The Butterfly Novels Box Set: Contemporary YA Series (And By The Way; And For Your Information; And Actually)

by Denise Deegan

  ‘Won’t your friends mind?’ I say.

  ‘What? No. Sure I’ll go back in a minute.’ And just when I think she’s going to love bomb Alex, she surprises me and squeezes in beside Sarah.

  ‘Sarah, right?’

  Sarah smiles. They start to talk.

  Louis arrives, smiling, a towel draped around his neck.

  ‘What are you all having?’

  He raises his arm, instantly catching the attention of a girl with a tray. She takes our order. Louis wipes his face with the towel. The tips of his hair are wet.

  ‘So, what did you think? Have we a hope?’ For a second he looks almost vulnerable.

  ‘Oh, my God, you were so amazing,’ Rebecca says.

  He looks at her as if to say, who are you?

  I introduce them.

  Louis says hi, then turns to Alex and says something I can’t hear.

  ‘That last number was incredible,’ Rebecca calls to him.

  ‘Thanks,’ Louis says, looking at her properly for the first time.

  But she turns back to Sarah and they chat and laugh together for ages. Which means I get to snuggle up to Mark. After a while, Louis has to get back.

  ‘Hey, thanks for the support, guys,’ he says. ‘No matter what happens.’

  ‘See you, Louis,’ Rebecca says, like she’s known him all her life.

  Alex looks at me. I shrug. Then Rebecca buys everyone drinks.

  Up on stage, the judges are asking all the bands back and, one by one, they walk out. The main judge, some guy from a music magazine I don’t read, talks about ‘the talent’ and how hard it was to make a decision.

  ‘Just get to the point,’ Alex says.

  Finally he does: ‘And the winner is …’ He pauses and looks up. ‘Overbite.’

  Oh.

  The girl band go mental. Jumping up and down. Hugging each other. Screaming. I kind of go off them.

  ‘Aw, shame,’ Rebecca says.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Alex says, almost to herself. ‘They did great.’

  James goes over to shake the lead singer of Overbite’s hand.

  ‘That guy is going places,’ Mark says.

  ‘The whole band is,’ Alex says.

  Louis comes over again.

  ‘Hard luck,’ Alex says. ‘You guys so deserved to win.’

  ‘Nah. Tonight was just thrown together. We were lucky not to screw up. What about James, though, right?’ He smiles and shakes his head.

  ‘A real showman,’ Mark says.

  ‘We’re still in shock. Anyway, I better get back. We’re going out for a few pints with Overbite.’

  Oh, God. Alex’s face.

  When the drinks run out, we start to get ready to go. Rebecca finally remembers her friends. She stands.

  ‘So, I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she says. To Sarah.

  ‘Great. Are you sure it suits you to pick me up?’ Sarah asks.

  ‘Yeah, sure, no probs.’ Rebecca looks at the rest of us and gives a little wave. ‘See you guys.’

  ‘Yeah, see you,’ I say. As soon as she’s gone, I turn to Sarah. ‘You’re seeing her tomorrow?’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ Sarah says brightly. ‘You don’t have to worry about the white water rafting. Rebecca’s coming with me so I don’t have to change the dates.’ She looks at me. ‘I know you didn’t really want to go anyway.’

  I can hardly speak. ‘You’re going with Rebecca?’

  ‘Yeah, I was telling her the story and she said she’s always wanted to try white water rafting.’ She shrugs. ‘It seemed like a no-brainer.’

  I nod. I should be glad I don’t have to go. Instead of feeling shoved aside.

  ‘I can’t believe you never told us what good craic she is,’ Sarah says. ‘She’s mad.’

  I don’t care how mad she is, Rebecca French is going white water rafting with one of my best friends. There are no words.

  ‘I think you’re right about a manager,’ Sarah says to Alex on the way home in Millie. ‘They so need one.’

  Alex says nothing. She hasn’t actually spoken since Louis mentioned going for a drink with Overbite.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Sarah asks.

  ‘Yeah, why?’

  ‘You’ve gone really quiet.’

  ‘I just want to get home to Maggie.’ She sounds upset and lonely, like maybe she shouldn’t even have come out.

  Mark speeds up a bit and changes into fifth gear. He taps on the wheel. I keep thinking about the white water rafting.

  ‘So, Alex has the hots for Louis,’ Mark says when we let the others off.

  ‘Is it that obvious?’ I ask.

  ‘A bit.’

  ‘I thought maybe I was imagining it,’ I say, and I must sound disappointed because Mark feels the need to say:

  ‘He’s not a bad guy, Rache.’

  ‘I know. But one fling with an Overbite and Maggie might never see him again.’

  ‘He could just be winding down with a few pints.’

  I try to be positive. ‘Maybe it’s good this has happened. Before she gets too into him.’

  ‘He’s just going for a drink, Rache.’

  ‘I know. And I hate to sound like Orla Tempany here, but I’d love someone to love her, you know? Someone she can rely on to stick around.’

  ‘She’ll find someone.’

  No one like David, though, I think.

  ‘Rebecca seems nice,’ Mark says.

  ‘Mark, you were drooling.’

  He laughs. ‘Actually, I like brunettes.’

  ‘Then why were you drooling?’

  ‘If I was looking at her, it’s because I was thinking how like her character she is. Her part isn’t as challenging as yours.’

  Interesting.

  ‘So what do you think of her going white water rafting with Sarah?’ I ask.

  ‘I think it gets you off the hook.’

  I spend Saturday cooking. And imagining Sarah bumping over rapids with Rebecca.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Mum asks.

  ‘Yeah, fine,’ I say cheerfully.

  ‘You seem quiet.’

  ‘Tired. After last night.’

  ‘Was it good?’

  I tell her about it, but not about Rebecca turning up.

  ‘This is nice,’ she says after a while. ‘We never have time for a chat any more.’

  I smile.

  ‘So, how are you getting on in D4?’ It’s a Rebecca-loaded question.

  ‘Great.’ I talk all about Naomi for a bit.

  ‘And how’s Rebecca?’

  I talk her up, so Mum doesn’t worry. Surprisingly, it’s not that hard. All I have to do is tell her about how she’s introduced me to everyone and how she helped me out when I was late.

  She looks so relieved. ‘Oh, I’m glad.’

  Finally, Maeve turns up and I’m free. I spend the afternoon catching up on homework and then go to a movie with Mark.

  Later, in bed, I go on Facebook. I freeze. Rebecca has added Sarah and Alex as friends - and has posted loads of white water rafting shots. Sarah has already commented on most of them. I look at the photos and comments, and my stomach cramps. It’s like she’s moving in on my friends. I tell myself to stop. She’s friends with over a thousand people. And posts photos of everyone. Still …

  At my place on Sunday, Sarah nags so much about setting up a fan page that I give in. If Rebecca can be friends with all her fans, I can at least go that far. We’re all supposed to be working on the page, but soon Sarah takes over. She’s so creative when it’s stuff she doesn’t have to be creative for. She uploads stills from D4 that she finds on Google Images. She puts up links to YouTube of clips from the show. She finds the D4 logo. She asks me to repeat the lines I’ve had. I know them by heart and call them out. By the time she’s finished, it looks amazing. Really professional.

  ‘You’re so talented at this,’ I say. ‘You should do it as a job or something.’

  ‘Meh.’ She hates talking about stuff like that.

  ‘How did the w
hite water rafting go?’ I ask. Part of me doesn’t want to know; part of me can’t stop thinking about it.

  She smiles. ‘Really good. Rebecca’s completely mad, isn’t she?’

  ‘Yeah. Mad.’

  ‘We might go again, sometime.’

  ‘Cool.’

  ‘I wonder if she'd do the skydiving?’

  I feel like shooting my hand up and saying, ‘I’ll do the skydiving.’ But. They get on. And how can I deny Sarah this friendship because of something Rebecca did to me years ago? Sarah needs something extra now and maybe Rebecca is it.

  TEN | Hoarse

  The next time I see Rebecca, she’s covering her mirror in tinsel. Loads and loads of silver tinsel. She hangs blue baubles from the lights. It’s not great.

  ‘Oh, hey,’ she says when she sees me. ‘Wasn’t Friday night amazing?’

  ‘The gig? Yeah it was good.’

  ‘They’re so talented.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I drop my bag at my dressing table and turn on my fairy lights.

  ‘Was Sarah telling you about the white water rafting?’ She talks so familiarly, like we’re sharing our lives now.

  ‘Yeah, she told me.’

  ‘It was insane. Such a rush. I thought we were going to fall out. I seriously thought the boat was going to turn over. On Sunday, I was hoarse from all the screaming. Luckily, I’ve my voice back for today.’

  ‘Luckily.’

  ‘You should have come.’

  ‘Couldn’t.’ Didn’t Sarah tell her?

  ‘OK, well, next time.’

  The thought of hanging out with Rebecca French doesn’t exactly thrill me, but I smile.

  The dressing room phone rings. Rebecca lunges for it, like she always does. She ends up handing it to me. It’s Emily’s PA, calling me up to the office. He doesn’t say why. It’s like being called to the principal’s office. An explanation would help.

  ‘Where’re you going?’ Rebecca asks.

  ‘Emily wants to see me.’

  ‘Oooh,’ she says, like I’m in trouble.

  Hilarious, I think. Then tell myself to stop. If I resent her friendship with Sarah what does that make me?

  Emily’s PA is like a young, even hotter Antonio Banderas. It’s so cool that he can wear denims at work. He smiles and tells me to go on in.

  I take a deep breath, knock and open the door.

  Emily stands up from behind her desk and smiles. ‘Rachel.’

  Her office is neat and tidy. Trophies and photos of her with celebrities line the walls. It smells of success. Ambition.

  ‘Sit down,’ she says.

  We both do.

  ‘I wanted to have a chat with you about where we’re going with Naomi’s part.’

  Oh, my God, are they going to renew my contract?

  ‘As you know Naomi got together with Joe. And that’s gone well. We’d like to take it a step further. We’re considering a sex scene.’

  I swallow. I think of all the people who’d be watching. Thousands of complete strangers. But worse - my family, friends, people at school, teachers. Mark.

  ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re OK with it.’

  Do I have a choice? I mean, really? I want to keep my part. Do a good job. I want the story to stay the story. And not be a diva - and if that means a sex scene, I’ll do a sex scene. This is an adult world. Backing out is not an option. Her asking is a formality.

  ‘It’s fine.’ My voice sounds high.

  ‘Are you sure?’ She looks at me from under her eyebrows.

  I nod. ‘Sure.’

  ‘Have you any questions?’

  Just millions. But they all boil down to one. ‘Will I have to take my clothes off?’

  ‘No, no, not at all. It’ll be handled very tastefully.’

  Which means what, exactly?

  ‘Rachel, if you’re not comfortable with it, you must tell me now. Before we go ahead.’

  ‘It’s fine. Honestly.’

  ‘Would you like me to run it past your parents?’

  ‘No. No. I’ll tell them.’ Maybe. How, though? And how much time do I have? ‘When will it be shot?’

  ‘Oh, not till after Christmas.’

  I nod. OK. I managed the kiss. I can do this.

  The week before Christmas, the episode with the kiss goes out.

  ‘So, Mark, some kiss last night, eh?’ Peter Sweetnam smirks.

  I freeze.

  ‘Great kiss,’ Mark says.

  ‘So you weren’t jealous?’ Peter asks.

  ‘Why would I be jealous?’ Mark puts an arm around me. It’s like I’ve cleared my first hurdle.

  On our last day in D4 before breaking for Christmas, notices go up. They’re auditioning for new parts. Teenage parts. Rebecca’s not happy.

  ‘There are enough of us on the show,’ she says, collecting up all her stuff to bring home for the holiday.

  ‘Don’t you think that if they want more teenagers, we must be doing something right? Charley thinks the viewership figures have gone up for our age.’

  ‘Maybe, but, at some point, they’ll realise they’ve too many teenagers in the cast and some of us will have to go.’

  ‘Well, one of them will be me. With my three month contract.’

  She waves her hand. ‘Oh they’ll extend that. They did with me.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Of course. You’re great.’

  I stare at her in shock. She just zips up her bag as far as it will go and drops it onto the floor beside her dressing table. Then she flops onto her chair. For a while she just sits there, watching me while I check my drawers for stuff I might need over the holiday.

  ‘Isn’t it so sad about Shane?’ she says.

  ‘Shane? As in Sarah’s Shane?’

  ‘Yeah. We went shopping last night. She told me all about him. I was trying not to cry. You know what she said?’

  I wait, not believing that maybe Rebecca knows more than I do about my friend. Sarah never talks about Shane. And she never said anything about shopping.

  ‘She said, “He was in a wheelchair but he held me up.”’

  Wow.

  ‘Her whole attitude is amazing. The way she wants to live till she dies. She’s an inspiration.’

  When I get home, I call Sarah.

  ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ I ask.

  ‘Yeah fine. How was D4?’

  ‘Good. Last day.’ I pause. ‘Rebecca was telling me you guys went shopping.’

  ‘Oh yeah.’

  ‘Good time?’

  ‘Yeah, it was good.’

  I wait, but she says nothing else.

  ‘Buy anything nice?’ I ask, for something to say.

  ‘Nah, not really. It was just good to get out.’

  I'm sorry I haven’t had more time for her. ‘Sarah you know if you ever want to talk about stuff …’

  ‘Yeah, I know. Thanks.’

  I can’t help feeling that she’s already got someone to talk to.

  Later, there’s a knock on my door.

  ‘I can’t believe you set up a fan page,’ Jack says as he walks in.

  ‘What, you’re spying on me now?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m spying on you.’ He rolls his eyes. ‘Someone in school was slagging me about it.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘No one. Just an idiot. Look, you’re leaving yourself open. People can post anything.’

  ‘And I can delete whatever they post. Jack, you worry too much.’

  He looks at me for a long time and quietly says, ‘Last time, I didn’t worry enough.’

  It hits me in the chest. And for a moment I can’t speak.

  ‘Worry doesn’t change anything,’ I say finally. ‘Just makes it worse. The page is up now.’

  ‘Do you want the bullying to come back?’ he asks desperately.

  ‘Yeah, Jack. Life’s just so freaking boring.’

  ‘I’m just saying you should be careful. People get jealous.’

  The only person getting jealou
s is me. Jealous of Rebecca’s friendship with Sarah. And I hate myself for it.

  ‘Jack. I can handle myself, OK?’

  He puts his hands up. ‘OK.’

  ‘Don’t make it sound like I’m wrong.’

  ‘There was a time you listened to me, Rache.’

  ‘And look where that got me.’

  He shakes his head, turns and leaves.

  And I can’t believe that hurting him is still like hurting myself.

  ELEVEN | Serviettes

  I love Christmas. The traditions. Going to buy the tree with my dad, just the two of us. Taking ages to select the right one. Coming home to a blazing fire and hot chocolate, and decorating the tree to Christmas carols. Buying and wrapping presents. I even love the crowds. The buzz of looking forward.

  The first day of the holidays, I always go shopping with Sarah and Alex. It’s tradition.

  ‘Would it be OK if Rebecca came along?’ Sarah asks the night before.

  No, I think. But can’t exactly say it. And shouldn’t anyway.

  ‘I don’t mind,’ I say, looking at Alex.

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ she says. ‘If you want.’ I know she’s as guilty as I am about not having more time for Sarah.

  Louis, who didn’t go off with an Overbite after all, offers to mind Maggie. Before the total crowds swamp Dundrum, we meet Rebecca at nine-thirty. She looks amazing in a leather jacket with a hoodie underneath and skinny jeans. She hugs us all like she’s one of us.

  ‘Where to?’ she asks.

  ‘Can we start in B Cool?’ Sarah asks. It’s this gadget shop that’s great for presents.

  She and Rebecca walk ahead. Every so often someone recognises Rebecca and stares. If she notices, she doesn’t show it, chatting away to Sarah.

  ‘You’re not going to believe what I did,’ Alex says to me with a grimace.

  I look at her.

  ‘I asked Louis not to smoke while he was minding Maggie.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘He was totally offended. He said he’d never do anything to harm her.’ She holds her forehead.

  ‘You were thinking of Maggie.’

  ‘I was thinking of cot death. But it was Louis I was talking to. He’d never do anything to hurt her. I know that.’

  ‘He’s a relaxed guy. He’ll have forgotten it tomorrow. Actually he’s probably forgotten it already.’ I imagine him singing to Maggie and calling her pumpkin or making faces at her. Whatever he’s doing, he’s enjoying himself.