by Elisa Riley
"I'm going to miss you." She whispered with a sigh.
"Hey, Skype wasn't invented for nothing, baby," He gave her a chuckle and her heart melted with the little pet name he gave her.
"I'll call you," She said, about to leave before Ethan tugged her back by the wrist.
"don't I get a goodbye kiss?" He asked and she smiled.
"No," She teased making Ethan give out a scoff before smiling and pressing his mouth to hers. Her stomach fluttered at the thought of his soft lips biting on hers and his tongue moving against hers. and in that moment, she could tell that Ethan honestly loved her like he said he did. she finally felt loved by the right person, she just wish she could give him the love back that he deserved. "Goodbye, Ethan." Chloe mumbled.
"Mhm, I'll see you later alligator." He spoke making a smile appear on her face.
"After a while, crocodile."
Chapter 23
Chloe bit nervously on the ends of her cuticles as her eyes examined the open windowed room, noticing books shelves stacked with psychological paperbacks and fake plants surrounding the corners of the room, the scent of febreeze filling her nostrils.
"Chloe-Chloe are you paying any attention?" Rebecca asked.
"I'm sorry, what?" Chloe blinked.
She was so nervous and out of it today. Today she had been starting a new session of therapy, this time being in New York. She wasn't too keen on attending therapy again and talking about Robert whom she had been trying to forget.
"I'm trying to help you and get through to you but that won't happen unless you pay attention, so please, try and listen more." Rebecca spoke, slightly aggravated with the college freshman who had been in a trance for the longest of time. "I know, I know, Sorry, What were you saying?" Chloe asked, her hands falling to her lap.
"I was saying, I want to go over things about Robert, that is if you are comfortable with talking about him." Rebecca spoke. Chloe looked up at Rebecca, her concerned eyes blinking a few times to process what she just said. This was the first time hearing Robert's name in a whole week and it gave her terrible nervous tingles throughout her body. "Yeah- okay.."
"Okay, anything you want to share with me about him?"
"Uhh, Well he was my old therapist before this but you already know that.. Uh.." She wasn't quite sure what to say about him. She knew that eventually she would have to spill about how he treated her and what he did to her, but she wasn't ready for that. "Go on," Rebecca looked at Chloe through her thick framed glasses.
Chloe sighed, slumping against the chair as she blinked back a few uncomfortable tears. She let out a soft breath, beginning to explain about how Robert deceived her with the word love. She spoke about how he played her like a fool and how he corrupted her more than her own father has. "He lied and said he loved me, just like my damned father." Chloe blew out a huff.
"About your father, can you tell me a bit more about him? I've read about him in your files and it seems... it seems that he has made a huge negative impact on your life." Rebecca quietly spoke, not wanting to upset Chloe. Once Rebecca had look at her new client's profiles, her eyes were wide and if not mistaken, filled with sorrow because she felt for the young girl with such a tough past. "Well... I don't know, what do you want me to tell you about?" Chloe asked.
"I want to know about your relationship with him and what exactly happened. To help you get better, I have to find the root of the problem and see what caused you to be in such an unhappy state. I want to get deeper in this conversation, but I want to do it with your consent and if you're comfortable talking about him. Are you comfortable talking about him?" "I will never be comfortable talking about him, but I guess I can try and answer what you want me to." Chloe mumbled and Rebecca offered her a small smile, noticing the progress between them. She knew Chloe was a tough cookie, so it was great to see her opening up. "Good. We'll talk about Robert later, I want to know more about your father." Rebecca said.
"When was the first time he touched you?"
"touched me? Like.. like when he touched me?" Chloe asked, her lips turning into a frown as she stared down at her fiddling hands in her lap.
"Yes. When was the first time he physically touched you, when he began molesting you?" Rebecca asked and Chloe nearly cringed at what she heard. She didn't want to think about her own father laying his hands on her skin and touching her in ways that are not appropriate to the society eye. "I was ten." Chloe choked out her words, a large lump rising in her throat as she remembered the vague night of her father coming into her bedroom.
Chloe could picture her ten year old self, sitting on the ledge of the pool table at her old home, Surrounded by her daddy and all of his friends, each of them with a beer in their hand. She sat there in her night gown, giggling at everything funny coming out of the drunk men's mouths. But as her mom called her upstairs for her bed time, Her daddy rested his large hand on her thigh, looking at her with such strange eyes as he whispered to her that he'd be in her room to kiss her goodnight. "I remember him having his friends over, they were all drunk and shit- stuff I meant, sorry. Um, He said that he was later going to come into my room to kiss me goodnight and he did, but, like, he didn't leave my room just yet." Chloe spoke.
"I didn't really know what he was doing when he laid down next to me and began tugging at my gown. I don't know, he had his hands on my legs and was just rubbing his fingers up and down. I didn't think much of it because I was just a little girl y'know, I didn't know much better. All I could think about was how happy I was because he said he loved me so much." "And- and when he was on top of me and trying to y'know- trying to do stuff with me I began to cry. I cried for my mom but she never came. I guess she didn't hear me, I don't know." Chloe bitterly mumbled. She could remember screaming for her mom, her father's hand swiftly coming down onto her mouth to try and quiet her down. Her tears ran down her cheeks, seeping between her dad's fingers as he roughly slammed into her. How fucking horrible. "After that, it became a regular thing for him to come into my room and kiss me goodnight like that. I didn't like it- it made me sad all the time because it hurt and he didn't seem to care." Chloe mumbled. "So why didn't you tell anyone about what he was doing to you?" Rebecca asked.
"Because he said he loved me. I was afraid that if I told someone, then he would stop loving me. I didn't want him to hate me, I just wanted to be loved, fuck." Chloe began sobbing softly, trying to hide her reddened face between her hands and away from her new therapist as she began to cry all her problems out. her life was fucked up, she knew it too, she just didn't realize how fucked up it actually was. she couldn't believe how much stupid people existed in her life and how badly they had ruined her. It bitterly amazed her how much damage someone could do to another person's life just by a few words and a fist or two. "Okay, take a breather," Rebecca spoke, handing over a tissue to the poor girl who was breaking all over again right in front of her very eyes.
"I don't want to talk about him anymore, I don't want to talk about anyone today- I just want to go home." Chloe cried and Rebecca nodded her head, understandingly. She didn't want to push it and ask of too much just on her first day in therapy, but she felt like it was needed, wanting to understand what exactly was going on through Chloe's brain. "Alright, you're free to go. I'm really sorry about everything.. Please show up on Wednesday, alright?" Rebecca spoke and Chloe nodded, sniffling as she left the office in a hurry.
She drove back to her university campus with tears blurring the roads and her vision as she thought about how sickening her father was. And what was even more sickening was that she had let it happen all over again. Her father sexual, mentally, and physically abused her from the ages ten to fifteen. Five torturous years of pain. And then it happened again at the age of seventeen, this time with her therapist Robert. Her stomach dropped to the floor thinking about Robert. She had left Chicago with bad thoughts of him ghosting in her mind. After that day when Laura caught rosemary in Robert's bed, the law was taken into matter. Although justice wasn't
served for Chloe. Robert had a bail bond of three thousand dollars that got him out in an instant. He also had a fine attorney who had somehow convinced the jury and judge of Chicago, pleading him as indeed not guilty for his actions against Chloe. It was a shock towards Laura and Abbie, knowing how wrong it was to let him off the chain just like that, but nevertheless, they couldn't do anything about it since the case was solved. The only thing Laura could do was sign Chloe up for therapy once again- a female therapist to make sure that Chloe was comfortable.
And so here she was, sitting in her car in the parking lot of the campus, crying her broken heart out, thinking about how fucked up the world was. What did she possibly do to deserve all this? All she could think about was how God had been punishing her for practically her whole life. Everything about her life screamed sins. "God, I'm sorry, please forgive me and help me get through this tough time in life." She cried quietly as she closed her eyes. And for the first time in many years, she began to say a soft prayer to god to show him how much she needed help and how appreciated he was to her. "...forgive me god, for I have sinned.."
Chapter 24
Chloe stood anxiously in the baggage claim area, Her brown eyes scanning the room for that certain penguin loving boy she has learned to love. She was at the airport to pick up Ethan who had just flew into New York to be with Chloe. Ethan had decided that California wasn't as magical without Chloe by his side, so a whole year past and Ethan decided to leave UCLA to come and live with Chloe in New York. At first, Chloe didn't like the idea of him giving up his education just to be with her, but then as he began telling her about how he would apply for her university in the fall, she became happy because she was finally going to be with Ethan again. So here she was, waiting at the baggage claim area, huffing quietly as she couldn't spot Ethan anywhere. Suddenly, two large hands wrapped their way around her eyes, blocking her sight as she heard a faint laugh behind her. A smile crept its way up to her face and she quickly turned around, giving Ethan the biggest hug. She stared at him, trying to think what was different about him. She had only seen Ethan in their skype sessions and in some photos he sent her, so she was glad to see him in person. He had gotten taller, his hair blonde hair had gotten lighter- if that made any sense- and he had seem to have gotten a slight deeper voice. "I'm so glad you're here," Chloe gushed as she unwrapped her arms from him. Ethan could only nod, trying hard not to grin madly like an idiot.
"So, I have to tell you something." Ethan started and Chloe furrowed her eyebrows, telling him to continue with a simple hand gesture.
"So there's this girl that I like- love if even, I don't know, I kind of want to ask her to be my girlfriend. What do you think?" Ethan asked Chloe and she sighed, her heart deflating to pieces. She thought for sure Ethan had followed her to New York to be with her, not to be friends. Although, she wasn't surprised Ethan had met someone, he was absolutely perfect and of course he would meet a gorgeous beach babe at California. "If she makes you happy, go for it." Chloe sighed, making Ethan laugh. Ethan then pulled her in for a sweet kiss, knowing fully well she would think he was talking about some other girl. "I'm talking about you, you dumb fuck." Ethan laughed. Chloe could only blush, trying hard not to get flustered around the boy.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Chloe asked, making Ethan give out a small grin, nodding his head.
"Me too. So here it goes. I love you, Ethan.. Like a lot."
Ethan sighed happily and brought Chloe in for the best hug. This made Chloe happy because she could finally say those words. She finally understood what love felt like, love wasn't about how good sex was or if someone was kind enough to bring you flowers, it was about the feeling you get when you were with that person. It was about how he could make you blush a crimson red just by saying your name. It was about someone truly cared for another one's being, and that they'd do anything and everything to make you happy. and that's what Ethan did, he made Chloe happy. And so after collecting Ethan's luggage, Chloe and Ethan drove to their new shared apartment that was surely a rundown rent place, but they were okay with it, nothing mattered as long as they were happy with each other. While they settled into the place, Chloe decided she would go out to the supermarket and get some food for dinner. So she left Ethan to uncover all the furniture and to unpack, while she went out and got groceries. It was fun for her, it was like they were playing wife and husband, Ethan being the husband, taking care of everything at home while Chloe shopped for groceries. The only thing missing was a toddler, though that would have to come later. Chloe arrived at the store, grabbing a shopping cart and filling it with necessities needed and two jars of Nutella on Ethan's request. Upon reaching onto the shelf for the Nutella, she couldn't reach it for it was too high. While struggling to reach it, a body shadowed over her from behind, reaching for the Nutella and handing it over to her. "Thank you so much-" Chloe stared at a pair of familiar emerald eyes that she surely thought she got rid of a long time ago. Robert stared at her with nervous eyes, trying his best to give her a soft smile. Chloe only stared at him for long seconds, before turning on her heels and pushing the shopping cart in a different direction. Robert quickly caught up with her, preventing the cart from moving any further. "Wait! Please, hear me out." Robert spoke with pleading eyes, making Chloe sigh as she stood in place. It was hard to face Robert for the first time in a while. She had just finished therapy two months ago, so to see Robert again was making her emotionally unstable. "H-how have you been?" Robert asked quietly.
"Just finished therapy, again. What about you, find another girl to destroy while I was away?"
Robert sighed and tugged on his hair out of frustration, wanting to cry just seeing how badly he messed up this girl. thinking about what he did to Chloe made bile rise up his throat. He felt extremely sorry for what he did and he knew that no apology could make up for it all. He wasn't sure what possessed him to become such a fucked up person. "Even though an apology won’t make up for it, I want to say how sorry I am for hurting you-"
"you did more than just hurt me," Chloe interfered, making Robert sigh out once more.
"I know, and I'm truly sorry. But, I want you to know that I did try to get help.. apparently trying to hang yourself isn't the way out." Robert tried to make a joke out of when he tried to commit suicide. Chloe stared at him in shock, not knowing why he was one to try and commit suicide when she was the one hurting. But Robert was too hurting, He couldn't bear to even look at himself knowing he did wrong and so he tried to hang himself in his bedroom at his shared apartment. His roommate found him and instantly called for Help, so now Robert was also in therapy, how ironic. "Well, I'm sorry about that.." Chloe quietly spoke.
"I don't need your sympathy, What I did to you was wrong, I should be the one apologizing." Robert sighed. He could beat himself up everyday just knowing that he destroyed his life along with Chloe's. He lost his wife and son, his job, he sometimes wish he lost in court to Chloe so that he would locked up in prison where he belonged. "Wh..what are you doing in New York?" Chloe asked.
"Visiting my ill grandmother. She's been in the hospital for a few weeks now."
"I’m sorry, I hope she gets better." Chloe spoke and Robert could only offer a sad smile. They both stood there quietly, not knowing what else to say until Chloe decided it was time to leave the awkward tension. "I'm going to go," Chloe spoke but Robert once again stopped her. He told her how he wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing that Chloe couldn't forgive him. he needed some type of closure in order to get better himself. The guilt was eating him alive and Chloe understood. And so being the bigger person she was, Chloe tried desperately to forget everything bad he’s done to her. Chloe stepped away from him and stuck out her hand, making Robert confused. Chloe figured the only way to forgive was to forget, so she did. She introduced herself as if she never knew Robert in the first place and left her hand out for him to shake. "Hi, I'm Chloe."
Robert gave her a grateful smile, grabbing onto her to shake it.
