The Lawyers of Mars: Three Novellas

by Pam Uphoff

  "But you do know the Imperial family," Trev said, and quizzed him as they trooped back to the hotel and up to the Penthouse. "List 'em. And their dates of birth."

  The Guard started off on the extensive and alliterative family, Trev nodding as the list matched his memory. With, judging by the start, one exception.

  "So, I've got the same batch of sibs. For better or worse. And so much for Time being random and undirected."

  "So your family hasn't changed?" Xaero asked him.

  "I've got an extra nephew. When did, umm. Ferita did toss that waste of space didn't she?"

  "Yes m'lord, three years before the boy was hatched. There are some raised spines about it, sir" The Guard looked stiffly ahead.

  "Really?" Trev looked amused.

  W'ufda chewed a claw. "First, access census records," he suggested. "Let's see if everyone exists."

  "And DMS records." Trev said. "For details. We know you and I exist."

  They settled in the atrium dining room Xaero had first seen tenths ago, and two blue suited Specials fetched computers and set them up.

  S'trooth brought up the DMS records first and printed out Trev and W'ufda's records and set them to checking them.

  Both the Imperial Guards roster and the Imperial City comm directory failed to produce Vee.

  Xaero was relieved to find herself in the Icefire Met directory at her same address, and still in the Lawyers guild records as a junior partner of L'svages, L'svages, L'svages, L'svages, L'svages, L'svages and L'svages.

  "Wait." She recounted. "There's an extra L'svages in there." She called up the directory again. "My," she cleared her throat. "My parents. Seem to be alive."

  The census records of their families were accessed with an override code supplied by Trev. Both her parents had their same birthdays and parents, Xaero Rafio L'savages had the same birthday as she did, had graduated from Imp U and passed the Legal Practitioners Exam the same days she had.

  There was no record of a Gergi H'nkel in the census. They dug further back.

  "My mother married my Uncle?" Vee was clearly taken aback. "At least I was an only child. No brothers or sisters to evaporate into thin air."

  "Actually it looks like you've suddenly acquired some half sibling-cousins." Trev said.

  S'trooth took charge. "We always knew this was a possibility. So we have Imperial permission to issue new ID and records, according to your memories as needed. Hopefully there won't be any doubles."

  "Doubles?"

  "If the you in this timeline didn't go though the time gate, he may still be here. Or her, in the case of Ms. L'svages."

  They all swapped looks. "Morning is way too late." Trev said, tapping the comm. "Sorry to bother you, Ms. L'svages, is Xaero . . . " he listened for a moment. "Oh, never mind, I see her, I was late and thought she might have gone home. Good night." He grinned at Xaero. "Your mother recognized my voice as the fellow her daughter left with yesterday. She didn't sound like she approved."

  "So far so, almost good." She muttered. "What's the number someone would use to reach either of you in Imp city?" He tapped it in for her. "I'm trying to reach either Captain W'ufda or Lieutenant O'noh. Are either of them in? Thank you." She clicked off. "You are both unavailable." She tapped in the number for Double Moons Publisher and got a Deli two blocks away. The directory gave her another number. She twitched at Trev's voice then slumped in relief as she realized she was listening to a recording. She tried the number W'ufda had given her days earlier and grinned when he jumped and grabbed at his belt.

  "Vee, I think you're the only loser in this." Trev said, a worried frown on his face.

  Vee shook his head. "No, this is fine." He was still studying the census. "My dad was a nasty drunk, died years ago," he tapped the comp screen. "Both times. I always liked my Uncle, so that's warm, even if it was a bit of a shock, at first. If you can fix the records, give me the same Dad and some invented mother who died a couple of years ago. I'll contact them as a stranger, a nephew they didn't know anything about. That way I can meet all these half sibs of mine."

  Xaero had another thought. "Did you guys ever find the guards who were supposed to be here?"

  "We did." S'trooth said. "They were locked up in the cells in the basement, hungry and thirsty, but otherwise fine. M'kabon had vater powder rigged somewhere, if I judged their symptoms right. I sent them away, ostensively to get a med check, actually to clear the decks in case we had to go back in time, or had a bunch of unknowns come back through the gate. These guys," he glanced at the regulars, who were still sticking close to Trev and W'ufda. "Were worried about you and wouldn't leave."

  W'ufda tapped his claws uncertainly. "Do you know who went through the time . . . whatever. Gate?" He looked at the regular Dims.

  One of them nodded. "That we know of, only you and Prince Fatreve went through. No Imperial bodyguard was involved," he cleared his throat. "Other than the one throwing fits over not being able to keep up with you two. Oh, we were alerted to something happening by that fem who was supposed to be an expert on the surface and who wanted to check the plants here, leaving her comm on transmit while getting captured." He flicked a glance at Xaero. "We searched and didn't find her anywhere, and assumed M'kabon had taken her."

  K'derat adjusted his over embellished uniform with an irritated gesture. "When I entered the building I saw M'kabon and one other lizard, the other carrying something very large, that might have been the fem disappear into a bright white fog. You two got there first, and then I ran through the same space and nothing happened other than you weren't there anymore. You know not to do that, sir." He sent Trev a reproachful look. "You didn't even take Lieutenant D'nef along, sir"

  The Dim that had spoken earlier snorted. "We had no idea what was going on, sir. We called Colonel K'cerel, and he told us to lock it down until the Specials got here." He glanced at S'trooth. "He told us about the time machine. If we hadn't seen you disappear, I'd have reported him for drug use on duty, sir."

  W'ufda was frowning thoughtfully and reached across the table and snagged Trev's personnel records.

  "What about stuff that didn't make it to a history book," Xaero suddenly asked. "Like that icy body? And Blozolli and L'azlod?"

  "Don't worry, Miss, we have alerts out for them. They won't stay free for long." S'trooth assured her.

  "Oh," W'ufda moaned. "We had them both under lock and key. What about the Space Base assault?"

  "The what?" S'trooth was looking very alarmed.

  Trev was back into the comp files. "Never happened, the four Imperial Guards that were killed are all listed as active duty."

  Vee grinned. "Now, that's good news."

  "My head hurts." W'ufda moaned.

  "Trev, did you file a report after the Sun Town stuff?" Xaero asked.

  "Of course he did." W'ufda pounced on the comp. "I can call it up from here and . . . " they read it in silence. "Well, you were right, Miss Xaero, when Trev left your nephew tied up in the bar and we freed him when it was raided, you never stuck your nose in again. And I refuse to believe Trev wrote this report. Not his style at all." One of the Dims twitched and frowned.

  "I never met Trev? Then how did my mother recognize his voice?" She asked. "But, I did defend Blozolli in court?" Heads nodded. "And how did L'azlod escape if I didn't let him go? If history changed starting seventy years ago, why is everything the same?" She shot a glance at Vee. "Well, so very nearly the same."

  "There's a theory about multiple parallel universes, and that they influence each other, pull each other into agreement." S'trooth shrugged. "I've seen scientists nearly coming to blows, arguing over the books."

  "Oh, Sand! Look at this. Gold and Silver turned good all on their own." Trev said. "But there was trouble getting out, L'azlod was stunned and they rushed him to Daeda. He disappeared from the hospital when they turned their backs for a flick."

  "Warn the Space Base, make them change their access codes for the maneuvering engines on the icy body." Wufda snapp
ed.

  "Hey, hold up." S'trooth protested. "Are you talking about the thing that broke up and came crashing down when they tried to bring it into orbit?"

  "Yes, that would be it." Trev said. "I take it it's not a problem, then?"

  "Other than the worst scare the planet has ever had?" S'trooth said. "It's not a problem anymore. Prince Fatreve, sir."

  W'ufda grinned. "Trev, everyone is handling you with such care and so many Sirs and Prince Fatreves that I'm beginning to think . . . " he'd been leafing through Trev's records as he spoke and put a claw down on an entry. "Yep, a weight deferment on your physical." He sat back with a smug grin. "I always knew you had the potential to be a fat prick, and here's the proof."

  S'trooth winced, then sat back in shock, as W'ufda and Vee started snickering.

  "Oh, no." Trev snatched back the records. "I don't believe this. I had a deferment to get in, and eight times since. I only passed my annual physical six times over my entire career?" He grabbed the comp. "I wonder what sort of cases you sent me on . . . "

  W'ufda and Vee both rose to look over his shoulders. "Looks like you spent a lot of time working with Lieutenant D'nef." W'ufda looked over at the Dim. "Who in our world was station chief in the northwest and a damn good one."

  S'trooth, cleared his throat. "Now he's assigned especially to your section to handle the Prince."

  Trev sat back. "Handle, as in to do the work and make me look good?" He looked back at the Sun Town report then turned and looked at the twitchy Dim. "D'nef? Did you write this? I seem to recognize your verbosity. Did I actually make you write all my reports?" he asked mildly, eyeing the officer.

  D'nef squirmed. "Yes, sir."

  Trev shook his head in disbelief. "What idiot let me be such an ass? Let's get one thing clear, right now. The fat prick you know and probably don't love doesn't exist anymore. In fact he didn't exist until we traveler to the past, yesterday. Please do not mistake me for him. I think I'm going to have enough trouble with that from people who don't know about this . . . mess." Trev chewed reflexively on a claw. "It could be fun shocking my family though."

  Xaero let her head sink down to the table, the last day or seventy years or however long it had been catching up to her. "This is so strange. I'm hungry, but most of all I need to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and find out it's all been a nightmare."

  Trev, W'ufda and Vee joined her in a raid on the kitchen, then after some consultation, she took her old prison room—with a working, never removed door knob— and collapsed into a night full of dreams involving hunting for Trev in a blinding white fog.

  ***

  When she finally dragged herself out of bed, she found the penthouse filled with bright morning light and overpopulated with Imperial Guards in full uniform and DMS Specials in their trademark blue suits.

  Trev, W'ufda, and Vee had their heads together with an Imperial Guard. She eyed his rank insignia . . . could this be the legendary General S'ank? She recognized him instantly as an older version of one of the Imperials that had been doing such a poor job of guarding her Grandfather. One of the survivors of the rush to pounce on her Grandfather and almost accidentally take out the assassin. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he had been diving past her Grandfather to get the assassin.

  He recognized her immediately too, with a start of surprise. "You are under arrest."

  "No she's not," said Trev, mildly. "General, I don't think you've been listening."

  "Sir, she armed an enemy of the . . . "

  "General. She armed a man she trusted to save the Imperial family, and who in fact, with some assistance, did so. Back off." His voice had started mild, but had a definite snap to it at the end.

  The general shot a surprised look at Trev, but softened his bark, eyeing her. "I want to know who you are, and what you were doing there."

  "I am Xaero L'svages, the granddaughter of General Xavarti. I was there deliberately in order to foil an assassination attempt. I was trying to do it in such a way as to minimally change what I remembered happening as I learned it from, well, some really poor entertainment vids, the educational vids that we were all force fed in school, and my Grandfather's accounts of the day."

  He looked her up and down, unhappily. "Your Grandfather, General Xavarti Ile Leia. I see."

  Trev stepped around him, and taking her arm escorted her to the table. "Have some breakfast," he said signaling someone. "The General is having a Bad Day. My Mother just told him about the time travel stuff, and he's upset that he wasn't told long ago, plus he has just been presented with a new Imperial Guard NCO who didn't actually exist until yesterday."

  Vee grinned. "My telling him that this is the most polite conversation I've ever had with him didn't help."

  Xaero was glad to see that he looked relaxed and happy. W'ufda, on the other hand, looked worried and Trev, glancing over at him started snickering. "That new nephew I seem to have picked up? Seems there are rumors about Ferita's clandestine love affair with an unnamed DMS officer. W'ufda is in a panic. I can't imagine why."

  Vee was snickering too, and caught her eye. "In our time, there were comments among the Guards about glances exchanged every time Trev invited the Captain to a State dinner. Then there were . . . matching absences during more casual parties. Apparently in this time it started earlier and progressed further. And it is almost public knowledge." He glanced at Trev who was wiping his eyes. "I mean, a ten year old son is hard to hide."

  W'ufda looked panicked, and Trev broke down and roared with laughter. Xaero bit her knuckles for a d-split, then cleared her throat. "Congratulations and, umm, good luck, Captain."

  Trev got himself under control and waved at S'trooth as he entered the patio area. "S'trooth fetched your purse from where it got dropped when his people tackled you. He's been drooling over your backup crystal, finding all sorts of goodies on it. They'll be reading and analyzing them for the next year."

  "Hmm, no telling what has changed, though. And we still haven't worked out what the relationship between the family firm, and L'azlod and Blozolli was." She glanced up at S'trooth. "I only remember you from comm conversations about the REM financial investigations. Were you one of the Specials investigating the firm?" she stopped at his shaken head.

  "In my, this, time we didn't suspect the L'svages, you were just the lawyers Blozolli hired for his defense, although," the Colonel choked and turned red at the effort to copy the casual address. "Trev went out of his way to make your acquaintance and fish for information. He introduced himself at the Annual Children's Charity Ball in Icefire Met and you took to each other immediately. His conclusion was that the L'svages were a pack of lawyers "

  Xaero barely kept a straight face, as she glanced at Trev and then back at S'trooth and up at the General. "And just for my over-active curiosity, at what age, in this time, did Trev mature?"

  S'trooth blinked, and looked at Trev. Eyed the short spines that were sprouting at his temples. "You, you. Oh. And here we thought we still hadn't gotten back to Fatrevi."

  General S'ank who'd been standing disapprovingly a stride away from the table, stepped over and sat down to join in the scrutiny.

  Trev cleared his throat and looked inquiringly at the two males.

  "To the best of my knowledge, sir, you had not matured. I have not recently spent much time in your company, sir." S'ank was stiff.

  "It was a recent surprise," Trev told him. "I wonder if I need to tell my Mother again, though. Hmm. General, are there any fems who're going to be a surprise to me?"

  "No, you've been remarkably well behaved for any young lizard, let alone a, umm." The General suddenly colored.

  "Royal?" Trev finished for him. "I take it Fensteri is still a walking scandal?" he asked, receiving a nod. "Is Ferita still fast approaching Elder Wisdom? Even though she had one more kid than I remember?"

  "Yes, sir. Perhaps I should get you a copy of the Guard reports, sir." The General was suddenly looking pleased, and Xaero
would have sworn he blinked away a tear. "We had not been made aware that you had matured."

  "I may not have realized it, not having been around a certain fem for very long." Trev's foot stroked hers under the table. "This is Xaero, err, Xaera Rafia L'svages, by the way."

  S'ank blinked at Xaero. "And Empress Rafia. Sand."

  "I'm getting an awful lot of sirs from you too, General. Was I that bad?"

  "You seemed to expect formal protocol at all times, sir." The General looked uncomfortable.

  S'trooth looked sympathetic. "This Fatrevi doesn't seem to bite, displays a good sense of humor and appears to be competent. Obviously not the same prick."

  The General's mouth dropped open as Trev, W'ufda, Vee and Xaero all cracked up.

  "See?" S'trooth shook his head regretfully. "I think those history books warped our attitude toward, well, our Fatreve, and interfered with his natural personality."

  "Or maybe that was his natural personality." W'ufda glanced over to where a new influx of lizards was approaching. "Ah, here we go."

  The older lizard in a neat business suit was obviously known to all of them.

  "Doctor Z'ol." Trev greeted him and peered at the equipment he was unpacking.

  "I apologize for this Prince Fatreve, but the Empress requires a DNA check." The Doctor braced himself.

  "Oh, good idea," Trev said. "Maybe I'm not really me."

  The doctor blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

  "Don't worry about it, carry on." Trev's attention was more for the lizards who were huddled with S'trooth, half of them staring at Trev.

  The doctor finished up and stuck a rather unneeded sticky on Trev's forearm. As the doctor retreated, S'trooth returned, looking a bit ticked.

  He cleared his throat uneasily. "It appears that rumors are circulating about Prince Fatreve being injured, possibly killed. The Dims I sent back were upset and tried to go over my head to launch a rescue operation. Rather a lot of people are about to arrive."

  "Big rumor? Public? Pictures being published and all that?" Trev asked. "Wait, does everyone know I'm a Dim?"