Then I did turn to him and captured the underside of his chin in my grasp and pulled his lips to mine. “Thanks, babe.”
“Don’t mention it, but you can thank me more…later.” He whispered in my ears, and I turned to Helena who was pretending to read over her notes, but by the huge smile on her face, I know she heard.
“Okay, whenever you’re ready. Just remember, I’m not attacking you for my benefit. It’s not an attack, just a bit of overdramatization to get the audience’s attention.”
“Got it,” I said giving her the thumbs up. Yet my insides were screaming, no, I don’t want to do this.
Chapter 22
Connor
I watched, waited and listened. I wanted to speak out, there was no doubt about it, but Helena was right. I couldn’t speak on his behalf. Yes, we knew each other for most of our lives, but we spent the last ten years apart. I could hope he was still a good person, but really what did I know? So, I sat there. I held his hand in both of mine, propped up on my knee, and listened intently as my boyfriend explained how a man lost his life due to the steroid use, allegedly. The story wasn’t nearly as bad as Parker made it out to be, and I was shocked that he thought I would be upset enough to kick him out of my life.
Helena started quick and jumped right in, where I thought she would maybe ease into the conversation. “I’m Helena Wilder for News Today, and I have professional football star, Parker Taylor here with me. Good morning, Parker.”
“Good morning, Helena.” Parker looked more nervous than the first time he bottomed for me in high school. The heat from the portable studio lights filled the room, making his head bead with sweat.
“And with you today for support is your… um” she stopped for a moment, realizing she hadn’t breached the topic before the camera started to roll. “Sorry, I don’t want to be presumptuous.”
“It’s ok, I’m sure everyone is aware by now that Connor and I are dating again.”
“Right, you two dated back in high school and for most of your college ball days?”
“Yes,” Parker said, but when I looked at him, his eyes said he was on autopilot. I nudged him by tapping my fingertips inside his palm. “Um, yes, Connor and I started dating in high school. We parted ways and have found that true love can be the first love.”
“Awe, that is so sweet,” Helena gushed, and I just smiled at Parker when he turned to see my reaction.
I was having a hard time repeating the words. I wanted a way to convey the love I had for him, and those words just didn’t seem to do it. I’d said it for years, before… and in the end, they didn’t amount to much.
“Would you say that’s the case, Connor?” Helena leaned forward in her chair waiting for me to answer.
“I would, yes. Everything I do seems to be done with Parker in mind somehow.”
“Like the way you decorated your amazing penthouse apartment here in New York. I just love what you have done with the place.”
“Thank you.” I could feel the blush reach my cheeks and no sooner did I look at Parker, did she start with the real questions.
“So, Parker…Russell Sharp spoke with me in an interview a few months back. I’m assuming you saw it?”
“Yes. I did.”
Parker was clamming up, so I stroked his hand again and gave it a squeeze. When he squeezed mine back, I knew he was ok. He just needed to get into the mindset to be able to go back, tell the story and put it behind him. So we could start working on our future. With just a few weeks left of physical therapy, I was looking forward to getting back to normal. That meant figuring out how living together was going to work. Parker was starting an acting job soon, and I would be back to work, provided Luke gets the stick outta his ass and lets me.
“So, you’re here today to tell your side of things. Tell me, why wait so long? I mean we all understand the accident was traumatic, and I’m sure Connor’s healing process has been difficult. However, you’ve both been back in New York for a while…”
I didn’t know if she was insinuating something more, or this was what she spoke of when she said it might seem like she’s attacking him.
“Yes, the accident was horrifying. Connor and I had just gotten back together. Just as quickly, I was afraid I was going to lose him again. I didn’t need to think about Sharp or football.” The look he gave me next was to ask if I could tell the viewers about his hospital stay. I nodded and looked at him as he spoke. “The doctors wanted to be comfortable with his progress before allowing him to travel back to New York. Then when we got here, I was more focused on him and his recovery.”
“So, it’s as simple as that? Or were you looking for an excuse to bring to us? The time must have given you ample opportunity to think about it, put it all into perspective or simply make something up,” she pushed.
Parker kept his voice calm. Obviously well versed on how to keep his cool when a question was upsetting.
“No, it was just that simple. I was done with football when the incident happened. I left and haven’t turned back. My time has been consumed with Connor’s recovery, and that’s all I want to focus on.”
“Are you sure you’re not using his recovery as an excuse?”
“No, I’m not sure of that, I could be. But not for the reasons you think.”
“By incident…you mean the one with Chuck Alms? His death was finally ruled not to have been connected to drug use, but rather heart failure. Did you deal to Chuck?”
“I don’t know who said I was dealing, but no. I didn’t deal to anyone. I asked a fellow teammate for an aspirin for a migraine before practice one day, and then the next day. I had one I couldn’t shake for a few days. Then over time I just kept getting them. I went to the doctors, and they did an MRI to see if I had something neurologically wrong.” Parker shifted in his seat making me move one of my hands, but he still clung to the other.
When the tests came back normal, I gave up. Just kept taking aspirin cause that’s what the doctors told me to do. I had another migraine at practice again, and the same teammate was there, he asked me if I needed an aspirin and I accepted a couple. Then he threw me the bottle and told me to keep them. I got in the habit of taking four capsules every day before practice, but the migraines got worse. So, I went back to my doctor,” he used his free hand to wipe the perspiration from his face.
“In the meantime, I’d taken the bottle home. They were on my nightstand, and I guess Chuck took a few, one day after practice.”
“You were in a romantic relationship with Chuck Alms?” Helena picked up on what I hadn’t. It shocked me that he’d never mentioned a relationship that ended in his partner's death.
“Yes. A few of the guys knew, and they were cool with it. It was on and off for about three years before I made the Miami team.”
She looked down at her notes. “The team he’d been on for six years?”
“Yes, it just happened. I can see that look in your eye.” Parker laughed and visibly relaxed. “He and I met at a super bowl party. He was quite upset that I didn’t know who he was.” Parker laughed again. I felt a little bit of that all-too-familiar jealousy rise up in me, but I tamped it down.
“So, he never asked his coach to take you on because the distance was hurting your relationship?” Helena picked at his wound, and it twisted me up. That’s when I wanted to say something, but I covered with a cough. Parker placed his free hand on my arm. I shook my head, and he turned back to Helena.
“I can’t say if he did or didn’t. I asked, but he never fessed up to it. When I got on the team, Chuck and I moved in together.”
“And the pills?”
“I ran out and got another bottle from the same source.”
“Why not go to the drug store and pick some up?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t see the issue at the time. I’ve been asking myself that same question since it happened. Chuck shouldn’t have been the one ” he stopped, choked up and tears started streaming down his face. “Excuse me.”
<
br /> “It’s ok. Take your time.”
“Thanks,” Parker took a tissue out of the box on the coffee table. The producer must have put them there because I never needed tissues in my house before.
“Why don’t you tell us about after Chuck died. What happened to make you leave Miami?”
“My boyfriend died. I needed to get away. I checked myself in a clinic. They called it a spa. They did some blood work and asked about steroid use. I said I didn’t do steroids. I was against drug use, had been my whole life. Then they showed me my test results. I’d been taking steroids instead of aspirin. I developed an addiction to it, obviously based on the amount in my system. Of course, that type of clinic is actually rehab. I stayed there for three months to get it out of my system. After I checked out, I wanted to go home but didn’t have it in me. So, I came to New York.”
“Did you know Connor was in New York?”
“Yes. I’ve been back to visit at least once a year. I never saw Connor while I was visiting the Big Apple, until this trip.”
“So, did you seek him out, to help you get over your lover’s death?”
“No. I did not.”
I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he said with a smile. “I was pleasantly surprised to see you. I’ve been to the city so often without running into you that I wasn’t even thinking about you. Sorry, love.”
I gave him an ehh whatever, grin and let him go back to his questions. However, Helena turned to me.
“Did you know about Parker and Chuck?”
I didn’t know what to say. I was told I wasn’t going to be asked any questions. Swallowing hard I looked at Parker and then to Helena before forming my words. “I knew something happened. Something that’s been eating at him. However, I’m not as nosy as a fan,” I laughed. “I figured when he was ready to talk, I’d be here to listen. If he never did well, I say the past is just that… and it should stay there.”
“Seems to me you’re finding out today.”
“Like I said. He told me when he was ready.”
“So, Parker how are you dealing with all of this?”
“I’ve been trying to process my past and reconcile it with my future. It’s been hard thinking about what state of mind I was in then, compared to now. I feel ashamed of myself most days, and others I’m just happy to have another chance at life, and another chance at love. It’s a magical feeling. I loved Chuck, still, do. I miss him every day, but I know he wouldn’t want me to grieve him for the rest of my life.”
Helena just shook her head, and now that Parker was again in control of his devices, I knew where her line of questioning was going.
“You mention your state of mind. The morning you found Chuck, what was going through your head?”
He took his hand from mine and rubbed his head and the sides of his face with both hands. Then they moved to the flat of his thighs as if he were trying to dry them, rubbing his pant legs from hip to knee.
“Oh, man…many things were going through my mind. You know how they say when you die, your life flashed before you? Well, he was dying and our life…the future we’d never get to have, consumed my every thought.”
“So, now you feel survivors’ guilt, is that it?”
“Yea, that sounds about right.”
“Are you willing to put on record who gave you those pills?” when Parker just shook his head, she tried again. “You were drugged. You took illegal substances without knowledge of what they were. You brought them home, where your boyfriend was able to have access to them. And he took them. He had a heart condition…,” she stopped briefly to flip through her pages, “…since birth. A mitral valve problem. Those steroids that this person gave to you, just to haze the new guy for receiving special treatment, they killed Chuck. You say you loved him, but you won’t put his killer behind bars?”
“I can’t. There is no evidence. I already spoke to a lawyer. To the police. I was told that the only way my story holds up is if there is a confession. That is not going to happen. So why try to force it? It’s only going to dredge up what’s happened all over again. It’s my word against his.”
“If they want to prosecute anyone, you believe it’s going to be you, don’t you?”
“To be honest, yes. When Connor invited me to Florida for the race, I knew we’d be photographed together. Authorities have known my whereabouts for months. I didn’t stop thinking that every knock at the door was my time to go, until earlier this month. Shortly after we came back.”
“And why is that?” Helena sat forward on her seat.
“Because my lawyer already called me and said they decided not to press charges.”
“You think they believe your story?”
“I don’t know what to believe. I just know what I feel.”
“What’s that?”
“That it should have been me. I was taking twice the dose he was. I was taking them for far longer than Chuck, and I just feel like it was supposed to be me. The prank, or whatever you call it, was aimed at me. Not Chuck. The guys all loved him too much to have a problem with him. It should have been me.”
Tears streamed down his face, and I felt my eyes fill as well. I squeezed his hand and made a comment to him, though only inside my head, “I’m so glad it wasn’t.”
“So, what will you do now?” She asked what must have been her last question because the motioned to the cameraman that was trained on her.
“Well, this guy is tired of me hovering. I’m going to get back to work. My manager hooked me up with a few acting positions. Might be time for a new career.”
“Well, I’d just like to say thank you, gentleman. It’s been a pleasure seeing you both. I’m thrilled we got to talk, and that the fans, now no your side of this.”
“Thank you for allowing me to.”
The cameras shut off and the producer yelled, ‘that’s a wrap people,” then came over to take Helena out of our earshot. The guys who’d arrived first started breaking down equipment and started on their way down the elevator.
“Are you okay?” I gingerly asked.
Parker just looked at me, his eyes still held unshed tears, and he whipped them away. “I’m the one who should be asking you that.”
“Later. If I have questions… the deal was after we are alone.”
Helena shook her head and spun on a heel to come back to where we still sat on the couch. We stood when she approached, her hand extended to each of us and we took it in turn.
“It’s been a pleasure. I do have some news for you that can’t be shared until the eleven o’clock news, but my producer is letting me tell you now.”
“What it is?”
“He got a call while we were shooting. It seems Russell Sharp has been arrested, felony drug charges. I have it on good authority that after the judge sees this interview, they will be adding attempted murder and murder in the first, to his roster. Have a nice day, gentleman,” she called on her way out. “I have some editing to see to.” Helena waved and smiled. The doors closed, and since all the equipment had been taken down first, we were finally alone.
Chapter 23
Parker
I know I should have told Connor about Chuck. He wasn’t the love-of-my-life, but I loved him. We were happy together, and we were going to build a life. The whole marriage, a house with a white picket fence. It’s amazing how life has changed in the last year. It’s been one bad thing after another until I saw Connor staring down the bottom of a bottle in the Tool Box.
Sure, initially, I didn’t want to be alone. Connor inviting me to stay with him was a bonus after the first night. The idea was to at least be friends. At the time I found it comforting that through all the bad shit, I had a friend to talk to. I knew Connor wouldn’t mind listening either. However, life seems to have a different idea. Getting back together was the last thing on my mind. Now that Connor knows everything, I’m wondering if we’ll stay together.
Connor and I stood
there for a moment after the elevator closed and then he turned, pivoting with his cane and went to our room. I sauntered toward the bedroom, and when I entered, he was sitting on the bed propped up against his pillows.
“What questions do you have?”
“I’m not sure I have any,” he ran a hand through his hair and then began unbuttoning his shirt. He wore a white t-shirt underneath and shed it as well. Picking up a blue t-shirt from the bed he put it on and began undoing his pants.
“Would you like help?”
“No, I have to do this myself.”
“How are you not yelling at me?” I asked pacing in front of the bed as he changed for his session with Luke.
“I’m just not. You went through a horrible ordeal. Why would I yell at you?”
“My actions made a man die. A man I was in love with. Does that not bother you?”
“No,” he was blunt and eyes wide. “I can’t be mad at you for losing someone. That’s not fair to you or his memory.” He pat the bed beside him, and so I sat. He laid his head on my shoulder and rubbed my back, massaging my neck. “We have been separated for ten years. I’m glad you found love. So, if you think I’m going to yell at you for that, your mistaken. I was with someone too, remember.”
“How the hell could I forget.” The scene in the hotel lounge still made me cringe. “But I killed him…” Tears began to cloud my visions and quickly fell down my face. So many times, I’d cried for Chuck, and more times than I care to admit, I cried because it could have been me. “He died because I was stupid. I never realized what I was putting into my body. I didn’t think hard enough about Sharp handing me something to help me when I knew damn well that he was out to get me. Particularly after the vitamin crap, they’d already pulled.”
“And that’s not your fault. None of it is. The fact that Sharp is being put behind bars right now is proof enough.”
Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1) Page 16
