by D K Olukoya
In addition, if casual sex has been a part of your relationship with the opposite sex, it becomes easy to develop a pattern of shaky relationships, easy breakups, STDs, infidelity, and a general lack of stability in your life.
Abstinence between partners in
courtship can help shield them
from bitter emotions for one
another, in the event that such
courtship does not end in marriage.
26 FREEDOM FROM REGRET, HEARTBREAK VIAND ANGER THAT SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE BRINGS.
Humans are emotional beings, who possess the ability to feel love, hatred, anger, bitterness etc. Sex between married couples was designed by the Almighty to strengthen the trust, commitment and relationship existing between them. It also develops a feeling of dependency and vulnerability. This emotional process of giving yourself away to your partner is safer within the bonds of a legal union called marriage.
Abstinence between partners in courtship can help shield them from bitter emotions for one another, in the event that such courtship does not end in marriage. More than 80 percent of couples feel high levels of resentment towards an ex, due to the sexual relationship which existed between them. We should know that sex is one way of expressing or showing commitment to a partner within the bonds of marriage. Now if this is abused by engaging in it outside marriage, certain negative sentiments and emotions are bound to set in.
27 YOU HAVE COMPLETE PEACE OF MIND WITHIN YOURSELF AND WITH GOD.
1Peter 2:11
"Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;"
A Christian, even one who has been a believer for years stands the risk of losing the inner peace that accompanies knowing God if he or she begins to engage in sex outside marriage. Premarital sex encourages other forms of terrible behaviour such as indecency, lying, lack of integrity, loss of self control, sexual addiction, pornography, masturbation, etc. It could also lead to bitterness and hardness of heart, loss of contentment, peace, and an overwhelmingly dissatisfied spiritual life.
The sexual lusts which spur and also result from it would have successfully loaded the spirit man of such individuals with so many negative materials, which they find warring within their members. Christians who find themselves entangled in such a trap often find it hard to pray, read their Bibles, engage in any meaningful spiritual activity or even tell others about Jesus. They are therefore neither at peace with themselves nor with God.
28 EASIER TO BREAK UP (IF NEED BE) IF SEX IS NOT INVOLVED.
The power the Almighty has deposited in sex is one that will remain a mystery to man. Sex has the power to unite two people and bind them to each other even after the deed is done and they have gone their separate ways. Premarital sex has an insatiable and progressively enslaving nature which individuals tend to underestimate. As humans, we are not only sharing bodily fluids; a much deeper and mysterious connection is made with our souls.
Partners who practice abstinence will find it easier to walk away from any unfavourable relationship since there is no deep emotional attachment involved. You must learn to take a bold step of breaking off from any relationship where it is evident that you and your partner are incompatible or the Lord is not leading you to marry such a person. The will power to walk away will still be there. Sex binds the souls of two people, fusing their emotions, feelings and desires. This makes it harder for individuals who have been engaging in premarital sex to leave such a relationship. As a result, the person gets trapped with multiple emotional injuries.
29 WITH-HOLDING SEX IS THE EASIEST WAY TO SEE IF YOUR PARTNER IS ONLY IN IT FOR SEX.
A partner may view courtship as an opportunity of experimenting sex with someone they can trust (whether intentionally or unintentionally). This shouldn't be the case. If you wait till you are married to have sex, you will know for sure that your partner loves you enough to be with you and only you. He or she will trust you in the marriage and can vouch for your faithfulness and integrity when you eventually marry. If you are in a relationship where your partner runs after you demanding sex, once he or she has it, take it that the loophole created can never be filled.
30 THERE IS NO GOING BACK ONCE THE MISTAKE HAS BEEN MADE-
You can't change your past, but you can make a conscious effort to avoid the mistakes that later bring regret in life. If you wait for marriage before you have sex; birth control, abortion, single parenting, STDs, guilt and regret won't be a problem. Even if you. breakup before marriage, though heartbroken, you will still have the gift of your virginity to bestow on a more worthy partner that you vow to spend the rest of your life with. No one practicing abstinence has ever become pregnant, contracted an STD or regretted losing their virginity to a less worthy individual, except in the case of rape. Do not be deceived, there is nothing like 'safe sex' outside marriage, as far as Christianity is concerned. The contraceptive pills people use have their own dangerous side effects. Premarital sex also fosters lack of sexual discipline and disharmony in the home as it increases the chances of divorce later. Unfortunately this breakup does not end with the parents. In almost all cases, children from broken homes suffer numerous consequences, which escalate to cause rot and defilement in the society.
31 YOU MAY CARRY UNWANTED BAGGAGE LIKE MEMORIES FROM THE PAST EMOTIONAL SCARS AND UNWANTED MENTAL IMAGES CAN DEFILE YOUR THOUGHTS.
The Bible says in Prov 23:7
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:"
You are what you think. The process of sanctification entails different stages whereby the Almighty seeks to correct our thought process. Continuous meditation on a particular issue for a long period of time can actually build a mental stronghold which can hold us captive, if the thoughts are negative. This would not only affect our mental and psychological health by causing depression, fear, pessimism, guilt, worry, anxiety, developing destructive habits such as drinking alcohol, loss of weight (from skipping meals caused by loss of appetite). The images of 'passionate' moments shared together would continuously replay themselves in an individual's mind, serving the sole purpose of defiling the individual. It is even possible for an individual who is married and does not properly deal with his or her thought life in the corridor of prayers to continually replay such dirty memories in his or her mind. This unfortunately is a form of adultery that can occur between couples.
32 IT INITIATES A POSSIBLE GENERATIONAL PROBLEM WHICH WOULD EXTEND TO YOUR OFFSPRING.
Exodus 20:5.
"Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;"
The story of Abraham is a classical example of what the consequences of sex outside marriage can do; not only to a man but his unborn generation. Abraham succumbed to the lust of the flesh when he decided to sleep with Hagar, his wife's maid (Genesis 16). That one encounter gave birth to Ishmael who would later become the father of the Arab nation. The Arab nation has remained one of Israel's most bitter enemies till date.
Reuben (Abraham's grandson) lost his birthright, and received a curse from his father because of the same problem of sexual promiscuity. He slept with his father's wife (Genesis 35:22, 49:3-4).
Judah (another grandson of Abraham) slept with his daughter in-law (Genesis 38). David (a descendant of Abraham) committed adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11).
David's son, Amnon, raped his half-sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13). Solomon (another of David's son) married 700 women and had 300 concubines.
Whatever we do in our lifetime will have effect on the unborn generations whether good (Hebrews 7:9-10) or bad (Ezekiel 18:2, Lamentations 5:7).
33 GOD HIMSELF WILL SUPERVISE YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR DEFILING HIS TEMPLE.
1 Corinthians 3:17-18,10:8
"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God,
him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are."
"Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand."
God does not take the issue of fornication lightly at all. It is not the kind of offence which He punishes with just a slap on the wrist. We are the creation of the Almighty. It is only fair to God who made us that we should pattern our lives according to His will. If we decide to go against the perfect plan of God concerning sex and its proper use, we should not be surprised at the consequences which will inevitably follow such action. If you carefully go through the Bible, you would discover that the people and nations that were involved in sexual sins got their full share of lasting punishment and even destruction.
34 LOSS OF VIRGINITY AND ENTERING INTO BLOOD COVENANT OF FIRST SEXUAL PARTNER.
Your virginity is the most prized possession that you can give your partner on your wedding night. Once you lose it, no amount of prayers can bring it back. To lose something so precious in a careless and thoughtless manner shows a high level of irresponsibility on our parts. Careless loss of virginity not only sets us against our Maker but also against ourselves.
As virgins the first individual we have sexual intercourse with brings us into a blood covenant with such a person. Blood is very sacred to the Almighty (Leviticus 17:11) and He does not treat issues concerning it lightly. We all have different family backgrounds, foundations and histories; this leaves us vulnerable to introduce all sorts of foreign demons, spirits, curses and covenants into our lives by that singular act.
35 TURNS GOD'S GREAT GIFT INTO CHEAP AND SELF-CENTERED PLAY THEATRE.
God made the pleasure which comes from sexual intercourse to be enjoyed within the legal bounds of marriage. It is unfair to God and us to enjoy such pleasure that was not created for unmarried people. At first, it may feel like enjoyment but the end result is not palatable. Premarital sex defeats the purpose of courtship, because once sex finds itself in any relationship (whether accidently or intentionally) it will automatically complicate it. Issues such as birth control, unwanted pregnancy, trust, STDs amongst others will begin to occupy your mind. These issues will hinder you from really getting to know the other person thus building a shaky foundation. You will have no personal connection with the person but only physical intimacy.
36 FORMATION OF SOUL TIES THAT MAY TAKE AGES TO BREAK.
Sexual intercourse fuses the spirits of two individuals together. When two elements are fused, they become inseparable. Under God's design for marriage, a man and woman who have become one flesh cannot be separated without suffering great damage and pain or even destruction. When God created the union of marriage, he never intended divorce (Matthew 19:8). Sex was intended for a lifelong union. If you entangle yourself with a person through sex and then decide not to continue the relationship, it can take years before you completely break free from that person. Even then, God's mercy is required for total liberation.
37 SEXUAL INTIMACY PRODUCES MORE BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS THAN STRENGTHENED ONES.
Sexual intercourse was designed by God to bind a couple in an exclusive relationship shared with no one else. Often, premature sexual involvement blocks the development of true intimacy because it becomes the focus of the relationship rather than friendship being central to the relationship. If weaknesses and differences have not been thoroughly explored but are discovered after sexual involvement occurs, the partners will find themselves struggling harder to work through problems. An individual may try to convince himself or herself that premarital sex is an innocent effort to ascertain sexual compatibility. God's word is clear about such; premarital sex is fornication and thus a sin.
38 MOST MEN DO NOT MARRY THE MOTHER OF THEIR FIRST CHILD PRODUCED THROUGH PRE-MARITAL SEX.
Premarital sex is more common among people who have no idea whatsoever of the great responsibilities that accompany the birth of a child. Premarital sex does more harm than good to oneself and his or her partner. Most men who are faced with the issue of accepting responsibility for an illegitimate child may readily assume the role of a father but not a husband. These men may not feel enough love or affection to marry the mother of their child, as the relationship may not have been a serious one, or one that was never intended to end in marriage. There is also the possibility that the persons involved engaged in a 'one-night-stand' or 'spur-of-the-moment' flings where there are no strings attached and never anticipated the possibility of such meetings producing a child.
39 IF YOU HAVE DELIVERANCE ISSUES, YOU WOULD COMPLICATE SUCH.
When you are engaging in premarital sex, it cripples your self control and poisons other virtues.
Proverbs 25:28
"He that hath no rule; over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."
Once the walls of the city are breached, its citadel can easily be captured. When you lack self-control, you open the door for Satan to come into your life and commit whatever havoc he wants. The Scriptures describe those controlled by their lusts and who concede to passion with the phrase 'unstable as water'. They tend to become more self-willed, restless, moody and stubborn. Spiritual jewels like humility, gentleness, meekness are stripped away and spoilt.
40 SELF-CONDEMNATION
Sex is one of the most beautiful things you'll ever share with another person. However, the true beauty of it can only be experienced if you share it with the right person. Unfortunately for many, bad decisions and choices have left them with deep emotional scars, which have weakened them physically, spiritually and mentally.
Most people feel remorse after having sex before marriage (especially when it doesn't lead to marriage). This period is often characterized by a feeling of worthlessness and lack of any value, having given out something so precious for nothing. The person feels cheap and used. The regret and guilt of not preserving yourself will keep coming back to haunt you. Self condemnation can also come into play when such an act involves the conception of a baby.
41 UNNECESSARY STRESS AND ANXIETY
Even the most casual and transitory relationships can forge emotional bonds. How much more a relationship that involves something as deep as sex. Premarital sex brings different issues to light, such as worrying that you're pregnant (for the females) or fear of responsibility in fathering a child (for the males), fear that you may have contracted an STD (your partner could have multiple partners), regret, fear of not finding someone else or fear .of committing to someone else, guilt, loss of self respect, loss of trust for people and depression. Sex before marriage has emotional consequences that can bring long-term pain, grief, and worry, which could in turn escalate into more dangerous health issues such as high or low blood pressure, mental illness, heart problems, or lead to an individual committing suicide. Some of the side effects are unlikely to be discerned or discovered until it is too late.
42 THE RISK OF CONCEIVING ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN.
A child born out of wedlock is legally regarded as an illegitimate child. The truth of the matter is, whether legitimate or illegitimate, children are a godly heritage and His ideal plan is for every human being to have them within the context of a legally defined union called 'marriage'.
One of the risks associated with having children outside wedlock is the possible risk of the man refusing to take complete responsibilty of the child. Children born out of wedlock have a lot of socio-economic effects on both the parents and the society they reside in. This problem usually brings a form of social stigmatization for the child and the mother within the society. It breeds different types of negative emotions (anger, bitterness, hatred, etc.) in the life of the resented mother and child.
In most cases, the lady in question loses her respect within the society (most especially in this part of the world) as she is seen as very promiscuous while the child tends to be less successful socially and academically than those who come from intact families. This is because the presence of both parents in the upbringin
g of a child is very paramount. In the spiritual sense, it creates a polluted foundation for the child, which, if not properly dealt with, could lead to generational curse and bondage.
Sex before marriage has emotional
consequences that can bring long-term
pair, grief, and worry, which
could in turn escalate into more
dangerous health issues
43 EVERY RELATIONSHIP YOU BREAK UP WHERE YOU HAVE HAD SEX CREATES STRONG AND OFTEN UNPLEASANT MEMORIES FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
2SamueI13:19-20.
"And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying. And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house."
In the passage above, we see Tamar's pain based on her experience. If you read the preceding verses of that chapter, you will find out that the major source of her pain was that Amnon put her out after sleeping with her. The same thing happens when people have sex in a relationship, only to later find their hopes of marriage dashed.
The feelings of betrayal, grief, etc will continue to haunt such a person for the rest of his/her life, except by God's mercy. These unpleasant memories may eventually evolve into psychological and mental disorders which would, in most cases, last for a life time. These memories evolve from the experience a person has gained in the relationship and after the breakup. Some women may never be able to get over the traumatic thoughts that a man slept with them and left them for another woman. It's even worse when the man in question uses marriage to deceive the lady into having sex with him only to later end up marrying another woman. Many people never recover from such experiences and most of them afterwards, live their lives in fear and hatred of themselves, their ex and others around them. This usually brings about overly protection of a person's emotions. Only the mercies of God in this instance can restore the woman back to her normal psychological state.
