William Shakespeare's the Jedi Doth Return (9781594747144)
Page 12
But still thy tongue, the bunker now is near.
HAN
[ to Paploo:] Thou hast a back door found, thy hairiness?
’Tis well: from furry mouths come good ideas.
PAPLOO
[ to Wicket:] Ba’chua ba’chua,
Megoh ga’chua,
Megoh gennem,
Fa’chua, fa’chua.
Enter several IMPERIAL SCOUTS near the bunker. Paploo walks toward them.
HAN
[ to Leia:] There are not many guards nearby; to gain
The upper hand should not prove difficult.
LEIA
And yet it needeth merely one to sound
A loud alarm that brings the fleet entire.
HAN
Forsooth, then quietlike our moves shall be.
WICKET
[ to C-3PO:] N’unka unka,
Paploo flunka,
Heeza gennem,
Bunka, bunka.
C-3PO
O my! Good Princess Leia, I do fear
Our small befurr’d companion hath set on
An errand rash.
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
[All watch as Paploo approaches the scouts.
LEIA
—Fie! The little beast
Doth make his way unto a certain death.
Belike these guards shall blast him into bits.
HAN
And further: our surprise attack is gone.
We may not have another chance as this.
[Paploo suddenly boards a speeder bike and flies off into the distance.
SCOUT 1
Alack! That beast hath ta’en the speeder bike!
We shall not let the imp steal from us so!
SCOUT 2
Let us fly hence and after him!
SCOUT 3
—Away!
[Imperial Scouts 1, 2, and 3 mount their bikes and chase Paploo.
HAN
A clever ruse for one who is no more
Than a mere lump of matted fur. He hath
Succeeded in his plan, for now behold:
Just one is left. [ To C-3PO:] Remain here and await
Our swift return.
C-3PO
—Though I am but a droid,
My will is yet my own. I shall decide
What course to take, and have decided it
Shall better be if R2 and myself
Remain here.
HAN
—Well consider’d, goldenrod.
Now let us go, my friends, and make our way
Unto the bunker. Guard, what ho?
[Han Solo approaches another Imperial scout.
SCOUT 4
—Thou knave,
What treachery is this?
[Imperial Scout 4 runs after Han Solo but soon is surrounded by rebels.
HAN
—Such treachery
As shall an Empire conquer. Now, avaunt,
Thou scurvy servant of the Empire’s spite!
[The rebels subdue Imperial Scout 4.
LEIA
Good friends and rebels all, are you prepar’d?
The moment is upon us, even now:
We shall the bunker enter sans delay,
And what we’ll find therein we do not know.
Belike some danger grave doth wait inside,
Mayhap far worse than ever we imagine.
Be ready—eyes alert and open wide!
[Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, and rebels enter the bunker. Several Imperial troops are inside, surprised by the rebels’ entrance.
HAN
Pray, mark me well, else all of you shall die:
Move quickly to the side, and let us in.
[Imperial troops move away, surrounded by rebels.
Go, brave Chewbacca, guard these wayward souls.
LEIA
Make haste, good Han. The fleet shall be in range
Anon.
CHEWBAC.
—Egh, auugh!
HAN
—Give me those charges, quick!
Enter more IMPERIAL TROOPS, COMMANDERS, and STORMTROOPERS, running into the bunker. C-3PO, still outside the bunker, sees them.
C-3PO
O my, they shall be captur’d! Misery!
If only I could quickly warn them all.
WICKET
Netah muah,
Meego thuah,
Meego gennem,
Puah, puah.
[Exit Wicket in haste.
R2-D2
Beep, meep!
C-3PO
—Where dost thou go? Come back! R2,
Stay here with me, I pray. My joints and wires
Are burning with my terror and my fear.
If thou dost leave, I surely shall melt down
From all the dread that runs through me.
R2-D2
—Meep, squeak!
[ Aside:] Though small, his brave protection shall I be!
We cannot save the others, and may not
E’en save ourselves, but I shall not, at least,
Desert C-3PO when he’s afear’d.
COMMAND.
[ to Han:] Be still, thou rebel scum.
HAN
[ aside:] —Alas, how’s this?
The Empire knew our plan—something’s amiss!
[Exeunt all, with Imperial troops subduing rebels.
SCENE 2.
Inside the second Death Star.
Enter two GUARDS.
GUARD 1
Oi! Comrade, how art thou?
GUARD 2
—Quite well, my friend.
Say, didst thou hear the news?
GUARD 1
—What news, pray tell?
GUARD 2
It seemeth we have found Skywalker.
GUARD 1
—Aye?
The lad for whom we have for ages search’d?
The one o’er whom Darth Vader seems obsess’d?
The mighty boy of whom we’ve all been warn’d?
GUARD 2
Indeed, the same—thou knowest whom I mean.
GUARD 1
Where was he, then?
GUARD 2
—Upon the moon.
GUARD 1
—Which moon?
GUARD 2
The moon around which we do orbit now.
E’en Endor.
GUARD 1
—Can it be? Our enemy,
The greatest threat the Empire’s ever known,
Hath ’scaped our watch and is to Endor flown?
How can that be, for do we not have guards
Identifying ev’ry ship that comes?
Hath he fool’d them to make his landing, then?
GUARD 2
E’en so. Lord Vader hath return’d with him.
GUARD 1
Darth Vader brought him here?
GUARD 2
—Yes. Wherefore art
Thou so perplex’d?
GUARD 1
—The rebel pilot who
Hath single-handedly destroy’d the first
Death Star is hither brought—
GUARD 2
—As prisoner.
GUARD 1
As prisoner. Aye, that is better. But
How came he then to be on Endor, say?
And wherefore was he there? Do we yet know?
GUARD 2
How he hath landed there is yet beyond
Our knowing. He hath said he was alone.
GUARD 1
And hath he been believ’d?
GUARD 2
—Nay, we have not
Our senses quite forgot. Pray, give our men
An ounce of credit, lad. Our scouts do search
For his accomplices e’en now.
GUARD 1
—’Tis well.
GUARD 2
Forsooth, the Empire soon shall triumph.
GUARD 1
—But . . .
GUARD
2
Alas, my friend, what troubles thee? Why dost
Thou speak this “but”? Why “but”? What “but”?
GUARD 1
—Hast thou
Read the descriptions of the Endor moon?
GUARD 2
I have, for we were order’d so to do.
GUARD 1
Then thou hast heard about the creatures there.
GUARD 2
Mean’st thou the native population that
Was deemèd insignificant?
GUARD 1
—Indeed.
The full report hath said that they are arm’d.
GUARD 2
But with such sticks and rocks as would not harm
A womp rat, and much less an AT-AT. Thou
Wilt not fear armies made of twigs. ’Tis true?
GUARD 1
Perhaps, yet follow on: it seems that there
Are rebels on the forest moon, who now
Have hidden, and we know not where. What if
These rebels were to meet the creatures, band
Together, crush the bunker that controls
The shield that watcheth o’er the Death Star, then
Coordinate a wing’d assault, which would
Destroy this battle station and—still more—
Deliver our dread Emperor and Lord
Darth Vader unto their untimely deaths?
Could not just such a chain of dire events
Defeat the Empire strong in one fell swoop?
GUARD 2
Thou shouldst not be a guard, my friend, for thou
Art suited for a life of fantasy.
Thou shouldst a writer be of stories grand
Wherein a group of men and simple beasts
Do overthrow an Empire powerful.
O, it doth break upon my sight: my friend,
The ancient storyteller he, who weaves
His tales to bring delight to all who hear.
GUARD 1
Thou mockest me.
GUARD 2
—Well notic’d! Mark me now:
Thy fears all rest upon a tiny word,
A word so small it should not give thee cause
To fret and worry so: that word is “if.”
“If” there were rebels on the forest moon,
“If” they did meet with creatures and form pacts,
“If” then they could our bunker strong destroy,
“If” they had plann’d to strike our Death Star great.
Thine “if” itself the Empire overthrows,
But “if” knows little of reality.
I tell thee true, if I had richer been,
If I had been a politician’s son,
If I were rais’d in wealth and privilege,
If I myself became most powerful,
Why then, I would be Emperor, not guard!
But for the “ifs.”
GUARD 1
—Thy point is made, and I
Shall rest my “ifs” and be at ease. Now, if
Thou shalt come with me, we have both been call’d
To rearrange the chairs upon the deck.
GUARD 2
If thou shalt lead, I’ll follow, worthy friend.
[Exeunt.
Enter EMPEROR PALPATINE on balcony, with ROYAL GUARDS.
EMPEROR
Our age is but a constant grasp for pow’r,
A time when trust and honor are no more
And all is but a furious race till death.
How doth a person make a life that’s worth
The living? Is’t by love or ventures? Nay:
The one who hath the greatest pow’r prevails.
The politicians grumble, scrape, and grab,
A’fighting o’er their spheres of influence,
The people cringe and whimper ’neath the loads
Plac’d on them by those in authority,
And all in bleak timidity do cow’r
When in the presence of their Emperor.
O what a piece of work are we! I should
Find joy in our humanity, and yet,
To me, what is this quintessence of dust?
A galaxy of vermin searching for
A crumb of what the best do eat, all rul’d
By those who have the appetite for pow’r—
For in a world of darkness only those
Who serve the dark deserve to live and thrive.
Let those naïve and wayward souls who seek
For justice, wisdom, honesty, and right
Endure such suffering as fits their weak
And simple souls. Let those who love be made
To witness how their lov’d ones scream and shriek