The Librarian

by Christy Sloat

  I never meant to come here and screw up Jack’s future. I couldn’t help my feelings for him, but I could have not acted on them. I could have just come here and talked to him.

  “Emme, I wanted you just as badly. And let us be clear, you didn’t act alone. I’m sorry for making you feel like a horrible woman. You are not what you said on the beach. Please never disrespect yourself again, darling.”

  I smiled. “I’ll try.” I could get really used to being called darling. The way it rolled off of his tongue made my heart melt. Jack may have thought that he had ruined his image by sleeping with me, but he was wrong.

  “What do we do now?” he asked.

  I thought about it for a moment. We still had all the rest of today to spend together and tomorrow. I could stay until then, but then I would still be hiding from the things I needed to go back to. I still had a life back there, even if I felt like Jack was pulling me into his. I couldn’t escape from the truth.

  “I have to go back home, Jack.”

  Twenty-One

  Jack’s face fell in disappointment. It was apparent that he didn’t want me to go, but I had to. He handed me my ring and I held it in my palm. I wasn’t sure if I would go back immediately after putting it on, or if it would take hours. I didn’t risk it. I put it on the side table and faced Jack.

  “I can go in a little while. Until then, let’s talk about what’s going on inside that head of yours,” I suggested.

  He took my hand and pulled me up off of the bed. “Let’s go for a walk and I’ll tell you all about it.”

  I nodded. My stomach growled loudly, realizing that I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

  “First, food,” I demanded.

  “Food, yes. But first, my dear, you must change your attire,” he said pointing at my clothes.

  “Turn around, then,” I told him. He stood and turned toward the wall while I searched for the dress that the lady from earlier had laid out for me. It fit me well enough, a little loose in the mid-section, but rather pretty. I left on my own bra and underwear, opting for comfort instead of style. I tried to fasten up the back as far as I could and realized I needed help from Jack.

  “Jack, I’m going to need you for a moment,” I said still struggling.

  He turned around and smiled, taking me in. He walked around me and took the hook in his hands, tugging it up. Once it was fastened, he rested his hands on my shoulders and leaned closer to me, sniffing my hair.

  “I can’t help myself when I’m in your presence, Emme. I want nothing more than to help you undress.”

  I sighed and fell into him. I wanted the same thing, but I didn’t want to put him into anymore turmoil. He was already battling with feelings I couldn’t understand. So I turned and put as much needed distance between us.

  “Jack, I’m here to learn about you. So let me do that, please. We need to eat.”

  He nodded and the pained expression left his face.

  “Right. Yes.”

  If we got through this night without ripping each other’s clothes off, it would be a miracle.

  ****

  I could smell the food coming from the inn a mile away. The whole town was quiet up until we reached the town square. Men and women walked arm in arm talking and laughing as music wafted from the inn. I held onto Jack as a breeze blew across, taking my skirt up with it. I held it down and wished I was wearing pants and Uggs instead. Other women were dressed like me, except they didn’t seem to mind the cold. I couldn’t handle this cold and the billowing skirt around me. I needed warmth, so I leaned into Jack for it.

  “Cold, love?” he asked as he ran his hand down my arm. “We’re almost there. Just across the square.” He pointed to a small building, and I nodded. I hoped it had some sort of heat inside.

  “What is this town?” I asked, realizing that I never figured it out.

  “Larrison,” he answered.

  My mouth fell open in shock and realization. My college would be in Larrison, sometime in the future. I looked around for some sort of familiar sign of the town I knew, but couldn’t see anything. It was very possible that Larrison had changed dramatically over the years.

  “Do you know it?” Jack asked.

  “I do. I go to school here now.”

  He cocked his head trying to understand my meaning.

  “I haven’t told you,” I began. “I started going back to school since I got settled with Gram’s library. I am so excited to be able to finally get my degree and start the rest of my life.”

  Just thinking about finishing my schooling, made me smile. I was giddy with excitement that my life was going back to normal.

  Jack’s face seemed delighted too. He pulled me across the cobblestone street and into a small alcove, away from everyone else.

  He drew me into him and gave me a hug. “I’m so elated for you, Emme. I know you’ll make a great teacher. I hope you get all your dreams.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “Me too.”

  I was realizing that some of my dreams were right here in his arms. It was a problem I wasn’t able to fix. I couldn’t choose between Jack and my current life, and I didn’t want to. I wished that I could merge the two.

  “Jack,” I whispered, “I don’t want to be without you, but I have to leave. Does that make sense at all?”

  He looked up at me, his eyes were shining bright in the darkness. “Emmeline, nothing makes sense since you’ve landed in my life. I still cannot fathom that a girl from the future holds a place in my heart.”

  I couldn’t believe it either, but it was happening. We were making our own history; it was just a separate story. The story of Jack and Emme wasn’t going to have a happy ending. We wouldn’t make history books, and no one would know about us. “We were doomed from the start, weren’t we? I mean, can it end happily?” I wished that he had the answers I didn’t. His blank stare told me no.

  “I do not know what to say, Emmeline. Only that I wish you could stay with me.”

  A lump formed into my throat as I fought the tears off. I wished that I could split myself into two.

  “I can’t leave my friend alone to run Gram’s library. I just can’t. I have a duty to run it and—”

  He put his fingers on my lips, stopping me. “Shh, darling. No need to explain. I understand.”

  A tear slid down my cheek and Jack wiped it away.

  “This will not be goodbye, Emmeline Bailey. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not until it’s truly time, understand?” I nodded and he smiled. “Now, we shall feast.”

  We entered the inn and sat at a small table in the corner by a fireplace. We ate until our bellies were full and happy. Eating out was completely different in Jack’s time. There were no women alone with other women, but instead couples or just men eating for one. It was very strange to see how differently women were treated, and I forgot that women didn’t have the same rights then that they did in my time. I wished I could tell some of these people that times would be changing and everyone would be equal eventually.

  Back at the hotel, Jack snuck me inside since it was inappropriate for me to be staying with a man. We weren’t married, and it was in their eyes trashy, or something like that. They probably thought I was a prostitute. I laughed as we snuck inside and Jack held his laughs in until we got inside the room, then he burst out loud with giggles.

  “I must say, you’re a sneaky and clever girl, Emmeline Bailey. And I will miss you while you’re gone. I wish that I knew when your next arrival would be,” he said as we both lay on the bed, staring at each other. I felt his gaze deepen as my smile grew larger. Jack had a power over me that I wish I could will away; it would make leaving so much more bearable.

  “I don’t know when it will be for you, but it won’t be long for me. Time works differently for us, d
oesn’t it?” He nodded. “It could be a week for you, or a month,” I explained. “I learned so much from my guide book, but not anything on how to control my visits. I am supposed to be learning as much as I can about your life, but instead I’m disrupting it. You need to go and be with your father, don’t you?”

  I didn’t really know what it was about Jackson Sr. that made Jack want to hide here. I figured it would come up in conversation, but it never did. Jack had always let me talk about my life instead.

  He nodded and said, “As much as I’d love to stay here with you, I must return to my father and back into my place.”

  “Which is?”

  “Under his thumb. Like I said before, I don’t like the man I could become with my father’s guidance.”

  Hearing this made me sad and I wished I could tell him how it would all end, but even I didn’t know what would happen in Jack’s future.

  “Jack, only you can control what type of man you will be, not your dad or anyone else. You control your fate. And your dad may be well known, like you said before, but you need to do what you want to or else this life is worthless.”

  He pulled me closer to him and nuzzled into my neck. “I wish it were that easy.”

  I pulled away and sat up. “It is that easy, Jack. Tell your dad to back off. You might piss him off, but he’ll get over it.”

  He sat up with me and laughed. “If I tell my father to sod off, he may go about and whack me, or worst yet, disown me. I cannot be a man of integrity and own my own shipping company by doing that.”

  He needed his dad’s money and his allies in order to do what he dreamt of. I understood that. I was giving him advice on a topic that I didn’t understand. I couldn’t very well tell Gram no when she asked me to take over her life.

  “Well, the next time I see you, Jack, I hope that you’re not hiding out.”

  He took my ring off of the bed side table and handed it to me. His eyes were sad, but he had a smile on his face.

  “I guess we shouldn’t put it off any longer,” he said.

  I shook my head and looked down at the ring. I needed to get back, but I didn’t want to yet.

  “It will be all right, Emmeline. You can go and come back soon, love. I promise I’ll be fine. Next time you see me, I’ll not be hiding out.”

  I looked up and grabbed him. I held him so tightly, wishing that the answer would come to me. What was I going to do about these feelings I had for a man in the past? A man in a book that I couldn’t properly be with. Could I run away from my life and live inside his world? Would I become a part of history? Would I really be able to live here with him?

  “I love you, Jackson Ridgewell,” I choked out.

  “And I love you, Emmeline Bailey.”

  I slipped the ring onto my finger and felt the pull instantly. “Until next time,” I yelled.

  Twenty-Two

  I sat upright and looked around my bedroom, searching for signs that I was gone for a long time. Even though I was with Jack for one night, I wasn’t sure how long time passed here. I stood up and wobbled as my achy body tried to walk toward the door. I felt like I was hit by a car.

  I reached for the handle and pulled the door open when I came face to face with a very distraught Tarryn and Becca.

  “Oh my God!” Tarryn said before she grabbed me and pulled me toward her. “I didn’t know what to do. You were gone and I…I panicked. I thought you disappeared. Or that you pulled a Jenny. So I called Bec. I had to, Emme. I had no choice.”

  I pulled her off and willed her to slow down. Her words weren’t making any sense. My brain was absolute mush.

  “Am I supposed to know what pulling a Jenny is? And I’m fine. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  I gave a laugh, but her sad face didn’t respond.

  Instead Becca stepped forward with arms folded and said, “She had no choice, Emme.”

  Oh shit. “Had no choice to do what?”

  Now I was freaking out a little.

  “I found the book on your bed, open to a page, and I read it…you were in the pages. I didn’t know why this time was different,” she explained as I shook my head in disbelief. “I didn’t understand why you weren’t here with me while inside there with him. So I read this.”

  She held up a book I hadn’t seen before.

  “I found it inside the hidden room and it was full of information that helped me find out why you weren’t back yet. When the first day went by, I realized I couldn’t hide you being away any longer.” She sighed and threw the book onto my bed. “I was really freaking out, Emme, and I was all alone in this. So I told Becca everything.”

  I pretty much knew this was what she was going to tell me, but it didn’t stop me from throwing my hands up in the air and screaming at her the importance of keeping this a secret. Her face turned red with anger, and she stepped forward and got into my face—totally not what I expected.

  “You have no idea how horrible it was dealing with your disappearance, Emme. Everyone was asking questions. People called for you, and on top of that I had to run your library, alone. So without Becca here to help me deal, I would have lost my crap, okay? So back off!”

  Wow. I knew she was sassy, but this side of Tarryn was not one I wanted to see on a regular basis.

  “Tarryn, I’m really sorry for leaving you here to deal with this all alone,” I said as I hugged her. “I promise not to ever do it again. I just got into that fight with Rose, and I guess I got lost inside the pages.”

  “You can say that again,” Becca exclaimed.

  “It’s okay, just don’t ever do that without telling me first, okay?” Tarryn asked. Her normal coloring took over and the redness disappeared from her face. “I had to call the Rhode Island library to get some answers, and I have to say, they were very helpful.”

  “I’d love to hear all about it, but first, can I get some food. I feel horrible.” I held my stomach as a hunger unlike anything I’d ever felt before took hold of me.

  We sat at Gram’s table as Tarryn showed me all the things she found inside the secret room. On the table laid several photographs, more books, and letters. The photographs were of the other Librarians that I had seen before.

  “This book has all the information you’ll ever need of all the libraries all over the country who are in the sect of The Librarians. That’s how I got ahold of the Rhode Island library and talked to Jenny Bailey Hancock’s daughter, Ariane,” Tarryn explained, as she showed me a photo of Jenny. I recognized her from the photo on the wall.

  “Wasn’t Jenny the one who decided to stay inside her book?” I asked as I remembered Tarryn telling me her tale before.

  She nodded and said, “Yes. Her protector, Beverly, was so distraught that she left the sect and decided never to be part of it again. It can be really damaging when your preserver disappears on you.”

  I laughed, “I get it!”

  I took a bite of spaghetti and sucked the noodle into my mouth as she explained some more.

  “Ariane would like to meet us and tell us everything she learned about Jenny and why she got stuck inside her book,” Becca chimed in. “She is really nice.”

  Now that we sat at the table together, I felt really happy that Becca was part of our little secret group; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “I’d love to meet her. When can we go?” I asked as I wiped my face clean.

  “Let’s go tomorrow,” Becca suggested. “The library is closed and I have the day off of work, too.”

  “Road trip!” Tarryn yelled excitedly.

  “Whose car are we taking? Because there is no way Gram’s beast is going to make that drive,” I said. Rhode Island was far, too far for that truck anyway.

  “Well, since I’m the only one with a car that’s not a hundred years old, that leaves
my car,” Becca groaned.

  “Good, let’s leave at first light so that we don’t spend the whole day driving, ‘kay?”

  They both nodded and I excused myself from the table. I needed a shower and my bed. I had just spent the last two days in the wrong time and my body felt sore. I wouldn’t be doing that again anytime soon.

  As I walked away, the only thoughts that permeated my brain were of Jack and when I would see him again, not going on a road trip with my friends. I had to figure out my life and what direction I wanted to take it. I just didn’t know how to do that yet.

  Twenty-Three

  Normally while driving down I-95, my biggest concern is hitting a moose and either A. Killing myself or B. Killing my car. This time was different; my only thoughts were of Jack. I tried to think of more important things, but he seeped his way into my brain each time. I tried to focus on the radio and a love song came on. I pulled out my phone and began scrolling through photos when I came across the one I had of Jack. I sighed loudly and threw my phone into my open bag.

  Tarryn was driving, and Becca had the radio on so loud that the love song was now pounding my skull. I needed to get out of this car, but we had an hour to go still.

  “Are you okay back there?” Tarryn asked me from the rear-view mirror.

  I nodded, but it was a lie and she knew it. She shut off the radio, thankfully, and pressed me for answers.

  “What’s really going on?”

  How did I explain that I was in love with a guy from the past, who I visited in a book, that I had no future with? I couldn’t tell her all my feelings because even I didn’t know what was going on inside my head.