Keep From Falling (Markson Grove Series Book 1)

by Amy Vanessa Miller

Cecelia’s eyes narrow. “Well, what’s this?” she asks with a smirk. She’s surprised to see a guy standing before her. I stare at her sheepishly, trying to think of something to say. I have nothing. This has never happened to me. I’ve never brought a guy to her place before.

  “He was just leaving,” I say, pushing him toward the door. My bed is a mess and I am very much aware of what this must look like to Cecelia who didn’t sleep at home last night. She has no way of knowing what time Parker came over.

  He grabs his boots and bolts for the door without even taking the time to put them on.

  Once the door slams behind him, Cecelia turns to me. “And to think all this time I thought you were a dyke.”

  Evan

  “And that’s game!” Derrick bellows as he slams the basketball through the hoop, winning our third one-on-one game today.

  I walk over to the bench on the side of the court for my t-shirt and pull it on over my head. “You really know how to keep a guy’s spirit up,” I tell him sarcastically, taking a big gulp of water from my bottle.

  He tosses the ball to me once I put my bottle down and I catch it with both hands. “Just keeping it legit, man,” he says with a goofy grin. I shake my head. Sometimes I don’t even know why I spend time with him.

  Taking a seat on the bench next to me, he looks at the time on his phone. “It’s almost three, got to take off. Promised Kels I’d meet her when she gets off work.”

  “Catch you later,” I mumble with no amount of enthusiasm in my voice.

  He nudges me in the shoulder. “Don’t let that shit from last night get you down, man. She’ll be back.”

  I shrug. “Maybe I don’t want her to come back,” I mutter unconvincingly. I hate that I want her this bad. I can’t stop thinking about Bree Porter, no matter what it is I do to keep her off my mind, she’s always there in my head.

  “She’s here,” Derrick says nudging his chin in the direction over my shoulder. I turn around and see her walking onto the court toward us.

  Derrick grabs his things off of the bench, “I’ll leave you two alone,” he says as she reaches us. “Hey,” he mumbles to her, giving her an unimpressed nod before jogging off toward his dad’s car. I smile to myself, secretly pleased with his behavior. She shouldn’t feel comfortable after what happened yesterday, and I’m glad he agrees with me.

  Bree sits next to me but doesn’t take her eyes off of the ground or try to start a conversation. She just sits there till the silence and tension between us begins to drive me crazy.

  “How did you know I was here?” I ask finally.

  “I spoke to Kelsie,” she replies.

  I let out an irritated sigh, “Kelsie should learn to stay out of my business. I told her last night to let this go, and she stuck her nose where it doesn’t belong yet again and messaged you anyway—”

  “She didn’t message me,” Bree interrupts. “I’m the one who sent her a message first. I wanted to know where I could find you so we could talk. I knew you weren’t working today and I …I feel horrible about last night.”

  “What’s there to talk about Bree, your girlfriend is crazy and I’m done.”

  “I’m sorry, ok?”

  I don’t want to look her in the eye because I know the minute I do, I will give in to her apology and turn into a fool who agrees to, yet again, do another thing that’s going to rip my heart even further out of my chest.

  “Please just look at me.”

  “I can’t.”

  She sighs. “I told Skylar I’d stop seeing you.”

  The words dig into my gut like a knife, and it takes me a moment to recover from it. My first instinct is to yell at her. I can’t believe she’s actually here to kick me while I’m already down. “So why are you here then, Bree?” I snap. This time I go out of my way to look right at her so she can see in my eyes what it is she is doing to me.

  “I don’t know, Evan. This is such a big mess and I hate it. I don’t want to have to choose.”

  “I think you’ve already made your choice pretty clear,” I say, with no amount of sympathy in my voice.

  “Skylar needs me. It’s not so easy to just walk away from her. She doesn’t have anyone else.”

  She has Spencer, I think to myself but decide not to voice the thought. It’s not a fight I’m ready to have with her just yet.

  “So what you feel toward her isn’t sexual then?” I decide to ask instead. That’s an argument I am ready to get into.

  “What I feel toward you is sexual too,” she returns. She doesn’t deny that what she has with Skylar is deeper than what she’s trying to let on, but the fact that she’s putting me up there on the same level makes me feel good for a moment.

  “So what are you saying, Bree? You want us both?”

  She hesitates, fumbling with the buttons of her phone in her hand. “Yes,” she says finally in a hushed voice.

  I shake my head in disgust. Knowing exactly where this conversation is headed. “You tell Skylar that you’ll stop seeing me. Then you tell me that you want us both. What are you trying to do? You want me in secret, is that it?”

  “She needs me,” Bree says instead of answering my question directly, but I hear the answer loud and clear anyway.

  “I can’t do that to someone. I know how it feels to be on the other end of that. There’s nothing worse.”

  “Staying away from someone who makes me feel the way that I feel with you seems like it could be worse,” she says quietly.

  I tilt my head to the side and my face softens in spite of how angry I am. “Bree,”

  “I know,” she says. “I’m sorry. I was with her first and I don’t want to leave her, so that’s where I should be.”

  I nod.

  “So, I guess this is goodbye then.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I reply, trying to hide my sadness behind a careless shrug.

  I watch her get up from the bench and, without looking back at me, make her way across the basketball court to the fence door. Only when she gets on the other side of the chain-linked fence, does she turn around for one last look in my direction. And at that moment, as our eyes meet and I see the sadness in her gaze, I realize that I can’t let her go.

  Not yet, not like this.

  “Wait!” I call out abruptly, jumping to my feet. I’m an idiot, but I can’t let her walk away.

  In my mind I’m kicking myself over and over again because I know that I shouldn’t be calling out to her. I should be letting her go. But I can’t.

  Bree stands where she is, unable to know for sure why I’m telling her to wait but I can see the hope in her eyes, and that hope makes me that much more sure that I want to do what I am about to do.

  I reach her in a matter of seconds, and stop once I’m standing directly in front of her.

  “Evan, I…”

  I shake my head, reaching my hands out to touch either side of her face. “Shhh,” is all I say before pulling her into a deep and needy kiss. I feel her eagerness push on my lips and I am vindicated of my actions. I push all of my weight into the kiss, slamming her up against the fence and making her gasp. She wraps her arms around my neck pulling me deeper into the kiss and I eagerly give in to her demand, pushing my body right up to hers so there is not one ounce of space left between us.

  “I want you,” I mumble between kisses. The fact that she wants to be with me in spite of being bound to Skylar, only justifies my actions further. I’m not proud of it, but in my mind I tell myself that it’s ok because Skylar’s a girl and that what she has with Bree couldn’t possibly compare to what Bree and I will have together.

  “I want you, too,” she says breathlessly, and the sound of her voice makes me so eager to do dirty things to her that I have to pull back to stop myself from getting carried away.

  “If we are going to do this, we have to be careful,” I say finally, taking her hand into mine.

  “We will,” she says with a reassuring smile, her beautiful face still flushed from our kiss. �
��What made you change your mind?”

  “I’m just not ready to let you go.”

  “You’re an idiot!” Kelsie says to me the minute I walk into the basement door of her parent’s house that night.

  “Whoa!” I raise my hands in the air and take a cautious step away from her. “Good to see you too Kels,” I say with a slight smirk, not knowing why she’s being so pissy with me.

  She hits me hard on the shoulder and my face turns serious. “Ow, Jeez, what the fuck?”

  “Derrick told me,” she says, her eyes glaring.

  I try to decide which would be better, pretending I have no idea what she is talking about, or just coming clean to her about what I am doing with Bree. I realize that there is no reason to lie about it, Derrick told her everything. I should have never confided in him about this.

  “Derrick had no business saying anything,” I say finally, shooting him a sideways glance.

  He just shrugs. “She beat it out of me, Ev.”

  “I bet,” I mutter, unconvinced.

  “What were you thinking? What the hell was going through your mind when you both decided it would be a great idea to just see each other in secret… behind her girlfriend’s back?” Kelsie demands.

  “Keyword being secret. You were never supposed to know. No one is supposed to.”

  “Well then I guess you shouldn’t have told big mouth over here because now I know.”

  I look at Derrick, disappointed. “I told you an hour ago, man, you couldn’t even keep it secret for that long?”

  “She was right next to me,” he replies defensively.

  I roll my eyes at him and turn to face Kelsie. “Ok, so now you know. What do you want me to tell you?” I ask, making it clear in my tone how annoyed I am with her. This has nothing to do with her. She should be minding her own business.

  “Tell me why?”

  “You’re the one who told me to keep seeing her,” I say.

  “I didn’t tell you to cheat with her on her girlfriend Evan, I said to be there for her. Be her friend. Be a good guy. There is nothing good about what you are doing now.”

  I can feel the anger boiling up inside me. “Oh cut the crap, Kels!” I say, raising my voice even though I’m sure her mom and step dad are home and can hear me clear as day. “It just happened ok. Don’t make it out to be this big horrible thing.”

  “You don’t think it’s horrible?”

  “I think it’s complicated,” I growl. “And I think you’re not a part of it, so you should fuck off!”

  Her eyelashes flutter as she blinks back angry tears, and I can tell she’s racking her brain for something to say back. I’ve caught her off guard with my angry reply and normally seeing her like this would make me feel guilty, but I’m feeling guilty enough as is, and I don’t need to add to it.

  “Ok, that’s enough,” Derrick says, interjecting himself into the argument. “Kelsie, it’s none of your business. Let it go.”

  “Figures you’d side with him,” she snaps.

  “His life, his problem,” is his quick and firm reply.

  “I can’t believe you are going to side with him on this! You know better than anyone how hard it was to scrape him up off of the ground when Adrienne cheated on him!”

  I drop my head in shame. She’s completely right. I was a mess in the weeks after I found out Adrienne had been cheating on me. I was destroyed and broken. Adrienne ripped my heart out and walked all over it. Nothing else I’ve experienced since can compare to the pain I felt in the months after I found out what she had been doing behind my back.

  Kelsie sees that she’s made a dent in my conscience and uses that to keep pushing her opinion. “You are doing that to Skylar now, Evan. You are going to put someone else through the same pain Tris put you through.”

  “Don’t say his fucking name,” I growl, clenching my fists tightly.

  “What? Tris Gallagher?” She returns, testily. “Or is it Parker Michelson? Oh yeah, it was both of them, wasn’t it?”

  “Fuck you, Kelsie. You know very well it was the both of them,” I spit venomously.

  I try to pretend like my history with Tris Gallagher doesn’t exist these days, but the truth is that he and I were very good friends the year I moved to Markson Grove. I’d even go as far as saying that he was my best friend. We hung out all the time. We played video games together, acted like idiots together, and tried to pick up girls together. He was fun, and we had a good time with each other.

  But some friendships just aren’t for the long haul.

  Shortly after I met Kelsie and Derrick, Tris and I began to drift apart. He started doing drugs and hanging around with a crowd I wasn’t too interested in. It’s not like we had a falling out exactly, we didn’t, not at first anyway. We just wanted different things out of life, so we went our separate ways. I ended up with Kelsie and Derrick while he became friends with Parker.

  Fast-forward a whole year later to the beginning of the tenth grade when I met Adrienne. Very quickly, whatever friendship I had left lingering with Tris completely disappeared. It was like I had stopped existing to him. He just didn’t acknowledge me at all one day, and I didn’t let it bother me. I mean, let’s be honest, I was deep into a sexual relationship with Adrienne Ambrose, so it was the last thing on my mind at the time.

  And then I found out.

  Tris and his new asshole sidekick, Parker, had been having sex with my girl. A lot.

  Derrick grabs Kelsie by the wrist and pulls her away from me. He knows when I’m close to my breaking point and he’s worried I might do something I’ll regret. I’m grateful for his concern, but I would never hit Kelsie. “Walk it off, Ev,” he says in a weary voice.

  I take in a deep and unsteady breath. “Yeah, ok,” I say, giving in and heading toward the door.

  “What their names do to you is the same as what your name is going to do to Skylar, and don’t you ever forget that, Evan!” Kelsie says, breaking free of Derrick’s grasp and following me to the door.

  “It’s not the same!” I say, turning around abruptly. “You know that it’s not. Tris was my friend, I’m not friends with Skylar.”

  “This isn’t you, Evan. You don’t do this to people, even people who aren’t your friend.”

  “Oh my God, Kelsie, do you hear yourself? Why are you pushing this?”

  “Because I’m a friggin’ good person!” she replies, shoving me in the chest with both hands.

  “I don’t have to put up with this,” I say, turning toward the door. Kelsie follows behind, grabbing the door before I can slam it shut behind me.

  “You’re running because you know I’m right!” She calls after me in a know-it-all voice.

  I continue to storm down the walkway. It pisses me off that she knows me so well. “Shut up, Kels,” I manage through clenched teeth. I feel deflated and even more terrible than I had before. And, at the moment, I hate Kelsie for making me feel that way.

  Bree

  Two whole weeks of hiding in the shadows with Evan has changed me. I think it’s possible that I might be falling in love with him. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, all I think about is his voice and his touch.

  Feeling this way is both exciting and petrifying in equal measure, because I know that the day is coming very soon where I will have to tell Skylar the truth and let her go. I’ve made the choice to lie and cheat on her. I’ve planted the seed of our impending breakup, and I know there is no turning back on that now.

  “I love you,” Skylar says, breaking into my disheartening thoughts. Her cheek is resting on my bare breast and she tilts her face to look up at mine. I smile slightly, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead to avoid direct eye contact. Making love with Skylar has always been soft and wonderful, but now everything she says to me and does to my body makes me feel nothing but shame. All I can think about when she touches me is Evan and how he touches me, and that in turn makes me feel like a horrible person.

  I am a horrible person.

  �
�I should go,” I whisper, looking at the clock on her bedside table. 10:42 pm. “You know how Mom gets when I’m late for my curfew.”

  She sits up. “I’ll get dressed and walk you,” she says, reaching for her clothes on the floor. My lack of reciprocating the L word hasn’t gone unnoticed by her. I see the uneasiness settling in her eyes.

  I throw the blankets off of me and begin pulling on my jeans. “No, it’s ok. I can go myself.”

  She stops dressing to look at me. “But I always walk you home,” she says.

  I shrug, “You don’t have to though.”

  I can see the panic emerge on her face. “What’s going on?” she asks quietly.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m just tired. You can walk me home if you want.”

  I feel a sharp pain of guilt in my gut. Lie after lie has crept out of my mouth over the past two weeks and how easily every one of them slips out now is unsettling. Who have I become?

  A loud crash sounds in the kitchen, making us both jump from the abrupt noise. Cecelia must be getting in from another evening of drinking.

  A few more loud thumps and another crash later, and Skylar’s door swings open, hitting the wall hard behind it. We both jump. I cover my bare breasts with the shirt I’m holding in my hand.

  Just as I’d figured, Cecelia is drunk. No, she’s beyond drunk, she’s completely hammered. I shake my head in disgust. I can’t stand this woman.

  “What the hell, Cecelia?”

  Cecelia shrugs at her niece carelessly, “Just checking to see if you had that boy in your room again tonight, but you don’t, unfortunately.” She turns to me, feigning surprise, as if she’s only just realizing that I’m here. “Oh, hi Bree.”

  Skylar’s cheeks flush red and she looks to the floor quickly. Her reaction makes me unsettled. I look to Cecelia for an explanation, but she doesn’t volunteer anything more.

  “What boy, Sky?” I ask in a tiny voice, very much aware that Cecelia is watching my every move. This isn’t the first time she’s been a complete bitch to me, but this time it feels personal. What the fuck is she trying to do?