go any farther than that. Until little Tate there found out. I didn’t know who she was at that point,” he smiled wistfully, “she sashayed up to me in the halls one day, laying it on thick I might add, and then kicked me in the balls. She started screaming about her brother and I figured out who she was pretty quick. I liked her spunk,” he shrugged. “From that day on, I couldn’t get her out of my head.”
I stared at him, mystified. “And yet you sleep around.”
“Hey, while I’m waiting for her to wake up and see that we’re gonna make babies one day, I don’t see the point in not having some fun.”
Boys.
“That makes no sense whatsoever,” I shook my head.
“It doesn’t have to,” he shrugged, his brows furrowing as he read.
I let the subject drop, trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness. Tatum and Jude knew each other. What were the odds? An
d Tate had a brother? She’d never mentioned a brother to me. She didn’t tell me a lot, just like I didn’t tell her much. I guessed we both had our secrets.
Thirty minutes later, I looked at the time and cursed under my breath. I needed to change and clock in.
I explained to Jude where I was running off to and he lifted his head in acknowledgement.
I ran to the restroom, pulling my change of clothes out of my backpack. I shucked my jeans and pulled on the black pencil skirt. My sweater went next, replaced with a white button down blouse that I tucked into the skirt.
I stuffed my school clothes into the bag and ran for the backroom to clock in. I knew Mary and none of the others would care if I was a little late, especially after the talk I’d had with Mary the previous time I was running behind. Besides, they already knew I was here studying.
Mary shook her head at me when I appeared at the desk. “Silly girl,” she muttered, before dolling out tasks.
I relaxed into the tranquil monotony of replacing books on shelves. Occasionally someone would ask me for help locating a particular book and I was happy to oblige. It made me sad that the library wasn’t as busy as it once was. With computers and kindles, most people didn’t see the need to come to the library.
Hours passed and soon it was time to close. I changed back into my school clothes, replaced my contacts with my glasses, and sat down at an empty table to get more studying done. The professors were going easy on us, with winter break approaching so soon, but I didn’t want to get behind. I needed to stay ahead of my studies.
Since the library typically closed early, I had a good hour of study time before I had to head home to feed the kids and get them ready for bed.
The times when I stayed late like this were the only break I seemed to get. Most would probably find the large library on the spooky side if they were here by themselves. I’d turned off most of the lights, expect for the ones in the section I occupied, and there was something eerie about the large black shadows casted by the bookshelves. I was never scared, though. This place…it was the only place that truly felt like home to me. It was welcoming and it was easy to lose myself in the scent of book pages.
I finished studying, but lingered for a few more minutes, letting my fingers glide along the spines of the books as I passed them by.
The minute I walked out of these doors, it was back to reality, and I wanted to feel this comfort for a little while longer. Silly? Definitely. However, I didn’t care.
My drive home was silent. I had no desire to listen to the radio. I knew when I walked in the door, I’d be assaulted by Tristan and Ivy’s endless chatter. I didn’t mind it though. I actually enjoyed talking to the kids. Right now, though, I needed silence—a clear head. My step-dad was back home, and my mom had been an even bigger bitch the last week than she normally was. I wondered if she’d seen me practically mauling Trent with my mouth and greedy hands in his car. If she had, she didn’t say anything. Something was off about her. Well, she was always in a mood, but more so than usual. She was a confusing person. I’d never understood why she drowned her sorrows in alcohol. Now, too much damage had been done for me to ever care to find out. I didn’t understand the lure of the bottle though. I wasn’t the type to give up. I fought. Maybe that was something I inherited from my dad—a man I didn’t even know the name of. My mom never talked about him. Supposedly he’d bailed before I was even born. With the lies she told though, my guess was that wasn’t even true. It sucked pretty bad when you couldn’t believe anything that came out of your mother’s mouth. She was the one person I should’ve been able to go to with anything, but I couldn’t. The one time I did…well, that was a story for another time.
I sat in the car, parked in the driveway, my hands clenching the steering wheel.
When did my life get so fucked up?
Had it happened when I was born?
Or had there been a time when I was a normal kid who loved her mom?
I didn’t know. I’d never know. For as long as I could remember I’d raised myself. Then Ivy, and finally Tristan. I couldn’t ever remember being a kid, playing with dolls, having sleepovers. All I had ever had was this hell.
I pushed my body out of the car, grabbing my stuff, and headed inside.
I moved mechanically.
The kids greeted me and I bent down to hug and kiss them both, holding them in my arms longer than normal as I soaked in their comfort.
“You’re squeezing me too tight, Row,” Tristan squirmed his small body out of my arms.
“Sorry,” I told him.
“Row?” He tilted his head questioningly. “Are are you going to cry?”
I hadn’t even realized my eyes were filling with tears. The tears didn’t spill over and I didn’t even know why they were there in the first place—maybe for everything I had lost and was working so hard for my siblings not to have to experience. I had a suspicion that these tears were because of Trent too. He’d surged back into my life, making me feel again, and my emotions had burst forth like water from a dam.
“No, sweetie, I’m not going to cry,” I forced a smile as he gripped my face between his two small hands, looking at me in fascination.
“I don’t want you to be sad,” his lips turned down in a frown.
“Sometimes you have to be sad,” I told him, my voice shaky.
Tristan wrapped his arms around my neck and clung to me tightly. We had a special bond—one I didn’t share with Ivy.
I picked him up to carry him to the kitchen when my mom opened her bleary eyes from where she lay on the couch. “Don’t baby him.”
“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes as she passed out once more.
I was tired and didn’t even feel like boiling pasta noodles, so I settled on peanut butter sandwiches that the three of us dipped in milk—don’t knock it until you try it.
“This is yummy,” Tristan grinned, smiling up at me. Ivy nodded in agreement to his words. Watching the two of them, my throat clenched. They deserved more than peanut butter sandwiches eaten at a card table. I didn’t understand how a parent couldn’t want better for their children. But my mom, she wanted us to suffer like she had, while she escaped into oblivion—the coward’s way out.
Ivy helped me clean up from dinner, then I gave Tristan a bath, and read them both a story. I fell asleep in Tristan’s bed, my body wrapped around his, with Ivy beside me.
The wind blew my hair in my face, several long strands getting stuck on the gloss coating my lips. I pulled my hair way, my head lowered. When I looked up, my steps faltered. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
This had to be a mirage or something.
Trenton stood straight ahead of me, his back leaning against a light pole with a coffee cup and something else in his hand. I was so confused. He was still supposed to be at school, what was he doing here?
He looked up then, a smile spreading over his handsome face as he spotted me. He was dressed nicely in a pair of jeans and a long black button down coat. His dark hair was brushed out of his eyes. To me, he looked like he should be on the runway, not chilling on campus. He looked so sophisticated and out of my league.
He didn’t jog up the steps. Instead he waited for me to meet him.
I walked slowly to him, butterflies assaulting my stomach.
“Hi…what are you doing here?”
God, even when I wasn’t trying to I still sounded like a bitch. There was something seriously wrong with me.
He chuckled, licking his bottom lip. “I brought you coffee,” he held up the paper cup.
“I can see that, but why are you here on my campus,” I hissed. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”
He shrugged his muscular shoulders. “I finished my school work early and decided to head home. There was no point in hanging around there when I could be home.” With you, the words hung there unuttered.
“Well,” I reached for the coffee, “thanks for this.”
“I
t’s caramel,” he assured me before I took a sip. “Caramel’s still your favorite right?” He asked hesitantly.
“It is,” I nodded. “I can’t believe you remembered that,” I whispered in awe, taking a sip of the hot liquid. It gave me a dose of much needed caffeine and warmth.
“I remember everything about you,” he whispered. “Oh, here’s this.”
My throat closed up as I looked at the shiny teal wrapper in his hands. I took the Rice Krispie Treat from him.
“You really do remember everything,” I gasped.
He chuckled. “Yep. You’re middle name is Elise and you hate it because you think it sounds old fashioned. I, on the other hand, love it. Your favorite color is green. Rice Krispie Treats are your favorite sweet,” he nodded at the wrapper in my hand, “you love to read anything and everything, and…shall I continue?” He raised a brow, waiting for my response.
I gazed at him in awe. I would’ve thought all these years later, we’d have to get to know each other again, but he hadn’t forgotten anything about me. I certainly hadn’t forgotten him either.
“No,” I squeaked as we walked side by side. I had to get to my last class of the day.
Trent fell into step beside me, both of us silent. I stopped outside the door to the building that led to my next class. “I have to go, I can’t be late,” I mumbled.
Trent nodded. “I know. I’ll…see you later,” he smiled, leaning in to give me a soft kiss that left my whole body humming.
“Thanks for this,” I held the coffee and Rice Krispie Treat aloft.
He nodded, tipping his head at me as he backed away.
“Red!” I called at his retreating back.
He turned around, stopping in his tracks with one brow raised.
“Your favorite color is red,” I breathed. “I remember things too, Trent.”
chapter nine
Even hours later, I was still shocked by Trent’s surprise visit and the sweet gesture of the coffee and Rice Krispie Treat. I’d greedily slurped down the coffee, finding it to be the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted. For some reason, though, I had found myself unable to devour the sugary treat currently residing in my backpack. Like a child, I wanted to hold on to it and treasure it for what it signified.
Tempting Rowan Page 11
