Longing and Lies

by Donna Hill

  Elliot leaned back, just far enough to look down into her upturned face. Her eyes held hundreds of questions that his lips wanted to answer. By degrees he lowered his head until he could feel the moisture of her parted lips. And then he touched them with his own and an explosion went off deep in his belly and shot through his veins straight to his head.

  He groaned as he took her mouth gently at first, still uncertain of her intentions until he felt her return his kiss, melting into his mouth.

  The sweet sounds of her sighs echoed in the room. Her arms rose upward, her hands clasped behind his head, pulling him deeper.

  His tongue teased her lips then dipped into the honey sweetness of her mouth.

  His hands began to roll along her body, familiarizing himself with the gentle curves he’d only imagined.

  The thought of having her consumed him, clouding his good judgment. A battle of right and wrong ensued. Right won.

  Against every carnal instinct that beat inside him he broke the kiss, but he still couldn’t let her go.

  Her wide, luminous eyes opened and settled on his face, questioning, waiting. He stroked her cheek as his gaze danced across her face.

  She lifted the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Her steady gaze dared him to look away and he knew he couldn’t.

  Her breasts rose in perfect crests above the cup of her bra, beckoning him to touch them. And he did.

  His thumbs brushed across the soft flesh, and she whimpered, her lids fluttering like butterfly wings. He leaned down and kissed her there. One then the other.

  She clasped the back of his head and pressed him deep against her. Her heart raced so rapidly she became lightheaded with desire.

  “Ashley,” he moaned against the rise and fall of her breasts.

  She scooted back on the bed, pulling him with her until they were stretched out together, she pinned firmly beneath him. She felt the heartbeat of his need throbbing between her parted thighs.

  He ground his hips against her and she gasped in delight. He flipped onto his side and unfastened her pants. She wiggled them down over her hips and kicked them away. His eyes steaming with longing, raked over her exposed flesh searing her skin like a hot iron. His fingers trailed along the band of her panties. She trembled as his fingers dipped in and touched her there, the center of her, the hard kernel of her desire. And she was sure she would explode.

  She was wet, ready for him and that knowledge nearly sent him over the edge. He tried to think of anything that would keep his mind from what he truly wanted, lest he explode.

  Ashley didn’t give him that option. She unzipped him and, before he could take a breath, her butter-soft fingers enveloped his shaft. She stroked him in bold firm up-and-down motions until he couldn’t stand it any longer.

  He pulled away from her and stood up. He looked at her one last time before he turned and walked out of the door.

  Stunned and shaking all over Ashley curled up into a knot, her humiliation complete.

  What was she thinking? What had she done? She’d never be able to face him again. She buried her face against her knees. Oh God, she inwardly moaned.

  She felt more than heard his return. She opened her eyes and Elliot was standing above her.

  “I never made it past Cub Scout,” he said sheepishly, holding up a foil packet in his hand. “Not always prepared.”

  She tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth to hold back a smile of relief.

  Elliot eased down beside her. His eyes slowly moved over her expectant face. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded her head.

  Elliot leaned toward her and softly kissed her mouth. “So am I,” he murmured. He reached behind her and unsnapped her bra. The lush, heaviness of her breasts rose to meet him. He took one taut nipple into his mouth, running his tongue in teasing laps across its surface.

  Shivers of delight coursed along her spine. Her neck arched back, thrusting her chest forward.

  Elliot pushed her back against the pillows, raised her hips and freed her of her thong. He played with her, taunted her, dipped his fingers in and out of her wet heat until she begged him to stop, to finish, to start. And he obeyed her every command.

  He took the condom package, opened it and rolled the thin sheath down along his length. He turned to her. The pulse in her neck throbbed. Her eyes were dark with desire. He moved gently on top of her, her knees raised, bracing his sides. He lifted up on his knees and cupped her behind in his palms.

  When the tip of him pressed against her wet opening, she let out a soft cry. He pushed past the tight ring, and slid deep inside of her.

  They both moaned in unison at the sublime sensations that defied words.

  Jolts of electricity bounced back and forth between them as Elliot moved smoothly in and out of her.

  She raised her legs and wrapped them around his waist, and he was certain that he’d been dropped into heaven.

  They moved together as if they’d made love hundreds of times before, understanding instinctively the needs and desires of the other. Yet, the familiar was so new and thrilling, taking them on a journey they’d never before traversed. To heights they’d never reached, to a climax that was beyond surreal, rocking them to their souls.

  The experience was so potent, so powerful, that once, not even twice was enough. They loved, and loved until they were weak and satiated.

  Chapter 11

  Ashley rested her head on Elliot’s chest. The steady beat of his heart kept time with hers. She drew in a long breath. The past couple of hours were straight out of a romance novel. The crying damsel in distress succumbs to the charms of the tall, dark and handsome hero. If anyone would have told her this scenario, she would have told them how ridiculous and cliché it all was. But it wasn’t. It had happened to her.

  Elliot caressed her back and drew her closer to him. He stared up at the ceiling. He’d broken all the rules, both personal and professional. The lines that were once clear were blurry. And he didn’t care. That probably disturbed him more than anything else. That and the fact that he’d made love to a woman who was vulnerable. She didn’t come to him out of any deep feelings or need, but simply because she was hurt, and it was more than likely his fault. He’d taken advantage of the situation. He never really tried to find out what was wrong. Rather, he let his own needs outweigh good judgment over just being a decent human being.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. Nothing good could come of this. They both enjoyed a crazy, sexy romp, but that was it. It couldn’t go any further. Besides, when this case was over, there was no telling how far they would send him on his next assignment or for how long. He couldn’t become entangled with anyone, Ashley Temple in particular. It would be much too easy to fall for her, and falling for anyone was not his M.O.

  “What made you come to my room?” Ashley whispered softly into the darkness that covered them.

  Her question momentarily caught him off guard. It was as if she was reading his mind. “I thought I heard you crying.” When he didn’t get a response, he turned slightly toward her. “Were you?” He could feel her nod her head against his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She inhaled deeply and expelled a shaky breath. “It goes back a long time,” she finally said. “What does?”

  “The reason why I was crying.” She hesitated, uncertain how much she should say. “It’s a long story.”

  “We have all night.”

  “It’s about the case. I’ve never told anyone, not even the girls. But this is very personal. I think it’s the opportunity I’ve been praying for. And I can’t let The Cartel know that I have my own agenda.”

  He turned fully toward her, gathered her close against him. “Tell me. I’m listening.”

  “It happened a long time ago, but it still feels like yesterday. I was just a kid, an only child. I thought I would be the only child all my life. My mother and father gave me everything and then my mother got pregnant and everything changed. My parents were ecstatic
. They never thought they could have any more children, and suddenly I wasn’t at the center of their universe anymore. This new baby was. It was all that they talked about.”

  She paused as those days and months ran like a bad movie in her head. “I wanted to be happy, too. But I wasn’t. There was a part of me that wished the baby away. I just knew that when it arrived my life would never be the same. I didn’t want to share my parents’ love with anyone.”

  Her chest heaved. Elliot stroked her hair. “It’s normal to feel that way. Sibling rivalry. I hated my younger brother for years until he got old enough to hang out with.”

  “I wished her away,” she said, her voice laced with an anguish that Elliot couldn’t understand. But instinct told him that her story was going to take an ugly turn. This was something more than sibling rivalry.

  “When she was born, my dad took me to the hospital to see her. My mom was so happy. I’d never seen her so happy. And I wished her away,” she said again. “I wished so hard that it ached inside.” Her voice cracked. “And my wish came true.”

  Elliot frowned in confusion. “What do you mean? What happened?”

  “The day she was to come home, the nurse went to bring her to my mother and the baby was gone.”

  “Gone? What happened?”

  “She wasn’t in the nursery. She wasn’t in any of the bassinets. She was nowhere in the hospital. Someone had taken her.”

  “Oh, Ashley…” His voice dropped off into emptiness.

  “To this day no one really knows what happened. My mother…had a breakdown. My father turned into a ghost. The police looked for her for two years. Nothing. No trace. No clue. Layla was never seen again.”

  He squeezed her tight. Felt the wetness of her tears against his chest. “You can’t possibly blame yourself. You know better than that.”

  “The rational part of me knows it. But my heart reminds me of how desperately I didn’t want her to be a part of the family. And then she wasn’t. I’ve lived with the ugliness of those feelings for years. And then this case comes up, and the memories get dredged up again.”

  For several moments, Elliot was at a loss for words. The guilt that Ashley carried, whether real or imagined, was an enormous weight that had chained itself to her like an anchor. “Did the police exhaust every avenue?” he finally asked.

  “So they said. There was a blip in the media for a couple of weeks and then that disappeared, too, just like Layla.”

  “What about videotape, sign-in logs?”

  “Twenty-two years ago security was almost nonexistent in hospital nurseries. Most casualties were baby mix-ups. A lot has changed since then, but not soon enough.”

  “Did your family try a private investigator?”

  “They tried everything. But between my mother’s breakdown, paying a detective, attorney fees and trying to live, my dad pretty much exhausted all of his finances. It wasn’t until five years after the fact that the hospital accepted responsibility and agreed to a settlement. Believe me. My folks tried everything.”

  “You didn’t have me,” he said, surprising himself with his pronouncement.

  “What?” She pushed herself into a sitting position.

  “I’m saying I’m going to help you. This case, the information, it’s everything you didn’t have twenty years ago. And you have my help now.”

  “Why?” she asked, the disbelief rippling through the single word.

  “I want to.” He drew in a long breath and released it slowly. “Every case that I have been on throughout my career has always been for the ‘good of the government.’ It was a job that never touched me beyond the surface. I did what was necessary and moved on.” He paused for a moment needing to make sure that he said the right words. “When I got this assignment I felt the same way. Just another job. Get in, get out. Everything looks different now.”

  “Different?”

  “Yeah.” He kissed her cool forehead. “Let’s get some sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning. We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  Ashley sighed in contentment and nestled against the warmth of Elliot’s body. It had been a long time since she’d been so open and vulnerable with anyone, letting them in on her darkest secret, her hopes and fears. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, silently praying that she hadn’t made the biggest mistake of her personal and professional life.

  Chapter 12

  Everything seemed different in the light of day, Elliot thought, as he stood under the pulse of the hot shower. Last night with the scent and sensations of Ashley deep in his pores he was liable to say anything. And he did. Truth be told, he was no knight in shining armor. He never had been and had no desire to be one now. But if he was nothing else, he was a man of his word. He wouldn’t back down from what he promised to do.

  He held his face up to the steamy spray. He’d been a fool to get caught up in her tears. Drawn in by her need. Now he was sure she believed that there was something more to what happened last night than what it really was—just two adults satisfying their basic needs.

  He turned off the water. That’s the way it had to be, he determined. When this case was over, they would go their separate ways and pick up their lives where they’d left off. Simple.

  Elliot wrapped the towel around his waist. If it was so simple, why did it feel so complicated?

  Ashley poured her second cup of coffee into her mug and sat down at the kitchen table. She heard the water in the shower stop, and instantly a vision of Elliot’s naked body emerged in front of her, rippled and dripping wet. She squirmed in her chair.

  There was no question that the sex between them was exquisite. As close to perfection as she’d ever experienced, but that didn’t excuse the stupidity of it. She knew better. She’d felt raw inside. She’d needed comfort and he’d been there. They’d taken it further than they should have, and it was her fault. She acted like a cat in heat, disrobing for him, almost daring him to make love to her.

  She took a sip of her coffee. But he should have seen how vulnerable she was. He should have walked away.

  The more she thought about it, the angrier she grew at herself and at him. She regretted telling him anything about her sister. He’d probably try to use that against her as well. Dammit, she could kick herself.

  “Morning.”

  She jumped, sloshing coffee on the table.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He snatched a piece of paper towel from the rack above the sink and wiped up the spill. “Any more coffee?”

  “Help yourself.” She kept her attention riveted on the designs on the mug. Last night they had so much to say to each other. This morning was a series of awkward silences.

  “I thought we’d go over the list this morning and start making the rounds,” he said with his back to her.

  “Fine.” She pushed back from the table and padded off barefoot to her room.

  Elliot felt the air leave his body. He leaned against the sink. This is going to be bad, he thought.

  Ashley returned to her bedroom to retrieve the files and her laptop then went to the living room. She was in the middle of reviewing one of the clinics on the list, when Elliot appeared in the archway. She kept her attention on the computer screen.

  “Since we decided on the upper East side as a starting point, I made a list of the three that we could check out today. I uploaded the information to your PDA.”

  She’d said all of this without casting even a glance in his direction, which was fine with him, he thought, although he was a bit stunned by her obvious indifference. It was usually the other way around. But as he took a seat on the end chair, he realized that there was nothing usual about Ashley Temple.

  Their alibi was to be that they’d been married for six years and had tried unsuccessfully to have a child. They’d recently moved to New York from Columbus, Mississippi, because some of the best doctors and clinics were in New York. They were still torn between in vitro or adoption.

  “I figured we can
take my Navigator,” Elliot said, sliding his arms through his brown leather jacket.

  “Sure.” She hunted around in her purse to make sure she had everything that she needed. In the event the opportunity presented itself, she would plant some listening and video devices. Satisfied, she zipped her purse, glanced up and was jolted to see Elliot staring intently at her.

  “Something wrong?”

  “No. Nothing.” He gave a short shake of his head. “Ready?”

  She nodded. She draped the strap of her oversized burgundy, leather purse over her shoulder. It was a perfect match to her ankle boots.

  Elliot couldn’t help but notice the perfect picture she made. Her cream-colored cable-knit sweater that topped an open-collared white blouse, paired with fitted black jeans, expertly defined Ashley’s attributes. He may very well notice her, he thought as he pulled the door shut behind him, but she didn’t seem interested in giving him the time of day.

  Ashley made rocket science out of adjusting her seat and fastening her belt, whatever it took to keep her eyes and mind off of Elliot. This was as close as they’d gotten since he’d left her bed before sunrise. She felt empty and stupid and couldn’t stop chastising herself for her actions. She never lost control like that before. What was wrong with her? She had acted like a…

  “You want to talk…about anything?” Elliot asked breaking into her dark train of thought.

  She stole a quick glance at him. He was staring straight ahead, and the strong line of his jaw was clearly outlined.

  “Not really.” She pushed her bag down on her lap and folded her arms on top of it. “I think we covered everything,” she added.

  The layer of sarcasm wasn’t lost on Elliot. “Guess we did,” he volleyed back with the same level of feigned indifference.

  They spent the balance of the drive in silence, with each of them asking themselves “what went wrong?”

  It was just after ten when they pulled up in front of the first location, which was discreetly tucked away on the fifteenth floor of an office building. They went through the drill: answering questions, filling out forms and pretending to be the loving but desperate couple who wanted a baby.