Engaged in Sin

by Sharon Page

  She nodded. She remembered how hurt her mother had been by her family’s rejection. Her mother had spoken of it only once, but Anne would never forget Mama’s deep pain and humiliation. Even when her grandfather lost his sight, Lady Julia would not speak to him. She had showed him no kindness or mercy.

  “My mother was desperate when we were forced to leave Longsworth. But she knew all of her family would turn us away. All because this woman had taught them to hate my grandmother, my mother, and consequently me. All because my grandmother was not a lady.”

  “Your great-grandmother regrets what she did,” he said gently. “She had three children—a son and two daughters. She lost all of them, and her daughters died without producing children. By the time you—her only great-grandchild—were born, she was alone. She told me she realized how foolish it was to end up that way simply because one did not approve of a marriage. Two years ago, she went to Longsworth in the hopes of seeing your mother and you and making amends. She found out you were both gone. Your cousin offered to hunt for you.”

  “Why? In the warehouse … the way he spoke … it was obvious he hated me. Why would he search for us for the sake of my great-grandmother?”

  Devon coaxed one of her hands free. Gazing into her eyes, he kissed it, and it was enough to make her forget the horrible things Sebastian had said. “He wanted her money. As Lady Julia’s only living relative, you are her heir. Norbrook thought this time you would agree to marriage, and he would gain control of the wealth.”

  It stunned her. “Then why would he want to kill me?”

  “While searching for you, your cousin wormed his way into Lady Julia’s good graces. Norbrook was so kind and gentlemanly to her that she grew to admire him. She feared you had died in the stews and, just a few weeks ago, she told him he would become her heir if you were found to be dead.”

  Devon gently cupped her face. “I told Lady Julia how you helped your grandfather with his blindness. Her heart was touched. Now she would like to meet you.”

  “No! How could I? She doesn’t know what I am. She would hardly accept me, hardly see me if she knew I was your mistress, knew what I had to do.”

  “Anne, I told her about your mother’s illness, how you were desperate for money, and how you were forced into a brothel.”

  Her heart slammed against her ribs. “Why did you tell her?”

  “I wanted her to know what you had been through. I wanted her to understand what pain her actions caused your mother and you. She knows it all, and she wants to see you.”

  How could that be true? “I don’t know. I’m afraid—”

  Devon lifted her hand to his lips, the way a knight would bestow a respectful kiss to a lady high above his station. “Angel, you are the most fearless person I’ve ever known.”

  She was hardly fearless. He had found her family. He had convinced her cold, aristocratic great-grandmother to see her. Anne was certain Devon was responsible in some way for Lady Julia’s change of heart. But Lady Julia had rejected so many people out of pride—how could she open her heart to the most ruined type of woman of all? Fear froze Anne’s hand on the carriage handle. She didn’t know whether to push the door open or hold it closed. “Why does this matter to you, Devon?”

  “My family means so much to me. I didn’t like thinking that you had no one.”

  I have you. But Devon was reminding her he would not be in her life forever. “I do not need a family. It was always my plan to eventually have an independent life. I’ve recognized that is what I must do. That’s exactly what I intend to do when … our contract ends.”

  “Come and meet her first, love, before you decide.”

  What would her great-grandmother be like, this mysterious woman she had never seen? Anne could not tamp down the fury in her heart. How could this woman have disapproved of her grandmother and mother? Both women had been the loveliest and kindest Anne had ever known.

  A liveried footman had admitted them. He now returned. “Her Ladyship will see you in the drawing room.” He bowed and led the way.

  Devon’s hand rested at her low back, and he urged her to follow. Why did he want this so much? Did protectors normally take such an interest in their mistresses?

  They reached a room that was entirely white. Astonishingly white. The floor was marble tile, white silk covered the walls, and the moldings that looped and swirled like confectioner’s icing were white plaster. All the furnishings were white and gilt.

  Anne glanced at Devon. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of the intensely bright room, and she realized … she was looking at him for support. As though they were more than courtesan and protector. She was looking to him as she had seen her mother look to her father and, even more often, her father look to her mother.

  Heels tapped on the marble. Between two white screens, blue silk moved. Anne swallowed hard. Then the most elegant lady she had ever seen appeared before her. Lady Julia leaned on a walking stick, but she held herself tall. Silver hair was piled on her head, hair as pale as the room, carefully styled and shimmering. The austere brilliance of the white and silver made her gown all the more startling—it was an exquisite creation of sapphire silk that clung to a slender form. Her great-grandmother had ivy-green eyes, exactly like her own.

  Suddenly Lady Julia rushed forward and embraced Anne. “My dear, what you have been through. What a fool I have been. An absolute fool!”

  Anne found herself seated at a small round table in a bay window at the end of the drawing room. Her great-grandmother poured tea with a shaky hand. “I am so sorry I disowned your grandfather. So very sorry your mother believed she could not come to me for help.” Great pain crossed the lined face.

  “I had wanted so much for my children,” Lady Julia said sadly. “Then your grandfather ran off and married an opera dancer. I decided that mistake must not happen again, so I pushed my daughters into grand marriages for duty. One married a duke’s son, the other wed a marquess. Both men were scoundrels. My eldest daughter died of a broken heart because of her husband’s infidelities. The other died of illness while her husband spent all his time in gaming hells. Gradually I realized what I had done. The lives I had controlled, I ruined. I saw I would eventually be quite alone. The only relative I had left was your mother. I wanted to make amends for my foolishness, so I tried to find her, but she had died. So I tried to find you.”

  “My mother believed you would not even speak to us,” Anne said. “When we left Longsworth with no money, she would not come to you. She thought it would be pointless.”

  Lady Julia let out a long breath. She hung her head. “Your grandfather brought his child—your mother—to me, when she was about twelve years of age. I was still angry with him for defying my wishes. I sent him and your mother from my house and told them never to return.” Her Ladyship looked up, tears glittering in her dark-green eyes. “His Grace told me about everything that had happened to you. What has befallen you was my fault. I should never have turned my back on your grandfather and his wife. I would have taken you and your mother in, yet your mother believed I would not because of what I said in anger when she was a child. She thought me so heartless that I would turn her and you away. And I had been heartless.”

  Anne knew she could agree, she could hurt this woman in revenge, but perhaps she must put pride and anger behind her too. “You have learned. That’s the most important thing.”

  “March told me everything about Sebastian. What must you think of me? How could I not have seen what a despicable madman he truly was?” Her great-grandmother put a hand over hers. At first Anne tensed, then she relaxed, determined to move toward the future, away from the sorrow of the past.

  “I have finally found you,” Lady Julia said softly. “Or, rather, March has brought you to me. I cannot ask you to forgive me, Anne. But please, please, give me another chance. I wish to make it known that you are my great-granddaughter. I have eschewed the ton for years now, but I will have to return. There is much work for us to do
!”

  “Work?” She stared blankly as her great-grandmother smiled at Devon, who returned it with a grin. Both of them seemed to know something she did not. “What sort of work?”

  “Your reintroduction into Society, of course.”

  Anne pulled her hand back. “Impossible. You know what I had to do, what I had to become, because of poverty.”

  “Yes.” Lady Julia winced. “I am determined to change your life, Anne.”

  “No.”

  Devon leaned to her. “It can be done.”

  “It can’t. I was a whore. I can’t put that behind me.” She remembered the men in Hyde Park. Their bold looks and leering smiles. “It’s too late. I’m not a lady anymore. I never can be again.”

  “You still are,” Devon said fiercely. “That’s never changed, Anne.”

  “It has. I want to go forward, not back. I want to be independent. I know that is all I can have, and I am happy with it.” She was trembling as though she would fly apart. Devon had called her fearless, but she didn’t have the courage to believe in the impossible. She leapt up, knocking over her dainty chair. Spinning on her heel, she ran blindly.

  He caught her at the foyer. In front of Lady Julia’s servants, Devon grasped her around the waist and scooped her into his arms. “This time,” he growled, “I’m not letting you go.”

  The marble tiles and domed ceiling whirled as he turned her fast enough to leave her dizzy, then carried her through a large doorway. Anne heard gasps of shock and snickers—apparently, the impassive servants were not immune to such displays of male possessiveness.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded. “Put me on my feet. This is my decision to make.”

  To her surprise, he lowered her gently, and as her feet touched the ground he said, “I don’t believe you are ruined forever. With powerful allies, you can return to Society. Your great-grandmother is ready to help you. My mother is adored in the ton. Both those women wield a great deal of influence. If they accept you, no one of the ton would dare dismiss you.”

  “Your mother? How could you ask your mother to do such a thing?”

  “I believe Caro would help too. And I am sure I can enlist the help of my other married sister, Charlotte. Her husband is the Duke of Crewe, one of the Prince Regent’s good friends.”

  How did he do this to her? How did he make her yearn to hope? But she shook her head. She wrapped her arms around her chest, as though shielding her heart from the determination in his eyes. “It’s impossible. How could I go out in Society? Young ladies are warned to never associate with fallen women. It is as though I have a disease—I’m to be avoided at all costs, in case ruination is contagious.”

  His blazing eyes narrowed. “You deserve so much more than that.”

  “Perhaps, but that is how people will behave.” She told him of her encounter with the two gentlemen in the park. Finally, though she hated to do it, she revealed that one of the men had been a client. She expected him to leave her once he knew that. Instead, he took a step toward her.

  “No one will bother you in Hyde Park. I defended your honor there a few days ago, and no gentleman would risk making me angry again, I promise.”

  “What—what did you do?”

  “I knocked the Earl of Duncairn on his arse. Unfortunately he got in a good blow of his own.” Devon touched his nose.

  “So that explains the bruises and the swelling. You told me it was an accident.”

  “It was. It was an accident that I allowed one of his fists to land on my face.” He grinned, then winced. “You saved me, angel, in so many ways. Now let me save you.”

  “Devon, it is impossible to change Society’s views.”

  “I survived battle with the French. I’d like to believe I can survive battle with a lot of narrow-minded matrons and hypocritical peers.”

  “You can win victories like the fight in the park, but you can never win the true victory—which is to change their opinions.”

  His lower lip protruded, giving him a sulky boyish look. “So it is your plan to go off to the country, rent a cottage, and … and what, love? Take a lover from the country gentry?”

  She was doing a terrible thing now, keeping the truth about his child a secret. But she might be wrong about the pregnancy, she might lose the baby—there was no point in speaking of it when it might not happen at all. “I will have some money, Devon. I should like to start schools so young girls do not have to end up as prostitutes. That should keep me tremendously busy. And I could also hire a companion.” She saw his eyes roll and she squared her shoulders. “I think it is a very good plan. I like the country. I enjoy simple pleasures. Few people are fortunate enough to have everything they’ve always dreamed of. In being independent, I will.”

  “And you are saying you don’t want to be my mistress anymore.”

  “I—” Being enceinte made it impossible for her to ever be part of Society. Even her great-grandmother and a duchess could not make the ton accept an obviously pregnant courtesan. And she could not hide her pregnancy for very long. Only a few more weeks. “It would be for the best,” she said. She was going to have her heart broken eventually. If she truly had courage, she could face it now. “I know you must bring an end to our arrangement anyway when you are ready to propose. To the lady you choose to be your bride, I mean.”

  “You will be free to take a lover, angel.”

  “I will never take another protector. I will never love anyone else—” She broke off. What had she done? She’d said aloud that she loved him.

  Would he be embarrassed? What should she do? How did a woman tell a man she loved him and then assure him she understood that their sexual encounters had been only business?

  “I am planning to make a proposal of marriage,” he said softly. “One that will bring an end to our relationship as tempting mistress and besotted protector.”

  “Besotted? You can’t be. I think you’ve mainly been irritated with me.” Despite the hurt tugging at her foolish heart, she managed a wobbly smile. “I am glad you have found a bride.”

  He gazed at her as though seeing her for the very first time. “Sometimes, I’ve been told, it takes a while to realize when someone is unlike anyone else you’ve ever known.”

  She supposed she was quite different from other mistresses he’d had. More stubborn, less obedient, more annoying …

  He traced her lips, igniting tremors worthy of an earthquake. “I’ll never forget the time you took me walking in the rain, Anne. At first I thought you were mad—”

  “I’m not surprised,” she whispered. “I feared you would think me crazy.” Heavens, she didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to let him go.

  “You opened my world for me, Anne. By showing me the sense of space that sound could give me, you changed me from hopeless to hopeful. You’ve done that for me in so many ways. Little by little, you helped me to open my heart again.”

  He was telling her he had fallen in love with someone. This was to be goodbye, just as she’d said it should be, and in his kindness he was making it as sweet as he could.

  “You helped me come to grips with my guilt over Captain Tanner’s death. You helped me sleep through a night without nightmares. Somehow, in some miraculous ways unique to you, you helped me find peace. I am going to miss having you for my mistress, Anne Beddington.”

  She swallowed hard. This was the true test of strength. She must give a gracious goodbye. No tears. She was going to wish him happiness. She loved him so much, all she could hope for him was joy.

  “My family has always believed in marrying for love,” he said. “To my mother and father, love was the most important thing. Caro was encouraged to marry the earl she loved, rather than the duke she didn’t. When I realized I’d fallen in love with you, Anne, I thought I would have to make the choice between marriage and love.”

  He slanted his mouth over hers. She was only barely aware of his kiss. Her whole world had become five unbelievable words. Fallen in love
with you.

  He drew back. “I’d planned for something spectacular, love, at my house. A trio of violinists was supposed to play for us, and I intended to walk you to a bower festooned with roses to surprise you. But I’ll have to do this now. Here.” He fumbled in the pocket of his greatcoat. “Blast, I can’t get the thing out.”

  She couldn’t even give a nervous giggle. That would have required a breath.

  He yanked out a velvet-covered box. He opened it, plucked something out, and threw the box aside. When he opened his hand, she saw a dark-red stone sitting in the center of his palm—a huge heart-shaped ruby with dozens of facets to capture the sun.

  “I wanted something striking and red, for you will always be Cerise to me. Bold, seductive, brave Cerise.” He dropped to one knee in front of her. Taking her left hand, he held the ring poised before her finger. His dark hair fell across his eyes as he gazed up, surprisingly uncertain.

  “Marry me, Anne,” he said.

  Devon felt lost in the silence. As the quiet stretched, cold swept through him, slowly freezing its way through his veins, as though he’d been dunked in ice water. “Anne?” Why was it taking her so long to say yes?

  “You found—” Her lovely voice quavered. He’d focused on her tones so carefully when he was blind, he knew she was shocked. “You found my great-grandmother, you plotted my return to Society, because you want to marry me?”

  “Yes, angel.”

  She scrambled back, away from his hand and the ring. “You cannot seriously be asking me to marry you. There must be dozens of eligible ladies you can court—”

  “I’m not interested in any of them. I am seriously asking you. You.”

  “Devon, no. No, I can’t marry you.”

  No? “You are telling me no?” It made no sense. What mistress did not want to be a wife?

  “Yes. I mean, my answer must be no.”

  “It can’t be no. I love you.” Hades, he sounded like a petulant boy.

  “I—It doesn’t matter what we feel. It is impossible. I can’t marry you. You wouldn’t be happy. And, consequently, neither would I.”