Crimson Frost

by Jennifer Estep

Page 33

 

  Everyone nodded in grim agreement.

  After that, the mood lightened a little, and the others took turns telling me everything that had been going on while I'd been unconscious. How Metis and Daphne had used their magic to heal me on the stage, rounding up the Reapers, taking the students back to the academy, announcing what had happened at the auditorium.

  "I'm sorry I ruined the concert," I told Carson.

  He shrugged. "It's okay, Gwen. It wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault. "

  His voice was kind, but once again, he wouldn't quite look at me, and I couldn't figure out why.

  My friends came and went in and out of my bedroom, but there was no sign of the person I wanted to see the most-Logan. I assumed he was back at the academy or maybe on his way over here, now that I was awake. But the weird thing was that no one said anything about the Spartan-not a single word-even though they must have known I was dying to see him and make sure he was okay.

  "Where's Logan?" I finally asked when I realized that no one was going to mention him unless I did.

  Nyx had gone to sleep on the bed beside me, and Vic was snoring as well on the nightstand. Only Metis and Nickamedes were in my room at that point. The two of them exchanged a sharp look.

  "Logan is gone, Gwen," Metis said in a low voice. "I'm sorry. "

  A cold fist of fear squeezed my heart tight. "Gone? What do you mean gone? He's not . . . dead? Is he?"

  My voice dropped to a raspy whisper, and I could barely get out the horrible words.

  Nickamedes shook his head. "No, physically, he's just fine. He became himself again when you used your touch magic on him, and he didn't seem to suffer any lasting effects from the ritual. And of course, he didn't even get a scratch during the fight itself. "

  "Then why isn't he here?" I asked. "What's wrong? What aren't you telling me?"

  Metis and Nickamedes exchanged another look, and my worry and dread increased.

  "You have to understand that what Logan went through was very, very traumatic," Metis said, her soft green eyes finally meeting mine. "We were helping the band members set up when Agrona asked Logan to follow her over to one side of the stage. She used her Amazon speed to snap that gold collar around his neck before any of us realized what was happening. Logan immediately . . . changed. Even as we tried to help him, more and more Reapers streamed into the concert hall, and we'd lost the fight before it had even really started. "

  Metis paused a moment. "But it wasn't just what the Reapers did to Logan that hurt him, but what he did to you. "

  "But he didn't mean to hurt me," I said. "Not really. He just did what he did because Agrona was controlling him with the Apate jewels. She's the one who made him go all Reaper and try to kill me. You know that, right? He's not in the academy prison, is he? Because he doesn't belong there. "

  "No, Logan is not in the academy prison," Metis said. "Everything you said is true. We all know it, and Logan does too, but that still doesn't make it any easier on him. "

  "What are you saying?" I asked. "What aren't you telling me?"

  Metis and Nickamedes looked at each other a third time, before the librarian turned his sad gaze to my frantic one.

  "We're saying that Logan is gone, Gwendolyn," Nickamedes said in a gentle voice. "He's left Mythos Academy-for good. "

  I was just-numb. Not angry, not upset, just-numb.

  Of all the things that could have happened, of all the reasons why Logan wasn't here, I never expected this. He'd left? Why? Why would he do that? I just didn't understand why.

  My mouth fell open, but no words came out. I tried and tried, but I just couldn't get the words out. Nickamedes pulled a small white envelope out of his pants pocket. I could see the pain and pity in his eyes-his icy eyes that were so much like Logan's.

  "Here," he said in that same gentle voice. "Maybe this will help explain things. I'm sorry, Gwendolyn. Truly, I am. "

  Nickamedes put the letter on the edge of the bed and left my room. Metis squeezed my shoulder before she followed him and closed the door behind her. I sat there for a long, long time, still and frozen, just staring at the envelope as though it were a Maat asp, ready to bite me if I moved an inch. Nyx slept on the bed beside me, her paws twitching in her sleep, but for once the wolf pup's presence didn't comfort me. Neither did Vic's dreamy mumbles about killing Reapers.

  Logan had left? What did that mean? Had his dad made him go somewhere for some reason? And why wouldn't the Spartan tell me himself what was going on? Why wouldn't he at least come and say good-bye?

  Finally, with cold, trembling hands, I grabbed the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. I drew in a breath, opened up the sheet of paper, and started to read.

  Dear Gypsy girl,

  I'm so, so sorry for what happened-for what I did to you. I never wanted to hurt you, and I never thought in a million years that I would. Now, I understand how you felt when you killed Preston with your magic, how shocked and horrified you were by that. How afraid you were that you would do it again to one of us-to me.

  You did what you had to do in order to survive-but I don't have that excuse.

  I stabbed you because I was under a Reaper spell, but I still can't believe I did that to you. And the worst part was that I knew it was you. I could see you clearly the whole time. I could hear you pleading with me, begging me to stop. And I wanted to-I wanted to stop so much. I tried to fight against the horrible thing inside me, against the magic they'd infected me with, but I wasn't strong enough.

  Before, I wasn't strong enough to save my mom and sister. This time, I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from hurting you.

  That's why I have to go. Metis and Nickamedes say that I'm fine, that Loki and the Reapers don't have a hold on me anymore, but I can't risk it.

  I can't risk hurting you again.

  So I'm leaving Mythos and going somewhere far, far away. I hope you can forgive me someday. Please don't try to find me.

  Love,

  Logan

  The words hurt, but they weren't the worst part. Because as soon as I touched the letter, my psychometry kicked in, and I felt everything that Logan had when he'd written it-all his fear and anger and shame and hatred of himself.

  With every word he wrote, the Spartan kept replaying the fight over and over again in his mind. Everything I'd said to him, all the times he'd attacked me, and finally, him stabbing me. Again and again, he remembered shoving that sword into my chest, and I felt everything that he had during the battle.

  How he'd wanted to stop fighting me. How hard he'd tried and tried to drop his sword or even turn it on himself-even though the thing inside him had hurt him because of it.

  Loki.

  Through Logan's memories, I saw what the Spartan had-this pair of eyes, one a beautiful blue and the other an ugly, Reaper red. Those eyes had peered into every corner of him, slowly invading his body, his mind, his heart.

  Somehow, through their connection, the evil god had hurt Logan, tortured him from the inside out. The pain had been more than Logan could bear-more than anyone could bear. Just the memory of it made me want to weep. Loki had taken control, and Logan hadn't been able to keep himself from stabbing me, even though he'd been silently screaming at himself and the evil god to stop the whole time.

  But most of all, I felt Logan's deepest, darkest fear-that he might still be connected to Loki. That the evil god might reach out and take control of him at any moment.

  That Loki might make him hurt me again.

  "Oh Spartan," I whispered in the dark. "Don't you know that I already forgave you-for everything?"

  But my whispered words didn't bring Logan back to me-and I didn't know if anything ever would.

  I curled into a ball on the bed right next to the still-sleeping Nyx, tears streaming down my face and spattering onto Logan's letter, slowly smearing the words. I clutched the paper to my chest lik
e a shield, as if it would somehow protect me, even though my heart was shattering into smaller and smaller pieces all the while.

  Chapter 31

  A broken heart wasn't a mortal wound, at least not in the eyes of the Powers That Were, and the next afternoon, I was back at Mythos Academy.

  And once again, I was standing in the amphitheater in front of all the other students, professors, and staff members. Only this time, they were hearing the truth about me, Vivian, and everything else.

  ". . . and so the Protectorate has dropped all charges against Miss Frost," Linus said. "We want to offer our deepest apologies to her and commend her on her bravery during the incident at Aoide Auditorium. Miss Frost, along with Mister Sokolov and Miss McDougall, saved not only their fellow students, but staff members and professors, as well as myself and several other members of the Protectorate . . . "

  I looked to my right at Morgan and Alexei, who were also standing on the amphitheater stage. Morgan winked at me, while Alexei just nodded.

  ". . . and so we all owe them a debt of gratitude," Linus finally finished.

  For a moment, everyone was silent. A few of the students started clapping politely, but Daphne decided to take matters into her own hands. The Valkyrie got to her feet, put her fingers in her mouth, and let out a sharp whistle.

  "Yeah, Gwen!" the Valkyrie whooped. "Whoo!"

  After that, the applause got a little louder and more enthusiastic, mainly because Daphne turned around and glared at all the kids around her. Still, more than a few folks didn't bother to clap, like Helena Paxton. She was about halfway up the amphitheater steps, but I could still see her rolling her eyes and whispering to her mean-girl friends. No doubt the Amazon was upset that she wasn't going to get another chance to kick my ass like she'd wanted to in the dining hall.

  Linus stepped away from the podium and turned to me. "Is there anything you'd like to say, Miss Frost?"

  I hesitated. I didn't know what to say. I barely knew what to think right now. Forty-eight hours ago, I had been fighting for my life on the auditorium stage. Now, here I was, back at the academy again, like it was just another Monday.

  But most of all, I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Logan was gone, that he'd left the academy, that he'd left me. I knew the Spartan had his reasons-I'd seen and felt them for myself-but I wished he had at least said good-bye in person. Then, I could have told him that it was okay, that I didn't blame him for what happened, that I'd seen how hard and bravely he'd battled Loki. That no one could have resisted the evil god-not even a Spartan.

  "Miss Frost?" Linus asked again.

  Just the thought of Logan made my heart quiver with hurt and longing, but I drew in a breath and pushed those feelings aside. The Spartan wasn't here, but everyone else was.

  "Yeah," I replied. "There is something I want to say. "

  I stepped up to the microphone. By this point, the applause had died down, despite Daphne's enthusiasm, and the crowd was quiet once more. My gaze went from one face to another, but this time, the other students' eyes didn't glimmer with anger at me. At least, not as much. Instead, they looked curious, wary, and afraid, but determined too. I knew those feelings because they mirrored my own.

  "I know you've all lost someone to the Reapers," I said. "And so have I. They murdered my mom. They've murdered your moms and dads and brothers and sisters. They've killed your aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. They've taken so many people away from us-so many people that we love. "

  I thought of Logan, and I had to clear my throat before I could continue. "Now that Loki is free, we all know there's another Chaos War coming. But we're going to keep fighting. We're going to keep going after the Reapers. It's what we're all here at Mythos training for. So we can learn how to protect the people we love. As long as we do that, as long as we train and fight and believe in each other, then you know what? We can win. We're going to win. Because there simply is no other option. "

  I stepped back. Daphne whooped and got to her feet again, along with Carson, Oliver, Kenzie, and Talia. Even Savannah Warren, Logan's ex-girlfriend, joined in with my friends. But to my surprise, they weren't the only people who did so. One by one, the other kids stood up and started clapping-for real this time. And I felt one emotion pouring off all of them, all the kids, all the professors, all the staff members-hope.

  Hope that things would eventually get better. Hope that we could defeat the Reapers. Hope that we could finally triumph over Loki.

  I stood there and let that soaring, uplifting emotion wash over me. I reached out and wrapped it around myself like a suit of armor, letting it pour into all the dark places inside me and make them just a little bit lighter, just a little bit brighter-at least for this moment.

  It didn't make up for Logan leaving, but it helped-it helped a lot.

  The members of the Protectorate escorted me off stage, and we wound up at the checkout counter in the Library of Antiquities. It was time for me to work my shift like usual, despite everything that had happened-death, destruction, heartache. Yep, just another Monday at Mythos Academy.

  Inari and Sergei said their good-byes to me and wished me well, and I did the same to them. Yeah, they'd arrested me and put me on trial, but they'd just been doing their jobs. I was glad that they knew I was on their side now-that we were all on the same side.

  "We'll wait in the car for you, Linus," Sergei said as he and Inari left the library.

  Linus nodded. The leader of the Protectorate turned and stared at me, but for once, his face was neutral.

  "Thank you for saving my son," he finally said. "I gravely misjudged you, Miss Frost. And a great many other people. "