Alcohol numbed me. I felt light as a feather without all the stress weighing me down. So I kept drinking, and then sometimes I was waking up, and the first things I do were to take a piss and grab a beer.
Parker was right to walk away. He was right to insist I get help. That I change what I was doing if it made me unhappy. He was right. I had forgotten what I wanted out of life, and as long as I had Parker, I was okay with that. But I shouldn’t have been. I should have been striving to get to where I wanted to be all along. I should have had the guts to go for my dream.
Once I’d gotten to AA, things changed. I met Rob, and Terri came to me about a great opportunity. Life had become about living again. About setting out to do something, and getting it done. I just wished I had Parker to celebrate with once I’d accomplished it all.
Leaving the racing circuit was another milestone in my life. I could be happy knowing Parker’s with me to see where ends. I want so much more out of life and can’t do any of it while splitting my time into so many pies on a chart.
I’d love to make Fast and Loud bigger; bring in a few more builders and artists. Having our own custom paint would be awesome. The showroom was looking great. I had several fabricated bikes out there, showing off the skill of my team. Though I haven’t personally done a build in over two years, and that’s what I miss.
I also want a family. One day. Having money is great, but without a family to spend it on, what was the point? I want a little Connor, or if it’s in the cards…a little Parker running around the penthouse. Trips to the park. Arguing about dating. Teaching my child to have passion and drive for something. It was all in the back of my mind, and until Parker showed back up in my life, I never thought about it.
Laying there in bed watching the corners of his mouth twitch as he slept, I thought about nothing else than making a life with him. I didn’t think about it with anyone else, because the only future I wanted was with my first love. With Parker.
I wanted to wait until after the race, and we were back in New York to have any type of serious conversation. A sense of normalcy was needed, I didn’t want him to decide something based on where we were, and what was said now. I wanted him to get an idea of what life would be with me at home. For him to know the man, I am now, opposed to the one he left behind. Even more, I wanted to know him.
We have two weeks once we get back, to reintroduce ourselves. To get to know the other man, ten years later. If at the end of the two weeks, he still wants to get the other apartment, I could be ok with it. But I would like it better if he just moved once… from the guest room to the master.
We had one more evening in Daytona before the race, and I couldn’t be happier. A night in with a movie and room service was all we could hope for since we’d been spotted already and there was a large crowd outside of the main entrance and in the lobby of our hotel. To get to practice in the morning, we had to make arrangements with the hotel to leave out of the service entrance.
It had been another grueling day of practice. This time there were several others on the track while I was because I managed to get up early enough to arrive on time. Terri was happy about it, even though I needed about six cups of coffee before I could even get behind the wheel. She was also in an okay-ish mood. I didn’t know if that was because tomorrow was my last race and she wouldn’t have to deal with me, or if she just didn’t give a shit anymore. I did know the sponsors wanted me to give it my all and make one last win before quitting the circuit.
By the time I got out of my car and listed off a bunch of things for Rob to take care of before the race, I was sweating through my suit. My face was black everywhere that wasn’t covered, which only consisted of my eyes, nose and above my lip.
“Damn babe, you look hot,” Parker said as I handed off my helmet and began unzipping my Nomex suit.
“Why thank you,” I said with a wink. It was half-hearted banter, but Parker was all smiles.
“I was talking about the sweat, not the looks, Reed.”
I would have swatted him if I wasn’t so damned tired. I’d spent the entire day driving laps. Much longer than we had the rest of the week due to arguments, and repairs needed on the car.
“That thing needs to be washed in a bad way,” Parker lifted the suit from the ground and held it out in front of him. Rob sauntered over and took it from him, depositing it in a large bucket. In a matter of minutes, I had my socks and gloves in the bucket as well. They would all be cleaned and waiting for me in the garage in the morning before the race.
“Hey, boss. Get some sleep tonight. And you,” Rob said pointing to Parker. “No hanky-panky tonight. You’re wearing out my driver,” he laughed and shook his head walking away.
Now, we were finally walking back into our room. I took the direct route to the bathroom and discarded my clothes on the floor. Parker turned the water on, and once I was in the shower, he’d stripped and joined me.
“Hey, you heard the man. No wearing out the driver.” I couldn’t help the playful tone as I teasingly punched his arm, but Parker kept going for the shampoo in front of me.
“I’m helping the driver so he can get to bed and get some rest,” he dropped a squirt of shampoo on my head and started massaging it into my hair. It felt amazing, and I closed my eyes as he rubbed the tension away from my head neck and shoulders.
Parker’s strong hands moved to the muscles in my back, and his thumbs went to work on the knots. He was relaxing every inch of me. I rest my head against the cold tile, my ass moved, and Parker’s cock pressed against my crack. He pulled away quickly and shook his finger in front of me when I turned to look at him.
“No, no. Just relax, and then sleep. That’s all your getting tonight, superstar.”
“You are no fun, Taylor.” I made a show of pouting before his hands went to work on my body again.
By the time he was finished with me, I was putty against the wall. I slid between the sheets and was so tired, I didn’t have to try half as hard to get comfortable in the hotel’s bed. I drifted to sleep once Parker was behind me with his arm laying across my body.
Chapter 14
Parker
Friday morning. I woke with trepidation settled inside me. I wasn’t around during Connor’s rise to racecar stardom. But then I am standing at the sidelines with his pit crew for his very last race. It is so much more exhilarating when the stands were full of people, and the garage was full of drivers and their cars. The noise was off the charts, and if Rob didn’t hand me a headset to wear, I’d probably have gone deaf before the race started. I could feel the rumble of the cars around me in my chest. The vibrations were almost euphoric. Or maybe it was just what this day meant for Connor and me.
The heat, however, was almost unbearable and it was only a quarter to ten in the morning. More engines began to start, and I walked over to Connor as he began to slide his gloves on. Standing there to get in his car.
“There’s my man. Couldn’t start my last race without a good luck kiss.” Connor beamed as he spoke. The excitement I felt was magnified and staring at me through his eyes. I hoped that meant he was going into the race feeling ok about it being his last. That was my worry all morning. Whether he was truly fine with the decision he made.
“I wouldn’t have let you,” I said leaning into him. “As long as you’re okay with it being in front of a million screaming fans and the cameras,” I asked, still not sure what his response was to my declarations the night before.
He leaned into me and spoke close to my ear so I could hear him over the neighboring car. “I see we have to work on our communication skills.” Both of his hands cupped my face, and he took my mouth for the whole world to see. If that wasn’t an answer, I didn’t know what would be, short of him saying the words out loud.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and consumed his mouth. The soft stubble on his face scratched at my jaw, and he trailed kisses from my lips to just behind my ear. “We’ll work on those communication skills tonight. Don’t yo
u worry,” he looked down, then said, “now put that thing down before Rob sees it. He’s a horndog,” he smiled and winked in Rob’s general direction.
“Just get your ass in the car,” Rob hollered across the room to him.
“Okay, okay. I gotta go, but when this is done… what do you say to dinner and a walk on the beach. Since it’s our last night here and we’ve been cooped up in that hotel room all week.”
“Well, it hasn’t been all bad, but yeah that sounds nice.”
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek then jumped feet first into the driver’s seat. “Then it’s a date.”
Connor pulled the helmet handed to him on and started the engine of his car. Once all the drivers began exiting the garage to line up on the asphalt, Connor was gone, and I was left with Rob and the pit crew.
Terri said I could sit in the pit if I didn’t get in the way. Since it was his last race and all. Jumping up on the empty stool, I swiveled around and looked at the lines of cars. Connor’s bright green emblems told me he was toward the back in the middle lane. Once the pace car started to move, butterflies began tormenting my stomach. I’d never been to a race before, and it was a bit nerve-wracking to be so close.
Halfway around the track and my excitement chased the butterflies away. The noise was tolerable with the headphones on, and once Rob and Connor started talking, I realized it would be easier than I thought to hear them over the noise of the track.
“You got this, hot-shot. Show ‘em what they’re losing.”
“You got it, buddy. I’m all over it.”
The laughter in Connor’s voice made me picture his face as he spoke. The way his eyes squinted when he laughed, and how his head dipped to one side as he tried to keep his composure. At that moment I knew exactly what was going to happen when we get back to New York. I was going to make damn sure we were never apart again. Listening to that laugh made me want to hear it every day for the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let another day go by without telling him that. I’ve never been afraid of the ‘L’ word. Not when it came to Connor. I’ve been in love with him since we were fifteen. Maybe even before that and I doubt very much that I ever stopped.
Looking up once I realized Connor had been quiet for some time. My thoughts took me away from the present, and I needed to pay attention to the race. I didn’t want to miss a thing. It looked like the pace car had come back some time ago, and the cars were at full speed around the track. I could see the flash of green as Connor moved up in the standings while I was in my own world. He went high to take the spot of another car, but the driver moved up with him. Connor’s nose moved, a quick turn on the wheel had him taking the evacuated place in the middle, passing the driver by.
There was one turn I couldn’t see from the pit. I had to find the monitor on the desk to see the cars take that turn and come back toward the starting line. A bright red car was trying to move to the side of Connor, but he was moving side to side, not letting him move up.
“Watch your movement on the wheel. You don’t wanna spin out,” Rob said into the headset.
“I know. I got this.” Connor shot back. All his earlier playfulness was gone. His earnest, yet obstinate side emerged in the tone of his voice. Rob didn’t seem to be bothered by it one way or another.
“So, Parker. What’s next for you? I heard something about an acting career in the works.” Rob eyed me, and I got the sneaky suspicion he was eavesdropping in on a conversation Connor, and I had a few days ago.
“Yeah, well my agent tells me it’s the next step after football. Or any sport, really. I just don’t want to go down that team path again.”
“Problems in the in crowd?” He laughed. I knew he wasn’t looking for an answer. It was more a statement of knowledge.
“You could say that. So, what’s your story?”
Rob didn’t take his eyes off the track as he spoke. It did look as though he was contemplating what he was going to say over the open mic. “I was in an accident, back in the day. I lost someone close to me, and I dealt with it by drowning myself in alcohol.” He shifted on his feet. I turned my attention to the track to see that Connor was in tenth place. With over a hundred more laps to go, I decided not to get too excited. “I got into a fight in a bar one night. Landed my ass in a cell. The judge said jail time or AA and anger management classes. I did some community service too. I guess that bar didn’t fare too well. I would know if I didn't black out at the beginning of the fight.” There was a laugh, but it was halfhearted.
“So, that’s what led you to the meetings and Connor ” I put it together. He wasn’t a bad guy he was just stuck in a bad circumstance and went about dealing with it all wrong. “So, you good now?”
“Oh yeah. I’m all about being sober now, and loving life.” He furrowed his brows, and I heard what he was watching. “Connor watch the debris when you come back around. Crash on the inside of turn three. Stay high.”
“Got it.” Connor’s voice sounded strained.
“You ok, bro? Your man’s over here twitching with concern.” Rob winked at me letting me know he was messing with his driver.
“Shit, yeah. Just bidding my time, big boy.” He laughed again, and I could picture the wheels in his mind turning for another witty comeback, but he stayed silent.
“Connor and I have been tight since our fourth meeting. We had a bond over chocolate chip cookies. I found out he was gay and started asking him questions. He helped me work out what to say to my parents and my wife. That was easy. Apparently, she knew years before. That’s the funniest part.”
“What’s that?”
“How does everyone else seem to know when we didn’t know for sure? It’s baffling.” Rob stood up just then and moved quickly to the pit road. “Time for a change. Time us, would ya?” He said tossing his stopwatch at me.
“Sure.” I didn’t want to get in the way or distract our guy, but I did want to see him.
I moved out of his line of sight, hit the button on the small device and watched the crew change his tires, gas the car and check the oil. It took them fourteen seconds. I’d never seen men move that fast. When Rob came back to his seat, he looked like he’d just run a marathon.
“Fourteen seconds.”
“Damn,” he smacked his hand with his hat and then placed it back on his head as he spoke into the headset. “Come on guys, we gotta pick up the pace. Fourteen seconds is not fast enough.”
“Not fast enough?”
Rob looked over at me. “Hell no. The average is twelve, but I like a nice even ten.”
“I never knew it was that fast. Of course, I’ve never timed it before.”
“Think of it as the amount of time it takes for a ball to travel from the fifty-yard line to the goal. It really is no time at all, but with as many guys that are on the car and everything going on, it seems like it takes longer.”
We fell into a comfortable silence for about thirty laps. Connor came in again, and the crew got their time down to twelve seconds, which Rob still wasn’t happy about. Every now and then he’d speak into the mic, informing Connor of a crash or a spinout. Then he’d rattle off some facts about the racing industry. For instance, I never knew Connor sweat so much during practice because of the heat coming off the motor and into the car. He would be burnt to shit if he didn’t wear special shoes, gloves, and the suit.
It was finally nearing the end with just ten laps to go. I couldn’t help sitting on the edge of my seat. It almost tipped forward as I watched the remaining cars battle it out for first place. Connor was in fourth place. Just as he hit turn one, he went to the inside, and when the car ahead of him did as well, he must have turned his wheel hard because the nose of the car went up toward the wall and his car spun out.
Cars passed him as he spun down the track. My heart was pumping in my chest so hard I could feel it in my temples. I ran to the pit road, the stool forgotten as it clattered to the ground. The pace car headed out and the cars it pulled out in front of, slowed down.
Connor was sitting still, his nose facing the green infield, and the tail end pointing in the direction he should be driving in. Once the cars all passed, he could get his car back in line. Just as the last car was about to pass him, it lost control and slammed into the nose of Connor’s car. The nose spun around and up smashing into the wall.
“Connor? Connor? Answer me. Are you hurt?” Rob started yelling as he ran out onto the track jumping the barrier between the asphalt road and the pit road.
There was no response from Connor, and Rob was stopped in his tracks as the emergency vehicles stopped beside the car. The pace car led the rest of the drivers onto pit road.
“Connor? Can you answer me?”
“Rob.” His voice was strangled, but he spoke.
“Oh, man. Don’t mess with me like that. You better have a damn good reason for making me run,” Rob laughed a little, but I didn’t hear Connor respond.
The emergency crew was crawling on top of his car, trying to figure out how to get him out. The driver’s side door was pinned against the wall.
One of the emergency men was waving his hand at someone. A forklift moved out onto the track, and they stuck the forks under the car. As the front was lifted away from the wall the car split. I could hear a strangled yell through the headset and across the track. Stunned I forgot I could talk to him.
“Parker, you’re going to want to get your ass in the ambulance. Now.” Rob yelled, and I didn’t need to be told twice. I tossed the headset on the counter and ran toward the ambulance.
An EMT stood at the back opening the doors. “Can I help you?”
“That’s my uh…” Tears ran down my face, and a hand clapped against my back.
“Lee, I’ll vouch for this one. This is Parker, Connor will want him with him.”
“Okay, Rob. Parker, jump on in and take a seat.”
Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1) Page 10
