Before

by Nicola Marsh

  “What do you reckon?” I handed her a soft drink and grabbed the DVD while wrinkling my nose. “As you saw from my demonstration over the last half hour, I’m more of a slam dancing kinda guy.”

  “Pity. Something tells me you’d be real good at dirty dancing.” Her gaze deliberately swept me from head to foot in a bold move that would’ve normally had me saying screw the movie and let me screw you.

  Instead, I popped the DVD out of the cover and slid it into the player.

  “No popcorn or chocolate?”

  I glared at her. “I cooked you penne alla matriciana for dinner and you’re still hungry?”

  “That pasta was superb.” She rubbed her stomach and I glanced away, instantly struck by how much I’d like to do the same. “But haven’t you heard? Women have a second stomach for sweets.”

  “But you had a piece of pav too.” I loved her appetite. Nothing sexier than a woman who appreciated her food. And continually told the chef how great it was.

  “Fine, just turn on the damn movie.” She folded her arms and pretended to sulk, which was exceptionally cute.

  As long as the movie was all I turned on tonight.

  Once I hit play, I sat. As far away from her as I could on the old plaid couch. I’d never cared how small the one room shack was before, but with Jess in it? Felt like the four walls constricted by the minute.

  “God, I love this movie.” Jess sighed, and curled her legs up beneath her as she sipped from her soft drink can.

  Her gaze was riveted to the small flat screen TV for the duration of the movie, while I kept sneaking glances at her. And all the while, that lilac fragrance she wore wafted over me. It probably clung to my skin; we’d been dancing that close. Just one more thing to torture me.

  By the time the credits rolled, I knew exactly why she loved this flick.

  Innocent teen falls for older off-limits bad boy. Yet they had a happy ending. Go figure.

  “So, what did you think?” She half turned away from me, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with her pinkies, before turning back.

  “Not bad.”

  “Not bad?” She screeched, swinging her arm wide to whack me in the chest. “That’s like me saying to you that your Aussie rock is reasonably okay.”

  I clutched my chest and fell to the side like she’d wounded me. “You’re comparing AC/DC to Patrick Swayze?”

  “Neanderthal,” she muttered, tilting her nose in the air in a pretend huff.

  “You’re cute when you’re ruffled,” I said, gazing up at her from my semi-upside down position on the couch.

  “And you’re obnoxious,” she said, an insult defied by her sliding a fraction closer so I had no option but to rest my head in her lap.

  Bad move. Catastrophic move. Being so close to nirvana and not being able to go there.

  “But I kind of like you anyway.” She ran her fingers through my hair, grazing my scalp, and a shiver shot through me. Who knew having her fingers in my hair could be so frigging erotic?

  “Pity you can’t emulate Patrick.” She continued her rhythmic stroking and it felt so damn good I would’ve told her anything to have her continue.

  “That’s fictional, sweet thing, and sorry to say, this bad boy isn’t about to turn good.”

  She stopped, her hand resting on my forehead, like she was testing if I had a fever. “What if this good girl turned bad?”

  That would be the ultimate turn on. Watching Jess shed her innocence and go wild. With me. God, I could see it so clearly. I’d strip her naked. Lay her on my bed. Spread her legs. And go down on her. She’d taste divine. I’d lap and lick her until she screamed. Then I’d enter her. She’d be wet and tight. So tight…

  Not. Going. To. Happen. Dickhead.

  So I did the only thing I could. Pushed her away. Again.

  “I like you as a friend, Jess, but that’s it—”

  “You’re so full of it.” She leaped to her feet so fast I got whiplash.

  Rubbing my neck, I sat up, in time for her to shove me. “I’m sorry—”

  “You can stick your apology up your ass.” She towered over me, hands on hips, chest heaving. “I know what you think of me, Jack. Shy little virgin dabbling in a holiday fling so she can tell all her college buddies when she goes home.”

  She shook her head, but not before I glimpsed the sheen of tears. Fuck.

  “But that’s not me, and I thought you would’ve figured that out during the time we’ve spent together. As friends.” She spat the last word as if it meant nothing. “Not that I think you know the meaning of the word, asshole.”

  I watched her storm out of my shack, torn between wanting to run after her and turning up the music again so I could drown out my thoughts. The main one being, I’d fucked up majorly and it was a good thing.

  So why did I feel so goddamn bad?

  Chapter Fifteen

  JESS

  I wanted to kill Jack.

  Though I’d settle for maiming. Anything to inflict the same amount of pain he’d just put me through.

  Every look, every touch, every word, implied that he liked me. Seriously liked me. As more than the ‘friend’ spiel he kept giving me. But he continued to push me away. And I knew why.

  He had a major hang-up about our differences. To him, I was a good girl, the pristine little virgin he couldn’t deflower.

  Well screw that. And screw him.

  If only I could…

  “Hey, Jess.” Chantal’s heavily made-up face popped up on my laptop screen via Skype. “How’s it hanging Down Under?”

  “That sounds vaguely obscene,” I said, an instant, vivid memory of Jack, naked, popping into my head.

  My cousin waggled a finger at the screen. “Some of the hottest guys are in Australia and if you haven’t had any action yet, I’ll be seriously disappointed.”

  “You know me, Cuz. Not much to report.”

  Chantal wrinkled her nose. “That’s what I was afraid of.” She leaned closer to the screen. “Sweetie, when are you going to pop the cherry?”

  I blushed. “Surely we’ve got more interesting things to talk about than my virginity?”

  Chantal’s smile faded. “Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  My cousin rarely looked serious. She sashayed through life, confident and bold. To see her concerned made me worry.

  “What’s up?”

  She grimaced. “I hate to bring this up on your vacation, but you might like to know I checked with UNLV and that creep has transferred out. Already left the campus.”

  I sat up straighter. “That’s great news.”

  The thought of not having to face Dave again at college was a huge relief. “Thanks for finding out and telling me.”

  “So you’re not mad at me for poking around?”

  “Mad? I’m freaking ecstatic.” I blew her a kiss. “You’re the best.”

  “I know.” Chantal blew on her fingernails and polished them against her top. “So now that’s out of the way, tell me if you’ve found a boy from OZ.”

  Not a boy. A man. A rugged, sexy, twenty-year-old, who wanted nothing more from me than friendship. Woop-de-freaking-do.

  Chantal’s eyes widened, her lash extensions almost touching her brows. “By your silence and that look, you’ve met someone. Tell all.”

  I mustered my best innocent expression. “No look here.”

  “There’s a look.” Chantal tilted her head to one side, studying me. “It’s halfway between smug and excited and fearful. Which means there’s a guy involved.”

  I sighed. Maybe articulating my confusion about Jack might help me deal with it. Because after the fun evening we’d just spent together, combined with the horse ride and bush picnic, I was confused. We clicked but was it one-sided and all in my imagination? Did he flirt like that with everyone and I’d misread it?

  “There could be a guy. A guy who’s freaking hot,” I said in a rush. “Looks like Chris Hemsworth.”

  Chanta
l fanned her face and wolf whistled. “And?”

  “And I really like him, and I think he likes me, but he keeps saying we can only be friends.”

  Chantal snorted. “Gay?”

  “Uh…no.”

  “And you know this how?”

  I felt the heat creeping into my cheeks. “Because I’ve seen the merchandise and it was pretty excited by me checking it out.”

  Chantal’s jaw dropped. “You’ve seen the guy naked and he only wants to be friends? What’s with that?”

  “You tell me.”

  I valued Chantal’s advice. My cousin knew guys. Could twist them around her little finger without trying. They took one look at her long legs and big boobs and shiny blonde hair and fell at her feet.

  “The way I see it, the guy should be jumping your bones if he likes you. It’s a perfect scenario. You’re a holiday fling. Guys dig that. All the fun without the commitment.”

  I nodded. “That’s what I thought but it’s almost like…”

  “What?”

  At the risk of sounding like an idiot, I said, “It’s like he thinks I’m too good for him or something. Like he doesn’t want to take advantage of me.”

  Chantal’s brow crinkled in consternation. “You didn’t tell him you were a virgin, did you?”

  I grimaced. “He kinda guessed.”

  “Girlfriend, there’s your problem right there. You’re nuts.” Chantal made circular movements at her temple. “Some guys are put off by that, and maybe he spends all day in the outback breaking in horses and doesn’t want to break you in.”

  I laughed. “He’s not a horse wrangler.”

  “Well, it sounded nice in theory.” Chantal grinned. “Honestly, Cuz? I have no idea what goes through guys’ heads.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “Maybe you should seduce him?”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Not my style.”

  “If you want to get laid by the boy from OZ before you head home, maybe you should consider it.” Chantal winked. “Always works for me.”

  I snorted. “Yeah, that’s because you’re blonde, have long legs, a great rack and dance at Burlesque Bombshells.”

  “You can do it, hun. I have full confidence in you.” A doorbell sounded in the background and Chantal glanced over her shoulder. “Speaking of which, that’s my date now.” She blew me a kiss. “Later, gator.”

  “Have fun.” I kissed my fingertips and pressed them to the screen, saddened when the screen faded to black.

  I hadn’t been homesick once since I’d arrived but chatting with Chantal made me yearn for the time when my life had been uncomplicated. Before Dave. Before Jack.

  Though at least I could rest easy in the knowledge I wouldn’t have to face that jerk Dave when next semester started. Which only left one male complication in my life.

  Jack.

  What the hell should I do about Jack?

  Chapter Sixteen

  JACK

  I hadn’t slept all night.

  I’d alternated between channel surfing and listening to my iPod. But hearing my favorite songs, the ones I’d danced to with Jess, had lost their appeal.

  With the music blasting through the ear pieces and my eyes closed, all I could see was Jess dancing around my room; her hips swaying, her shoulders shimmying, her face radiant. Before our slow dance where it had taken every ounce of my dwindling willpower to not kiss her senseless and run my hands all over her body.

  There’d been that moment, when I could’ve kissed her, that would haunt me for the rest of my life as a lesson in craving something so badly I could taste it, but reining in the urge to have it.

  Discounting the physical torture, I’d genuinely had a great time with Jess. And then I’d had to deliberately ruin it.

  I’d known I was in trouble the moment she’d chosen Dirty Dancing for us to watch. I’d lied. I had seen it. And I knew exactly why she’d chosen it. The whole good girl/bad boy theme, where Johnny and Baby get it on and everything worked out in the end? Pie in the sky stuff and the kind of romantic guff women loved.

  I’d been so good, keeping my hands off her. But then the film had ended and we’d started verbally sparring again and the next thing I knew my head had been in her lap, her fingers were in my hair and she was telling me she wanted to be bad.

  I’d had no choice. I had to push her away before we were both naked in five seconds flat and rolling around on the floor.

  Jess deserved more.

  She deserved one thousand thread sheets and roses and champagne and candles. She didn’t deserve a quick fuck in a grungy outback shack to loud rock music.

  “Thought I might find you out here.” Reid clapped a hand on my back and I struggled not to flinch.

  I’d never liked physical contact as a kid, had avoided it at all costs. The foster system bred a healthy distrust of touch in me, because the only times my foster folks or siblings had touched me was in backhanders or fisticuffs.

  “Hey, mate. How was your trip?” I dumped the strawberries I’d picked into a basket and stuck out my hand.

  “Good. Business went well.” Reid shook it and I admired his strong handshake, despite his namby-pamby profession. “And I managed to see that restaurateur and chef I mentioned.”

  “Right,” I muttered, trying not to sound too eager and hoping desperation didn’t show on my face.

  Reid laughed. “Don’t go overboard with your enthusiasm.”

  I managed a wry grin. “So what did he say?”

  “He said if the food you cook half lives up to my glowing recommendations, then he’d be lucky to have you.” Reid slapped me on the back again. “So what do you say? Ready to move to Sydney and be apprenticed to a renowned chef?”

  I couldn’t speak. I wanted to but the words got stuck in my throat.

  No one had ever done anything like this for me before and I had no idea how to begin to express my gratitude.

  “Mate, I don’t know what to say…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Screw that. I do know what to say and it’s a hell yeah.”

  “Great. Is a month long enough to give notice here and move down to Sydney?”

  Completely overwhelmed by Reid’s generosity, I shook my head. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

  In the past, I’d give the station owners a week’s notice if that, moving on when the whim took me. But Doreen and Mrs. Gee had been good to me and I didn’t want to leave them in the lurch. A month would be plenty. And would see out Jess’s holiday here. Not that I should be registering a fact like that. Especially not now.

  Because if I’d been determined to keep my hands off her before, my incentive had just doubled.

  Reid Harper was a stand-up guy who’d just done me a massive favor. No way could I repay him by fucking his sister.

  “Thanks again, mate.” I pumped Reid’s hand until mine almost fell off.

  “As you Aussies say, no worries.” Reid glanced at his watch. “I’ve got a conference call happening in five minutes, so I’ll give you all the details later.”

  “Sure, thanks.”

  I managed to wait until Reid rounded the front verandah and I heard the slam of the front door before letting out a resounding yell that would’ve startled the cattle all the way in the top paddock.

  I had a chance at a fresh start. A real future. Far removed from my current drifter lifestyle that was growing old fast.

  It was just the change I’d been looking for.

  And the damndest thing, Jess was the first person I wanted to share the good news with.

  Chapter Seventeen

  JESS

  “I hear congratulations are in order.” I propped on the top rail of the fence, deliberately letting my skirt ride up. Let the moron see what he was missing out on.

  Jack barely glanced up from weeding the vegetable garden. “Yeah, your brother is one helluva guy.”

  “I guess.” When the uncomfortable silence grew—not surprising, considering last time I’d seen him
I’d called him an asshole—I tried to make small talk. “Looking forward to living in Sydney?”

  “Yeah.”

  Great. Monosyllabic answers and he wasn’t looking at me. I didn’t want to apologize because I’d meant every word I’d said at his place the other night, but I missed his teasing, missed us. Even if technically there wasn’t an ‘us’.

  No matter what he said, we’d developed a bond. A friendship. A connection. That he’d cheapened by implying I was just out for a holiday fling.

  “I’m sorry about the other night,” I blurted, sliding off the fence to land on my feet. “You’re not an asshole.”

  “Yeah, I am, and you don’t need to apologize.” He finally glanced up, his expression wary. “I like you, Jess. I’ve never had a girl-friend before and it’s been fun hanging out with you. But that’s as far as it goes.”

  I didn’t want to argue with him but I could feel my anger rising at his holier-than-thou speech. “Why do you get to make all the decisions in our relationship?”

  “Relationship? Seriously?” He stood and swiped his grimy hands down the side of his jeans. “How did we go from friends to a relationship?”

  “A friendship is a relationship, dumbass,” I muttered, glaring at him, which is why I saw the exact moment is mouth switched from rebellious to amusement.

  “Do you call all your friends names or is it just me?”

  “It’s you, Cookie.” I deliberately used his nickname, knowing he liked it. “In case you were in any doubt, you’re also a pain in the ass.”

  “Nice,” he said, his wry grin making my heart do that weird flip flop thing it always did when he smiled. “Guess I won’t tell you about the surprise I’ve organized then.”

  “Surprise?”

  I immediately envisaged the two of us strolling off into an outback sunset, before REALITY CHECK flashed across my mind.

  “Actually, I can’t take all the credit. Mrs. Gee and Doreen suggested it.”

  Yep, there went my little fantasy of Jack and I alone together.

  I studied my nails, feigning disinterest. “So, are you going to tell me some time this century?”

  He laughed, a low, sexy sound that rippled over me and made my stomach free fall. “Fancy outback camping for a night?” He gestured at the sky. “Nothing like the sunrises in this part of the world.”