by Elisa Riley
"One day you will be loved, not just for your body, but for you. That day will come soon and I bet the guy will be head over heels for you," Robert gave her a small smile.
Chloe sighed, turning away from him as he indirectly confessed out loud that it was true, that he had only loved her body and not her soul and mind.
A loud knock sounded at the bottom of the staircase, the front door banging with such urgency and loudness making Robert jump out from the bed. He assumed it was his wife and asked Chloe to stay put into the bedroom while he got rid of whoever was downstairs.
Chloe stayed still under the blankets, wiping tiredly at her eyes that were smudged with eye liner, sighing to herself and thinking about how fucked her life was. She had wished she were lying in bed with Ethan at the moment, discussing the most random things like they always did- whether it was Zombie Apocalypse's or his strange collection of plush penguins- She wanted to be with him and him only, realizing that she was wanting to be loved by the wrong person this whole time. She now made it the idea that she wanted to be loved by Ethan- not Robert.
She looked at the bedroom door, about to tell Robert that it was best if she left until she saw the face of a blonde sad women who looked like she was going to cry just seeing Chloe in Robert's bed.
"Laura?"
Chapter 21
Chloe sighed, pushing her hair out of her face as tears streaked down her porcelain cheeks.
She was waiting for Ethan to show up and meet her at the park like he said he would, only it has already been an hour and he hadn't showed up.
For a second there, Chloe had thought Ethan actually hated her now, that he didn't get want anything to do with her just because of some stupid mistakes she has made in her life.
But then he showed up.
Ethan showed up with a single rose in his hand, his eyes nervously looking down upon Chloe who sat on the grass, softly crying her heart away.
Today had completely wrecked her. With Robert gone and new perspectives on Laura, she had felt that she owed Ethan the truth, for that was only way he would ever stand to be around her.
Ethan sat down beside her, no words being exchanged as he handed her the rose and began picking at the shards of green grass.
"Thanks for the flower." Chloe quietly spoke and Ethan only nodded.
"So, you wanted to meet here because?"
"Because I needed to talk to you. Look, Ethan, everything that I'm about to tell you, I just want you to know that it was all a mistake- a very stupid mistake- and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for it all." Chloe turned towards Ethan, her shameful eyes trying to meet his blue ones.
"Did you.. Did you actually sleep with your therapist like that guy said?" Ethan said, referring to when Daniel exploded at Chloe's home.
"Yeah. Okay- yes, I have slept with him, almost twice a week since I met the damn man. Yes, I have fucked my principal because my therapist thought it would be a good idea," Chloe's voice began to raise out of anger towards Robert. Her eyes became glossy and she could feel the sticky tears running down her cheeks.
"Yes, I have let him use me over and over, because I thought he loved me and it's quite clear to me that he doesn't. He doesn't love me, he only said it to keep me around.. Kinda like what my dad did to me." Chloe mumbled through her tears.
"I think I owe it to you to tell you why I'm in therapy to begin with."
And as Chloe told him every single terrible and fucked up thing in her life, Ethan began to feel sorry for her. Her mom, her dad, Therapy, Robert, Everything that has made her the broken person she was today was let out all out as she cried hard out of agony and devastation. If Ethan had known the whole reason behind Chloe and her tragedian life, He wouldn’t have given her the cold shoulder- instead being her shoulder to cry on.
Ethan took it upon himself to bring rosemary onto his lap on into his arms, trying to comfort her and calm her down from her sobbing. She was a wreck, sobbing out how much she loathed her life and how cruel the world was to her.
"Shh, hey, please don't cry," Ethan whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her skin.
"You know where he is right now? He's probably at the police station- handcuffed and everything- because he's slept with an underage girl- me. God, I saw how it destroyed my principal, I can't destroy another life. What if he goes to Jail? It's going to be all because of me. He's going to lose his family and his job, and his freedom, How sick is that." Chloe cried.
Chloe cried for Robert. As much as it broke her knowing that he fucked her over, She cried for him, for she still felt an ounce of love and appreciation for him. She felt stupid and hated herself because she knew Robert didn't love her, she knew Robert just used her for her body and belittled her where she thought of herself as nothing but the dirt on the ground, but even with knowing such, she still felt bad for Robert and didn't want anything bad to happen to him.
Maybe it was because she was naive enough to believe that he cared for her, or maybe it was because his claws were too deep into her skin that even though he hurt her, she could crawl right back to him because he made her feel so alone and small that she thought the only person who she could look towards for comfort was him- Robert. Whatever the reason may be, It would be a mystery to everyone- to us- because only rosemary knew what it felt like to be held in Robert's arms at the end of the day, to be bruised by his massive hands, to be caressed with by his mouth and tips of his fingers. Only Chloe knew what everything felt like, only she knew what went on in her mind, and to us, it was simply unexplainable.
Ethan couldn’t figure out why she cared so much for Robert even though it was obvious he only did damage to her. All he could do was try to comfort her in hopes of her calming down from her crying.
Chloe could cry, thinking about the look on Laura's face once she had seen her naked in sheets on Robert's bed. She would've thought it was someone else at the door for Robert, only to be told that Robert was being shoved into the backseat of a police car. Laura had told Chloe that she found out about Robert being in the video that went around her school, She said that it was inappropriate for harry as her therapist to be touching her- it was inappropriate no matter what because she was an underage minor.
And as Chloe broke down in front of Laura's eyes, Laura had spilled about why she decided to stick with Chloe's case- why she decided that she wanted to help Chloe get better. She told Chloe about how When she was a young girl, she had been molested by a family member of hers. When Laura was around the age of nine, Her uncle used to babysit her when her single parent mother had night shifts at the hospital. Laura's uncle would make it seem like him touching her body was a game that they could play, sickly putting his hands on a little girl whom hadn't realized what his intentions were until she grew older and into the women she was now. She didn't want to see any more people hurting, so she took Chloe's case and assigned herself to it- only to put Robert into her position and take over the case- big mistake.
Chloe hadn't known about Laura's past, she didn't know that she was sexually abused by a family member and that made her heart ache even more. And just like Ethan to Chloe, Had she known that Laura had been through all of that, she would have been more easier on her instead of always being so stubborn.
"I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up." Chloe mumbled to Ethan, afraid of what he now thought of her for that he now knew the cold and hard truth about her.
"Let's stop talking, let's just... Let's just lay down for now and forget about the world, Okay?" Ethan removed Chloe from himself, laying back against the grass as he stared up at the sky. Chloe leaned back also, the last of tears falling form her eyes as she looked up at the clouds, trying to do what Ethan had said and forget about the world. They stared up at the clouds in a peaceful silence, no words being exchanged, just the sound of their breathing. Ethan's fingers slowly played with the tips of Chloe's, until their hands were entwined and a small smile was placed on Chloe's broken porcelain face.
Chapter 22
"On the coun
t of three, we both open them, Okay?" Ethan suggested, his eyes glued to the envelope in his hands, his mere future right at the tips of his fingers.
"Mhm." Chloe mumbled, looking down at her envelope as well.
Ethan had showed up to Chloe's house with a letter from a California university, nervous and anxious, wanting to open it with Chloe by his side, only to see that Chloe was also mailed a letter from the same school, except he ceased to notice that she had indeed two letters- One from California, one from New York.
"One," Chloe took a breath, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip as her fingers trembled slightly.
"Two," Chloe stole a glance at Ethan, watching his eyes glint with nervousness and excitement. They planned it all out, they were both going to go to California, they were both going to go to the same university, and they were both going to happy- and hopefully things were looking their way.
"Three."
Both of them hastily ripped open the letters from different universities, Chloe ceasing to read her letter as she watched Ethan's blue eyes scan the paper.
"Oh my god," Ethan gasped, "Oh..My..God."
"What does it say?" Chloe asked.
"I got in..I got in!" He shouted with a smile, scooping up Chloe in his arms to swing her around in a small circle. Chloe smiled for him, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he let her down and gushed in happiness. he didn't think he'd get in to be honest, he thought he was just a dumb fuck who only passed grades because his mom was his teacher. He was happy that he proved himself and everyone who doubted him wrong.
"I can't believe this! God- what does yours say?" Ethan asked, giving Chloe a smile.
Chloe's smile went unnoticed as she looked down at her paper, her doe brown eyes taking in all this information.
Dear Chloe Davies,
After thoughtful consideration of your early decision candidacy, the Admissions Committee has decided to deny your application. By informing you of this final decision at this time, it is our hope that you will have ample time to consider options other than University of California Los Angeles for your education and to file other applications. Your early decision application was reviewed with great care and sincere interest. The task of selecting 1,090 first-year students from more than 16,000 applicants is a difficult and time-consuming process. Unfortunately, we must deny many highly qualified applicants as the majority of students who apply present records demonstrating that they would succeed both academically and personally at the College. I am sorry that the decision on your application was not favorable, and I would like to offer you my best wishes for a fine college experience and my appreciation for your interest in UCLA. Sincerely, Heather Sadies Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid. Chloe looked up at Ethan, watching his eyes dance with excitement as he waited for her to announce her acceptance into the same school-only she hasn't got accepted. She felt embarrassed and upset and wanted to cry, but knowing that she also had another letter in her other hand, she stayed quiet.
"I didn't get in, Ethan." Chloe quietly spoke, looking down at the floor as she sighed softly.
This wasn't their plan, They were supposed to live happily ever after in California where they'd go to frat parties and have late night dates at the sandy beaches- they were both supposed to get into the same school and now that was ruined.
"What?" Ethan's eyes widened as he moved next to Chloe, peering over her shoulder to look at her letter that indeed had denied her to the university.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry, Chloe," He softly spoke, putting an arm around her for comfort. Ethan was sad that she wouldn't be attending the same school as him, this just made him asking her to be his girlfriend ten times harder because he knew that long distant relationships didn't last.
"Whatever, that school sucks anyways-sorry Ethan." Chloe murmured.
"I also got this one.. from New York," Chloe held up the white envelope. Ethan stared at it, feeling guilty of thinking how much he didn't want her to get into that school. in all hopes, he'd want her to follow him to California where they could still be with each other even if she wasn't attending university with him.
"Read it," Ethan encouraged. He wanted to see what lied beneath the envelope as badly as Chloe.
She opened the letter, reading off the first sentence that surely had congratulations written in black typing ink.
"I got in." Chloe spoke slowly. she couldn't believe it. She was sad that her and Ethan were going to go separate ways, but at the same time the thought of living in an amazing city and getting away from this hell hole she called home excited her.
"Chloe," Ethan quietly spoke, ashamed of himself for even asking her this, but nonetheless, did it anyways.
"Don't go to New York. Come with me to Cali where we can live together, I don't want to be without you." The words tumbled out of his mouth, making Chloe stare at him with slight widened eyes.
"Wha.. But- but we didn't get into your school." Chloe bit the inside of her cheek.
"I know, but you can apply for UCLA next summer and get in. For the mean time we can rent an apartment together or something, I don't know, I just don't want to be without you next to me." Ethan frowned.
"Ethan..."
"you're asking me to follow you to California? What about my education, Ethan? I didn't even get into your school, I got into New York, I can't just not go." Chloe spoke which made Ethan sigh with a nod.
"I was hoping you wouldn't say that," Ethan sighed.
"I'm sorry," Chloe apologized. She knew she was a bit harsh with him, but she didn't want drop her future for Ethan who could always change his mind about her. he would probably find a girlfriend at campus and leave Chloe which scared her, it was best if she went to somewhere where she had an absolute future.
"Let's now worry about all of this okay? We have a few weeks together left, let’s just spend that time with each other instead of worrying about damn college." Chloe sighed, flying herself onto the mattress of her bed as she groaned into the pillows.
"Okay, okay, sorry," Ethan mumbled, laying down next to Chloe as they stared up at the ceilings.
"So.. what would you do if we got hijacked on an airplane?" Chloe asked, starting on of their many weird conversations.
And so the weeks continued with both of them packing for college, boxing their bedrooms up cardboard box by cardboard box, until it was nothing but a blank room with long year memories.
Five weeks into it all, Both of them stood at the airport, gusts of wind blowing at them as they huddled closer together to embrace body warmth.
"You better visit me," Chloe murmured to Ethan, wrapping her arms around his waist as she rested her on his firm chest. Ethan could only chuckle sadly, trying to do anything but cry.
Chloe was leaving two days before Ethan, wanting to settle into her new lifestyle at the busy city, while Ethan decided that he would they there in a few days.
"I will, I promise." Ethan mumbled, pressing a kiss to her head. Abbie watched in awe from afar, watching the lovey dovey teenagers bid their goodbyes. She was proud of Chloe going off to college and getting an better education, she was so proud of how far she had come in life and how well she could survive the monstrosity of her reality.
"Listen, I gotta tell you something." Ethan mumbled shyly once Chloe let go of her embrace on him.
"Go ahead," Chloe smiled, seeing how Ethan's cheeks turned to a bashful Crimson.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" He asked and Chloe's smile gradually turned into a nervous frown as she stared at him with sad eyes.
"No, I don't." she plainly stated, making Ethan swallow the lump in his throat.
"Well I do and that's how I feel about you. I love you...like a lot." He fiddled with his hands nervously.
"Ethan, please don't." Chloe whispered, her sad eyes meeting his.
"Don't what?"
"Don't say that you love me. You don't love me, Ethan." Chloe spoke to which Ethan could only say that he indeed loved her.
If it wasn't for Chloe be
ing fucked over by many in her life, she would've accepted his love and proclaimed it back to him, but sadly it wasn't like that. Robert fucked her over badly with those words. He manipulated her with his so called love for her and it broke her to the point where she sure didn't ever want to be in love with anybody else. She still was so naive to love, all she knew was that it didn't really exist, it was just a stupid word that people said to reassure someone else, it was fake. Love was fake. "Why? I lo-"
"Stop saying it, okay? Look, I know you care about me, I care about you too, but I don't think you really love me. I don't want you to say that you do only to have you meet someone else and cause me to break. I'm just saying this to prevent myself from going through the hurt later on." Chloe spoke which made Ethan shake his head quickly, his eyes overcoming with sadness. "But-"
"Ethan, I really do like you, more than like- but I can't say those words to you and I don't think it’s a good idea if you say them to me. You're going to find a girlfriend in California who will be beautiful and will have no problem with saying those words back to you, unfortunately that girl won’t be me, Ethan, i need you to understand that." "Fuck.. Yeah, Okay," Ethan spoke out of frustration. He was so mad at Chloe's therapist for breaking her and ruining love for her. If it wasn't for Robert, She could have been saying those three words back to him and making him the happiest guy on earth. "Ethan, I didn't mean to upset you-"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry, let's just be happy in this moment. I don't want you to leave with bad shit between us." Ethan felt sad that he had been rejected by Chloe, but it wasn't like that. She didn't mean to reject, it wasn't like she didn't have feelings for him or anything. She indeed loved him more than anything, she just couldn't bring it upon herself to get so heartbroken again. "I'm sorry," Chloe apologized and Ethan shushed her.
"It doesn't matter anymore, what matters is that I want you to be happy when you arrive to New York. And you're going to call me up as soon as you get there, right? I'll be sad if you don't." Ethan spoke and rosemary gave him a sad smile. She let go of her carry on, her arms wrapping around his neck as she kissed him on the cheek.
