by Kate Hardy
* * *
Ben looked at her. He wasn’t in the market for a relationship. But if he was, he didn’t want a queue of women a mile long. He wanted just one woman.
Toni Butler.
But she’d made it clear she wasn’t looking for a relationship and they were just friends.
He wished she hadn’t put the idea of relationships into his head when the music turned slower and he ended up dancing with her again; this time, they were cheek to cheek and he could smell the fresh floral scent of her shampoo and feel the warmth of her body in his arms.
He tried mentally naming all the muscles of the body in order from the triceps surae to the occipitofrontalis, but it didn’t switch his attention away from her. So in the end he gave in to the demands of the music and his heart and just held her, swaying with her.
When he pulled back slightly, her pupils were huge and her mouth was slightly parted. All he would have to do was tilt his head slightly and his lips would touch hers. His mouth tingled and his heartbeat was skittering around.
Could he?
Should he?
Was it his imagination, or was she staring at his mouth, too? Did she want him to kiss her? Like that day when they’d sat on the harbour wall, eating fish and chips, and he’d nearly kissed her.
The temptation was too great, and he was about to lean forward and kiss her, just once, when the song ended and the band struck up another fast dance.
‘I think your fan club awaits,’ she said with a smile.
What could he do but dance the Lindy Hop with the next woman who asked him?
And his dance with Toni turned out to be the last slow dance of the night, so he had no more excuses to pull her back into his arms.
‘Can I walk you home?’ he asked, really hoping that he wasn’t blushing and sounding as bashful as a teenager. ‘I mean, I know you’re perfectly capable of seeing yourself home, but...’
‘That’d be nice,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’
And somehow on the way home his fingers brushed against hers. Once. Twice. The third time, he let his fingers cling to hers. And by the end of the road they were holding hands. They weren’t discussing it or even acknowledging it, but they were definitely holding hands.
At her garden gate, she said, ‘Will you come in for a coffee?’
He could be sensible and make an excuse.
Or he could follow the urging of his heart. To look forward instead of back. To consider the enticing possibility of a future.
‘Thank you. I’d like that,’ he said.
Archie was thrilled to see them and leaped round the kitchen.
‘Sit,’ Ben said.
To his surprise, Archie actually did what Ben asked.
He held out his hand, let the dog sniff him, then rubbed the top of the dog’s head. Archie rewarded him with the gentlest of licks.
‘He likes you,’ Toni said, and the approval in her voice warmed him all the way through.
‘He’s a nice dog. And he’s gone a long way to—well, making me a bit nicer.’
She smiled and let the dog out into the garden. ‘It wasn’t that you were totally horrible; we just had a few crossed wires and we got off to a bad start.’
‘Thank you.’ He smiled back at her. ‘Did you enjoy the dance?’
‘I always do—but you made it special for me, this year. I’ve never danced like that before.’
‘Seriously? It isn’t just family teasing that you can’t dance?’
‘No. If you ever go to a dance aerobics class with me, I’m the one who’s doing all the right moves—but in the wrong direction,’ she said with a grin. ‘I’m infamous for it. And the men in Great Crowmell only dance with me if they’re wearing steel toecaps.’
‘You were doing just fine with me.’
She looked at him, her gorgeous grey eyes darkening. ‘Can we do that again?’
‘The jitterbug?’
‘The other one.’
The slow dance. The one that had made his heart beat in a crazy rhythm. ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘We need some music. Let me find some on my phone.’
The next thing he knew, their coffees were ignored and she was in his arms, swaying with him to the soft, slow song.
And this time, when he pulled back and saw the glitter in her eyes, he gave in to the temptation that had been tugging at him all evening and let his mouth brush against hers. Once, very lightly, skimming across her skin.
He felt as if he were going up in flames.
And then her arms tightened around him and she let him deepen the kiss.
He had no idea how long they stayed locked together in the middle of her kitchen, just kissing.
But then reality seeped in.
He hadn’t been enough for Karen.
There was no reason why he would be enough for Toni, either.
What was he doing? If this carried on, they were both going to get hurt. Much as he wanted to scoop her up and carry her to her bed, it would be a really reckless, stupid thing to do.
This was meant to be his new start, and he was in severe danger of messing everything up.
They needed to stop this.
Now.
He pulled away. ‘Toni. We shouldn’t...’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I need to go.’
* * *
Reality crashed in as if Ben had just thrown a bucket of icy water over her.
What had she been doing, letting herself get carried away like that? She knew he didn’t want a relationship. He was still licking his wounds after what had happened in London—when his wife had had an affair with someone who was supposed to be his friend, and the result had been a baby that wasn’t his.
Maybe in another time, another place, it could have worked out between them. She liked him and, from the way his sea-green eyes had turned almost black, his pupils enormous, she could tell that he liked her.
But this was the wrong time for him; and she’d had enough of making mistakes and falling for Mr Wrong.
Better to keep things strictly platonic.
‘Sure,’ she said brightly, and squashed the urge to suggest that instead they could act on the pull between them, get it out of their systems and then go back to being strictly colleagues. That was way too reckless and it was so obvious that they would both end up hurt. She was rubbish at relationships. They needed to keep things simple. ‘See you at work,’ she said.
Once he’d gone, she curled up with her dog.
They’d done the sensible thing, Toni knew. The right thing.
So why did she feel so miserable about it?
‘This is ridiculous, Archie,’ she told the dog. ‘I’m rubbish at relationships. I didn’t see past Sean’s Mr Charming act—even though I knew Gran and Stacey didn’t think that much of him, I made excuses for him and didn’t let myself see how selfish he was. The two before him were nearly as bad. And the three guys I’ve dated since I moved back were all nice men, but there just wasn’t a spark between us.’ She sighed. ‘Am I just an idiot who only falls for awful men?’
Ben Mitchell wasn’t an awful man. Far from it. He wasn’t selfish. But she was definitely attracted to him every bit as much as she’d been attracted to her last Mr Wrong.
Though Ben was complicated. Vulnerable. He’d been badly hurt and he’d made it clear that, although the attraction was mutual, he didn’t want to get involved with anyone.
‘Gran would say it would all come out in the wash,’ she said. ‘Tomorrow we’re going for a run at the beach and everything will be fine.’
But even saying it out loud wasn’t quite enough to convince herself. She had a feeling it would be really awkward, the next time she saw Ben. How were they going to fix this?
CHAPTER FIVE
TONI SLEPT BADLY that night, full of guilt and longing, and cross with herself for being wet.
>
‘Common sense and sea air to blow the cobwebs out. That’s what we need,’ she said to the dog.
And then she would throw herself into the rest of the nineteen-forties weekend, meeting up with her sister again and enjoying spending time with people she loved most. She was so, so lucky. She had nothing to whine about and she needed to stop being so self-indulgent and longing for what she couldn’t have.
She walked the dog down to the harbour and up to the beach, then went for a run along the shoreline. The sound of the sea and the fresh air did their usual trick of rebalancing her.
‘Sausage?’ she asked Archie as they reached Scott’s Café.
The dog woofed softly in agreement.
She hadn’t bothered grabbing more than a banana before they went out, and the café was dog-friendly, so she went in to order a latte, a bacon sandwich and one of the sausages the café kept especially for dogs.
And of course Ben would be sitting there in the corner.
So had he, like her, felt antsy enough to need a run to clear his head? Was he as confused as she was?
What should she do now? Give him space, smile and sit in the opposite corner of the café? Or go along with the whole friends and colleagues thing, treat him just as if he were one of the other medics at the practice, sit with him and pretend that kiss had never happened?
She wasn’t the dithery sort. What on earth was wrong with her?
He looked wary and confused, too.
That settled it. She’d be professional—and she had Archie as a buffer.
‘Hi. Have you been out for a run?’ she asked brightly.
‘It’s the perfect start to a Sunday morning,’ he said. And either he was better at pretending than she was, or that kiss had affected him a lot less. ‘Obviously you’ve been for a run, too.’
‘Yes. We’ve just ordered breakfast,’ she said.
‘Me, too. If Archie is allowed to sit in the café, you’re both welcome to join me.’
So they really were going to manage to pretend that kiss last night hadn’t happened? They could keep their good working relationship and she hadn’t messed it up? That was a relief; and at the same time there was a sneaking sensation of disappointment, too, because it meant that kiss would stay a one-off. And that kiss had awoken all sorts of feelings she’d thought she’d buried. Desire. Need. A coil of lust snaked through her.
She reined in her wayward longings. ‘Thanks. That would be good.’ She looked at Archie. ‘No scrounging, Arch. You’ve got your own order.’
‘I noticed they had sausages for dogs on the menu,’ Ben said with a smile. ‘I’m assuming it’s a regular order for Archie?’
‘It is,’ she admitted.
Ben’s bacon sandwich arrived first.
‘Don’t let it get cold by waiting for us,’ she said, gesturing to him to eat.
‘Or we could go halves until yours arrives?’ he suggested.
‘No, it’s fine.’ She smiled at him. ‘Enjoy.’
He was halfway through the sandwich when he said to her, ‘My knee feels warm.’
She groaned, knowing exactly what her dog was doing. ‘Give it two minutes and your knee will be wet as well. Sorry.’
‘Can I give him a little bit of my sandwich?’
For someone who was a self-confessed non-dog person, Ben had really thawed out towards Archie. ‘Sure. But make him sit nicely for it, and he only gets the very last bit when you’re done.’
He smiled. ‘Got it.’
She could feel the dog inching forward towards Ben under the table. ‘Sorry,’ she said again.
‘It’s fine,’ he said with a grin and when Archie sat nicely and took the corner of the sandwich very gently from Ben’s hand, ‘Your dog,’ Ben said, ‘is definitely winning me over.’
Was there something more in Ben’s expression, or was she seeing what she wanted to see?
‘That’s good,’ she said carefully, playing it safe.
They made small talk until her sandwich arrived, and she sliced Archie’s sausage for him. Then she looked at Ben and couldn’t help smiling. ‘Right now you’ve got the same expression on your face as one of my Wednesday readers.’
Rather than being offended, he laughed. ‘Yeah. I guess I know how they feel. Being dog monitor for the day.’
‘Feed him the sausage. It’s very gratifying. You can get him to do tricks for a piece of sausage—sit, lie down, offer you a paw.’ She paused. ‘Dare you.’
He tried it.
And Toni thoroughly enjoyed watching the surprise on Ben’s face, followed by pleasure as the dog obeyed every single command.
‘You’re right. It’s very gratifying. Like feeding a baby.’
Instantly the shadows were back in his eyes. And she knew why. The baby that wasn’t his.
He would’ve made such a great dad.
And it was hard to come back from a situation like that, to learn to trust again. No wonder he’d moved away from London; a fresh start in a place that held no memories would help him get over it.
But was she the one who could mend his broken heart?
She only seemed to pick the kind of men who were so selfish that she ended up walking away. Sometimes she wondered whether it was because, deep down, she was scared of losing her heart to someone and then losing them the same way she’d lost her parents and her grandmother; by constantly picking Mr Wrong, it meant that she was the one to leave instead of the one who was left behind, sad and lonely. But, if she was honest with herself, she was still lonely anyway.
And Ben was nothing like her exes. That made him more dangerous. If she trusted him with her own heart, would he keep it safe? Or would he be the one to end up walking away, leaving her desolate?
‘I’d better let you get on,’ he said when she’d finished her sandwich. ‘I have an online course sending me nagging emails. See you tomorrow.’
Even though part of Toni wanted to give him a hug and tell him that not all women were like his ex and he would find someone to love him as he deserved, she didn’t. This was a public place and Ben was quite a private man; although he’d been open in the practice meeting about why he was wary of dogs, he hadn’t told anyone except Toni about his ex or the baby, and she had no intention of betraying his confidence. ‘See you tomorrow,’ she said.
But as they walked out of the café they could see a small boy standing on the patio, crying and guarding his arm, with an elderly couple who were presumably his grandparents looking very anxious and clearly trying to persuade him to let them look at his arm.
‘That’s Jake Flowers,’ Toni told Ben, recognising the little boy. ‘He’s not one of my Wednesday readers, but I went to school with his mum and he’s in the same class as some of my readers. Hi there,’ she said brightly, going over to them. ‘Jake, did you hurt your arm?’
He nodded. ‘I fell over. It really hurts.’
‘He won’t let us touch it,’ the elderly woman said.
‘I’m a nurse and Ben is a doctor,’ Toni reassured her. ‘Maybe he’ll let us help.’ She turned to the little boy. ‘You know Archie from school, don’t you? He helps some of your friends with reading.’
Jake nodded.
‘He thinks Dr Ben and I can help your arm feel better. Will you let us look at it, to stop Archie worrying about you?’
Jake nodded, still a little reluctantly, but stopped guarding his arm.
Ben gently examined him. ‘I think when you fell over you dislocated your elbow, Jake. The bones slipped out of place, and that’s why it hurts. I can pop it back in for you, so it will stop hurting.’
Though the procedure of fixing the dislocation would really hurt for a brief moment, Toni knew. She needed to do something to distract the little boy so he didn’t tense up in anticipation of it hurting and make things worse.
‘Tell you what,’ s
he said to Jake. ‘To stop Archie worrying, while Dr Ben puts your elbow back in place, can you tell him a joke?’
‘I don’t know any jokes,’ Jake said. His lower lip wobbled.
‘What’s that, Archie? You know one?’ She pretended that the dog was whispering in her ear. ‘That’s a good one! Jake, what do sea monsters eat?’
‘I don’t know.’
Toni smiled. ‘Fish and ships!’
The little boy smiled, despite himself.
‘Oh—he wants your grandad to help him tell the next one.’
The old man looked taken aback, but to her relief he went with it and crouched down next to the dog, pretending that the dog was whispering in his ear, too. ‘That’s a good one, Archie! What did the sea say to the sand?’ he asked.
Jake shook his head.
‘Nothing—it just waved!’ Jake’s grandfather said.
Ben made one swift movement, and Jake cried out—and then he looked surprised. ‘Oh! It’s stopped hurting. Thank you, Dr Ben.’
‘My pleasure. And you were really brave. Archie’s going to bring you a special sticker from me on Wednesday,’ Ben said, ‘when he comes to help with reading at your school.’
Jake beamed. ‘Really?’
‘Really,’ Ben promised.
‘Thank you so much,’ Jake’s grandmother said. ‘We came down for the nineteen-forties weekend and we thought we would take Jake to the sea and give Lee and Sally a few minutes to themselves, this morning. I feel so bad he fell over and hurt himself.’
‘These things happen,’ Ben reassured her. ‘If his mum and dad had been with you when he fell over, it would probably still have happened.’ He examined Jake’s arm. ‘It looks fine to me. Jake could do with a bit of infant paracetamol because his elbow will still be a little bit swollen and sore for a while, but his arm should be fine. If he’s not using his arm as normal by lunchtime, it’s worth popping in to the hospital for an X-ray, but I think you’ll be just fine.’
‘Thank you so much,’ Jake’s grandfather said. ‘I don’t know what we would’ve done if you hadn’t been here.’
