by Kate Hardy
‘I’m glad we could help,’ Ben said. ‘And don’t worry about it happening again. It’s probably a one-off. He just needs to be a little bit careful for the next week or so. Archie has got one more joke for you, Jake,’ Ben added, and pretended to listen to the dog. ‘How do you make an octopus laugh?’
‘I don’t know,’ Jake said.
‘With ten tickles!’
The little boy giggled; Ben smiled and stood up.
He was fabulous with children, Toni thought. He would’ve been an amazing dad. She hoped for his ex’s sake that the man she chose, the baby’s biological father, would be as good a dad as Ben would’ve been.
‘Enjoy the rest of the nineteen-forties weekend,’ Ben said to Jake’s grandparents. He smiled at Toni, and headed for his car. Toni said her goodbyes to Jake and his grandparents, and then walked back home with Archie before changing back into her nineteen-forties costume and going over to her sister’s.
‘Ben not with you today?’ Stacey asked.
‘He’s studying,’ Toni said.
‘OK.’ Stacey looked at her. ‘I liked him very much.’
‘You’ve already told me that, Stace,’ Toni said with a smile. ‘Remember, he’s my colleague.’
‘You weren’t looking at each other like colleagues yesterday,’ Stacey pointed out.
No. But she’d got that very badly wrong, hadn’t she? ‘It was probably just the shock of me managing to dance without bruising someone’s toes,’ Toni retorted. ‘Let’s go and see the sights.’
To her relief, Stacey didn’t quiz her any further about Ben. And it was fine: they were colleagues, and that was that.
CHAPTER SIX
BEN LOOKED AT the screen and sighed. Normally he loved doing professional development, keeping his knowledge up to date and learning about new things that would help his patients. Just today he could hardly concentrate.
And he knew why.
Toni Butler.
Toni, with her lovely grey eyes, her sweet, sweet smile and her amazing warmth.
If he was honest with himself, he’d gone for that run on the beach because he knew that she often went there and he’d been hoping to bump into her ‘accidentally’. And then she’d walked into the café.
It would’ve been so easy to suggest spending the rest of the day together and catching up with his studies that evening. He even liked her dog, which had been a huge surprise to him.
But his head was all over the place. He wasn’t in love with Karen any more, but he was still healing from what had happened. When he’d said to Toni that rewarding her dog with slices of sausage for performing tricks was as gratifying as feeding a newborn, it had brought all the regrets flooding back.
He ought to move on.
He wanted to move on.
But Toni had been hurt, too. By a man who sounded as if he’d been full of charm on the surface but deep down was utterly selfish. Ben knew that he wasn’t like that, that he would treat her the way she deserved to be treated. But the nagging doubts were in his head. Could he trust again? He didn’t think that Toni was the cheating type; then again, he hadn’t thought that Karen would cheat on him, either.
Guilt was nagging at him, too. He’d pretty much put a wall of misery between himself and his family, and he’d moved here and let that wall harden. Seeing how close Toni was to her sister made him realise how much he missed his own sister. He’d always enjoyed spending time with her, and it wasn’t fair to push Jessie away.
On impulse, he picked up the phone.
Jessie answered within three rings. ‘Ben! How are you?’
‘Fine. You?’
‘Fine, but I miss you. Have you settled in, yet?’
‘Yes, I think so.’
‘So can we come and see you?’
He loved his family, but his parents had never been particularly good at emotional stuff and he knew he’d end up squirming and wishing he hadn’t invited them. ‘My place is quite small. Maybe just you, Kit, Kelly and the baby?’ His nephew, and Ben was guiltily aware that he hadn’t been supportive enough to his sister, because seeing the baby brought back all the might-have-beens.
‘Great. It’d be lovely to have a weekend by the sea. How about next weekend?’
‘Sorry, I’m rostered on for a shift at the surgery on Saturday.’
‘The weekend after?’
‘I’m studying.’
‘Ben.’ Her voice was full of disappointment. He’d dangled a promise and then cut it off.
He didn’t really have a valid excuse to put her off any longer. And, actually, it would be good to see his sister. ‘The week after that?’
‘Put it in your diary now. I can’t wait. I’ve missed you,’ she said again.
‘I’ve missed you, too,’ he admitted. ‘There’s a nineteen-forties fundraising event here at the moment. There was a dance in the village hall last night—the jitterbug, the Lindy Hop, the lot.’
‘Oh, Ben. I wish you’d said. I would’ve loved to go to that.’ She paused. ‘Did you dance?’
‘Yes. And I dressed up.’
‘Good.’ She sighed. ‘Oh, Ben. I’ve really missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you, too,’ he said softly. ‘But I needed to get out of London.’
‘After what Karen and Patrick did, you needed a fresh start, I know. And I understand. I just wish you were nearer,’ she said ‘So have you settled in OK? It’s been so hard to get hold of you.’
‘Sorry. I’ve just been a bit busy,’ he said. ‘I’m doing fine. Really. My new team is great. And our nurse practitioner has a therapy dog. He’s a sweetheart and he was very handy today as a distraction when I needed to put a small child’s dislocated elbow back in the right place.’
‘GPs don’t work on Sundays, and you’re not a dog person,’ she said. ‘So what were you...? Oh! Are you dating the nurse practitioner? What’s her name?’
‘No. We’re colleagues, and we just happened to be at the beach café at the same time. I’m very far from being ready to date anyone, and we’re not right for each other anyway. There’s no chemistry between us.’ It wasn’t strictly true, but he needed to head Jessie off before she got too hopeful that he’d finally moved on. He was definitely getting there, and he was beginning to think that maybe Toni was the one who’d help him trust again, but it was still early days. ‘I’d better let you get on. See you a week on Friday—and I’ll speak to you before then.’
‘All right. And I’m glad you called, Ben.’
‘Me, too.’
‘Love you,’ she said softly.
‘Love you, too.’
* * *
On Monday, Ben went to the surgery armed with dog treats.
‘Who are you and what have you done with the scary doctor who disapproves of my dog?’ Toni teased.
‘A reformed man who has been through impromptu aversion therapy,’ Ben retorted. ‘And less of your cheek, Nurse Practitioner Butler, unless you want me to organise a dancing demonstration at the village hall with you as the star turn.’
‘Bring it on,’ she said. ‘I don’t mind making a fool of myself, if it raises funds. But your toes might want a word with your mouth later for suggesting it.’
Ben couldn’t help grinning. He really liked this woman. If only he could be enough for her. But he couldn’t quite let himself believe that he’d be enough for anyone. ‘You keep her in check, Archie,’ he said, and ruffled the fur on the top of the dog’s head.
Every single one of his female patients that morning commented either on his dancing or his scones, and half the men mentioned that their partners were nagging them to take dancing lessons.
And, just like that, Ben realised that he really had become part of the community. He’d been here a month, but it felt as if he’d been here for ever. He belonged.
Toni brought the go
odies for the Tuesday morning practice team meeting—a light, fluffy orange drizzle cake—and he handed her an envelope. ‘Would you mind making a special delivery for me on the way to your reading class tomorrow, please?’
‘To Jake? Of course. He’ll be thrilled that you remembered his sticker,’ she said.
‘What’s this?’ Bill, one of the other doctors, asked.
‘Jake Flowers. We’d both gone for a run on Sunday and ended up at the beach café,’ Toni explained. ‘Jake dislocated his elbow and Ben put it back into place.’
‘Not just me. It was teamwork,’ Ben said, ‘because you and Archie kept him distracted so he didn’t tense up.’
‘That’s what the practice is all about,’ Ranjit said. ‘Talking of teamwork—how’s the new meal plan for the website coming along?’
‘Is this Ranjit-speak for “bring samples”?’ Toni teased.
He laughed. ‘Yes, and in return I’ll tweak my mum’s recipe for chana masala for you.’
‘Oh, now, I want samples of that,’ Janice, one of the other doctors, said.
‘We could have a practice pot-luck dinner,’ Toni suggested. ‘We each bring a dish, but we make sure we tweak it to suit diabetics or cardiac patients, and we use the recipes on the practice’s website. Ranj, your garden’s the biggest. Would you host it?’
‘Done,’ Ranjit said. ‘We’ll set a date and if we sort out between us beforehand who’s doing mains, who’s doing sides and who’s doing dessert, it won’t be like the antenatal pot-luck lunch I once went to when every single person brought tuna pasta salad!’
The team at his last practice hadn’t really socialised much outside work, apart from the annual Christmas lunch, Ben thought. Here at Great Crowmell, it was very different. And he really, really liked it.
On Wednesday, Toni sent him a text suggesting lunch by the harbour when he’d finished morning surgery and she’d finished her reading session. And he thoroughly enjoyed sitting on the harbour wall, looking at the boats and the salt marshes, while they ate their wraps from the deli.
‘Jake was absolutely thrilled that you remembered his sticker,’ Toni told him.
‘Good. It’s important to keep promises to children,’ he said. ‘How’s his arm?’
‘Absolutely fine. Apparently it was a bit sore on Monday. But he told his teacher about Archie’s wonderful jokes, and everyone in the class wanted to hear them—so I’m going to need some new ones before I run out. And, as you were so good, I’m going to beg for a couple of new ones from you every Tuesday from now until the end of term.’
‘I have friends who work in Paediatrics,’ he said. ‘I’ll get some from them so you’ve got a stock.’
‘Brilliant,’ she said.
* * *
Friends and colleagues.
That was what they’d agreed.
And they had a great working relationship.
Except Toni wanted more. He’d really come out of his shell over the last few weeks and become part of the heart of the community. Was he finally ready to move on from the heartbreak of his past? Or should she back off and give him more space? Was she just making the same mistake over again—except this time she’d chosen someone lovely but unobtainable, instead of having surface charm that hid the kind of man she didn’t want? Would he ever let anyone close—and, if so would it be her?
So many unanswered questions.
And there was nothing she could do to change things. She just had to be patient. Which she was finding more and more difficult to do.
Part way through Friday afternoon she had a phone call that left her reeling. ‘Hey, Julia. How are you? Do you need one of the team to come out to see a resident?’ she asked when Moira put the call through.
‘No. I’m sorry, I’ve got some bad news for you. Because she was such a close family friend and you made a point of spending time with her every week, even on the days she wasn’t well...’ Julia dragged in a breath. ‘I’m afraid there isn’t a way to cushion this. Ginny passed away in her sleep last night.’
Ginny, her grandmother’s best friend, had been almost a second grandmother when Toni had been growing up, and the news brought back all the sense of loss Toni had felt when Betty had died.
‘Thank you for telling me,’ she said. ‘I’ll call her son later to give my condolences to her family.’ It was hard on the staff, too, when a resident died. ‘And I’m sorry for your loss, as well.’
‘Thank you. I just wanted to tell you the news myself today, as I knew you were fond of Ginny.’
‘I was. She was fond of Archie, too. She always smiled when we walked in.’
‘I know. I’d better let you get on. I’m sorry it’s sad news.’
Toni held herself together for the rest of her shift. Her next patient was a teenager who had been having chest pains that his mother thought might be due to exam stress, but Toni gave him an X-ray to check that there wasn’t an underlying problem that hadn’t been diagnosed yet; thankfully, it was normal.
‘I think your mum is probably right—the more worried you get, the more your muscles can tense up as part of the “fight or flight” response. That’s why you feel a bit sweaty and dizzy as well, Darren,’ she explained. ‘Exercise can help—swimming, cycling, going for a walk—because it helps release tension and it gets your brain to produce serotonin. I can give you some websites with some online courses that could help you.’
‘So it’s not my heart?’ Darren asked.
‘It’s not your heart,’ she confirmed. ‘But I’d like to see you in a couple of weeks to see how you’re getting on and if your symptoms are any better. If they’re not, we can try some medication to help with the symptoms. Avoiding caffeine can help, too—caffeine can disrupt your sleep and speed up your heartbeat, and when you’re tired it’s hard to control any anxious feelings. So switch to decaf coffee and herbal tea, and stay away from energy drinks and fizzy drinks.’
He bit his lip. ‘But I need the energy drinks to help me concentrate for my exams.’
‘Getting enough sleep will help you concentrate more,’ she said. ‘Try a warm bath before bed, or a hot milky drink, putting a bit of lavender on your pillow. It’s worth having a look at different things to help you relax—and make sure you switch your phone or any other screen to night mode so the blue light doesn’t affect your sleep.’
‘Mum says I shouldn’t look at a screen for an hour before bed,’ Darren said.
‘That would be preferable,’ Toni said, ‘but at this time of year it’ll probably worry you more if you don’t read things before bed. See what you can manage, and we’ll review everything in a fortnight. Though obviously if you get chest pains again and they’re worse, it’s worth calling in to the emergency department for more tests.’
She booked him in on her computer, saw a couple of patients for smear tests, a couple more for blood pressure checks, and yet more for their regular six-monthly medication reviews—and then finally her shift was over.
She finished typing up her notes, made sure her desk was clear, then took a deep breath and walked out of the door.
Ginny’s death had really knocked Toni for six. Right at that moment it was hard to put one foot in front of the other. Hard to breathe. She missed her grandmother so much—Betty’s warmth, the way she had of putting a positive spin on everything, the way she could always make things better with a hug. Losing Ginny brought back all the sadness of losing her grandmother.
And right now Toni knew she was letting her grandmother down by moping and being miserable. Ginny was at peace, now, no longer lost in a world of confusion and fear. Plus Toni knew that she and Archie had helped to bring a bright spot in Ginny’s last days.
Find the bright side. Toni could almost hear her grandmother’s voice echoing in her head.
Although there didn’t feel as if there was a bright side.
One foot
in front of the other, she told herself. But, as she walked down the corridor, her vision was blurred by tears, and she stumbled.
‘Toni? Are you—? No. Stupid question. Of course you’re not all right,’ Ben said.
She hadn’t even noticed him in the corridor. ‘I’m fine,’ she lied.
‘You’re crying,’ he said gently, ‘and your eyes are puffy enough for me to know you’ve been crying for a while. You’re not fine at all. Look, why don’t you come back with me? I’ll make you a cup of tea—and you can stay for dinner. You don’t have to talk. I’ll give you space.’
His kindness broke her. ‘Archie...’
‘Will be fine and he won’t mind waiting a little bit longer for his dinner,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ll drop you home after we’ve eaten. Did you drive in this morning?’
‘No, I walked,’ she said.
‘Then that makes things easy. Come on.’
He drove her back to his house, keeping the radio on low. Just as he’d promised, he didn’t push her to make meaningless small talk—or, worse still, spill what was in her heart. He made her a cup of tea that was way too strong and too sweet, but she drank it anyway, recognising the fact that he was trying to comfort her and not wanting to make him feel awkward.
And it did help. Just knowing that he was there, understanding that she felt bad, and he was taking care of her in a practical way by cooking her dinner and making her a drink—with no pressure to talk until she was ready. He didn’t even push her to talk when he served dinner at his kitchen table.
‘Take one mouthful,’ he coaxed. ‘Just one mouthful and you’ll feel better. I promise.’
She forced herself to take a mouthful. And another. And then somehow she’d managed to clear her plate.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘That was really good. And you were right. It did help.’
Unlike Sean, Ben didn’t gloat about being proved right. He just gave her one of those almost shy smiles that made her heart do a backflip. ‘Any time.’
