xanth 40 - isis orb

by Anthony, Piers

  “How—”

  “Just pour it on any area where the virus is operating. The elixir will do the rest.” Red moved on with a swirl of her flowing hair.

  Hapless went to the line of change. A pretty round stone was just dissolving into slush. It was a pomegranite, a plant that fruited granite rock. He quickly poured elixir, too late to save the stone, but in time for the foot stool made of feet next to it. He felt a sense of accomplishment: he had saved a pun. Two puns: next to it was a pomegranate that was a small palm too, Palm of Granite, the sweet-tasting food for sculptors. He had also stopped the advance of the virus; the seeming fire no longer burned where the elixir had doused the ground.

  Meanwhile the others were similarly busy. Feline managed to throw a wash of elixir in the air, saving several passing thoughts. They moved on, offering fleeting notions that could not quite be caught. One brushed by Hapless, and he did catch it: it consisted of numbered speech balloons. It was the Thought that Counts.

  Zed, who admitted to not much liking puns, had just saved a mushroom: a room filled with mush. Had he not done so, there would have been no more room, just rotting mush. Faro saved a patch of Kumquats and Goquats that would force folk who ate them to compulsively come and go. Quin saved an outhouse, a cousin of the toilet tree, part of the family of waste treatment plants. That really stank! Nya just missed saving a Frayed Knot, unfortunately.

  Then Hapless thought that Blue was before him, but instead it was a Blueberry Blonde, being pursued by the virus. He doused her with elixir, saving her from a fate worse than death: rotting glop.

  Then suddenly it was done: they had wiped out the patch of virus, saving half a slew of puns. Now they all understood what Merge’s business was. The five iterations approached each other, their hair twined together, and they merged headfirst into Merge. “Thank you!” she said. “That was a bad one. Had we not caught it in time it could have spread into the whole area and left it desolate.”

  “And thank you, Myst, for catching it,” Astrid said to the child. “Are there any more patches in this region?”

  “No. This is the last one.”

  “Then Firenze and I will rejoin the others.” Astrid and the boy walked back the way they had come.

  “I should go with them,” Merge said wistfully.

  “You can’t,” Feline said. “We’re still getting to know each other.”

  Hapless remained privately surprised that they were getting along so well. It seemed that Merge was not the jealous type. Feline was that type, but apparently accepted Merge as part of fate. Maybe she was glad that the second girlfriend was not a cheap hussy. Far, far from it!

  “That must be it,” Feline agreed. It was unsettling the way she understood his unvoiced thoughts. Almost as unsettling as his knowledge that eventually he would have to choose between them. He truly dreaded that.

  “You should,” Feline said darkly.

  “That was a workout,” Zed said. “Let’s rest.”

  They all settled on the ground. Hapless lay on his back. Two hands took his: Feline on one side, Merge on the other. That felt wonderful, but it also intensified his dilemma: how could he ever pick one over the other? He loved them both.

  “Not until we deal with the bad girlfriend,” Feline said.

  “And suppose I can’t resist the bad girlfriend?”

  “We’ll help you do that,” Merge said.

  And suppose the bad girl was a goddess?

  “Maybe Aunt Fornax will help,” Myst said, plumping down on his feet. Could she read his mind too?

  “Demoness Fornax can’t intervene in Xanthly affairs, dear,” Merge said. “Remember all the trouble she had to let us get into, because the other Demons would have squelched her if she helped?”

  “Um, yes,” Myst agreed. Evidently it was a powerful memory, because she fuzzed into mist for a moment.

  There was surely another interesting story there, but Hapless decided to let it be. At least it clarified that they remained largely on their own.

  In due course, having discarded several undue courses, they resumed travel. They turned north and walked west of the Regions.

  They reached the Region of Water by evening. They could tell because the boundary curtain looked like shimmering water. “I think this is it,” Hapless said.

  “But the day is late,” Feline said. “We should wait until morning.”

  No one questioned this. If Feline wanted Merge and Myst to remain with the party a little longer, she surely had her reasons. Hapless would have thought that Feline would want to get rid of Merge as soon as possible, but he already knew he had little if any understanding of the motives of women. So they made camp, foraged for supper, then washed in the water curtain. Hapless tried not to stare as Feline, Merge, and Myst stripped naked and used it as a shower.

  “Oh, go ahead and look,” Feline called to him. “Chances are you’ll wind up with one or more of us.”

  So he looked. Feline had luscious curves, yes, but Merge matched them; they were two outstandingly beautiful women. Whichever one he wound up with, it would not be just for her curves.

  “I’m going to look like that when I grow up,” Myst said, returning wrapped in her towel.

  “Which one?” he asked, dazed.

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  They finished. “Your turn,” Feline said.

  Strip naked in front of them? “Uh—”

  “You looked at us. Now we look at you.”

  He was stuck for it. He took off his clothes and showered, and they did look. “Men aren’t as interesting as women,” Myst concluded diplomatically.

  The two centaurs stood a bit apart, as usual. The two dragons lay another bit apart. That left Hapless with two women and a child. They settled down under a blanket, all still bare. Feline took his right hand, Merge took his left hand, and Myst held on to a foot. He couldn’t do anything except lie there. Regardless, it was a suburb of Heaven.

  In the morning they organized for the next stage of the Quest. Merge and Myst hugged Hapless and kissed him tearfully. Then they did the same with Feline, whom the child addressed as Aunt.

  It was time. They gathered around, and Hapless opened the box.

  Chapter 12:

  Water Gorgon

  The picture was of a lovely mermaid with snaky locks of hair. The words were WATER TOTEM.

  “Uh-oh,” Feline said, looking over Hapless’s shoulder.

  “What?”

  “That’s a gorgon.”

  “Uh-oh,” he echoed weakly as he saw that the locks were not snaky, but actual little snakes.

  “I’m supposed to tame that?”

  Feline was the one designated to go for the Water Totem. He shared her dismay. “There must be a way.”

  “We should pause to consider before we take that path,” Zed said. For the path now ran from the box directly to the water curtain.

  They paused to consider. “Do I understand this correctly?” Merge asked. “You have to try to conquer a gorgon?”

  “I’m designated for Water, yes,” Feline agreed grimly.

  Myst burst into tears.

  “You really care about me, Myst?” Feline asked, surprised and touched.

  “Yes, Aunt Feline.”

  “Even though I might take Hapless away from your mother?”

  “No, you will share him.”

  They would share him? As they had holding his hands at night? How far would that go? That seemed fraught with mischief, but also insidiously tempting. Hapless decided to stay out of this dialogue.

  Feline looked at Merge. “How do you feel about this?”

  “Hapless cares about you, so I do, too. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You’re a nice person I want to keep as a friend, regardless whom Hapless chooses.”

  “But if I—”

  “He will still be in good hands.”

  Feline considered. “I still don’t know how I feel about Hapless. But I know I do want you for a friend.”
>
  Then the two women were hugging and crying together.

  Hapless looked at Myst. “It’s a female thing,” she explained. “We cry when we get emotional.”

  The other Companions were studiously neutral. This was his picklement.

  “And you too, Myst,” Feline said over Merge’s shoulder.

  The child joined them, hugging and crying.

  After a suitable interval, Feline drew apart. “Let’s go get that Totem,” she said briskly.

  They got on the path. Hapless was last, of course. He turned to face Merge and Myst once more, to make some evocative parting statement. “I, uh,” he said with his accustomed flair.

  “We’ll check right here every day,” Merge said tearfully. “At noon. Until you return.”

  “Uh, yes.” He followed the others. He couldn’t help wondering whatever the two women and the child saw in him. He suspected the other Companions were as mystified as he was.

  The path led through the porous shower curtain. Suddenly they were in a completely different scene, on the edge of a broad placid lake.

  “We’d better mark the spot,” Feline said. “So we can find them.” She changed to cat form and dug in the ground, throwing up a mound of dirt.

  “Uh, yes,” Hapless said again. He had not thought of that. In fact, taken as a whole, he was feeling wonderfully inept.

  Feline returned to human form. “A boyfriend is just a boyfriend, but a woman friend is forever.”

  “But what if I marry Merge?”

  “I may be mad at you, but still friends with her. But right now we need to focus on that gorgon, or it will all become academic.”

  “Maybe there are local residents who will know something about her,” Zed said. “That could help.”

  Indeed, the path led to a small village. The houses were made of shimmering sheets of water. The path took them to one door. The sign said SEEP INN.

  A shapely young woman with a kerchief and dark glasses stood outside the door. Her complexion was pleasantly green. “Are you folk looking for lodging?” she asked. “I have fine waterbeds, and I serve water rolls for breakfast and water chestnuts for dinner. We have fine water logs for the fire.”

  “There’s fire in the Region of Water?” Hapless asked.

  “Well of course. We are not savages. The fact that this is the Region of Water does not mean that other elements are excluded; they are merely muted.”

  “I think you lost a letter from your sign,” Feline said. “Shouldn’t it be Sleep Inn?”

  “The sign is fine. When the lake rises and floods the village, the water seeps in. We like it that way.”

  “We are actually looking for information,” Zed said. “We are on a Quest, and won’t be staying long.”

  “A Quest? I took you for tourists.” The woman smiled. Her teeth were greenish too. “I am Colorado.”

  “I thought that was a region in Mundania,” Zed said.

  “No. It’s my nature. Color-ado.”

  “Uh—” Hapless said.

  “I change color with the temperature. When it’s cold I turn blue. When it’s hot I’m red. When the sun’s too bright I turn yellow. At the moment I am comfortable.”

  “That’s fascinating,” Zed said. “My colors are unfortunately fixed.”

  “I noticed,” Colorado said, smiling again. Hapless noticed that she tended to smile more when addressing a male. She was an intensely attractive woman. He seemed to be encountering a number of those on this Quest.

  “We need to find the gorgon,” Feline said with a bit of an edge.

  Colorado froze for a long instant, then recovered. “This is not wise. Carmen is not friendly to women.”

  The gorgon had a name? Well, why not.

  “She is friendly to men?” Feline asked.

  “In her fashion. She gets lonely at times because few folk seek her company. So on occasion she takes a boyfriend. That’s not good.”

  “But doesn’t her mere look turn folk to stone?” Hapless asked.

  “Not exactly. First, a person has to meet her gaze directly. Just seeing her, or she seeing you, has no effect. But a shared glance is deadly. So many of us here wear protective glasses, just in case.” She touched her own. “Second, it’s not stone, it’s water. She’s a water gorgon, and her direct look turns a person to water, which collapses in a puddle and flows away. That’s why she’s not popular.”

  “I learned that once a gorgon married the Good Magician,” Zed said. “They teach such things in centaur school. She donned a mask to stop from turning folk into statues.”

  “And we know of a basilisk in human form,” Nya said. “She wears dark glasses to stop from killing people.”

  “Yes. There are three gorgons, with different modes of killing,” Colorado agreed. “Carmen dons dark glasses when she goes after a man, otherwise she would merely liquidate him. But it’s still not good. She plays with him for a month or three, then tires of him and washes him out. All our men know that if Carmen loves you, that’s the end of you.”

  “Then why would any man, er, date her?” Zed asked. “Knowing that it’s the end of him?”

  “She has most effective curves, if you like that type,” Colorado said. “Women don’t see much magic in them, but men are instantly fascinated. Especially when she converts her tail and makes legs. When she dons panties, a man is helpless. It’s too bad. We’d rather be rid of her; there are not many men left in our village of Waterloo, and fewer yet moving in. They’ve heard about the gorgon.”

  “A man would have to be a fool to go with her,” Feline agreed. “Yet many men are fools.”

  “It does come with the territory,” Colorado said. “They see those curves, and what little minds they have are gone.”

  Feline nodded thoughtfully. She of course had her own curve issues. “Nevertheless, we need to get to the gorgon,” she said. “Dangerous as she may be.”

  “Well, she is the Guardian of the Region,” Colorado said. “If you try to mess with the water, she’ll seek you out quickly enough. I don’t recommend it.”

  “Our Quest requires it, unfortunately.”

  “Then move your party far away from here, lest the gorgon make waves.”

  “Waves?”

  “Big ones can wash away whole villages. If she gets angry.”

  “We’ll go far from here,” Feline agreed.

  “Please do.” Colorado looked plainly worried.

  The path led on along the shore, having gotten them the information they needed. The two dragons flew lazily overhead, the two centaurs walked, and Hapless and Feline trailed, so as to keep the path clear for the others.

  A young man was walking the opposite way. “Hello,” he said, plainly impressed by Faro. He was bright blue all over.

  “Hello,” she responded as if not noticing the direction of his gaze. “Are you all right? You seem blue.”

  “I was foraging for supplies for the Inn, but a rascally bird dropped an ice water bomb on me. Now I’m freezing cold.” Indeed, his teeth were chattering.

  “Blue with cold?” Feline asked as she and Hapless caught up. “Are you like Colorado?”

  “I am Colorado,” he said.

  There was half a pause. “We just talked with a woman by that name at the Inn,” Feline said. “Your sister?”

  “I have no sister. I run the Inn. I have no idea whom you encountered.”

  “Let’s warm you up,” Feline said, signaling Nya to come down. The dragon did, converting to her naga form, which seemed to impress the young man just as much as Faro did, perhaps for the same reason. “Colorado needs warming,” she said.

  Nya held her Totem and focused on the man. He changed rapidly from blue to green. “Oh, that’s better,” he said.

  “So someone is impersonating you at the Inn?” Faro asked.

  “Must be,” Colorado agreed. “I can’t think who or why. Can you describe her?”

  “She wore a kerchief, dark glasses, and was extremely shapely,” Feline sai
d. “Do you know anyone of that description?”

  He laughed. “I wish I did!” Then he reconsidered, paling visibly. “Unless—”

  “Unless?”

  “No, that’s impossible. It must be someone playing a prank. I’d better get home and put a stop to it.” He hurried on.

  “That was curious,” Faro said. “He must have thought of someone.”

  “And didn’t want to identify her,” Feline said.

  “We shouldn’t let the concerns of other folk distract us from our Quest,” Zed said.

  “If the path leads us to the gorgon, can we safely follow it?” Feline asked Hapless. “I mean, if she sees us coming we’ll be helpless, because we won’t be able to look at her, and she’ll be able to attack us with a wave or worse.”

  “Maybe we should pretend to have no idea how to find her,” Hapless said. “So she doesn’t see us coming. Does that make sense?”

  “Not a lot. But it’s better than nothing.”

  Nya reverted to dragon mode and rejoined Quin in the sky. The centaurs, Feline, and Hapless resumed their walk along the shoreline.

  They came to an isolated shack by the shore with a rickety fishing boat tied up beside it. “Maybe there,” he said.

  The others passed on by the shack, but Hapless and Feline paused to knock on its warped door. In barely one moment it opened to reveal yet another surprisingly well-formed woman wearing a heavy kerchief, dark glasses, a short skirt, and a light halter. “Yes?”

  “Uh, we are travelers looking for the gorgon,” Hapless said, fighting off the distraction of the well-filled halter. The woman seemed somehow familiar. “Could you direct us?”

  “You’re looking for the gorgon?” the woman demanded, amazed. “She’s dangerous. Everyone knows that.”

  How much should he say? Lying was not in his nature, but neither did it seem smart to advertise their mission.

  Feline stepped in, knowing his limitation. She could lie when she needed to. “We want to interview her for a special project.”

  The woman turned to Feline. “And you are?”

  “Feline. I’m a cat woman.” She changed briefly. “And this is Hapless. He’s on a Quest to discover a musical instrument he can play.” She grimaced. “So far everything he has tried is awful.”