They were all the things that made me love him more. Even when he was being ugly and argumentative, I loved him. Like during his hour-long sessions he’d spent with Luke. The man never raised his voice to Connor or belittle him. But Connor just laid into the man. He swore a lot, and his face looked strained. That was how he covered up the pain he had. But he worked through it, and he was doing so much better. Connor was so strong, and intelligent. He put together his business with one thought, to be the best in New York, and Fast and Loud was doing better than any of the other local shops that have been around for longer.
“Hey, didn’t you hear me knock?” Rodeo stepped into the room, a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other. “Ready to celebrate the end of your last day?”
“Last day? We have another week.” I looked at Rodeo as he set the bottle and glasses down.
He was about a foot shorter than me but carried himself with an air of sophistication…always. I was betting his pajamas had a printed suit and tie on them. He stood next to the desk and looked at his phone, then unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down in the only chair in the room next to the small desk that hung from the wall. His shiny black wingtips looked slightly out of place next to my discarded sneakers. His hair was always cut short, faded and neat. If I turned the light off in the room, you’d only be able to see the white of his teeth glowing in the moonlight.
“Nope, you're off by a week.”
“Wait…what? Randal don’t fuck with me.”
He looked around nervously and put his finger up to his lips, “Shh, what did I tell you about that? We in public.”
“We’re in a sound-proof hotel room…Ro-de-o.”
He sat up a little straighter and visibly calmed. “Yeah, well…reputation and all that.” Popping the cork on the bottle, he started to fill the glasses. “So, your ticket is ready for a nine-a.m. flight to New York. That’s still where you’re going, right?”
“As in tomorrow?”
“Yes, my man. Did you not hear the words out of my mouth. It’s a wrap. Done. Finite-o, brother.” A glass was pushed to me, and I took it, then retrieved the phone from the bed looking at the date. Rodeo was right. We were scheduled until Saturday of this week, not next week.
“But wait, it’s only Wednesday.”
“They scheduled a couple extra days in case the new guy…you…needed too many retakes. Haha.” Rodeo’s glass was empty, and he was refilling it when he looked back at mine.
“Shit, I get to go home tomorrow.” I downed the drink too fast, and it tickled my nose and throat.
“Yes, you do. But like I said. Where’s home?”
I thought about it for a moment. About everything I’d decided before he walked in my door. I may not have had a lot of time to think about my feelings on this trip, being as how I was working. But I only needed those few minutes before Rodeo burst in to realize I’ve always wanted to be in just one place. That was wherever Connor was.
Chapter 25
Connor
I will never…ever take for granted the fact that I have two working legs, ever again. The process of recovery from not one, but three broken bones in the same leg was long, irritating and downright pissing me off more than anything. I took a lot out on Luke but was coming to the realization I had taken a few things out on Parker as well.
Truthfully, I didn’t ask him to leave. He was going anyway, and I was staying to get back into shape and to work. Which was a good thing, and not so good. If I must spend one more day watching my two managers circle around each other, I’m going to throat punch them both. If my wreck taught me anything, it’s that life’s too short not to say how you feel. That’s why I’ve decided as soon as Parker gets back on Saturday, I’m going to tell him everything.
From the moment he walked out the door until about three hours ago, I realized I was scared to tell him I loved him back in every message. It wasn’t out of fear that he’d change his mind, but it was out of fear that after four weeks apart I wouldn’t miss him enough to want to love him. I told him before he left as a last-ditch effort to let him know I want us to work this time.
There was no question when I finally stopped and thought about it. I would always love him. Parker was my first love. At one point in our lives, I wished he was the only, but life had a way of making things complicated.
Since high school, I always told everyone else, everything happens for a reason. Not to say I didn’t believe it, but I know I wasn’t listening to myself the past few months. Or years really. Everything Parker and I had gone through, while some of it was hard and unnecessary, it all helped shape the men we are today. I couldn’t possibly not love who he is. I love everything about him.
I picked up a few of his favorite foods this morning on my way back from the gym. I also took an old box out of the closet and had it sitting on the couch when the elevator chimed. I’d spent the better part of the day cleaning and straightening up. Getting around was much easier to do without the cane, at least in the apartment. I couldn’t just sit and relax anymore. And I was not going back to the shop until Rob and Ryan figured their shit out. The two were driving me insane.
“Home, I’m honey.” I laughed as Parker smiled but hesitantly made his way off the elevator. My brain was not registering that he was really standing there. Knowing me, I have a stupid ass look on my face. “Is this still home?”
“Your two days early.” My brain just won’t budge. I can’t breathe. I’d been clinging to his pillow every morning when I woke wishing it was him, and there he is, and I can’t move.
“Is that okay?” he asked looking around.
“Of course it is, you ass.” I forgot the box on the sofa and let Parker meet me halfway so I could wrap my arms around him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back early? I would have met you at the airport.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to, and I didn’t want to do this at the airport,” he said pulling me back so he could look at me. “I did what you asked, and I don’t want to wait and have some preplanned discussion later. I want to do this right now so we can move on from all of this.”
“Together? Or apart?”
“I’m leaving that up to you, but with that said I need you to hear me out first. Okay?”
“Okay.” I stepped back and went to sit on the sofa pushing the box aside.
“I did what you asked. I thought about everything. Chuck, you, football, acting and so much more. I’ve come up with the following conclusion… and don’t interrupt.”
He pointed at me, and then started pacing the floor. Another of his nervous habits I’d never forget. But I couldn’t get a read on him, because he wasn’t looking at me. My stomach flew into my throat, and I felt like I’d swallowed a ball of acid. Somehow, I knew it wasn’t moving until Parker was done.
“I loved Chuck, with all of my heart. At least with the little bit of heart, I had left. He was all my heart knew because I was so far away from the part of it… I’d already given away. Yes, if he hadn’t passed, I may still be with him. We could have gotten married, had a couple kids and a dog by now.”
My heart dropped, and stomach acid burned my throat.
“But he did pass, and I found you drunk over a break up at the exact time I needed the rest of my heart to carry me. Because that little piece I had, died with Chuck. The rest the ninety percent of my organ I had already given away, was with you. I don’t frequent gay bars, but I walked into one that night, and I couldn’t have been happier. Yes, I had lost someone, but I grieved for him as much as he would have wanted me to before living my life again. We’re talking months of crying, rehab and feeling worthless. Until I saw you.
I carried you home. Undressed you and put you in bed, and in my mind, we were right back in our old place. Ya know, the one we had in our little one-bedroom apartment? That one. You looked so peaceful until you started throwing up,” he stopped to laugh, and I surprised myself by laughing too.
“Connor, since that night
I’ve been more than happy with life. You make me feel whole again. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left because you weren’t fulfilling your dreams while you stood sideline for mine. I wanted you to have it all. Not just be there to cheer me on. I wanted to cheer you on too. I wanted us to support each other. But I knew if I didn’t do something, you would have been more than happy to just be there for me. That would have been a shame, because all those affected by you, your sheer presence in life would have missed out.”
“You don’t have to explain that. I’ve known why you left for years. I just didn’t know why you never came back. An ultimatum means one or the other. I did what you asked, you should have stayed.” I started shouting.
“I know, babe and I’m sorry. By the time the season ended, and I knew you were doing better I thought I didn’t deserve to come back. I was worried that everything you worked for would be for nothing and you would end up sliding right back into your old ways. I wanted you to have success. I wanted to see your fathers’ old bike in the middle of that floor.
In a way, I’m glad things worked out the way they did, and we are here now. But to answer your question whether or not my being here has anything to do with convenience… the answer is no.”
“How do you know?” Hot fresh tears were now covering my face. “How do you know it’ll be different? I can’t watch you walk away again.”
He came to me, kneeling in front of me and took both of my hands in his. “Then maybe this will help,” he shoved his hand into his pocket, and when it came back out, he was holding a small green velvet box. Flipping it open revealed two shiny silver bands. “I can’t draw breath in the morning until I know you’re lying next to me. Because without you there I can’t live. My heart beats only for you. I gave it to you when we were just kids, and I will never ask for it back. I only have one question left to ask you, and I know it might not be fair, or even timed right…”
“Ask me…” I held my breath and waited as he took one band out of the box and took my hand.
“Connor Reed, will you make me the happiest man on this earth…”
Before he could finish, I jumped in. “Yes,” I pulled his mouth to mine, and the ring slipped onto my finger.
The box fell onto the coffee table, and his hands flew to my back. I tugged at his shirt pulling it up his back and over his head. He nipped my lip and traveled to my ear as I frantically pulled at my own clothes.
“Help,” I said tugging on his waistband.
Within minutes our clothes were shed, thrown around the room. Parker lifted us off our knees and laid me back on the sectional. He tried to speak, but I shook my head and pulled him to me until our mouth met. His body trembled as he sunk down to me, keeping his weight shifted. I put both hands on his ass and pulled him down onto me grinding our erections together and moaned.
Parker placed one of his digits in my mouth, and I sucked hard on it. He took it from my mouth and began to circle my pucker. I fisted our cocks, working them together… twisting with each upward stroke. His moans were intoxicating, and I released my own as his finger penetrated my channel.
“In me…now.” Fear and uncertainty swirled inside me until only love and lust were present.
“But I didn’t even get to finish asking.”
“I don’t care. The answer is yes…it’ll always be yes.”
Want more Connor and Parker?
Look for Ryan’s Hubris later this year (2019).
Substance abuse is a serious illness. If you or someone you know suffer from substance abuse, please contact the National Drug Helpline.
http://drughelpline.org/
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank my literary sisters for giving me a little nudge into MM romance. I love to read it and had these characters in my head for so long, but never did anything with them.
TL Travis and Lily Luchesi nudged just enough until I finally got it all down. Before I knew it, I was done and ready to add another title to my list.
I would like to thank my husband for many reasons. He has supported me with everything I do, especially writing. I love you, baby!
And a special thank you to my kids for growing up and having really strange conversations with me.
Everyday I sit down to work on a book I thank my readers. Thank you for seeing my work through the last seven years and getting me this far. I love what I do and will continue to as long as there is still one person waiting for it.
Shannon Lee Perrine
About the Author
S.L. Perrine is a wife to a mechanic and mother of four crazy teenagers (3 are boys) who eat her out of house and home. Among writing, reading is another passion of hers. She also enjoys camping, fishing, and anything that means family time.
During the summer she can be found at camp with her laptop by the pool.
She and her family reside in Troy, NY.
"I write stories to fill the world with imagination for those who have a hard time finding their own."
- SL PERRINE, 2016
Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1) Page 18
