Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1)

by S. L. Perrine

  “I went to the shop to see you, but they said you had a race this weekend. This isn’t the normal hotel you stay at. I had to call Terri to get the information. You hiding?”

  “Nope. A better payout for the drivers means better accommodations. The sponsors have decided to do things backward it appears. Nicer accommodations to try to get me to perform better.” I ran a hand through my hair and watched Matthew study my nearly naked body. His arousal was noted behind the zipper of his favorite skinny jeans.

  He looked like a wreck. It hadn’t even been a full week since he walked out on me. Staring at him standing there I couldn’t help noticing he was doing something Parker never had; Matthew came to find me. Not ten years later, but less than five days.

  Matthew mimicked my movements and pushed his own unruly blonde curls from his face, trying to tuck them behind his ears. His hazel eyes pierced into me, as he licked his lips, and let his teeth graze out over his bottom lip.

  “I repeat, Matthew…what are you doing here?” I stepped into the bathroom and flipped on the water. I heard him step closer to the bathroom door but as he didn’t come in, I pulled off my boxers and hopped in under the hot spray. Ordinarily, when he refused to join me, I’d have to twist one off in the shower waiting for him to get the nerve to come in. Looking down I noticed all I was sporting was a limp noodle. Mainly because the only man making my arousal stand at attention was not currently in my room.

  “I had to see you. I have a bad feeling about this race, and I think you should reconsider it.”

  “This again?” I asked over the thrum of the water. “I told you, Matthew. I’m not giving up racing or my shop. I love doing both. If you really loved me as you claimed, you would understand that.”

  “No, I get that. And that’s partly why I walked away. To let you find someone who loved both of those things as much as you do. I just can’t help feeling like something terrible is going to happen.” A knock at the door sounded through the room. I heard voices and then the door closed. “I see you didn’t waste any time.”

  I opened the shower door to a red-faced Matthew staring at me. “What do you mean?” Hastily grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around my waste. I’d been with the man for years, but for some reason standing there naked in front of him felt wrong. I felt like I was betraying someone when there wasn’t any inclination that the someone, I had in mind wanted anything to do with me in that way.

  “You had a visitor. Someone you just started seeing? Or a usual Florida hook-up.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me with this shit right now? We are broken up. You don’t get to come in here in all your smugness to tell me not to race, then get pissed because I happen to have friends. Who was it?”

  “He didn’t give his name. He just said he’d be waiting downstairs.”

  “Oh, this is rich. Even from you. I know about Cal. You think I didn’t know your usual schedule?” I pushed on his chest until he was out of my way and I could exit the bathroom. “Come home on Sunday, fuck me on Tuesday, start getting secretive on Thursday so you could leave again on Friday. It wasn’t too hard to figure out, Matt!” I called him that knowing he hated the shortened name, trying to get some emotion from him. As ever he remained stoic in my attempts.

  “You know what, I just came here to tell you this race is a bad idea. Your emotionally unsettled and something is going to go wrong. You want to pin all our problems on me? Then, go ahead.” He turned to leave but I caught him by the arm to spin him around.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You see, until you showed up at my door just now, I was fine. The only emotional unsettling I am feeling right now is from this conversation. Just get the hell out and don’t show your face to me again.”

  “Feel better? Is that enough closure for you?”

  “What?” I was exasperated.

  What he was saying and how he was acting didn’t coincide with each other. His actions of coming here were of a man who thought maybe he’d made a mistake. However, the words he was using sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, and not me that it was a mistake worth making. I for one was glad for it. The fact I hadn’t been the one to end it sooner was a mistake I was upset I made. It had been eight months since our three-way with a friend we shared in Ohio… Calvin. About a month later I noticed the change in him. I knew they still saw each other, but for some reason, I just didn’t care.

  “Oh, you get to throw Cal in my face when that was all your idea, but I can’t have a problem when a bronzed hunk comes to your hotel room door?”

  “It was my idea, but it wasn’t my idea for you to keep fucking him behind my back. We were in a committed relationship. It’s called cheating when both parties in a relationship are not present with someone else in the bed. Another thing, I’ve never been with another man while we were together. I could have fucked any number of men while down here for races. Hell, I’ve screwed half my pit crew before you, and I even knew each other. Not to mention my shop manager. But I didn’t. And for the record, I don’t know any bronzed out…” I stopped for a minute. I didn’t know anyone that tanned, but I did know a man with naturally dark skin. “Just get the fuck out. You probably just ruined my life for a second time this week. Just go. We’re done.”

  I ran into the bathroom with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in hand. By the time I’d come out, Matthew was gone, and I was able to piss and moan while I put my boots on about what had probably just looked bad. If it were Parker, who knocked on my door. That made more sense than a Florida native. I had invited him down for the race. I know he declined my offer, but he could have changed his mind.

  Then I stopped as I reached for the handle. If Parker did come all this way, what did that mean? I pushed it to the back of my mind and only concentrated on getting downstairs. With my keys in hand, I locked the door behind me and went down to the lounge. I was right. Parker was sitting on the sofa against the back wall. He almost wasn’t visible wearing a black t-shirt and jean shorts, but I knew that face in any light.

  “Parker?” I asked walking up to the sofa slowly, like a wounded animal.

  “Connor…I um, you invited me, and I thought about and decided, what the hell. But if you have someone with you…I mean I have my own room and everything, but if you’re…you know.”

  “God no. That was Matthew.”

  “Matthew? I thought he was… a dark-haired guy?” When I gave him a confused look he finished with, “I saw a picture in your place.”

  “Oh, no that would be my best friend, Rob. He’s my pit crew manager. So, if you stick around, I’ll introduce you.”

  “Cool. I’m not really here to meet anyone, but I guess I can say hey.”

  “No, not like that. Wow,” I ran a hand through my hair which was still wet and sat down. “This is not what I had in mind. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have just stayed in New York. I’ll go.” He attempted to get up, but I grabbed him and guided him back down to his seat.

  “I don’t want you to go. Listen, Matt showed up out of the blue. I was headed into the shower after a long morning practice. I guess he had some more shit to get off his chest, so I let him, and then kicked him out.”

  “Oh…” he looked visibly relieved.

  I was about to scoot closer when I caught Matthew approaching us. “What do you want now?”

  “Just to prove a point. I didn’t recognize him at first, but when I got downstairs and saw him again, I knew who he was. You’re Parker Taylor? Defensive line back for the Miami Reavers?”

  Parker and I both stood so we were eye to eye with our intruder. “Yes, I was. I left the team,” he said, sounding guarded.

  “Well, would that be because you were traded to the Carolina Strays, or because Sharp pinned you as the front man for possession use? As I see it. If you didn’t leave, you would have gotten canned anyway; steroid’s, opioids, marijuana. You may never play ball again,” Matthew turned to leave then stopped. “Matter of fact, your autograph may be wor
th something someday,” he said holding out a napkin.

  “Fuck off, Matthew,” I told him when I saw the anger settle on Parker’s face.

  “Oh, well. Another time maybe.”

  When he finally left us alone, and the patrons of the lounge all turned back to their own tables, Parker and I sat back down. I said nothing. I knew what it was like to be second-guessed before I was able to speak my truth. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. How could someone who was able to throw away a six-year relationship over substance abuse, turn to it himself? I wouldn’t think that about him. What Matthew said was worse than my weekend benders on every one of my favorite liquors.

  “So?” he finally broke the silence.

  “So.”

  “You going to lash out in public as well?”

  “No way. There is no way I’m listening to him. He’s hurt and confused. People say the worst shit when they’re in that state.”

  “He’s telling the truth, Connor.” Parker stood up and walked away leaving me to try to figure out on my own what he was saying. I finally stood and followed him when he reached the elevator.

  The doors opened, and we got on the lift with three other people. I’d bide my time. We had the entire afternoon to talk about it. I don’t really care what Terri has to say about it. She owes me for giving Matthew my room number.

  Once we stopped on the third floor, I followed him to his room. I let the door close behind me and kept my back glued to it. His hotel room was much smaller than mine. Just enough room for a bed and a small dresser. I saw the door to the bathroom closed across the small room, and then let my gaze go to Parker. He looked uncomfortable. The large bed looming between us. There was no way I was sitting down. I needed to hear what he had to say before I went anywhere near a bed with him in the room.

  Chapter 10

  Parker

  If I’d known the smug asshole on the other side of Connor’s door was his ex, I would have punched him in the throat as soon as he opened the door. The fact that he was opening the door, and I didn’t know who he was made my heart drop. All he said was, “he’s in the shower,” and I wanted to start screaming for Connor to come to the door. What if I missed my shot? I should have never turned him down when he invited me here in the first place. I also should have come straight down a few days ago when Rodeo got my travel plans together. But of course, I talked myself in and out of it a hundred times before I left.

  I was more than ready to go back to New York and wait the week out to see him then, but something in me said to wait for him in the lounge. I saw the stupid interview advertised on the television in the bar. They were replaying it, and probably would for weeks to come.

  Rodeo called while I was on the plane, but I didn’t answer. I also didn’t answer him when he called the five times since I landed. I told him what I was willing to do, and that was all I was willing to do. The draft picks were happening this week, and I hadn’t formally withdrawn my name yet. I didn’t really know why since I already decided I wasn’t playing anymore.

  Something that dickhead said in the lounge resonated in me. When I sat down after he left, I was torn. I wanted to explain everything to Connor, he deserved that much, but I also wanted to check with Rodeo about the Carolina comment. Instead, I decided to go up to my room. If Connor followed me, then I would give him everything. An explanation of what really happened, and what I’ve been feeling the last few days since I saw him sitting in that bar.

  Connor didn’t move away from the door. I was thankful for the extra space, knowing his room probably would have afforded us much more, but I need to be somewhere I could break down if he decided to walk this time around. My heart was racing, and I knew it had more to do with our proximity than what I was about to say. I didn’t know if he’d punch me, but I knew if he got too close, I might forgo the explanation and try to kiss my way back into his good graces. It always seemed to work in the past. I wouldn’t be that selfish. I walked out on him; it was his turn to decide if he needed to do the same thing to me. I just wished all this came to a head after the race.

  I planned to come to Daytona, hang out for a few days and see if we could pick up where we left off or in the very least, star over. I was planning on telling him everything Saturday once we made it back to New York.

  “Say something,” Connor said finally after what felt like forever.

  “I’m going to. I’m just trying to figure out where to start.”

  “How about where you just admitted that all the shit Matthew spewed is true.” He leaned into the door a bit more, crossing his ankles as if he knew it was going to be a long conversation.

  “It is true. Not all of it, but most of it. I wasn’t the one handing the shit out. And at first, I didn’t know what I was taking.”

  “How could you have…”

  “Please, just hear me out. It started with the first pro ball team I was on. I realized quickly it was so much different than college ball. Everyone there had been leagues beyond me in skill and speed. The guys were not friendly to the few of us that were new that year. They made one guy’s life a living hell. I just wanted to play. Coach wasn’t using me. I had to build up muscle and train harder than I ever did in college. It was getting to me, along with the daily hazing.

  So, when Sharp asked me if I wanted to try a metabolism vitamin, I said sure. I mean I asked him what was in it, and I was stupid enough to take his word that it was just for boosting metabolism and testosterone. After a while the side effects hit. My skin was oily, my hair was thinning, and the team physician said something one day that struck me as odd. He said, ‘next time hold off a few days before your piss test. I can’t piss for all of you.’ I was floored.” I couldn’t take it. I started pacing the side of the bed, rubbing my hands up and down my face.

  “I stopped taking the vitamins after that. I could have asked Sharp what they were, but I didn’t trust he’d tell me the truth. A few days later the headaches started…”

  I had to stop. I couldn’t relive the events that had come after. Not yet. Not until I knew I wasn’t to blame.

  “More happened in a few weeks after that. I told them at the end of it all that I was going to quit the team. They probably figured I’d go to the FCC.”

  I sat on the corner of the bed and relived the worst months of my life. I didn’t know how I managed to get this far without breaking down. Connor moved off the door like he was going to walk over to me, so I stood and leaned against the bathroom door. I couldn’t let him get close. I’d never be able to finish my story.

  “I left practice that day and had four flat tires. The next day they had put itching powder in my pants and socks. They terrorized me for a week, and then I walked. Mid-season. I told Rodeo I wouldn’t be going back. I packed my shit and had it shipped up to New York. It’s sitting in storage until I get a place. That’s when I ran into you.”

  “Your own team members bullied you from day one?”

  “Yes, and I know it’s no excuse…”

  “Your damn right it’s not, even if you were backed into a corner. I don’t know about taking something from someone like that without checking it out on your own. How could you be so careless?” He ran his hand through his hair which was already drying, but it was black in the spots that were still wet.

  His brown eyes shot daggers at me in a way I hadn’t known I missed until just now. It was anger, but it was also another human being showing they cared. I missed that connection more than anything. I just hope my omission didn’t screw everything up. There was so much more to tell, and yet I just want to forget it ever happened.

  “I understand if you want me gone. After all the shit I put you through and walking out over your weekend partying. I’ll understand.”

  “No, Parker. You don’t get off that easily. See, there is something about that day that I’ll probably always be angry about, and that’s the fact you gave me an option but left anyway. I heard nothing but ultimatums. I played that conversation repeatedly i
n my mind during the first year. You told me to stop, or we were through. You never even gave me a chance. You just gave up. That’s the difference between you and me. I’m willing to give you a chance to redeem yourself.”

  “I know, and I regretted that every day that I didn’t come back. It’s just…things spiraled so out of control, and I was afraid to get hurt.”

  “The way that you hurt me? A relationship is not fifty-fifty, Parker. Both of us were supposed to put one hundred percent into it. I’ll admit I didn’t do my part, but when you asked me to change, I did. Shit…I was in rehab for months. But I didn’t do it for you. I didn’t even do it for just me. I did it for us. So, we would have a fighting chance. Because if you weren’t happy, I wasn’t going to be either. So, don’t stand there and give me that shit that you were scared.”

  Connor kicked the frame of the bed, and the corner fell to the floor. I looked at him wide-eyed. I’ve never seen this side of him, and I knew it was terrible timing, but my cock was rousing to life just seeing it.

  “I get it. I do. And I’m so sorry. I will never do that…ever again. I keep replaying the last ten years over in my mind. Wondering if anything I have done could have been done better. I planned on telling you all of this on Saturday when we got back to the city, but then …you know it doesn’t even matter how or why this happened. I just need you to know how sorry I am. About all of it. The past and all this other shit. I just…I just need to feel your arms around me again.”

  With no regard to the furniture, Connor stepped up and over the bed and landed on the floor in front of me. His arms wrapping around my shoulders, thumbs and fingers pressing into my neck, and his chin resting on my shoulder like he was molded to fit against me. I returned his hug, wrapping my arms around him, then slid my hands to his waist. Without thinking, I pressed the hardness of my cock against him and found that he was fully erect as well.