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William Shakespeare's the Jedi Doth Return (9781594747144)

Page 10

by Ian Doescher


  Belovèd.

  C-3PO

  —Royal Highness!

  LEIA

  —What is this

  That doth transpire here? Luke and Han bound up?

  [Leia approaches but is stopped by Ewoks.

  [ To Ewoks:] Nay, do not hinder me, my newfound friends.

  These goodly men are dear to me, they are

  The closest that I have to family.

  Pray, still your doubtful, cautious minds, and I

  Shall show ye that these people mean no harm.

  C-3PO, thou somehow art enthron’d,

  Which doth suggest thou hast some sway o’er them.

  Serve thou as translator, and tell these imps

  To free our brave companions from their bonds.

  C-3PO

  [ to Teebo:] I rooktah rooktah,

  Nowyee looktah,

  Lessem freeum,

  Booktah, booktah.

  [The Ewoks continue their preparations for the feast.

  HAN

  It seemeth that thy kingly words did fall

  Upon their peasant ears a little less

  Than royally.

  LUKE

  —Good 3PO, relay

  To them that if they shall not heed thy words,

  Thou wilt astound them with thine anger fierce,

  And ply thy magic on them.

  C-3PO

  —Magic, Sir?

  I know not what you mean. I have no magic!

  LUKE

  I prithee: argue not, but tell them now.

  C-3PO

  [ to Ewoks:] No gosh, no gosh,

  I yami bosh,

  I uzzee prahnkh,

  E boomabosh.

  [The Ewoks stop momentarily and then resume their preparations.

  O, see’st thou, Master Luke? They paid no heed,

  As I suspected they would not, the brutes!

  LUKE

  [ aside:] Now Force, come flow within, around, above.

  Raise up the droid upon his wooden throne,

  And let these creatures think he is their god,

  A’raging in his anger. Let them shrink

  And cower in their fear, and be so mov’d

  That they shall do his every command.

  C-3PO lifts up above the ground

  And is quite terrified to be so high.

  But frighten’d as they are, they do not see

  Their god is yet more petrified than they.

  They scatter to and fro and up and down,

  For here’s a sight they ne’er have seen before:

  A being flying sans the use of wings.

  O work thy power, Force, be thou my aid

  And constant strong companion in our need.

  Success! The creatures now are quite convinc’d,

  And move with haste to free us of our bounds.

  C-3PO doth lower into place,

  And now we all are free—O thank the Force,

  That mov’d in me so I could move the droid,

  And move these creatures to release us all.

  [The Ewoks unbind Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. An Ewok frees R2-D2 and R2-D2 shocks the Ewok. The Ewok runs away.

  R2-D2

  [ aside:] Now come ye back, ye scurvy, furry things,

  I’ll shock ye all for your abuse of us.

  HAN

  O mistress mine, to see thee brings me joy!

  Draw nigh and plant upon my lips a kiss.

  LEIA

  Luke hath secur’d your safety with his ploy—

  No sweeter meeting can I wish than this!

  [Han Solo and Princess Leia kiss. Wicket approaches R2-D2.

  WICKET

  W’goodo, goodo,

  Whoosah yoodo,

  Yoosah speccul,

  Hoodo, hoodo.

  LUKE

  [ to C-3PO:] My gratitude profound, C-3PO.

  C-3PO

  Forsooth, I never knew ’twas in me, Sir.

  LUKE

  These little creatures may have value yet

  If they our allies in this fight become.

  I need thine aid now to convince them so—

  I prithee, 3PO, make known to them

  Our dire adventures ’gainst the Empire vile.

  C-3PO

  I know not, Master. I am not a bard

  Who can with skillful tongue his story tell.

  LEIA

  But try, C-3PO—the tale relay

  In their own language.

  [The Ewoks gather and listen.

  C-3PO

  —All the world’s at war,

  And all the rebels in it are the heroes;

  They have their battles and their skirmishes,

  And rebels in these scenes have play’d their parts,

  Their story being seven ages. First,

  Our princess that was captur’d was then sav’d,

  But Alderaan did pay the costly price.

  And then the Death Star battle, with its guns

  And awful loss of life, like speeder bikes

  We flew unto the final vict’ry. Then

  To Hoth, so barren, with a woeful ballad

  Compos’d for our lost comrades. Then to Bespin,

  Full of strange imps and fearful twists of fate.

  My master fac’d Darth Vader, quick in quarrel,

  While Lando, Chewie, and the princess just

  Escap’d the cannon’s mouth. But then our Han—

  In fair trim belly with good humor lin’d,

  With eyes severe and hair of scruffy cut,

  Full of harsh tongue and modern instances—

  Was plac’d in carbonite. The sixth age shift’d

  To Tatooine, a lean and lonely place,

  With Jabba there to give us all a fright.

  The sarlacc vicious was a world too wide

  For us to spend eternity within.

  We turn’d again to Master Luke, who with

  The Force did save our lives. Last scene of all,

  That ends this brave eventful history,

  Shall be the Empire’s fall t’oblivion,

  Sans pow’r, sans hate, sans fear, sans ev’rything.

  [The Ewoks discuss the story.

  HAN

  What do they say?

  LEIA

  —I do not know.

  LUKE

  [ aside:] —I sense

  The keen nobility within their hearts;

  These small but mighty creatures shall yet be

  Our help as we make battle ’gainst our foes.

  TEEBO

  Na doonga doonga,

  Tymee soonga,

  Weesa hilpuh,

  Loonga, loonga.

  C-3PO

  ’Tis wonderful! A sign of deep respect

  The group has given us, for we have been

  Made members of their honorable tribe.

  Moreover, they shall aid us in the fight

  Against the Empire and its bunker here.

  [All embrace, and an Ewok hugs Han Solo.

  HAN

  ’Tis verily a dream come true for me.

  [ Aside:] And now, unhand me, teddy, ere I scream.

  R2-D2

  Beep, whistle, squeak!

  LUKE

  [ aside:] —This joyous scene doth stir

  My soul, for since my presence here is but

  A danger to my friends, I must depart.

  [Exit Luke Skywalker.

  LEIA

  But wherefore doth Luke flee when we should all

  Be celebrating? I shall follow him.

  [Exit Princess Leia.

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh.

  HAN

  —So the proverb says, Chewbacca: “Help

  That is but short is better than no help

  At all.” Though how the furry beasts will help

  I cannot yet imagine or conceive.

  C-3PO

  The Ewok chief reports the scouts shall show

  Us
to the place that generates the shield

  For the new Death Star. There we may fulfill

  Our plan: deactivate the shield anon.

  HAN

  Well done, C-3PO, now quickly heed

  Mine every command: first have them tell

  Us how far distant is the place. Then be

  Thou sure that, second, thou dost ask for fresh

  Supplies. And fin’lly, get our weapons back.

  But wherefore dost thou wait, thou simple droid?

  Unto my tasks—I shall not wait for thee!

  [Exeunt Han Solo and Chewbacca.

  C-3PO

  He cannot wait, but will not let me do’t!

  [Exeunt.

  Enter Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia on balcony.

  LEIA

  I prithee, say: what is the matter, Luke?

  LUKE

  Between who?

  LEIA

  —Nay, the matter on your heart.

  LUKE

  Say, dost thou of thy mother yet retain

  A memory? I fain would hear thee tell.

  LEIA

  But little, Luke, for I was all too young

  When she departed to her resting place.

  LUKE

  Yet what dost thou remember? Wilt thou share?

  LEIA

  ’Tis mostly images I see within

  My mind when I do think on her, just as

  The reds and oranges that one doth see

  When one hath look’d upon the shining sun.

  She was a woman of great beauty who

  Was kind, yet nurs’d some sadness deep within.

  Now tell me, wherefore dost thou ask me this?

  LUKE

  No mem’ry have I of a mother’s touch,

  Nor kindness, sadness, smile, or any speech.

  ’Twas not until but recently I thought

  Upon my state of being motherless.

  LEIA

  What troubles thee, dear Luke?

  LUKE

  —Darth Vader’s here,

  E’en now, upon this very forest moon.

  LEIA

  How dost thou know?

  LUKE

  —I felt his presence here.

  He cometh seeking me, for he can feel

  When I am near. This is why I must leave:

  As long as I remain I do the group

  And our good mission put at risk. Instead,

  My destiny it is to face the man.

  LEIA

  But wherefore?

  LUKE

  —He, e’en Vader, is my father.

  LEIA

  Thy father? What base trick of Fate is this?

  LUKE

  This news is but the prologue to the rest

  That I shall tell thee, Leia. This shall not

  Fall easily upon thine ears, but thou

  Must hear’t: if I do not return, then thou

  Shalt be the only hope for the Alliance.

  LEIA

  Nay, say not so, dear Luke! Thou hast a pow’r

  I do not comprehend, and never could

  Obtain. ’Tis far beyond my skill and means.

  LUKE

  But there thou art mistaken, Leia: thou

  Dost have that pow’r within thee, and, in time,

  Shall learn to use it as I have. The Force

  Is strong and certain in my family.

  My father has it, I have it as well,

  And also doth my sister have it. Aye,

  ’Tis thee, dear Leia, sister of my soul.

  LEIA

  [ aside:] A brother! What strange circumstance is this?

  My friend, this Luke, doth claim a brother’s place?

  And is Darth Vader thus my father, too?

  What of the father that I once did know—

  Organa, he for whom I have been nam’d?

  Shall I, now fully grown, begin anew

  And learn to love another family?

  I thought my kinfolk all had been dispatch’d

  When Alderaan was cruelly destroy’d.

  Yet Luke doth tell me that the man who stood

  And watch’d with joy whilst Alderaan was blown

  Apart is he whom I should “Father” call?

  It shall take time and thought to reconcile

  My heart unto this news. But with what joy

  Already I do welcome Luke into

  My life as brother—there I have no qualms,

  For he hath been a brother unto me

 

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