But looking in his eyes, I could see how stressful this was for him. As angry as I was that Cameron was here, and as much as I wanted to lash out at him — or stay just to prove he couldn’t make me leave — Owen was my priority now. I turned to David and gave him a weak smile.
“David — ” I began, but he held his hand up to stop me.
“I understand, sweetheart. I really am sorry for this.”
We all stood up, and David held his arms out to me just as he had at the beginning of the evening. I melted into his chest as they wrapped around me. He squeezed tightly and kissed my cheek.
“It was so good to see you. Please don’t let tonight stop you from keeping in contact,” he said before releasing me to shake Owen’s hand.
I nodded, found Owen’s hand, and held it tightly as we moved toward the door. Ellen appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down at us with red eyes. She came quickly down the stairs to give me a hug.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” she asked, sniffling.
“I’m sorry. I hope you understand,” I said. “Thank you so much for the invitation.
She nodded as David came over and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
As I turned to leave, I noticed Cameron walking slowly down the stairs. I met his gaze, and his eyes burned into mine until he took the last step and stopped in the entryway with the rest of us.
My stomach did a weird flip-flop, and it was as if everyone but Cameron and I disappeared as we stared at each other. I didn’t know why he could still do that to me, but he could. Then Owen’s arm swung around my shoulder possessively, breaking me out of the spell and pulling me toward the door.
I looked back over my shoulder and saw Cameron gripping the banister so tightly his knuckles were white. He looked absolutely heartbroken. I reminded myself that I didn’t know Cameron anymore, and maybe I never had.
Owen opened the front door and ushered me outside. I turned back to say goodbye to Ellen and David and gave Cameron one last look. He mouthed something to me before Owen tugged on my hand, pulling me toward the car.
Owen opened the car door, and I sat down. I fastened my seatbelt with my mind still in the living room watching Cameron’s lips form those words. I must have read him wrong. He couldn’t have said what I thought he did.
Owen pulled out of the driveway, then looked over at me with a smile. “Thank you, but we didn’t have to leave,” he said, patting my thigh gently.
“Yes, we did. I’m sorry he upset you,” I replied, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand.
“I just didn’t like the way he was speaking to you.”
“I’m sorry about David and Ellen too.”
“It’s okay.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to like them — I had myself convinced tonight was going to be torturous. But apart from the unexpected guest, it was a nice night once we cleared the air. I think that was important for you.”
I nodded, only half-listening to what he was saying. My mind was still on the words Cameron had mouthed and the pained look on his face. Why was I so sympathetic to him? He’d broken my heart and crushed my spirit, yet one sad, puppy-dog look and all my defenses came crashing down.
“Earth to Charlotte,” Owen said.
“Huh?”
“I asked if you wanted to pick up some food since we didn’t get to eat our dinner,” he repeated.
“Oh, um, I’m not really hungry.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes…well, tonight was difficult, but I’m fine.”
“Let’s go home and talk,” he suggested, glancing over at me before returning his eyes to the road.
I thought for a moment and decided going home was a bad idea. The walls were thin, and I didn’t want to risk my dad hearing our conversation.
“Actually, I know somewhere where we can go and talk in private,” I countered. “I’d love to show it to you.”
I knew I’d feel relaxed there, and I hoped the sounds of the water would keep our talk peaceful. I gave Owen directions, and as we got closer, I felt myself calming. The town looked different in the dark than it did during the day. The usual open windows and doorways were all closed up, and although it wasn’t really late, the streets were practically empty. Owen stopped the car at the end of the street, and we walked together down to the water.
“This is amazing!” he said as he took in the view.
I flicked my hair out of my eyes as the sea air blew it around my head. The full moon reflected brightly off the water and bounced up onto the shore, giving us enough light to navigate safely over the grass to the benches near the water.
Owen’s hand wrapped around mine, and we kicked off our shoes. The grass was cool between my toes, and I took a deep breath of the fresh, salty air.
“Where shall we sit?” I asked.
“I don’t know. This is your spot,” Owen said, turning to me.
I was glad he appeared calmer now too, but I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d feel after we talked. I knew what I had to say might upset him.
We held hands and smiled as we sat cross-legged on a bench, facing each other.
“Your special place is lovely. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“I want to share everything about my life with you,” I said, smiling back at him.
Owen squeezed my hand and nodded. I slid off the bench, lying on the grass with my knees bent. Owen joined me, and we looked up at the moon and stars. One thing Fairfield had over Boston was a clear night sky — without all the city lights.
“So…” Owen started.
“So…” I echoed before letting out a long breath and readying myself for the conversation. Owen always encouraged us to have open communication in our relationship, and even though we’d been together almost three years, we’d had very few fights. We usually talked things out before they got to that point. That was a major difference between my relationship with Owen and the one I’d had with Cameron. Cam and I very rarely discussed issues as they came up, so nothing was ever resolved. I knew I could talk to Owen about this, but I was still nervous.
“How did you feel when Cameron showed up tonight? Exactly?” I asked. I thought I should understand how Owen felt before I started to talk.
“Honestly, it worried me. I can see that he still loves you, and even though I trust you and believe that you love me, that makes me nervous.”
Hearing Owen say he could tell Cameron still loved me was like having a light bulb switch on. Suddenly I couldn’t not see what was right in front of me: Cameron’s love.
“How did you feel when Cameron showed up tonight?” he prompted after I didn’t say anything.
“At first I felt angry. I wasn’t sure if Ellen had arranged for him to be there, but once I could see how genuinely surprised she and David were, I knew it was a coincidence,” I said, turning back to face him again. Taking a deep breath, I elaborated. “I felt so many things — shock, pain, worry…curiosity.”
“Can you tell me why you were feeling those things?” Owen asked, gently brushing some hair off my forehead.
I thought for a moment. I had so many thoughts running through my head it was hard to keep them all straight. “I felt shock because I didn’t expect him to be there. I was just starting to relax and enjoy the night. I felt pain because he always reminds me of my past with him and what he did to me. It was like a slap in the face, like it had all just happened — ”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Owen whispered, leaning over to kiss the tip of my nose and run his hand softly through my hair. He still looked tense, but he was comforting me, like he always did.
“I was worried about you. I knew Cameron being there must have been hard for you, and I was concerned you’d be angry with me for not just yelling at him to get out.”
“Did you want to yell at him?” Owen asked with a chuckle.
“Part of me did — and scream at him and kick him in the shins.”
“That would be the same part that slapped
him last week?”
“Yes.” I gave him a sheepish smile.
“I love that part of you,” he replied, winking and returning my smile. “And the curiosity?”
“The curiosity… Well, that’s because I never really spoke to him about what happened.” I sighed loudly. “And I suppose there’s a part of me that’s curious to hear what he has to say.”
“Why didn’t you ever talk to him? I can’t believe you’d just walk away without an explanation.”
“I didn’t want to hear it,” I said, pulling blade after blade of grass. “There was nothing he could have said that would change what he did. I didn’t want to hear his explanations or excuses, and I didn’t want to be near him, so I just left.”
Owen was silent, the light-heartedness of our earlier moment gone. I watched him run his fingers through the grass softly, and after a long silence he looked me directly in the eye.
“Charlotte, are you over Cameron?” he asked, a slight tremor in his voice.
“I am,” I said firmly. “I’m just curious about what he has to say.”
We lay in silence for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, and I could feel anxiety rising in my throat. For the first time in our relationship, I’d lied to Owen. I’d just told him I was over Cameron, but I knew it wasn’t true.
If he’d asked me that question before we came back to Fairfield, I would’ve given the same answer — but it would’ve been the truth. However, seeing Cameron at the grocery store, and then again tonight, and feeling myself instinctively react to him had brought back all the emotions I thought I’d buried a long time ago. I was wrong when I thought I’d left it all behind. Now I didn’t know how I felt.
Except I did know I was in love with Owen. My feelings for him hadn’t changed at all, and that was a relief. It confirmed for me that Owen wasn’t second best — my love for him was real.
It’s just that I’d thought allowing someone else into my heart meant I’d let go of Cameron and moved on. But now I wasn’t sure whether Cameron had ever left it.
“What if he says he loves you and wants you back?” Owen asked.
“Are you worried about that?”
“Very much,” he said, a sad look crossing his face.
I curled my leg over his hip and scooted as close to his body as I could. I rested my face next to his so our noses were touching.
“I love you. I probably don’t tell you enough, but I love you.”
The corners of his mouth turned up, and he nodded. “I do know that, but thank you for saying it,” he whispered before softly pressing his lips to mine.
I allowed myself to melt into him, but I couldn’t shake the image of Cameron at his parents’ house this evening. I pulled away and sat up, hugging my knees to my chest.
“Are you ready to head home?” I asked, hoping he’d agree so we wouldn’t have to talk about this any more.
“Sure.” He stood and held out his hand to help me up. He pulled me effortlessly to my feet and draped his arm over my shoulders as we walked back to the car.
We drove home in silence. I was lost in my thoughts, and Owen knew that when I needed to think, he wouldn’t get much conversation from me. He’d learned just to let me be. He parked in the driveway at my dad’s, and as we walked up the steps to the house, Owen slipped his hand into mine and stroked his thumb over the back of my hand.
I smiled. Owen always knew how to reassure me without words. He could sense when I was upset or stressed and knew the right way to comfort me with a smile or a gentle touch.
The house was dark, and once inside, we walked quickly and quietly up the stairs so we didn’t disturb my dad.
“I’m going to have a quick shower,” Owen said. He kissed my forehead and disappeared into the bathroom.
I went into the bedroom, changed into my pajamas, and climbed into bed. I thought back over the past few hours, and I felt myself becoming angry. I couldn’t believe how Cameron had behaved. I’d never seen him so angry, and it unnerved me. Why did he even care if I was with Owen? He’d decided long ago he didn’t want me anymore. Hadn’t he? I still couldn’t believe he’d mouthed those words to me as we left. And I never would’ve guessed his silent words could affect me so much.
In my mind I saw his lips again and watched as he mouthed “I still love you.”
I sighed and rolled onto my side, cuddling the spare pillow to my chest. The bedroom door opened, and Owen walked in wearing a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
“Hey yourself,” I said, pushing the thoughts of Cameron away.
He had a wicked glint in his eye, and I knew immediately what he was thinking. He stalked toward the bed like he was hunting me and dropped the towel before climbing onto the bed on his hands and knees.
“What are you doing?” I giggled, squirming as he laid his body on top of mine and kissed my neck.
“Claiming what’s mine,” he growled.
He worked his way up my throat to my mouth, and I parted my lips for him. Our tongues moved together for a moment, but I froze when I heard a creak on the stairs. Suddenly I was painfully aware of my father in the next room. I pressed my hand to Owen’s bare chest, pushing him off me.
“Owen.”
“Mm-hmm?” Undeterred, he reached down to unbutton my top.
“Can we…not?”
He looked confused before lying down next to me with a disappointed look on his face. I almost reconsidered, but the ick factor was just too strong.
“Why?” he asked, running his fingers through my hair splayed out on the pillow.
“It’s not that I don’t want to — you know I do. It’s just…well, my dad is in the next room.”
Owen chuckled and pulled me into his arms. “You’re twenty-eight years old, Char. I think Michael knows you’ve had sex,” he said, laughing.
“I know that. It’s just…well…what if he heard us?” I asked, mortified.
Owen kissed me lightly and climbed under the blanket, snuggling against me once he was settled.
“Okay, but when we get our own place, we’re going to do it every single night for a month.”
“Deal.” I tilted my head back and pressed my lips to his.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“Love you more,” he replied.
Owen often replied to my declarations of love that way, and it made me wonder if it was true. Did he love me more than I loved him? I wasn’t sure.
“Goodnight, baby,” he said, kissing the top of my head and reaching over to switch off the bedside lamp.
“Goodnight,” I whispered as I snuggled into his chest.
***
I walked along a beach. The wind was warm, which was unusual for this time of year, but it was so nice I didn’t question it. The sun shone in a bright purple sky, and the white sand was fluffy beneath my bare feet, as if I walked on clouds.
“I love you,” a voice whispered. I looked over to find Owen walking next to me.
I smiled at him and looked down. His fingers were entwined with mine, but I didn’t remember him taking my hand.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” I asked him, dropping his hand and spinning around to take in the view.
Owen nodded and watched me twirling in the sand.
“Look how beautiful the water is,” I said, running to the shoreline.
The water lapped at the white sand, and the sun’s rays bounced off the surface, shooting tiny rainbows through the air.
“Don’t go near the water,” Owen called in an alarmed voice.
“But it’s so pretty. I’ll just walk in the shallows,” I assured him, taking a step forward and allowing the waves to lap at my feet. “The water is warm!”
“Charlotte, please come back up here with me where it’s safe!” Owen begged, tears streaming down his face.
I turned to look at him, confused by his reaction, but it appeared to be very important to him that I stay out of the water, so I lifted my foo
t to walk back onto the dry sand.
Suddenly, the sky went dark, storm clouds swirled overhead, and the water turned ice cold. It swelled around my feet, and I wasn’t able to step up onto the sand.
“Help me,” I called to Owen.
But he just looked at me sadly and shook his head.
“I warned you,” he whispered.
The water rose quickly around me, and I shook from fear and cold. The icy water was now up to my waist.
“Owen, please! I need you!” I called, holding my arms out, begging him to save me.
“I love you,” he called sadly, dropping a single violet-colored rose in the sand.
“Owen!”
The water moved toward my shoulders, and my feet no longer touched the bottom. The current threw me around, and I had no control. My legs thrashed wildly beneath me, but I couldn’t swim to shore. Owen was just a small dot on the horizon now.
The freezing, salty water sucked me under, and I held my breath to stop it from flooding my lungs. I swam fiercely, and my head broke the surface. I looked frantically for Owen, but he was gone.
The current pulled me under again, and I could feel myself sinking, no matter how hard I tried to kick back to the surface. My lungs were burning and in desperate need of oxygen. I held my breath as long as I could, but the burning was too much. My lips parted, and icy water rushed into my lungs.
***
I woke suddenly and gasped for breath before I realized my lungs weren’t filling with ocean water, and I was safely tucked into bed. Owen still slept soundly next to me. I shifted to get into a more comfortable position and lay on my back, looking up at the ceiling, the dream still fresh in my mind.
What did it mean? Why hadn’t Owen tried to save me? I looked at his sleeping form next to me. He was so peaceful — his eyelashes fluttering slightly and his chest rising and falling rhythmically.
I traced his stubbly jawline with my fingers, allowing them to run softly over his lips and then down his throat. He sighed, and his arm came around me, pulling me against his body, our legs entwining. I closed my eyes as I lay against his chest and allowed myself to fall back to sleep.
CLICK CLICK CLICK
I opened my eyes and looked around the room, confused. I could hear Owen’s deep breathing next to me, and I relaxed slightly. I snuggled into his side, thinking the noise must have been an insect outside or the creaking of the loose floorboard on the staircase.
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