He asks how long I’ve been in business. I tell him I grew up in the shop. It used to be my mum’s. I make up this whole story. And it takes my mind off other things. Then it’s time to wash the gunk off.
In the en suite, he tilts his chair back as far as it’ll go, towards the sink. I wrap a bath towel around his neck and shoulders, then pour warm water over his head. When the gunk starts to clear, I’m going red again, but not with embarrassment, with panic. It’s not supposed to look like this, is it? I keep rinsing, hoping that’s all it needs – more water. I grab the towel and rub his hair like crazy, hoping that it’ll look OK when dry. He sees my face.
‘What?’
‘You better look.’
He rights the chair and goes to the mirror. He stares at himself, then starts to laugh. ‘Jesus. I look like a hedgehog.’
I feel sick. ‘I don’t know what happened. I followed the instructions exactly.’ He looks like a door mat. Or a sieve. Or someone who’s had one of those hair transplants where all the plugs stand out. ‘What’ll we do? You can’t go around like that.’
He shrugs. ‘It’s just hair.’
‘We should dye it all the same colour.’
‘OK, sure, whatever,’ he says, totally Zen.
I cover his entire head in gunk. Leave it for longer this time. Then rinse it off again.
OMG. His hair is orange with tiny tufts of blonde. I’m not letting him see it.
‘I don’t think I’ve left it in long enough. I’m just going to do it again.’
‘You sure?’
‘Shane, I think you should have gone to a hairdresser.’
‘Nah, sure we’re grand.’
I’ve just about enough stuff to go again. This time I let it sit there for ages.
‘That must be long enough,’ he says finally.
‘Yeah,’ I say, afraid. Because this is it. The end.
This time, when I rinse the gunk away, his hair is yellow.
‘Shane, we’re in trouble.’
He goes to the mirror. ‘Interesting,’ he says.
‘I don’t have any more stuff left,’ I say in full-on panic.
‘OK. We’ll just shave it off.’
‘What!?’
‘I’ve got an electric razor thingy in the wardrobe. It’ll be grand. Don’t worry.’
‘I am not shaving your hair.’
‘I look like a lemon.’
‘You’d prefer bald?’
‘Definitely.’ He gets the razor thingy. ‘OK,’ he says. ‘Let me give you a demo.’ He runs the gadget over his head, leaving a strip of really short hair. Then he hands it to me. ‘Now you try.’
He has a bald strip on his yellow head, like a baby lawnmower just ran over him. I don’t have an option here.
‘I can’t hurt you, can I?’
‘Nope.’
I take a deep breath.
‘Hang on, let me take off my shirt.’ He yanks his rugby top over his head and I try not to blush. How did I agree to this?
‘OK, ready?’ I ask. I take another deep breath, then run the razor from the base of his neck to the top of his head.
‘Jesus.’
He laughs.
‘Keep still or you’ll lose an ear.’
The whole thing takes ten minutes. I stand back and look at him. Wow. He’s all macho and soldiery. Like Jake Sully in Avatar. But better looking. He has a seriously beautiful head. Normally I don’t notice actual whole heads, but I guess without the hair . . . He’s like a perfect sculpture. His eyes are bigger, his jaw stronger. He is totally and utterly caliente.
‘Wow,’ I say.
He checks the mirror and smiles. ‘You know what I need now?’
I walk up behind him and look at him in the mirror, talking to his reflection. ‘I don’t want to know.’
‘A tattoo.’
I laugh. ‘Yeah right.’
‘I need a pen.’ He looks around and, however he does it, the way his head curves into his neck is like art. I take out my phone and take a photo. I take another. And another. And that is how we are when his mother walks in – Shane, head shaved, chest exposed, and me hovering around taking photos like some sort of groupie.
I stop dead, put my phone in my pocket and step back.
‘Good God,’ she says. She covers her mouth with her hand.
There is this moment of total silence.
Then she laughs.
‘Mum, this is Sarah,’ Shane says, like he’s told her about me.
She takes a long look at me and puts out her hand.
‘Finally, I get to meet the girl who convinced my boy to come home. Sarah. It’s a pleasure.’
I almost die with relief.
TWENTY-FIVE | FRIENDS
I’m just in the door from Shane’s when Rachel calls.
‘Where are you?’
‘At home.’
‘I’m coming over.’
‘What’s up?’
‘I’ll tell you when I see you.’ She hangs up.
It’s about Alex. I can feel it. I spend the next fifteen minutes worrying. When the doorbell goes, I rush to it. She walks in, talking.
‘David’s at the airport.’
‘I thought he wasn’t going back till tomorrow.’
‘They’ve split up.’
‘What?’
‘He just rang Mark. He’s a mess.’
‘Oh my God. What happened?’
She looks around. ‘Louis’s not here, is he?’
‘Louis? No. Why? He’s at the Jitter Mug.’
‘Let’s go upstairs.’ She takes off.
I race after her, wondering what’s going on and what Louis has got to do with it.
She shuts the door behind us. Leans against it. And looks at me.
‘It’s not David’s baby.’
‘What do you mean it’s not his baby? Of course it’s his baby.’
‘The scan. It showed up that the dates were wrong. The baby’s bigger. Alex is more pregnant than they thought.’
‘So?’
‘David was in the States when she got pregnant.’
‘That couldn’t be right.’
‘It is.’
‘But Alex hasn’t been with anyone else.’
‘Apart from Louis,’ she says.
I go very still.
‘It wasn’t long after David left.’
I try to think back. ‘But Alex was working in the shop,’ I remember aloud. ‘How could she have met Louis?’
‘I don’t know. Does it matter?’
‘He asked for her number … But that was later. She was back at school.’ I think about them in the Jitter Mug, how they seemed to know each other. How she avoided him after I slagged her about him. How he loves her. It all makes sense. I look at Rachel. ‘It’s possible. But I can’t believe it.’
‘What I can’t believe is that it’s Louis. Of all people!’
‘Louis is my brother.’ In fairness.
‘Louis is also Louis, no offence.’
‘Actually, Louis is a pretty caring person.’
‘You think he’s suddenly going to get all paternal?’
I don’t tell her that he loves Alex. Because, with Louis, I don’t know what that translates into.
‘Anyway, fact is, she’s broken David’s heart. For good this time.’
‘Have you spoken to her?’
‘No. And I’m not going to. She’s gone too far this time. David was about to give up everything for her. College, the works. And all the time she’s been sneaking around behind his back, behind everyone’s backs, including ours.’
‘What? Was she two-timing him?’ It’s so not Alex.
‘No. They’d broken up. But they still loved each other. And she should have told David about Louis when they got back together.’
I think about that. ‘Yeah, but that would have broken his heart. I mean, would you do it – to Mark? Seriously? Would you tell him you’d been with someone else?’
‘Why are you stand
ing up for her?’
‘Because we all have secrets, Rache. We all do things we regret and don’t exactly want the world to know about. Alex is our friend. We need to have faith in her. Come on, Rache. At least hear her side.’
‘I’m tired of hearing her side. What about David’s side?’
‘Look, Alex loves David. You know she does. She’d never do anything to hurt him. She thought it was over. She was upset. Not thinking straight. Whatever. The point is, she’s lost David. She’s pregnant and on her own.’
‘Whose fault is that?’
‘I can’t believe you’re being so harsh.’
‘I can’t believe you’re being so naive.’
And just like that, she turns and leaves. She actually walks out on me.
Saturday morning. Alex’s dad answers the door. He looks five years older, his face drawn, his mouth a grim line.
‘Hi. Eh …’ I never know what to call him, his stage name or ordinary name. So I don’t call him anything. ‘Alex mightn’t want to see me right now. But I thought I’d come anyway.’
His face softens and he looks relieved. ‘No, no. I’m glad you’re here. We don’t know what to do with her.’ Marsha comes up behind him. She looks as worried as he does. She remembers my name.
Alex’s dad shows me up, knocks lightly on the door and opens it. Alex is lying, curled up on the bed, back to the door.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ he says, and reverses out.
I just stand there for a moment.
She turns around. Her face is red and swollen from crying. ‘I’ve ruined my life,’ she says and starts to cry.
I go over, and sit on the bed. ‘It just seems that way now.’
She looks at me. ‘You don’t know what I did.’
‘What did you do? You were with Louis when you weren’t with David. Big deal.’
She looks at me, eyes wide. ‘You should have seen his face, Sarah. He thought they’d made a mistake. He didn’t think for one second I’d been with anyone else. I had to tell him. I had to break his heart.’ And then she’s crying, like she’s broken her own. I know then that she’s been crying since Thursday. She looks totally drained.
‘Come here, lie down.’ I lie her down. Stroke her hair. But then she’s up again, desperate to tell me everything.
‘I should have told him about Louis, the minute we got back together. I couldn’t, though. I couldn’t hurt him. And now I’ve hurt him so much more.’ Her whole body shudders. ‘He came over, Sarah. He was giving everything up. We were making all sorts of plans. Then the scan.’ She’s crying again. ‘I’ve messed up so badly.’
‘Alex, we all mess up.’
‘Not like this.’
‘Yes like this.’
‘It was the day David left. I was just so lonely. And sad.’
‘Alex, you don’t need to explain.’
‘He made me feel better. And I kept going back. I shouldn’t have. Oh God, why did I keep going back?’
‘Alex stop, you’re just upsetting yourself.’
‘I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone. I was too ashamed. I thought you’d hate me.’
I close my eyes because I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell her. ‘I got caught shoplifting.’
‘What?’ She looks confused.
‘I got caught shoplifting. After you got back from San Diego. That’s why I’ve been going to the home. It’s my community service. I didn’t tell anyone because I was ashamed. I thought you’d hate me. So I know what it’s like, OK?’ She’s just staring at me. I don’t know what she’s thinking. But I keep going. ‘I went to see a shrink. For a while. To do with the shoplifting – which was really to do with my parents splitting up …’
‘You thought I’d hate you, didn’t you?’ Alex says.
‘Well, yeah, obviously.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t have, OK? And I don’t.’
I lie flat back on the bed with a bang.
She does the same. But then she turns to me and asks, ‘Does Rachel hate me?’
‘Of course she doesn’t.’
‘Then why isn’t she here?’
‘She’s just letting it sink in a bit.’
‘She hates me,’ she says like it’s a fact.
‘It’d take more than a mistake for Rachel to hate you.’ And I really believe that. I just have to convince Rache.
We lie there for ages and eventually she falls asleep. I stay with her, glad that she’s finally resting, finally having a break.
When she wakes, two hours later, I boss her into the shower. When she comes out, I blow dry her hair. Then I order her downstairs for lunch. Barbara, the most amazing cook in the entire world, makes us Bruschetta al Pomodoro. And then leaves us alone. We eat in silence, Alex staring into space, not really eating at all, just lifting the odd tiny square of tomato and, eventually, putting it into her mouth. She looks at me finally.
‘What am I going to do without him?’ And she’s crying again.
I put my arms around her and just hold her. I don’t know what she’s going to do. Because it’s not just David she’s losing (her Gabbana in life), but the person who was going to be with her through everything. She’s back at the beginning. Pregnant and on her own.
‘You should tell Louis. I know people think he’s not a serious guy, but he’s a good guy.’
She looks at me in panic. ‘No. And don’t say anything, Sarah.’
‘I won’t. But you should.’
‘He wouldn’t want to know.’
‘He might, though.’
‘We weren’t in a relationship. It meant nothing to him.’
‘Maybe it did.’
‘No. It wasn’t like that. For either of us. And I don’t want to go backwards, Sarah. It was a mistake. The biggest mistake of my life.’
‘OK. But shouldn’t you, at least, give him the chance to do the right thing?’
‘What is the right thing? I’m sixteen. He’s nineteen. We don’t love each other. I just want to get through this. I just want to cope. Oh God. How’ll I cope?’ She starts pulling her hair.
‘OK, I don’t know how you’ll cope either, Alex, but you will cope. Because people do. You’re strong, Ali. And when you know what you want, you’re the most determined person I know. If you decide you’ll cope you will cope.’ She looks mildly reassured. So I keep going. ‘You’re surrounded by people who love you. Your dad. Marsha. Me. And Rachel.’ I’m going to make damn sure she has Rachel too.
She looks at me.
‘You’re not going to be alone in this. At any stage. And I’m talking until this kid is an adult. OK?’
She smiles a teary smile. ‘OK.’
‘Now give me a hug.’
And it’s only after I finally leave, when I’m walking down the steps of her house, that it hits me. My brother is going to be a father. Which means, I’m going to be an aunt.
TWENTY-SIX | TIGER
I go straight to Rachel’s house. She doesn’t exactly look happy to see me. Guess she knows why I’m here.
‘Can I come in?’
She says nothing, just opens the door wider. We go up to her room.
‘I went to see Alex.’
She shrugs, then looks out the window like it means nothing to her.
‘Rachel. This is ridiculous. She’s your best friend.’
She ignores me.
‘OK, now you’re being stupid.’
She turns and glares, but still says nothing.
‘Come on. She was lonely. She made a mistake. It could happen to anyone.’
‘Yeah, well it wouldn’t have happened at all if she’d listened to me and trusted him, waited—’
‘Not everyone’s as strong as you, Rache.’
‘It’s not about strong. She always puts herself before David.’
‘Not true. It was because she was missing him so much she ended up with Louis.’
She looks at me. ‘Sarah, Louis’s your brother. Don’t you feel just a little pissed off
that you didn’t know?’
‘We all hide things, Rache. All it takes is to be ashamed of what you’ve done.’
‘Yeah so what have you done?’ she asks, like I haven’t done anything.
I look at her for a long time. Of all people, she’s the one least likely to understand. I take a deep breath. Then tell her. She says nothing, just looks at me. Finally, her face softens.
‘Why didn’t you ask me for money?’
‘It wasn’t about money.’ She looks confused. ‘It was about controlling my life.’
‘What?’
‘When my parents split up, it was like losing control. Shoplifting gave that back to me.’
‘No offence, but you sound like a shrink.’
‘I’m quoting one.’
‘You went to a shrink?’
‘To avoid a police record.’
‘Jesus, Sarah. Why didn’t you tell me? That’s what friends are for.’
‘Rachel, you’re perfect. You never do anything wrong. You never make mistakes. You succeed at everything you do. I thought you’d hate me.’
‘Well you got that wrong. I don’t hate you.’
‘Do you hate Alex?’
There’s a silence. Then a quiet, ‘It’s not the same.’
‘Rache, in all fairness, until you’ve done something that you seriously regret, I don’t think you can really judge Alex, you know? She needs us, Rachey. She’s so alone, so devastated. So afraid.’ I look at her and don’t know whether any of this is having an effect. So I add, ‘You know, she could have got rid of the baby and never told David. Or anyone. She knew that by keeping it, she could lose him and all of us. She’s put that little person before herself. Don’t punish her for it.’
We’re standing looking at each other. My phone sounds.
It’s a text from Shane.
‘Who’s that?’
‘Just Shane.’
I read the text. ‘Getting tattoo. Wanna come?’
I smile.
‘What?’ Rachel asks.
‘He’s getting a tattoo.’
She looks at me. ‘You guys are pretty close, right?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know. We get on OK, I guess. I think I’ll go with him.’
The Butterfly Novels Box Set: Contemporary YA Series (And By The Way; And For Your Information; And Actually) Page 44
