A Charm of Finches

by Suanne Laqueur

He felt his own smug smile unfold. “Maybe,” he said. “I’m now wondering if you planned the whole thing.”

  She laughed and took a sip of her wine. “No,” she said. “I swear on all my cashmere sweaters, the meeting happened on its own. I detected some interesting chemistry, so I orchestrated the coffee. And when you walked out of the shop, I convinced him to go after you.”

  Stef leaned back a little. “How much convincing?”

  “Not much. A slap upside the head and he was gone. Stool spinning in his wake. Coffee unpaid for.”

  “How much do I owe you?”

  She waved a hand. “No charge for matchmak— Jesus.” Trelawney’s words were cut off as a rather gorgeous blonde woman slapped her ass. “Bitch, that was low.”

  “You left it wide open,” the woman said.

  “Stef, this is my fucking sister,” Trelawney said, licking spilled chardonnay off her fingers.

  “Valerie Lark,” she said. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Stef Finch,” he said, taking two steps back and putting his ass against a wall. “Hi.”

  She laughed. “I don’t spank strangers.”

  “Bullshit,” Trelawney said.

  Val pulled her in and bit her ear. “I for to eat you.”

  “Don’t touch me. I hate you.”

  “What’s it like when your brother comes around?” Stef asked.

  “Like this,” Val said. “But with more Tony Orlando and Dawn songs.”

  “But seriously, folks,” Trelawney said.

  “Yes, seriously,” Val said. “Congratulations. This is an incredible exhibit.” Her eyes on Stef were grey-green. They crinkled as she smiled but their gaze was penetrating.

  “Thanks,” Stef said, thinking this was not a woman to be fucked with.

  Val put her hand on her sister’s arm, her chin motioning toward the other side of the gallery. “Alex is talking to the shelter’s director about animal-assisted therapy.” She glanced at Stef. “My husband is a veterinarian.”

  “Ah,” Stef said, followed her gaze to where Adrienne was talking to a tall guy with broad shoulders, a head of salt-and-pepper waves and a goatee. Catching Val’s eye, Alex shook Adrienne’s hand and came over. Two long dimples framed his smile.

  Quite the beautiful crowd in this beautiful town, Stef thought.

  Val made introductions but Stef only managed a few words of small talk before Adrienne took to the floor and called for everyone’s attention. She made a little speech, thanking the attendees for their enthusiasm and compassion. Thanking Trelawney for hosting the exhibit. And thanking Stef for…

  “Everything,” she said.

  Stef put his palms together and touched his heart. From his pocket his phone pinged with the arrow twang he’d assigned to Jav. Because he was dopey that way.

  How’s it going?

  “Excuse me,” Stef said. He ducked into a discreet corner to text back. Really well. Where are you?

  Outside DC.

  So why am I looking for you here?

  Are you?

  Well, it is the scene of the crime. So to speak.

  And I did live on the other side of the wall.

  Lingering pheromones or something.

  LOL.

  Trey introduced me to her sister.

  Did she slap your ass?

  Stef really laughed out loud. Not yet. Keeping my back to the wall.

  Wise. Did you meet Val’s husband, too?

  Briefly.

  I was afraid of that.

  Stef’s eyebrows furrowed over the keys. Why?

  Hint: disaster.

  Oh. OH. Whoa, wait a minute, I just put two and one together.

  You win three bucks.

  Stef gazed out at the gallery, craning his neck this way and that. Alex and Val stood by Inside Looking Out, Alex’s arm draped over his wife’s shoulder, his hand hidden up under the length of her blonde hair.

  “He and his wife were the closest friends I’d had in years,” Jav said the other night. “Alex, especially. It was like reuniting with a twin or something.”

  Alex turned his head, pressing his mouth against Val’s crown a moment. He said something. She looked up at him, said something. They both laughed then, leaning on each other, heads thrown back.

  Jav’s closest friends. Alex, especially.

  So I took the natural next step of falling in love with him.

  Soon as I get on the train, I’m calling the shit out of you, Stef texted.

  Can’t wait, Jav replied.

  “It’s not one of my finest moments,” Jav said.

  “You said that.”

  “Plus it’s complicated. You may need to take notes. And I’ll pause to swear several times that I’m not making this up.”

  “Get on with it already.”

  “So, many, many years ago, my sister had a relationship with Trelawney’s brother, Roger.”

  “The Treehouse Guy.”

  “Correct. Nine months later, my nephew was born.”

  “Ari.”

  “Yes. The thing is when I got to be friends with Alex and Val and eventually all the Larks, none of us had any idea our families were connected.”

  “When you found out, was it before or after the whole…thing. Affair. Debacle.”

  “After.”

  “It must’ve been a mess.”

  “It gets worse. And I’m not making this up.”

  “Oh Christ, what?”

  “Val and Alex have a daughter, Deane. Who is the same age as Ari.”

  “Okay.”

  “Guess who fell in love?”

  “She and Ari?”

  “Right. I’ll let that sink in a moment.”

  Stef exhaled, trying to work it out. “Val has a daughter, Diane.”

  “Deane.”

  “Deane.” With his index finger, Stef sketched a family tree into the dust on the window. “Val’s brother had a son with your sister. That son is Ari.”

  “Getting warmer.”

  Stef’s finger hovered over the glass. “Ari would be Deane’s cousin.”

  “Bingo.”

  “Shit, I thought my family tree was complicated.”

  “Mine’s a soap opera.”

  “So when you became Ari’s guardian, you had no clue about this?”

  “None of us did. Not even Roger.”

  Stef scrubbed fingers through his hair. “All right, I’m sure I’ll have a bunch of questions about this. Right now, I’m more curious about what happened between you and Alex.”

  “I told you what happened emotionally. You want what happened in the biblical sense?”

  “If you’re telling. You can do the short version.”

  “Well, one night, I went temporarily insane and told him how I felt about him.”

  “Were you drunk?”

  “I had a few chugs of rum in me but it was mostly an adrenaline high. I committed emotional suicide, left my guts on the ground and drove away, talking to the windshield.”

  “As one does.”

  “Telling myself I’d lost the battle but won the bigger war in finally coming out and admitting I liked men.”

  “And then?”

  “Alex followed me home.”

  “Who saw that coming?”

  “Not me. I got out of the car and tried to be aloof and cool but I was dying. Because he was telling me he felt the same.”

  “I repeat, who saw that coming?”

  “Then we were kissing in the parking lot of the Lark Building. Then we went upstairs.”

  “Hot damn. And what happened up there? Talk slow.”

  “More kissing and grabbing and touching and clothes coming off. We were rolling around my bed and… I’m not entirely sure how far it would’ve gone
, but right in the heat of the moment, Ari texts me.”

  “Ari,” Stef said, rubbing his face. “We forgot about him.”

  “Yeah, he was supposed to be away with his job, but he came home early. Naturally I’d deadbolted the street door so he was out there scratching like a stray cat.”

  “That’ll kill the mood.”

  “Long story short, Alex went out the fire escape.”

  Stef laughed. “Who says love in the suburbs is dull?”

  “Freakin’ Peyton Place.”

  “Was that the end of it?”

  “Oh no, it gets worse. A day goes by and I’m still dying and still insane. So I go over to his house and corner him in the shed.”

  “The shed?”

  “Yeah, like this little garden shed in his backyard.”

  “Is that where fathers haul you for a beating?”

  “Can I tell the story?”

  “Continue.”

  “So it’s a repeat grapple among the rakes and hoes.”

  “Sexy.”

  “It was hot. And I…”

  The silence was full of chagrin. And full of old longing.

  “Hey, we all do dumb things,” Stef said.

  Jav chuckled. “I knew I was taking what wasn’t mine. Alex… It’s not that he was weak. But he was tender-hearted and I knew how to play him. No, not play him, that’s harsh.”

  “He was your friend. You knew what made his heart tick.”

  “Yeah. Jesus, it was empowering, because I’d never felt more like myself. At one point I was grinding up against him and I said something like, ‘I swear I could fuck you right here.’ I didn’t even know what the hell I meant. It slid right out of my mouth. All the shit I was saying was coming through this bizarre pipeline I didn’t know I had in me. Luring him back to my place. Telling him I wanted him in bed.”

  Stef squirmed a little and crossed a knee over the other. “Did he come? I mean go. With you. Did you go…get off out of there?” He was laughing by the end. “Could the department of innuendo help me please?”

  “No,” Jav said. “He freaked out. Which wasn’t surprising. Val always said Alex had a moral compass that only pointed one way. I could only interfere with the magnetic field so much before the needle swung around again. He loves her. They belong to each other. It was never up for debate and it was really no shock he stopped me.”

  “Still. Ouch.”

  “No, not until we walked out of the shed and Val was right there. Then it was ouch.”

  Stef softly hummed the Dragnet theme.

  “It was ridiculous,” Jav said. “We’re both all messed up. Sporting wood. Worst of all, we pulled our shirts on in the dark, so I walk out with mine on inside-out and backward.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “I felt like such an asshole.”

  “Hey, if you’re going to fuck up, fuck up. Listen, I’m about to head into the tunnel at Grand Central and I’ll lose reception.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re not still beating yourself up about it, are you?”

  “No. Not on a daily basis, at least. It’s been enough time and enough distance that it doesn’t sting so bad.”

  “For what it’s worth, you tell a good story,” Stef said.

  Jav laughed. “I should try to get paid for it.”

  “You should. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

  “You got it. ‘Night.”

  “‘Night, man.”

  Stef ended the call just as the train plunged into darkness. Only a few seconds, then the interior lights flickered on and held. Stef stared at the window, through his own reflection. Half hard and completely taken in.

  God, I want this, he mouthed to the window, his breath fogging up the glass.

  A thick, heavy night in the dark of a girl’s bedroom. Her skin was smooth as soap, softer than butter. She gave under Geno’s hands, his fingers pressing and kneading her body beneath him. It felt good. Normally good. His hardness sliding into luscious heat and her little moans hitting his ears like notes from a wind chime. He pushed into her, breathing hard enough to break a sweat and…

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” He slid off her and rolled to his back, the heels of his hands pressed to his face.

  “Mo, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. I…” He thought fast. “I was in a boating accident when I was young. I almost drowned.” He took his hands away and stared at her through the swirling gold blobs. “Sometimes when I can’t catch my breath, I get anxious.”

  “Oh my God, are you kidding?” She sat up, pulling the sheet tight across her breasts.

  “It doesn’t happen often.” He gave a hearty chuckle. “Usually it waits until the perfect time to embarrass the shit out of me.”

  “No, don’t be embarrassed.” Her hand stroked him. “I understand.”

  “Trust me, I couldn’t catch my breath in a good way.”

  She laughed and lay down, her head on his shoulder.

  “I just need a minute,” he said.

  “Take your time.” Her arm tightened around him. “God, Mo, you’re so sweet.”

  Later, when she was asleep, Geno slid from the bed and moved silently into the bathroom. As he did with so many girls on so many nights, he opened the medicine cabinet and searched vanity drawers. Christ, but a lot of chicks had little helpers. Were they all as fucked up as him?

  In the glare of fluorescent light, he made judicious and invisible choices, stealing two Valium here. A Clonazepam there. Tablets of Xanax, Ativan and Librium secreted in his pants pockets and taken back to his room to be stashed. He identified athletes in his dorm who had injuries and buddied up to them. He slipped into their bathrooms and pocketed their pain meds, one careful pill at a time.

  He was taking inventory of his secret pharmacy when Ben rattled knuckles on the door and leaned on the jamb. “Lauren said you were in a boating accident?”

  “Bitch, that was a secret,” Geno said, casually sliding his bedside table drawer closed.

  “Sorry, it just came up in conversation. Were you?”

  “Yeah, I was.”

  “That’s nuts. I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks. Just don’t invite me canoeing, okay?”

  Ben rolled his eyes and let it go. That weekend a gang of friends impulsively got on a Circle Line cruise, and Ben seemed surprised Geno was among them.

  “Dude, come on,” Geno said. “I’m not afraid of a tourist boat.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  Geno laughed but Ben’s gaze was serious. A long staring moment passed.

  “Nothing,” Geno said, pulling up a hair taller while thinking, Everything.

  Philadelphia.

  “Would it be a dumb question to ask what it is you like about sex with men?”

  “Yeah,” Stef said. “But for some stupid reason, I like when you ask me dumb questions.”

  A long pause, through which Jav could hear the distinctive sounds of steel and china, a spoon’s handle rapped on the edge of a pot or pan. His imagination constructed a kitchen, followed Stef from stove to fridge to sink. A dishtowel thrown over his shoulder or tucked through a belt loop, the way Jav did when he cooked. Or maybe Stef was a less fastidious chef and just wiped his hands off on himself.

  “Wait, what?” Jav said. “Sorry, say that again.”

  “I was saying I like the physicality of it. It’s a different physicality. I mean… Wait a minute, I can’t cook and think about sex at the same time.”

  “I’m getting the idea eating is a big thing with you.”

  “I love food.” Stef put a little relish between each word.

  “You wouldn’t know,” Jav said. “I mean, you look like y
ou’re in great shape.” He sank his face into his palm. Christ, that sounded idiotic.

  “I have to keep that love on a short leash,” Stef said. “Ow.” A clanking clatter and some muttered cursing. “Dammit, that’s hot. Anyway. This is done, now I can think.” The background noise ceased and Stef exhaled. “So, my attraction to girls was always a soft thing. If I had to draw it, I’d use circles. Overlapping circles. Like I’m red and she’s yellow and the attraction is the oval of orange where they merge.”

  “Venn diagram chemistry,” Jav said, doodling two circles on the hotel pad of paper.

  “It’s always emotion-based. The attraction is soft. Like it…squishes. That’s not too sexy, is it?”

  “It’s not a word I tend to throw around the bedroom.”

  “Fine, it doesn’t squish, it…gives. It yields.”

  “Okay. What about with guys?”

  “With guys, it’s harder. And I don’t mean hard like the obvious, or hard like difficult. Hard like…”

  “Squares?”

  Stef gave a long hum in his chest indicating not quite. “Maybe more like triangles and hexagons. A complex thing made up of simple things.”

  “Less emotional?”

  “Well, not that no emotions are involved, but simpler emotions. I keep coming back to the attraction being harder. It’s a negative word but I don’t mean it like that.”

  “The attraction is tougher?” Jav said. “More tenacious?”

  “Yes,” Stef said, his voice rising. “Tenacious. Exactly. It can take my weight. I can push on it hard, be rougher with it. It’s not a connection I overlap or fall into. It’s something I lean on. Hard.”

  “Is that how it’s always been?”

  “Pretty much. I like sex with men the way I like caviar.”

  “Caviar?”

  “Yeah. Caviar’s great but I don’t keep it around. I don’t like it so much that I have a jar stashed in the cabinet. But when it’s served to me, I love it. Oh man, I forgot how good this is, why don’t I have this more often, it’s fantastic. Then the plate’s empty and I forget again.”

  “It’s a treat.”

  “But a passive treat. I don’t actively seek it out much. I wait until it comes to me. I dig caviar but I don’t have a relationship with it. Same with men. I’ve had some great sexual encounters. When I’m in the moment, I’m stuffing my face and thinking, Wow, I forgot how much I like this. But I’ve never strung together multiple encounters into a relationship.”